Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

One -ologist Short A Free Sandwich


Thanks to my parents everlasting legacy, my genetic soup is kinda twisted. Not in the sort of way (thank God) that makes me REALLY sick, but in the sort of way that makes my morning pill ritual look like that of someone double my age. Almost all of my various maladies are handled by specialists, because my GP is overwhelmingly useless or doesn’t have the time to carefully watch my blood TSH levels go up and down like a yo-yo.

They’re not SERIOUS issues that I’m going to die from any time soon, just the sort that requires that I see a fucking ton of -ologists. I’m half-way afraid that the Munchausen* Police are going to burst down my door one day and be all, “Miss, you need to come with us. Bring your pills and your lab work.”

Earlier this year, I started getting My Grains, and when I did, initially I powered through them because I was all “totes stress-related.” Turns out, not so much. I blogged about it a little bit, but usually I leave my headaches out of it because talking about headaches is about as thrilling as talking about beige paint.

With the help of my GP, I went on Topamax, which is a daily maintenance medication for them with Vicodin for any break-through headaches.

All was happy in My Grain Land until my GP went on vacation and left Evil Bitch, RN in charge (under the supervision of another doctor). This happened to coincide with me a) getting a nasty My Grain and b) running out of Vicodin.

I went 35 rounds with the pharmacy and doctor’s office (unaware he was out of the office) until I had this conversation:

Evil Bitch, RN: “I cannot prescribe your Vicodin.”

Aunt Becky: “My GP (your boss) is fine with it. He knows I take it for my My Grains and that I am not an addict. Look at my chart and my medical history and you will see that I have asked him to write a note to authorize Vicodin refills if I need it.”

Evil Bitch, RN: “You are on too many medications.”

Aunt Becky: “Excuse me?”

Evil Bitch, RN: “If you have a headache, you can take Tylenol.”

Aunt Becky: “EXCUSE ME?”

Evil Bitch, RN (happily): “Yes, I am denying your Vicodin.”

Aunt Becky: “What??”

Evil Bitch, RN (obviously enjoying herself): “You don’t need it.”


Now, before any of you bother telling me that Vicodin is a narcotic and that she was well within her right to treat me that way, I’m aware of it’s addictive nature.

I’m also aware that I am not an addict and that I do not need to be treated like a felon when I am looking for something that I need to function. I wasn’t trying to get wasted, I was trying not to be in pain. I’m sure had I pressed the issue, I could have “gone to the ER.” She was being a condescending asshole to me because she could.

So I did what any self-respecting patient would do. I reported her ass to her boss and then I got myself a new doctor (a neurologist!!) with an office staff that’s used to dealing with patients who are in pain. Even if it means going to another specialist. Which, trust me, is something that’s about as appealing to me as pouring lime jello into my ear canal.

Maybe when I go to my appointment on Wednesday, I can get my specialist punch card punched and get some sort of prize at the gift shop.

And at the very least, this appointment doesn’t require that I carry my poo around in a bucket.

*Munchausen’s disease, I must clarify, is not Munchausen’s BY PROXY which is what those fucking awful parents do to their children. Munchausen’s disease is where people make themselves ill to illicit sympathy from others. And no, I do not have Munchausen’s. If I did, you’re hear about my -ologist’s a hell of a lot more.


Over at Skirt! I’ve put up a slightly-less-than-humorous essay about internet communities and cruelty and trolls.

143 Comments to

“One -ologist Short A Free Sandwich”

  1. On January 18th, 2010 at 11:49 am KeepingYouAwake Says:

    Alright, commenters. Round up. It’s time to take some part-timer down a peg or two. Nobody tells Aunt Becky she can’t get high, on required medications.

    If we let this one win, they’ll all win, and do you know what that means? It means dealing with your families WITHOUT medication. Nobody wants that.

    Do it for the kids!

  2. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:43 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Nobody puts Aunt Becky in a corner. Which, OBVIOUSLY.

  3. On January 18th, 2010 at 11:55 am Cara Says:

    At least adding another -ologist to the list will (help) keep you from dealing with bitch incompetent people.

    And it could be worse…You could ignore all you ills (like me) and pretend they will go away on their own!

  4. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:42 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Hehehe. I did try and pretend for months. Didn’t, uh, work so well. But it was a GOOD EFFORT!

  5. On January 18th, 2010 at 11:56 am 3xE Says:

    She definitely sounded like she was on a power trip. Also, if someone has been prescribed Topomoax and Vicodin to treat headaches, then, yes, they do NEED it. I don’t even like taking pills- I avoid it until they are being put into my mouth for me- and I know that at times, they are needed.

  6. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:42 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Trust me, I wouldn’t take Topamax if I didn’t need it! And exactly, no one gets put on THAT cocktail without need.

  7. On January 18th, 2010 at 11:56 am Jennifer B Says:

    Now, was it really too much trouble for the bitch to look in your damn chart and see the authorization for the Vicodin? Ugh. I don’t usually have a problem with my doctors, but their staff??? Yep, evil trolls, almost all of them. The exception is my Ob/Gyn, they’re pretty cool there and have actually helped me on numerous occasions. I wish I could just make them my permanent everything doctor… which I could if I just keep getting pregnant, but that is about as appealing as the lime jello in the ear canal treatment, maybe even less so. Wishing you luck with your grains.

  8. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:41 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahaha! You’re dead on! My OB’s office staff was like dealing with pie by comparison. Which, you’d think dealing with horrible hormonal women would make them awful, but no.

  9. On January 18th, 2010 at 11:57 am V Says:

    “I’m also aware that I am not an addict and that I do not need to be treated like a felon when I am looking for something that I need to function. I wasn’t trying to get wasted, I was trying not to be in pain.”

    House, M.D. anyone?

    Dr. Wilson: [pause] And everything’s the leg? Nothing’s the pills?
    Dr. House: They let me do my job. And they take away my pain.

  10. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:40 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It’s so a Dr. House thing! And how sad is that? I was telling Dave that the other week when we were talking about it. I was all, you know, Vicodin isn’t any fun when you need it. I’m really tired of needing pain medication.

  11. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:05 pm Mystern Says:

    OMG! I LOVE Beige paint!

    Oh wait . . . the point of your post was the poor customer service huh?

    . . .

