Since I already post typically once per day, I have signed up for National Blog Posting Month, wherein I have agreed to post each day. INCLUDING WEEKENDS. I guess I’ll have to clear my busy social schedule (hahahahaha. See, it’s a joke because I don’t have a social calendar any longer.)
(weeps uncontrollably).

Admit it people, you think I’m awesome. And by awesome, I mean completely lame.

Thanks, Niobe for the idea. Let’s see if I can do this thing.

10 years ago, if you’d asked me what I’d expected to do with the rest of my life, I’d have probably told you that I’d be backpacking across the Aboriginal jungle or a commentator on E! news. I am quite certain that had I been able at that age, to see a 5 minute snapshot of my life now, as it actually turned out, I would never have believed it. Not for one tiny second.

We went out to lunch today, and by nature of either the restaurant accoustics or the fact that this chick had the most amazingly grating voice known to man, we got to overhear nearly a full conversation of a girl of probably 22 or 23. Really, by conversation, I mean monologe (I actually began too feel sorry for her friend, as this chick spent the whole 35 that we were there talking about herself. I almost told her to go get herself a blog. OH SNAP!). And boy, OH boy was this girl deluded.

She had it all planned out: where she was going to live, when she was going to be married (despite just “dicking around with this guy,” her actual words), the age in which she would have kids. I mean, no words can describe just how sure she was of the way her life was going to turn out. It was sort of cute, but it completely dated her.

The way that I see it, growing up is mainly just letting go to the notion that you have control over a whole lot of anything in life. I’m not trying to factor free will out of the equation here, but over the past couple of weeks, as I’ve watched several good friends of mine get shit on by circumstances completely outside of their control, it’s served to remind me yet again, that most illusions of control are merely that: illusions.

Surely, but surely you can control yourself, can’t you? To some degree, perhaps, but I’m sure that the most jealous person cannot stop themselves from coveting, no matter how hard they try. Even emotions, it seems, are almost impossible to control. You don’t control who you love, nor can you control who you hate, or who loves or hates you. Sure, William Blake claims, “The cut worm forgives the plow,” but he neglects to say when and at what cost.

As we left the restaurant, both slightly bedraggled and sore, I asked Dave if he believed that I had ever been as naive. He looked at me, laughed, and told me that he was sure that I had been even more so. This I can accept, but I cannot imagine that I would have spent the entirity of a lunch with a friend monologing about myself. Even at 17, I’m pretty sure that I knew how boring that must have been for anyone but myself.

Lack of sleep has left my poor brain a lone stem complete with misfiring neurons, so I bring you a post in snippets, because, well, I’m too damn tired to put any more thought into anything that doesn’t need it (I looked for a meme to do, but I couldn’t find any. Well, by “looking” I mean, I “thought about looking”). I’m starting to think that Alex is trying to break me. Right now I’m about ready to confess to anything. Why YES I DID kill JFK! AND Jon Benet Ramsey! NOW can I sleep? PLEASE?

*My phlox looks terrible. In fact, the winter killed off 95% of my bulbs (well, at least the ones that I liked). I had all of these grand visions of doing some fall planting, but it’s looking damn near impossible right now. I’m so out of it that I might accidentally plant the baby in the ground by accident. What do YOU do to get your yard ready for winter?

*Alex is terrified of the nicest piece of furniture that we own: his crib. This means that he’s still sleeping in one of three places, depending on my mood, his bassinet, his swing or one of his bouncy seats. I am unhappy about this, as I am a bit tired of sleeping in the same room with my ickle one. Any suggestions (assuming crying it out, like I’d like to do, wouldn’t work)?

*I need to buy some simple (but nice) frames for pictures. I’d been needlessly waiting to hang pictures, as I’d imagined that we’d be painting all of the hideousness off of the walls first, but alas, with Alex being, well, Alex, painting isn’t going to happen this year. So where do people buy nice frames (that don’t cost a fortune, but aren’t made of plastic)? And is it a bad thing if I have a ton of extra pictures to frame of Alexander in 8×10 but not so many of Ben in that size?

*With Christmas looming around the corner, we have decided to do something a bit differently this year. Rather than spend a bunch of money on toys that neither of the children need, we’re going to pool our money together and get them a wooden swingset. And then pay someone to install it. I don’t know if this qualifies for most boring parents of the year or most awesomist parents of the year. I remember there being an age where quality was better than quantity, but I cannot remember when this was.

I make myself hurt, I am so damn boring today (see, yeah, TODAY. Normally I am HILARIOUS! Let me be delusional). Anything else you want me to pointlessly pontificate upon?

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?

Juggled two mortgages. Eventually sold House #1.

And no, we are not moving in 2007. Not if I can help it. Unlike my husband, I am not a nomad.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I have never really made a resolution for New Years. Not because I don’t believe in resolutions themselves, but because I can never think of something that I will be sure that I will do in the new year. And I don’t want to feel guilty for not completing them later on. I have enough guilt.

I didn’t resolve to, but I quit smoking this year. Next year, I’m sure I’ll resolve to lose the baby weight. But I won’t resolve to do it on January 1.

3. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

A second son. And a million dollars. Because, really, how else can I paper a room with dollar bills or get a Grill?

4. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Maintaining my sanity (stop laughing).

5. What was the best thing you bought?

My bumble-bee house. I freaking love my house.

6. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Daver’s. He has not killed me yet. He is also 99% of the reason that I have maintained my sanity.

and

Benner’s. He has made my life eversomuch better every single second of every single day. Mushy? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

7. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Britney Spears.

8. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My ultrasound. Finding out that I am having a healthy baby boy.

Moving the fcuk back outta my parents house (we moved there in January for a month while we waited to close on our house). Sweet Jesus. That was awful.

Getting over (mostly) hyperemesis gravidarum.

9. What song will always remind you of 2006?

Slow Down Baby.

10. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter: But I do have a parasite now.

iii. richer or poorer? Richer.

11. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Stopping to smell the flowers.

12. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying about things I cannot control.

13. What was your favorite TV program?

Law and Order: Criminal Intent. My husband, Vincent D’Onofrio is super-sexxy, even if y’all are haters.

14. What was the best book you read?

The Curious Incident of the Dog and the Nighttime.

15. What was your greatest musical discovery?

By far the best album I bought this year was “Back to Basics.”

16. What was your favorite film of this year?

I’m really not much of a movie person. I rarely see movies in the theater. Of the three I saw this year, the best was:

United 93.

17. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had a nice BBQ with some good girlfriends that I haven’t seen much since. I miss them.

I got wasted on Cosmos and champagne.

Then I got pregnant. So, I got a Hot Beef Injection for my birthday. BOO-YEAH.

18. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Eschewing the horrible habit that I picked up from my husband: worrying about things over which you have no control. I have since stopped. It’s neither fulfilling nor does it help.

19. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

Pregnant and itchy?

20. What kept you sane?

Dave.

and

Ben.

21. What political issue stirred you the most?

To wear underwear or to freeball it?

22. Who was the best new person you met?

I didn’t meet anyone interesting this year. At least, not that I can remember.

23. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:

“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.”

24. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“Everybody’s talkin’ all this stuff about me, why don’t they just let me live? I don’t need permission, make my own decisions, that’s my prerogative”