To buy a shirt, go here for the full listing!

What’s better than profane shirts? BACON.

I can’t ship you bacon, though, because it’d rot in the mail. Plus, I ruin Jello, so there’s that.

Instead, I made you shirts. PROFANE shirts. Shirts that say, “Shut Your Whore Mouth” and “Not Your Bitch.” Also, for Band Back Together, I’ve made, “With The Band,” “Cancer is Bullshit,” and “I Kicked Cancer’s Ass.”

Why? WHY NOT?

These are full of the awesome screen-printed shirts. My friend makes them.

Screen-printed = awesome. They’re eco-friendly shirts and they are (hand-to-baby-Jesus) the most flattering shirts you’ll find.

They do run about a size smaller than you’d normally wear, so always buy a size larger, even if you hate to do it (I cut out the tags when I hate the size)(I am mature)(VERY mature).

I’m also open to any and all ideas that you have for shirts, so please, let me know. No, I’m serious. Different sizes, whatever, just drop me a line.

Shut Your Whore Mouth Shirts available in black, pink, and purple. Because obviously.

Purple is a Flavor, Damnit! Shirts (in purple only)

Not Your Bitch Shirts.

Cancer is Bullshit Shirts (available in men’s sizes, too)

I Kicked Cancer’s Ass Shirts (also available in men’s sizes).

With The Band Shirts (also available in men’s sizes).

May the Snark Be With You shirts (Black)

Keep Calm and Band Back Together shirts (Red)

Band Back Together (metal) shirts (Black, naturally)

Full of the Awesome (BRIGHT BLUE AWESOMENESS)

The proceeds of these shirts go directly into maintaining both Mommy Wants Vodka and The Band Back Together Project. Turns out? Blogging IS an expensive hobby.