    Well . . . working in a CS position myself I can tell you that sometimes people are like Evil Bitch RN, and sometimes you get people like me who do what it takes to help a customer. I’d like to point out though, sometimes even I get Evil Bitch Customer who thinks they are a) above the law; b) I can do something for their situation; or c) I am just plain wrong.

    In cases like yours as soon as you mentioned there was a note on the account I’d have looked for the note, and assuming you were correct I’d do what I could, but sometimes you get CS people who are not willing to take the extra effort to check it out

  12. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:39 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I so remember being in customer service, and you’re spot on. This woman wasn’t going to budge and that’s fine. She’ll get hers. Eventually.

  13. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:07 pm R K Says:

    I am sooooo with you on this one. I am in the process of finding a new GP for that very same reason. Mine will not do anything. I was in pain for 3 years and she would do nothing….go see specialist..3 months and a billion tests…i had surgery and I have no pain anymore!! Who knew~~~ LOL.

    As of January… I have 6 appts with 6 seperate specialists. Now granted it is the first of the year and its time for normal yearly visits but some are just trying to figure out why im having massive daily headaches, ringing in my ears, and problems with my vision.

    I need one of those of cards, please!!!

  14. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:38 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You poor thing. Good luck with all of the -ologists. We should have an -ologist fan club somewhere where we can compare notes. Maybe when I launch my community site we can talk about our boring maladies there.

  15. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:20 pm Angie Says:

    It is those people that do mess with the system to get the high that ruin it for those who really NEED meds for pain. Good luck with the new ologist.
    I only hit the GP when I am almost dyin but really should get a few things checked maybe I have an ologist phobia.

  16. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:38 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I *hate* going to the doctor. This is why.

  17. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:20 pm middle-aged-woman Says:

    EB, RN should one day have the kind of pain that requires opiates. And someone should deny them to her.

  18. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:37 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You’re so very right. Anyone who is gleeful at someone else’s obvious suffering should suffer pain. Like a hemorrhoid.

  19. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:20 pm Titanium Says:

    The beauty of karma is that there will come a time for that miserable RN that someone she loves will be denied courtesy or care, and she will have ample opportunity to reflect on the caustic words she has so generously dished out.

    The worst kinds of pain go unseen.

  20. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:37 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I could frame this comment because I love it so very much. Thank you.

  21. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:21 pm Lippy Says:

    Funny how some doctors will give you meds no problem, but others are so stingy. And what the hell business is is of hers? It is much easier to see a specialist whose staff is use to people in pain, and when you say you are in pain all the time, actually believe you.

  22. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:36 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Isn’t it so obnoxious? I’m so freaking tired of it. I’m just so tired of it.

  23. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:30 pm Patty Punker Says:

    Let’s hope this new ologist takes care of your My Grains. It would be too hard to find an ologist who would prescribe pain medication for the debilitating condition that we’d be in without your posts.

  24. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:36 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Or I could just try Tylenol! Like smashing the Tylenol bottle on her head maybe? Hehehe.

  25. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:33 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    Geez, I can understand a reluctance to give somone on many medications more vicodin without the specific docs approval but if the note was there she shoulda just sucked it up and let you have the pills. Maybe only give you 2 of them if she was really concerned you were an addict. If the note wasn’t there she shoulda said. And it’s not her place to decide how many meds you are allowed to take.

    Since my beloved GP left the practice I have had to deal with a series of replacements, none of whom know me like my GP did (Since I saw her for 10 years, and she did all my prenatal care both times and was kids pediatrician as well, she knew me quite well indeed) and I find I am back at square one having to explain my medical history & why I am on the meds I am on & explain that no, I don’t want to try this other thing, because I’ve tried it & it failed or I just don’t want to try it because what I have works even if you are not as familiar with it as you are with other stuff. But what really bugs me is the way they randomly decide that before this pill is renewed I need to see them, but they don’t tell me that a head of time. I find out when the drug store tells me the doc’s won’t renew the prescription & then I call them & they say “oh you have to see doc” as if I knew and am trying to scam meds out of them to sell on the street

  26. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:35 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I feel the same way about going to this neuro. I *love* my GP and I *don’t* want to go and see a new person, but there’s no choice. I see no choice here.

    *sighs* What a pain in the ass.

  27. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:42 pm gypsygrrl Says:

    dude, i’ma kick that nasty RN’s ass for you. the colleague of my most awesome doc refused to prescribe me cough syrup w/ codeine when i was in the throes of bronchitis, complete with Intractable Cough, and had not slept but 3-4hrs in 2 days… it is awful that there is so much drug-seeking behavior that legit needs for medications with narcotics are questioned and denied.


  28. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:34 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It’s so stupid when people with an actual need are denied for no good reasons. SO stupid.

  29. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:48 pm Suzy Voices Says:

    How rude!! Glad you ratted her out. Maybe you should give us her phone number and we can all call and ask for vicodin.

  30. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:34 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! Like, “uh, HI! I heard this is the Free Vicodin Clinic? Can I have some?”

  31. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:51 pm MoranChick Says:

    As a fellow My Grains sufferer (who has had to go off her beloved Topamax/nortrypteline combination in the interests of trying to produce offspring), reading the account of your dealings with Evil Bitch, RN really, really makes me want to go hunt her down and beat her about the head with a blunt object, all the while screaming, “HOW ABOUT SOME TYLENOL FOR THIS, BITCH?!” Maniacal cackling might also be involved. (I have also had to go off my beloved Paxil in the interests of trying to produce offspring. Does it show?)

    On a slightly less bloodthirsty note, good luck with the new neurologist (and potential specialists)! Few things are more frustrating and infuriating than medical professionals who arbitrarily deny you the medicine you need to function, and tell you to take something you KNOW won’t work instead. (If Tylenol did ANYTHING, you’d already be fuckin’ TAKING Tylenol!)

    Apparently I have anger issues regarding this topic. I will shut up now before I start just spouting random strings of obscenities.

  32. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:33 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! It was one of those situations where I was pretty much too dumbfounded to reply. Like…really? TYLENOL? Do you see how much Topamax I take? TYLENOL? REALLY?

    I don’t actually WANT to go to a neuro because I *like* what I have going on. I don’t get too many migraines, I just like to have some meds on hand if I do. It didn’t need to be a big ass deal.


    I hate this person.

  33. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:53 pm injaynesworld Says:

    You want I should go kick the pharmacist nazi’s ass? ‘Cuz I will.

