Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Year-In-Review ‘Aught Seven


1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Successfully breastfed a baby. And visited an endocrinologist. Neither of which are particularly riveting conversation starter, but hey, you can’t be witty all of the time.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

You know, I never make resolutions for the New Year, but this year I imagine that I will. This year I plan to:

Finish losing the baby weight.

Stop lactating.

Engage in a more heart healthy diet. Genetics, they don’t lie.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I did. March 30. Another bouncing baby boychild.

4. Did anyone close to you die?


5. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Honestly, a full 8 hours of sleep. It’s sad, but true. But if we’re going for something more unattainable, I’m going to go with a tummy tuck. Ain’t gonna happen til those tubes ‘o’ mine are tied.

6. What countries did you visit?

Shit, none. Unless you count my head. Lack of sleep can certainly make you feel like you’re jet-lagged.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

March 30, 2007. My second child was born making me The Supreme Dictator of The Sausage Factory.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Punching holes in several walls. Oh, and destroying several box fans.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not mastering this whole “sleeping through the night” bullshit.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I’m a walking personal injury. Let’s see: I scratched my cornea, suffered a first degree tear to my perineum, nearly broke a toe making a peanut butter sandwich, fell through the front door, did the splits while 34 weeks pregnant while slipping on a freshly washed floor, and it appears as though my Crohn’s disease is making a fresh debut.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Sleeping pills. No, honestly.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I’ve been doing this meme for shit, 4 years or so, and I always say something cornball about Dave or Ben. This year I am not.

My OWN behavior merits celebration. I have, with only minimal help, been up 3-12 times each night, netting only about 7-8 hours of non-consecutive sleep each night since March. I have punched exactly no one in the face due to this glaring lack of sleep, and only spend minimal time on the cross.

My father also merits some mad props. He is now sober and has been since his heart attack, and I am very, very proud of him.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I actually don’t have a real answer for this. Any suggestions?

14. Where did most of your money go?

Baby shwag. This doubles as my answer for “what takes up an insane amount of space in my home?”

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Not being pregnant any more. I am a TERRIBLE pregnant woman.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

“Eye of the Tiger,” although not because I heard it, but because in my non-existent birth plan, I wanted to push the baby out while listening to it. Too bad I didn’t actually enact it, but in hindsight, maybe that was a good thing, considering I was weeping copiously and boogery all over everything. Damn hormones.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?

Is “sleepier” a choice?

ii. thinner or fatter?

I can honestly tell you that I don’t know. I was pregnant last year, but I didn’t keep track of my weight. Too depressing.

iii. richer or poorer?

Wait, wait, wait. I thought that it was a faux paus to discuss finances. Isn’t it?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sleep. And have a freaking moment to myself.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Breastfeeding. I know it’s not PC to say that I hate it, but I do and Aunt Becky would never lie to you.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

That’s not relevant any longer, is it? I’ll answer “what will I be doing on NYE?”

Nothing. Fucking nothing. I am a firm believer in the way you spend New Year’s Eve being a precursor to how your year is. This year I plan to drink a bunch of champagne and watch movies WITHOUT talking to anyone so as to avoid a fight.

The year that Dave and I had a massive fight led to a nasty hard year. 2006. So no fighting whatsoever this year.

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.

I’ll make up my own question here, then. Hmmm….

What would cheer you up today?

Hearing from all of my lurkers out there. I have a feeling you are there but you’re afraid of Aunt Becky, which will not do. Aunt Becky would like to say “hello, my sexxy bitches” to all of you. What would you like to say to Aunt Becky?

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?

I guess I could say I fell in love with Thing Two, my ickle Alex, but I admit that I loved him before I met him. Such is the way it goes with children. But hell, I was happy to finally meet him.

23. How many one-night stands?

Hahahahahahahah. Bwahahahahahahahaha.

(wipes tears from eyes)

Tons. More than you can even count.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

House, MD. My husband has a Man-Crush on Hugh Laurie and I suppose that I can see why.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope. Although I do routinely imbibe in “Hatorade,” it’s usually pretty non-specific.

26. What was the best book you read?

Duder, I have the attention span of a gnat, thanks to constant sleep deprivation. I sometimes slog through People Magazine.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Nothing. Nada. Zip.

28. What did you want and get?

To be not pregnant any more. And hey, my uterus is now vacant (although Alex may try to get back in again).

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Pan’s Labyrinth.

Betcha thought I was gonna say “P.S. I Love You.”

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you (optional)?

I turned 27 this year and due to unforseeable circumstances it was the worst birthday I’ve ever had.

Don’t believe me? Go here.

See? I’m not just being melodramatic because I had to take over finishing our bathroom which was supposed to be my birthday present. Nope, no bitter pants here.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Sleep. And an occasional haircut. Oh, and losing the baby weight by now. I’m pretty hung up about the whole weight thing.

