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Ah, To Be 22 Again.


10 years ago, if you’d asked me what I’d expected to do with the rest of my life, I’d have probably told you that I’d be backpacking across the Aboriginal jungle or a commentator on E! news. I am quite certain that had I been able at that age, to see a 5 minute snapshot of my life now, as it actually turned out, I would never have believed it. Not for one tiny second.

We went out to lunch today, and by nature of either the restaurant accoustics or the fact that this chick had the most amazingly grating voice known to man, we got to overhear nearly a full conversation of a girl of probably 22 or 23. Really, by conversation, I mean monologe (I actually began too feel sorry for her friend, as this chick spent the whole 35 that we were there talking about herself. I almost told her to go get herself a blog. OH SNAP!). And boy, OH boy was this girl deluded.

She had it all planned out: where she was going to live, when she was going to be married (despite just “dicking around with this guy,” her actual words), the age in which she would have kids. I mean, no words can describe just how sure she was of the way her life was going to turn out. It was sort of cute, but it completely dated her.

The way that I see it, growing up is mainly just letting go to the notion that you have control over a whole lot of anything in life. I’m not trying to factor free will out of the equation here, but over the past couple of weeks, as I’ve watched several good friends of mine get shit on by circumstances completely outside of their control, it’s served to remind me yet again, that most illusions of control are merely that: illusions.

Surely, but surely you can control yourself, can’t you? To some degree, perhaps, but I’m sure that the most jealous person cannot stop themselves from coveting, no matter how hard they try. Even emotions, it seems, are almost impossible to control. You don’t control who you love, nor can you control who you hate, or who loves or hates you. Sure, William Blake claims, “The cut worm forgives the plow,” but he neglects to say when and at what cost.

As we left the restaurant, both slightly bedraggled and sore, I asked Dave if he believed that I had ever been as naive. He looked at me, laughed, and told me that he was sure that I had been even more so. This I can accept, but I cannot imagine that I would have spent the entirity of a lunch with a friend monologing about myself. Even at 17, I’m pretty sure that I knew how boring that must have been for anyone but myself.

posted under It's Becky, Bitch
5 Comments to

“Ah, To Be 22 Again.”

  1. On October 29th, 2007 at 10:22 am Ashley Says:

    OK, I am as self absorbed as they come and even I am appalled when I hear the dribble that comes out of people’s mouths…sometimes even people my own age. I think it really boils down to life experiences. People like you and I were never than naive b/c of other circumstances…but there are people who life has never laid a finger on (and when it does…free entertainment for all)!

  2. On October 29th, 2007 at 10:22 am Ashley Says:

    that, I mean that

  3. On October 29th, 2007 at 10:25 am becky Says:

    I do have to admit to being smug while this chick talked because I imagine that someday she’ll look back at herself and laugh.

    But hell, maybe her life WILL go according to plan and I’ll be the one with egg on my face.

  4. On October 29th, 2007 at 10:59 am Ashley Says:

    No, come on. You’ll never see her again. Share with me in anonymous bitchery and let’s decide that she’s pregnant right now. And it’s twins. And she doesn’t know who the father is.
    Life NEVER goes according to plan…and I could be the charter member of Control Freaks Anonymous.
    Can you tell I am super bored at work today and internet stalking you?

  5. On October 29th, 2007 at 11:08 am becky Says:

    She’s totally pregnant AND about to get evicted AND fired from her job that is “sooooo much better than college.”

    I am firmly part of Control Freaks Anonymous with you. “My name is Becky and
    I desperately want to control my life. But I can’t even control the way the toliet paper faces…WAH!!”

    And no, no matter what, life throws you curve balls. Just look at Britney Spears (are you going out on Tuesday to get her new CD?)

    Hehe, BALLS.

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