  34. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:32 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahahaha! Dude. I wouldn’t fuck with you.

  35. On January 18th, 2010 at 12:54 pm Sandy Says:

    Dude, they like make this stuff called Excedrin Migraine and I hear it works wonders…

    KIDDING! I’m kidding Aunt Becky. Please put down the scissors.

    I don’t mean to tell you how to be a parent, but you really shouldn’t give Vicodin to your kids…


  36. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:31 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahahahaha! I’d cut you, but I’m too busy smoking my opium from my crack den. OBVIOUSLY.

  37. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:03 pm Mrs. Spit Says:

    My mother just so happened to irreprably screw up her back (3 surgeries to correct it anyone) at the same time as CBC did a great newstory on addiction and back pain.

    So there she is, a 65 year old professional woman, writhing in pain, with a resident hemming and hawing about giving her morphine.

    Sigh. The stupid, it burns. . .

  38. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:31 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    The stupid never goes away.

  39. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:03 pm Brooke Says:

    What a hussy. I’ll totally kick her ass.

  40. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:31 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    We’ll beat her ass.

  41. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:19 pm Roshni Says:

    No idea what she was thinking about since her boss specifically prescribed the medication! By denying you of the prescription, she was basically saying that her boss was wrong!! hope she got a earful from him/her!!

  42. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:31 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I really hope so too. Thank you.

  43. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:35 pm Kelly Says:

    I had a CT scan today to see what the hell is wrong with my head, and to hopefully get some relief from the aching noggin. My doctor is pretty generous when it comes to taking care of me, but the evil bitch that is the other doctor at the practice will not give them to me. I have been going back and forth with the doctors for the last 5 months about my brain exploding headaches, and the last time my doctor was out and the evil bitch other doctor had to call something in for me, she called me in 10 vicodin, to be taken 1 once a day. I wanted to punch her ass out, because not only did this barely cover a day of migraine hell, but because of how she filled it, it was a pain in the ass with the insurance company to get my other drugs filled when my doctor came back.

    Anyway, so with you, hopefully your appointment goes well, maybe I need to follow in your footsteps with the ologists.

  44. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:30 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    They’d better fucking take care of you or I will punch them. And my My Grains are mostly fine. I like to have something on hand in case I have any problems because if I do not, I will get one and have A Problem. That’s all. That’s seriously all. It didn’t need to be this big of a deal.

  45. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:47 pm Laura Says:

    My mom has a Rx for valium in case she has to have an MRI (long story. SHe has only taken 2 in 4 years, but always refills the prescription and just keeps them on hand 🙂

  46. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:29 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You ALWAYS keep Valium on hand if you have an Rx for it. I don’t have any, but if I did, I’d keep some around.

  47. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:50 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Bah, I hate people that hate their job on the phone. Stupid bitch.

    It reminds me of the time when I called my OB, I’m 41 weeks pregnant, calling because I got a VM to call. I was suppose to have one last appointment where we make the call on induction or not. Please note: I had started throwing up again.

    The little old lady on the phone says that the doc had to go to an emergency and so had to change appointments. The next one was 2 weeks from then. I burst into tears and hung up. My husband had to call and explain that 2 weeks would not work and got an appointment for the next day.

    The office primarily ONLY deals with pregnancy and birth. CRAZY LADY!!

  48. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:29 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:


  49. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:51 pm 6512 and growing Says:

    I’m so sorry you get the migraines, and whatever else you require the ologists for. Thanks for keeping us laughing while you may be in pain.

  50. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:29 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Oh, I’m okay now. Mainly annoyed for being treated like I’m in the line of fire when I’m not even on trial. But I’m glad to make you laugh. Then, I feel better.

  51. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:54 pm a Says:

    Geez! How many opiates are you on? Seriously, if she cannot separate the pharmacokinetics of your various medications and realize that there is no overlap, then she is not competent to do the job. I hope you reported her as incompetent as well as rude.

  52. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:28 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Apparently, I am wasted on my:

    a) OCP’s b) Topamax c) Synthroid d) Benedryl

    Obviously an addict.


    What bugs me the most, I guess, is that my parents are recovering alcoholics. I’m not an addict. I was a smoker. I don’t even smoke any more. How boring AM I?

  53. On January 18th, 2010 at 1:56 pm Tiffany Says:

    oh Auntie…all i have to say is that my doctor has his fuckin wife working for him. We are like oil and water. She likes to talk to me like I have a permanent seat on the small bus or I am 5 years old. My doctor has even admitted that he “Needs to get rid of her”. I have gone rounds with both pharmacy and her…it’s not fun, do you want to drive to Ohio?

  54. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:26 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    *headdesk* That makes me hurt for you.

  55. On January 18th, 2010 at 2:05 pm Heather (qtberryhead) Says:

    This compells me to write a letter to the editor…and when I say editor, I mean Evil Bitch RN.
    I happen to know TWO people who are VERY addicted to all kinds of pills. They are both incapable of composing a sentence, let alone keeping a blog going daily and following 3 active kids. I wouldn’t trust them with my pet rock.
    This is getting long…I’m going to go bitch about it on my own blog.
    And I am linking it to yours for reference sake.
    I’m sorry that you are suffering because some RN decided she had all the power while the boss was out.

  56. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:26 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    If I were addicted to pills, I’d be begging for something awesomer than Vicodin. I’m not addicted to Vicodin. And if I were, it’s not her job to treat me like I’m a fucking drug addict because really, it’s not up to her one way or another.

  57. On January 18th, 2010 at 2:15 pm Miss Spoken Says:

    I suffer from migraines (yes, suffer). The kind that makes me see little orbs of light and induces vomiting. I used to have to take Demerol shots. Now, because I have no fucking insurance, I take Excedrin Migraine and grit my teeth in a dark room.

    Fuck that nurse. Seriously.

  58. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:25 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Holy shit. Excedrin Migraine. Holy shit. You poor thing. You poor, sweet thing. I was a poor college kid and couldn’t afford my meds for my Crohn’s and it was fucking awful and, man, that sucks and shit. I’m sorry, man. If I had any Demerol, I’d give it all to you.