Do you think a haircut to my shoulders would make me look like Pinhead? Seriously, I need to know.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Maternity chic. And “Damn, this doesn’t fit EITHER. But hey, it doesn’t smell.”

34. What kept you sane?

Um…Hi, my name is Becky and I have a blog in which I call myself “Aunt Becky.” Do I sound sane to you?

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Britney. Although she has become a trainwreck, she reminds me that my life could always be worse.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

I’m not very political, although I did get a bit sick of people protesting the new Planned Parenthood that went in. It was insane.

37. Whom did you miss?

My waistline.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

My cadre of Virtual Internet Pimps.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:

“This is not an exit.”

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“Gonna raise me an army of some tough sons-a-bitches
Gonna recruit my army at the orphanages”


“Sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down.”

posted under Cheaper Than Rehab
16 Comments to

“Year-In-Review ‘Aught Seven”

  1. On December 28th, 2007 at 12:55 pm Heather Says:

    Well, Aunt Becky, you shamed me into delurking. I supposed if I am to partake of your hysterical wisdom, I must pay by revealing myself! New to blogging, new to reading blogs, and yours is one of my most favorites – found you through Niobe – where I also lurk :)!

    I have a March babe, too. A girl, though.

    Thanks for sharing your crazies – as they are my crazies, too!

  2. On December 28th, 2007 at 12:57 pm Heather Says:

    Did I say new to blogging? Dur. Got the web addi all wrong!

  3. On December 28th, 2007 at 2:01 pm Jenn Says:

    Umm… I may be considered a lurker. Although I do comment occasionally so probably not. I read a lot more than I comment and this is, hands down, the best blog I’ve come across in ages. You could call yourself Grandpa Becky and I’d still read it. 🙂 And the baby sleeping (or rather, not sleeping) thing… if you ever find a fool-proof solution, I could use it.

  4. On December 28th, 2007 at 1:11 pm becky Says:

    Hi Heather!


  5. On December 28th, 2007 at 1:15 pm Bree Says:

    Eye of the Tiger is my cellphone ring tone. Good thing I’m wildly unpopular with potential callers, or my coworkers would have to kill me.

  6. On December 28th, 2007 at 2:17 pm Gail Says:

    Becks, I definitely think you should start calling yourself Grandpa Becky. That would rock.

    A crazy old lady that I used to work with was at a dinner that I was at last week. She had “Hips Don’t Lie” as her ringtone, and I almost peed my pants.

    I only lurk if I feel that my response to what you’ve written might take up more space than what you’ve written…

    2008 is going to be a rockin’ year. And maybe we’ll even manage to get the kids together so they can meet each other!

  7. On December 28th, 2007 at 1:22 pm Patty Says:

    Delurking to say hello. Thanks for all of the kind words in the last few weeks. I agree, I hated being pregnant as well and didn’t bask in any kind of glow (except for the glow of the nightlight at 3 am as I was puking in the toilet). Glad to have the baby outside of the uterus as well. 2008 has to be an improvement, right?

  8. On December 28th, 2007 at 1:45 pm becky Says:


    And Patty, yes, 2008 is going to be a great year for us all.


  9. On December 28th, 2007 at 2:44 pm becky Says:

    Alex would very much like to meet Dean, Gail. They can talk about how crazy Aunt Becky is (who may be known as Grandpa Becky from now on)!

    Everyone delurking is assuaging my piss poor mood, so thanks to everyone. Aunt (Grandpa) Becky loves you all.

  10. On December 29th, 2007 at 11:07 am Stefanie Says:

    Love the list. Did you see I added you to my blogroll?

  11. On December 29th, 2007 at 11:46 am bri Says:

    Not really a lurker but wanted to say that this meme was highly entertaining to read.

  12. On December 29th, 2007 at 1:37 pm becky Says:

    Stefanie, I saw it and swooned.

    And thanks, Bri. You are awesome. Want a hedgehog?

  13. On December 29th, 2007 at 8:59 pm Denise Says:

    F’in great! I love this and may steal it for me own blog. 😉

  14. On January 2nd, 2008 at 8:51 am Amy Says:

    While everyone is delurking I guess I will join the crowd. I actually stumbled across your blog last week (thank you Denise) and I have to say that it has become one of my favorites.

  15. On February 18th, 2008 at 4:37 pm Prolifique Says:

    Lurker, front and center! *salutes smartly* Actually, I’m a new lurker as of this morning; I think I found you via a comment you left for The Flying Rat, and I’ve been devouring your archives ever since. LOVE this stuff!

  16. On December 31st, 2008 at 9:39 am Mommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » Year-In-Review Says:

    […] it’s time once again for my yearly round-up of crap. If you’re bored, 2007 here, 2006 here. The rest I believe have been lost somewhere. Probably for the better, […]

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...