  59. On January 18th, 2010 at 2:21 pm Chelle Says:

    It was my doctor that was the Evil Person instead of any nurses. He steadfastly refused to prescribe me anything! Birth control, anti-depressants, and “I’m not giving you anything for your migraines as long as you have a womb.” My insurance company said I don’t have a good enough reason to change doctors.

    I’m sorry you had that run in with Evil RN, ESPECIALLY during a migraine, but I’m damn glad you were able to find somebody that could take care of you!

  60. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:23 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Holy shit. Your doctor is a horrible excuse for a human being and I’m so sorry. Can you call your insurance company and escalate it? You need relief and you need it NOW. I want to give you all of my medication and help you out ASAP. MAYBE I CAN BRING YOU WITH ME TO MY APPOINTMENT!

  61. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:51 pm Melissa Says:

    YOU have Crohn’s? I know I didnt spell that right, must be because I have to run to the bathroom EVERY FUCKING TIME I EAT. My Ologist says it is IBS. I disagree. Plus I have a HUGE hemeroide <<knows that is spelled wrong, which makes me turn red and get a panic attack because I am so afraid of shitting myself in public. With blood.


  62. On January 18th, 2010 at 2:30 pm existentialwaitress Says:

    It seems I’m always trekking off to one “ologist” or another anymore too. Like me, my MIL has hypothyroid and like you she too gets really bad migraines. I wonder if there is a connection? She’s had to contend with the issue of them withholding the pain meds in the emergency room too, which is f***ed up. I do know that she takes a specific kind of birth control pill in order to regulate her hormones, which in turn significantly reduces her migraines. I don’t know much about any of this, but if you’re interested I can find out more.

  63. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:22 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m going to see what the new -ologist thinks about it. I went off the birth control for awhile and that didn’t help and it doesn’t seem related to my thyroid at all (sadly). I’m afraid that if I have to keep a headache diary I may shoot myself, thus ending the mystery, but we shall see. Maybe he’ll be AWESOME.

    Then again, maybe I will miraculously lose 10 pounds while I sleep.

  64. On January 18th, 2010 at 2:33 pm Coco Says:

    Every time people ask me why I hate to go to the doctor from now on, I will simply say “Evil Bitch, RN”, and point them to this post.

    What a troglodyte that woman was.

  65. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:20 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Oh, I fucking hate the MD so much. I’m SO not looking forward to Wednesday’s appointment with the new MD. Even if I do get a sandwich from the cafeteria for free.

  66. On January 18th, 2010 at 2:35 pm The Crazy Suburban Mom Says:

    Hate wasn’t strong enough a word for how I feel about people like that nurse so I went to a thesaurus –

    loathe, execrate; despise abhor, detest, abominate abhor, abominate, antipathize, avoid, be allergic to, be averse to, be turned off to, bear malice toward, condemn, contemn, deplore, despise, detest, disapprove, disesteem, disfavor, disrelish, eschew, execrate, grossed out on, have hard feelings, have no stomach for, have no taste for, loathe, look down on, lose interest in, make faces at, mind, not appreciate, not care for, not endure, not feel like, not take kindly to, object to, regret, resent, scorn, shudder at, shun

    and while that about covers it… I suppose it would have been shorter to just call her a giant doody face.


  67. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! Best. Comment. Ever.

    I love you. Marry me?

  68. On January 19th, 2010 at 7:34 am The Crazy Suburban Mom Says:

    It’s just the pain getting to you, girl. I’m not really that funny 🙂


  69. On January 18th, 2010 at 2:40 pm Tracy Says:

    Are you on birth control pills? I took them for years…stopped due to a planned crotch parasite…BUT when I resumed taking them to avoid further crotch parasites…they gave me debilitating migraines. I tried the mini pill…different doses….different kinds…and in the end …had to stop taking them. So …you guessed it….another crotch parasite ensued…cause…”babe…just once without a glove will be okay.” Or not.

    I’m also going to comment on your asshole & creeper post on Skirt…cause seriously dude…i’m tired of creating log ins to comment on websites. Sigh. Anyway…I think you have a great attitude about not responding and not letting it bother you. Some people are just fucktards…and it make them feel validated (?) to put others down. Piss on them.

  70. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Creating logins is freaking annoying so always feel free to comment here. I’m really not sure how much I can handle of reading comments in places that I have no ability to moderate them myself. Does that sound stupid? It probably does. I think it’ll save my sanity, though.

    I did give up birth control for awhile and it didn’t help sadly. Found out they’re hereditary. My grandmother had them until she went through menopause and so did my dad (not, hopefully, until HE went through my menopause)(because that would be awkward) for a long time.

  71. On January 18th, 2010 at 2:57 pm Will Says:

    Power trip indeed. Who was she to determine what pills you do and do not need? In fact, isn’t it as out of her realm to deny as it is to prescribe? Aren’t they practically tantamount to the same, given your history with your doctor, and NOT with her? Absolutely ridiculous. Taking that piece of business elsewhere was probably the best thing you could do – just make sure your doctor knows why!

  72. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I cannot wait to inform him of it. He’s a love. She’s an assbag.

  73. On January 18th, 2010 at 3:04 pm Kristin Says:

    Migraines are a bitch and so is that nurse. Wanna borrow my cast iron frying pan to beat her head with?

  74. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! Yes. We should beat her silly.

  75. On January 18th, 2010 at 3:05 pm Monique Says:

    Why am I picturing you at your kitchen table with a long line of pills similar to that of Suzanne Somers. You gals are going to pickle your asses so you live to be 101 years old.

    No, but really, that RN was a bitch.

  76. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:15 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I totally hope she gets a nasty hemorrhoid.

  77. On January 18th, 2010 at 3:12 pm Rebecca Says:

    Why do you call them “My Grains” and if Vicodin is safe enough for a 13 month old child it’s safe enough for my Aunt Becky who is a bit older than 13 MONTHS. He’s had vicodin a few times. So far at 2 (3 in April) he has not shown any withdraw symptoms. Most importantly, I haven’t caught him in the medicine cabinet huffing noxious chemicals or taking large doses of Motrin. (the strongest drug in our medicine cabinet now)

  78. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:15 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Well, you know, I WAS trying to actually tell them it was COCAINE I needed any maybe that’s why, but you know…

    She’s such an ass. Seriously. I hope she gets a hemorrhoid.

    And the image of your son hunting through the medicine cabinet has had me laughing ALL AFTERNOON. Bwahahahaha!

  79. On January 18th, 2010 at 3:42 pm Sara @ Life With the Two Says:

    It’s not just you that this crap happens to.

    I spend all of 2006 with sporadic muscle spasms. I went to the doctor in March, and was handed Percoset. All of 20 pills, which with a label that says that I could take up to 4 a day as needed, would last 5 days. In July I went back and said no drugs, just find out what’s wrong, but they did an MRI, found nothing, and handed me another 20 pills. Same thing in November. And in April of the NEXT year, the doctor told me I had pill seeking behaviors and could no longer give me anything stronger than ibuprofen.

    We can just be druggies together.

  80. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:14 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Oh. Em. Ge. WHAT?

  81. On January 18th, 2010 at 3:48 pm Regina Says:

    The year I turned 40, I sent the staff at my primary’s office a gift basket, since they spent most of their time getting referrals for me. Let’s see, cystic acne, killer bunion, numbness in my hands, stomach issues, I had it all that year.
    That nurse should not have treated you like you were a junkie at the ER. You can tell people who have never had debilitating pain. The fact that she is at your primary’s office is disturbing. I guess she wasn’t willing to even take a look in your chart. Super Bitch! I take Vicodin due to nerve damage in my neck that affects my hand. Most days I don’t take it, but some days I really need it, and yes I need it to do my job. Luckily I see a pain specialist, so I am one of the least drug seeking patients he sees. My sister is a pharmacist and tells me she has seen my pain doctor order methadone or some patients. So I guess a little Vicodin isn’t so bad.

  82. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:13 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    After I hung up with the office manager, I actually CALLED a pain clinic because I was like, after all the stuff they see, they’ll KNOW I’m not a damn addict! Like you, I don’t NEED it every day, but when I do, I DO. I don’t need some hourly rate RN telling me what I do and I don’t need (just like you don’t.).


    It’s so sad that it’s come down to this stuff. I’m a nurse, I know how this stuff goes. It’s such crap.

  83. On January 18th, 2010 at 4:15 pm Mikey D Says:

    You should make some business cards (since I heard that you are your own business and all) and give yourself the title of “Blogologist”. The Daver can be your nurse.

  84. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:12 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I am SO going to be Aunt Becky, Amateur Blogologist. LOVES it.

  85. On January 18th, 2010 at 4:20 pm Melissa Says:

    It’s about power. Those that have bad jobs and can control things are usually nasty. The best example are people that work at the DMV.

    My doctor is a bitch though. I have anxiety disorder and need to take xanax, it sucks, and I am probably addicted seeing as how if I dont take 1 every day I generally have palpitations and panic attacks (which suck the major suckage). My doctor gives me a months supply with no refills. So I have to see him at least every 2 months (he at LEAST prescribes them at 3 a day, which I dont need). I generally wait in his office for at least an hour past my appointment time, to see him for 5 minutes while he fills the scrip. God only knows what he charges my insurance company. Nice little business he has going with me at least.

  86. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:11 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Oh, it was SUCH a power trip. The tone in her voice was SO HAPPY to deny me. And right after I hung up with her my pharmacist called (whom I love) and she’s like “yup, they denied you.” So she was spreading her denial ALL OVER the place. What an ass.

  87. On January 18th, 2010 at 5:15 pm Paperdiva Says:

    I have had migraines for years and years, and only when I started taking a daily bp medicine did I finally get some relief. I still get them from time to time, but nothing like the usual one a week head fuck that was perviously going on. It’s called Propranolol.

  88. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:10 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Isn’t it wonderful to NOT be in pain? So glad you got some relief too.

  89. On January 18th, 2010 at 5:22 pm Chibi Jeebs Says:

    I’m glad you got yourself a new -ologist, love. *gentle hugs ‘n drugs* 😉

  90. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:10 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m so excited to go and yet so nervous. I hope he’s nice.

  91. On January 18th, 2010 at 5:26 pm gaylin Says:

    A Dr.s office I used to go to had the reception desk right beside the waiting room. The receptionist always asked what I needed the appointment for and then would repeat it: oh you need an appointment for a big yeasty case of crotch rot. Wow, the whole waiting room needed to know that. yes, it was a fun office to wait in. I fired that Dr. because I was sick for 8 or 9 years with obvious thyroid symptoms but didn’t need to see an endocrinologist because ‘it just wasn’t that bad’.
    Try finding a new GP when you are too tired to breathe and that explains why it took so long to find the energy to get to a specialist.
    I don’t envy you dealing with evil nurse – she should be smacked in the ovaries.
    I recently had to deal with my mother’s doctor office and thankfully they were great with me and subsequently with her.
    I don’t envy you the migraines, I get the visual symptoms of migraines without the actual headache screaming in pain part of it and consider myself very lucky.
    An friend of mine is a recovering addict and recently went to the ER with a gallbladder attack, they wouldn’t give him anything for the pain because he used to drug seek there. Not fun at all.
    Take care of your noggin.

  92. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:09 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I was lucky that I didn’t get pregnant right away because THEY were the ones that ran the TSH panel. If they hadn’t, I wouldn’t have seen any issues. I mean, I must have been living like that for years without knowing it. Everyone should get yearly TSH checks.

    Terrible about your friend and his treatment at the ER. Terrible.

  93. On January 18th, 2010 at 5:31 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    1. Good doctors with a good staff are HARD to find!

    2. I HATE when people don’t do their jobs, leaving the person in need totally helpless!! Seriously, she should have looked it up on the chart and gotten back to you.

    3. I wonder if there is a degree in office managment. ARe there different office managment models? Because I feel like this issue is far too common and it totally pisses me off!

  94. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:08 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m mostly upset because we had a good thing going and I’m going to have to go in and deal with the whole damn thing over and over again. It’s so dumb. And you’re right, an MD with a good staff IS so hard to find.


  95. On January 18th, 2010 at 5:59 pm Kendra Says:

    I’m one of those people who is terrified of people. (I haven’t been to the dentist in ages because I’m afraid they’re going to yell at me for not going. How’s that for healthy?) So I can only imagine me in that conversation. I’d be all sobbing and in pain and they’d be all mean, and finally my husband would take the phone away from me and say some very, very mean things. Then I’d be kicked out for sure, without any meds at all.

    I hope your new -ologist gets you some Vicodin and a punch card.

  96. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:07 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m going to bawl when I get to the neuro because I feel like an asshole going in there. I’m a big “well, you know, it’s not THAT BAD kind of person” because I’m an idiot. And because I feel stupid for being there.

    I’d yell at people for you. I enjoy it. Maybe too much. Especially if they’re being mean to other people around me.

  97. On January 18th, 2010 at 6:04 pm Lisa Says:

    Ok, with your own personal med issues and two at home in diapers, I can see why you do not want to be the kind of nurse that has to pass out meds and wipe butts!

    Although I am sorry you had a bad experience, I think going to a specialist is ALWAYS a good thing. Remember, you don’t call a plumber to paint your bedroom…

    Hang in there!

  98. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:04 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I like your analogy and I’ll have to remember that when I am trying not to die of embarrassment when I’m in the waiting room. I thought that Topamax and Vicodin and my GP and I had a good thing going. I was so happy. *sighs*

  99. On January 18th, 2010 at 6:23 pm CortGirl Says:

    My Grains are awful shit…that stupid bitch should have just looked in your chart and given you the meds. I’ve been to the ER numerous times for My Grains and always demanded they go straight for the morphine. It’s in my chart…Been there at least 5 times and each time they tried to give me Demerol instead. Doc finally noted that Morphine (and a high dose too) was the thing to use.

    Stupid people and they’re power trips.

  100. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:04 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Don’t you love it when they try to give you the crappy meds first? GAH. Demerol makes me cry. Like a fountain.

  101. On January 19th, 2010 at 7:12 am CortGirl Says:

    And of course, they look at you funny if you TRY to tell them that it’s not gonna work. I mean, you’re only dying in front of them! Why do they need to see you suffer even longer? I usually (if I’m not already crying and moaning) bring on the tears at that point too…

  102. On January 19th, 2010 at 6:46 am Liz in Virginia Says:

    I went to the ER once with a migraine, and they gave me Demerol, and asked, “How do you feel now?” I said, “I feel like I’m floating on a cloud — with a really bad headache.”

  103. On January 18th, 2010 at 6:26 pm Fizzle Says:

    I think I may have met Evil Bitch, RN before! My sister was in the hospital in “Get your medical license from a CrackerJack box” Florida, when I asked the nurse about her O2 sat, which was hovering around 72-74. She assured me that “it must be the monitor” because “she would be turning blue” if her O2 stats were really that low. After an hour or so of pestering and one long-awaited ABG, it turns out that WAS her O2 stat (not a mechanical error) and that my sister had pneumonia (500mL of fluid in one lung!!). But *I* was the bitch for pushing her to do an ABG. Grrr.

    Glad you found a new doc! Thanks for making me laugh!

  104. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:03 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I have so met Crackerjack RN! I probably went to nursing school with her which is probably why I am no longer Aunt Becky PRACTICING RN. And why I went into hospice case management.

    Pinhead RN’s, man. What assbags. Thank GOD for people like you who will put them in their place.

  105. On January 18th, 2010 at 6:41 pm Clair Jordan Says:

    I feel your pain Aunt Becky. Literally and figuratively. I suffer from Mirgraines but thanks to seeing the neurologist am doing a lot better. But when I get a bad one I am likely to rip someone’s spine out through their nose if they look at me sideways. So at the ripe old age of 34 I have a rheumatologist, a neurologist and a cardiologist.

    Anyway, the point to my ramblings is that once a month I have to call the neurologist to refill my adderall which is a controlled substance and therefore you cannot have refills. I feel like I am calling my dealer once a month! Hate it!

    Have fun at your ologists!

  106. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:01 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Don’t you hate it when you have to be all “I need my STUFF, man?” HA. Because I so do.

    I’m so glad that you got your stuff sorted out. I have a neurologist, and endocrinologist, a gastroenterologist and, uh, I think that’s it. Since I fired my OH WAIT, I have a lady bits doctor. But you do too, I bet.

  107. On January 18th, 2010 at 7:15 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Maybe the nurse saw you putting green jello in your ear canal and thought you needed to lay off the vicodin?

  108. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:00 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    She probably saw all my Vicodin jokes and thought I was serious. I KNEW I should’ve named my blog “Mommy Wants A Fluffy Hug.”

  109. On January 19th, 2010 at 3:52 pm Coco Says:

    What fucking fun would “Mommy Wants A Fluffy Hug” be, though?

  110. On January 18th, 2010 at 8:10 pm Badass Geek Says:

    I know a guy who knows a guy who can hook you up.

  111. On January 18th, 2010 at 9:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Shockingly, that’s how I cured my My Grain.

  112. On January 18th, 2010 at 8:20 pm Aunt Juicebox Says:

    You know who is worse than nurses in drs offices? The receptionists. Some of them think THEY are the damn doctor.

  113. On January 18th, 2010 at 9:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I have totally gotten into it with them too! You’re not surprised are you. Of course not.

  114. On January 18th, 2010 at 9:40 pm Kristen Wiley Says:

    How much fun! I too, have just been referred to a neurologist! Only my issue is migraines coupled with a pregnancy… I’ve had a twelve week migraine and my OB just decided to send me to an ologist cause he can’t fix my bwain. I have never before suffered from migraines, but they blow, big time. And although I have tried several pregnancy safe meds, none have worked. And as you are very aware, tylenol does shit for migraines. The super awesome ER doc I saw when I was unable to do anything but cry, informed me (In an all too happy voice) Nothing we can do hon, you are going to have them for the rest of your pregnancy!! (20 more weeks, seriously? I will kill someone… starting with HER!) And BOO to condescending bitchy nurses…

  115. On January 18th, 2010 at 9:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Tylenol does shit for shit. I’m pretty sure it’s there to be the bane of my existence. We’ll have to compare -ologist notes!

  116. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:35 pm Dawn Says:

    Wow! Urgent Care gave me a shot of Morphine and an anti-nausea when I had a migraine at around 8 weeks. They sent me home with an Rx for Vicoden. Then when I was in the hospital for PTL at 30.5 weeks they gave me a shot of Dilaudid. Thankfully, I only had two migraine that needed intervention when I was knocked up.

  117. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:43 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s awesome that Urgent Care took you seriously.

  118. On January 19th, 2010 at 3:25 pm Kristen Wiley Says:

    They have had me try tylenol with codeine, imitrex, some type of horrible suppository, benedryl and compazine. Nothing worked. But hell, it’s only been 3 months of a never ending migraine, why send her to a neurologist so soon? It’s like a way of life to me now. I hope when I go next week it is an easy fix…which will probably just piss me off. 22 weeks preggo + 3 month migraine = Full if the Pissed Off!!

  119. On January 18th, 2010 at 10:32 pm Dawn Says:

    Migraines are EVIL. Mine come with all sorts of neurological symptoms. I only started seeing a neurologist when I was pregnant and couldn’t take my normal Rx-Imitex (which no longer works post pregnancy.) I went back to him after my primary Dr asked why I wanted an anti-nausea with my new Rx a few minutes after I told her I had been puking for the last 48 hours. I now take 400 mg of B-2 (Riboflavin) daily on the advice of my neurologist as a preventative since I’d have to stop breast feeding if I wanted a preventive Rx. I can’t believe how clueless that nurse is. Migraine SUCK!

  120. On January 18th, 2010 at 11:16 pm Lauren Says:

    You are crazy. They should have given you medication. I hate it when the ones writing the ‘scripts don’t understand. Fuckers.

  121. On January 19th, 2010 at 1:36 am Mad Woman Says:

    My Grains suck ass. I’ve had my fair share but I’ve never been able to get anyone to prescribe me anything more than a frickin’ tylenol.

  122. On January 19th, 2010 at 5:45 am Daffodil Campbell Says:

    Hey baby ! Listen, that stupid C U Next Tuesday can stuff it right in her….never mind, you know this already.

    I am, as I think you know, also living with those hideous head-mutating, ear ringing, vision blurring, stomach heaving my grains in addition to a whole host of other maladies – let’s compare charts sometime over coffee! I can clear the week of Feb 15!

    I finally (can you hear the heaven’s singing, girl?) found a GP that spends equal time referring me to the appropriate specialist, and prescribing me what I need to get by. We had a fairly serious conversation a few months ago about my meds, wherein I explained that I felt I was taking too many, and that perhaps some of them (HRT in particular) may be the root of the my grains. Not that I was trying to tell him how to do his job – cause he’s the best – but just because I wanted to be the one to sit down with him and go over everything. I explained to him that the only time I have ever even come close to understanding suicide was when I had a migraine right after my hysterectomy and I just thought…..I cannot live like this. He explained to me that taking a medication to treat a serious medical problem does not lead to dependency. The dependency comes when you continue to take the medication after you no longer need it. And since most medication makes me nauseous, I definitely do NOT take it unless I need it. So, problem solved, concerns wiped away with one short conversation. We adjusted meds, dropped the evil HRT, and carried on.

    His nurses know that he takes my calls. He meets me at the ER. He prescribes me what I need, and I never ask for anything more then what he and I agree is necessary. If one of his nurses was ever to make me feel as though I had a problem, especially mid my graine, I would have someone drive me down to the office (because who can drive during a my graine, I ask you?) so that I could throw up in her lap and give her the finger before passing out on the floor.

    Suffice to say, I still have quite the little pharmacy going on in my bedside drawer/kitchen cupboard/bathroom cabinet/hallway closet/purse/glove compartment.

    Let me put it another way. When Brittany Murphy died and the news was reporting breathlessly about “All of the PRESCRIPTIONS in her house PRESCRIBED TO HER” I thought to myself….”shit man, that’s NOTHING. I have, like, 3 more bottles of vicodin and at least 5 extra prescriptions in this joint.”

    All this to say, I feel your pain, and I am sorry your GP’s nurse was such a Teeny Weeny Angry Tart. And I am glad you have found another doctor to call your own. Take what you need to deal with the symptoms, let the doctors find the cause, and let us all work together to live happy healthy lives.

    P.S. my doctor moved to another state last week. Hold me.

  123. On January 19th, 2010 at 7:25 am Cyndi Says:

    Wow, you went to see my old dr? She told me that my medical problems were all my fault because I drank Diet Coke. Yes, my friends, the answer to all is to stop drinking diet sodas.

    This office did this to me all the time. “If it hurts that bad you need to go to the ER.” Being an evil bitch anyways means that my grains just kill my natural filter. “You want me to go somewhere cold, brightly lit, and full of people who are either bleeding or have ghonnasyphillherpeles because YOU WANT TO BE A CUNT????”

    This is normally when Shaun takes the phone away from me.

  124. On January 19th, 2010 at 7:29 am Cyndi Says:

    Oh, and Dr. Kelman and his staff at Headache Center of Atlanta are saints and miracle workers. I’ve been to my share of -ologists who would much rather be out playing golf or whacking off, so I know a good one when I find one.

  125. On January 19th, 2010 at 7:39 am Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt Says:

    Lime jello huh? What about Lemon?

    And the only thing interesting about beige is how it’s spelled.

  126. On January 19th, 2010 at 7:47 am Vicky Says:

    I feel your pain. I also have a *wonderful* genetic history and am currently on daily pain meds. I had to go to the ER one night with terrible stomach pains and the ER doc admitted me. The dr that came to see me before they assigned me a Gastrologist told me that I was on to many meds and that he didn’t want to even give me my perscribed ones in the hospital. I about punched the guy. Finally the gastro guy came in and understood and gave me my regular meds, plus some heavy duty stuff to help with this new pain that I compared to giving birth. Turned out my intestines were twisted in a knot. That first dr got his ass chewed by me, my parents, my rheumatologist, the gastro guy and my GP.

    I just hate it when Drs or RNs think they know how you feel or don’t believe that you need the meds when specialists have perscribed them to you.

    Sorry this was long for my first comment, but people like that really tick me off.

  127. On January 19th, 2010 at 8:05 am Alex Says:

    Guess what the Bitch R.N. in my doc’s office’s name is? “Edith.” I KNOW….

  128. On January 19th, 2010 at 10:36 am Wishing4One Says:

    I bet that bitch’s name is Edith too. Hope you get your Vicodin soon girl. xoxoxoxo

  129. On January 19th, 2010 at 10:49 am amy d Says:

    Dude, that bites! It’s like everyone is considered an addict unless you’re rich and famous. Then the doc’s are prescribing everything under the sun!

    Hope these ‘grains get better for you! That’s a miserable thing to have to deal with.

  130. On January 19th, 2010 at 4:01 pm Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo Says:

    So lime jello won’t work then?

    What about pineapple?

    You know what helps with grains? My hugs. They are legendary.

  131. On January 19th, 2010 at 6:16 pm Jennifer June Says:

    The thing is… I just spent two weeks in the hospital and I have a billion prescriptions. None of them include Vicodin but you are welcome to all of them if you like.
    I feel like a an old lady whose life has begun to revolve around meal times and med counts. Is this what the future looks like really?
    Oh! Almost time to take the meds that I have to take before I eat so I can take my other meds after I eat. Soon I’ll be eating jello with canned fruit in it.
    When’s snack time?

  132. On January 20th, 2010 at 10:03 am GingerB Says:

    I think you should go back to that office next time you have a doozy and vomit in the office. Heh! That’ll learn ya, Edith!

  133. On January 20th, 2010 at 10:10 am amber Says:

    That bitch RN deserves to have her head smashed into something hard, repeatedly. Not to be cruel, but to give her an idea of how awful migraines feel.

    I hope your appointment with the ologist goes well. That’s another one of those things I’m putting off.

  134. On January 20th, 2010 at 6:22 pm L.L. Says:

    Ooooooh. Pet peeve of mine! I hate when pharmacists/nurses treat you like an addict when you need pain killers. T3 and Naproxen are standard fare here and because I am accident prone (numerous sprains, broken bones, surgeries, torn ligaments, etc) I have been on those more times than I care to count and they do NOTHING for me. When I ask for better pills, some tend to look at me funny. It’s not like I’m asking for something like vicodan, I just want something better than goddamn tylenol!

  135. On January 21st, 2010 at 9:26 am Another GE Girl Says:

    Aunt Becky,

    You should file a formal complaint against this so-called Nurse with the IL Dept. of Professional Regulation for unprofessional conduct, and exceeding her authority. A DOCTOR prescribes medications, not a NURSE. Even if she is an NP, your PCP prescribed that medication and a nurse does NOT have the authority to change a Doctor’s Orders. (and be a judgemental *itch to boot) This “nurse” had no previous contact with you, no background with your case to make any sort of plan of care determination, and no authority to act in any other manner, other than to fulfill your Doctor’s, her boss’s orders.

    Seriously, you should follow up the the Licensing Board, and file a complaint. If she *ucks with your life, you can *uck with hers…

    Signed: Don’t get Mad, Get EVEN!!

  136. On January 21st, 2010 at 11:15 am MommyNamedApril Says:

    good for you. i would’ve reported her too, but then been too lazy to get a new doc and ended up in the same suck as situation again next year.

  137. On January 21st, 2010 at 11:15 am MommyNamedApril Says:

    um, that should say *suck ass

  138. On January 21st, 2010 at 12:07 pm rita Says:

    Looks like there are a LOT of us in the same boat. I have a constant tickle-in-the-throat cough, the cough-till-I-pee-and-vomit kind. I’ve been to every ologist, most of them twice, and each blames it on some problem that another ologist refutes. In the end, nothing is wrong with me. Except that I have a cough that is exhausting and hard on the wardrobe.

    Tussionex, codeine, is the only thing that calms the cough and allows me to live some semblance of a normal life. Every time I see my doctor she agrees, then she writes a prescription for 5 days’ worth. Which costs $50, same as a month’s worth. I am so tired of going around that same fucking circle every time I see her.

    My sister has had chronic back/shoulder pain for 15 years. She’s again doing the ologist rounds for the fourth or fifth time because they think she shouldn’t take narcotics. She’s had back surgery three times. One doctor has sent her to a pain management clinic, not because it’ll stop the pain and fix whatever is bothering her, but because she has to stop taking narcotics just because they don’t want to keep prescribing them for her.

    We both want Dr. House to fix us.

  139. On January 22nd, 2010 at 8:56 am Jen Anderson Says:

    I get migraines too. If you ever have to go off Topomax for any reason, try seeing a doctor of chinese medicine. I’m on some chinese herbs that have done a great job preventing migraines.

    My reaction to that story? 1. what a c u next tuesday. 2. Your doctor gives you Vicodin? I’ve been stuck with Maxalt which doesn’t always work and freaking Advil. Maybe I’ll just borrow some of my Dad’s vicodin–I’d only need one or two a month.

  140. On January 23rd, 2010 at 7:09 am *jen Says:

    Just found your blog. You’re a funny-ass chica.

    I appreciate you writing this post, because I’m going through something similar now. Your sentence in which you said you’re trying not to be in pain rather than trying to get high (clearly paraphrasing your genius here) really resonated.

    Also, does the lime jello in the ear help? I’m willing to try anything. 😉


  141. On January 23rd, 2010 at 12:48 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Well, firstly it’s nice to meet you! I’m sorry we’re meeting under such pain-riddled circumstances, but it’s nice to have someone who gets it.

    The lime jello sadly didn’t help, but I hear watermelon may.

    The neuro, altho I felt stupid going in there, was phenomenal and I’m sorry I didn’t go sooner. In fact, all of my -ologists have been fantastic. They’ve always listened to me where my GP’s can’t because they’re so busy.

    So my advice is to get thee to an -ologist if you can.

    Is it My Grains for you too? Because HOLY SHIT DO THEY SUCK. GAH.

  142. On January 23rd, 2010 at 2:03 pm *jen Says:

    I recently obtained an -ologist. This one of the neuro persuasion. He seemed pretty good, though not a 100% with the listening (kept referencing my symptoms starting in July, which is a month I never mentioned).

    I don’t have the My Grains. Instead, Fibro MY Algia (an evil friend of your demon). I’ve had the My Grains before, but since pregnancy #2 have only had a few, for some reason. Weird, but I’m not questioning it.

    Lately, I’m beleaguered by widespread joint pain and twitches and tremors. Hence, the -ologist. I’m waiting for another round of test results to be reported and more tests on 2.1 to find out what the next step is.

    Apparently, though, I exhibit drug seeking behavior. I suppose that’s better than weapon-seeking behavior, which is what I’m tempted to resort to after all of this “no pain meds” nonsense.


  143. On January 25th, 2010 at 9:15 am Kate Says:

    I’m late to the party (AS EVER) but should you ever encounter it again, you should sweetly inform Bitch, RN, that you are now allergic to everything but Dilaudid. I get this a good three or four times a week in ER 🙂

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