Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride



Ah, it’s time once again for my yearly round-up of crap. If you’re bored, 2007 here, 2006 here. The rest I believe have been lost somewhere. Probably for the better, eh?

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Attended the funeral of one of my favorite people on the planet. Oh wait, that’s really depressing.


I got one! I bought a new washer and dryer. And, um, I ate close to my weight in tater tots and ketchup. No small feat, if you knew how much I weigh.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year, my resolutions included (but were not limited to):

Finish losing the baby weight.

Stop lactating.

Engage in a more heart healthy diet. Genetics, they don’t lie.

While I got CLOSE to losing the baby weight, I got pregnant again and plopped it all right back on. Perhaps it had something to do with the aforementioned tater tots.

I did manage to successfully stop lactating, which was a huge plus for both Alex and I. Because when we were done with it, we were DONE.

And finally, no, I didn’t engage in a more heart healthy diet. At least, I didn’t after May-ish when my cravings for junk food and vinegar overtook any last shreds of will power. The genetics comment was in reference to my father, who had just had a heart attack this time last year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes. But don’t ask me who. Because I cannot remember. The brain, she is f-r-i-e-d. I blame Christmas. And hormones. Yes, hor-mon-eeees.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

You had to go there, didn’t you? You couldn’t just leave well enough alone and let me bow out of this one gracefully without seeming like a complete and total Debbie Downer, now could you? I SEE YOU SMIRKING OVER THERE. WIPE THAT DAMN SMILE OFF YOUR FACE, MISTER.


In early February, one of my oldest and best friends died. She was 26. And no, I’m not over it.

5. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A discernible waistline.

6. What countries did you visit?

Unless you count my head, none.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

I can remember exactly one date right now. Only one. October 25, 2008. The day my best friend got married.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I could be all dramatical and be all “surviving” and *sigh* deeply and wait for some sympathy, but I won’t. Not this time.

My biggest achievement this year was…not strangling my husband no, that’s not right eating more popcorn than previously thought possible no, that’s stupid. Okay. How about becoming the world’s gimpiest pregnant chick?

9. What was your biggest failure?

Well, I broke the dryer. My sexy ass wood paneled dryer. And I accidentally got my wedding ring stuck on my finger. That’s not so cool (but it’s pretty funny looking now).

I dunno. I guess I don’t think I failed that much.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?


No. Obviously.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My iMac. Which has sadly been taken over by the savages I call “children.”

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Good lord, this is a tricky one to answer. I mean, on the one hand, I could single someone out and be all “good job!!!!” but on the other, who? Should I say something deep, meaningful and profound?

Nah. That’s totally not my style.

So I’m gonna go with Britney. Who has successfully made a come-back AND an excellent new record.

Oh shut up. Like you don’t want to borrow it from me.

Don’t you?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Again, how the hell do you answer this one? Uh, I guess I don’t think about how full of hatorade I am towards other people. I guess my answer is the dude who deliberately cut in front of me while I was hobbling toward the checkout with a screaming toddler last week. He sucked.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Stuff covered in vinegar. Also: chocolate.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My prescription for Tylenol 3. Because my blog should be called “Mommy Wants Vicodin.”

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Dolly Parton’s “Little Sparrow.” What a sad, sad song that is.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Totally happier. Last year, I hadn’t slept properly through the night in months, was on the edge of falling into some post-partum depression, and was losing my grip on my sanity.

ii. thinner or fatter? Way, way fatter.

iii. richer or poorer? Tasteless, eh? But, richer is the answer. RICHER IN LOVE! *gag* *barf*

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Gardening. It was a lovely year for my roses, who went somewhat neglected this summer. But still, they bloomed until November, so I’m doing something right.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Laying in bed. I have terrible insomnia and it’s exacerbated by my (in)delicate situation. Which sucks hard, because I can’t take much that will actually help me to sleep properly. Perhaps next year.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

There is some kind of tense problem here as Christmas was over um…last week. But, ideally, I would have spent it in bed with the covers over my head. I did nothing of the sort, of course.

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.

I’ll make up my own question here, then. Hmmm.

What would cheer you up today?

Hearing from all of my lurkers out there. I have a feeling you are there but you’re afraid of Aunt Becky, which will not do. Aunt Becky would like to say “hello, my sexxy bitches” to all of you. What would you like to say to Aunt Becky?

(I’m totally copying myself from last year because I am that cool)

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Many times a day. Except for no. I didn’t.

23. How many one-night stands?

Hahahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahahahaha!

(wipes tears from eyes)

Tons. More than you can even count.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Burn Notice and that weird show after House, MD. Mainly because I want nothing more than to do incredibly naughty things to the male leads of both. Maybe even at the same time.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?


No. I don’t.

26. What was the best book you read?

US Weekly.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I just got that awesome remake of the soundtrack of A Nightmare Before Christmas. Which is flipping sweet.

28. What did you want and get?

A prescription for Tylenol 3. Also, some kettle corn.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Iron Man. Hands down full of The Awesome. And P.S. When did Robert Downey Jr get so fuckable?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you (optional)?

I turned 28 this year and celebrated with a prescription for some progesterone suppositories. Now that is sexy.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More cowbell. Definitely more cowbell.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Slovenly and unkempt.

34. What kept you sane?

My friends in the computer. Whom I love thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssss much.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I dunno. I normally answer with Britney Spears, and I guess that’s probably my answer again.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

I suppose this isn’t a political issue or anything, but my hatred of Angelina Jolie crystallized. She’s so damn sanctimonious that it makes me want to puke.

37. Whom did you miss?

*sighs* You just HAD to go there again, Meme That I’ve Personified, didn’t you? Ass.

I miss my friend Stef deeply each and every single day. I’ll always regret not saying how much I loved her while she was still here.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

My cadre of Virtual Internet Pimps.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:

Things can always get worse. And, when in doubt, see a specialist.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“I’m Mrs-Oh-My-God-That-Becky’s-Shameless”


“Sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down.”

There was an additional question here about who I’d tag to do this meme, but since I rarely tag people (because I’m a rebel, obvs) I’m imploring each and every person that has read this to come over and answer one of these incredibly brilliant and insightful questions.

Or make fun of me.


Also: Good-bye 2008, and HELLO 2009! Let’s make it a fucking awesome year for us all.

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
61 Comments to


  1. On December 31st, 2008 at 9:58 am kbrients Says:

    Where did all your money go? Kids… duh!

    Anyway– happiest of happys…. I hope that you make it to midnight… or that you turn in early (which ever you prefer!)

  2. On December 31st, 2008 at 10:33 am kalakly Says:

    Happy New Year Aunty Becky…I’ll bet you can guess many of my answers:)

    P.S. Vicodin should totally be over the counter…Bastard FDA effers!

  3. On December 31st, 2008 at 10:50 am Rachel Says:

    I’ll probably be in bed long before midnight, since I too have little savages that refuse to sleep past 6am….but Happy New Year anyway!

  4. On December 31st, 2008 at 10:56 am Nity Says:

    Happy New Year! You crack me up… love this post. Hope 2009 is GREAT!

  5. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:00 am abandoning eden Says:


    Hey there!


  6. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:02 am Badass Geek Says:

    Don’t you remember that time I took you to Austria?

    …Wait. That didn’t really happen. It was just imaginary.

  7. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:04 am Ms. Moon Says:

    One of the things I’m looking forward to in 2009 is the arrival of your daughter. Nothing like a baby to make the world happy.
    So keep on gestating and sharing and happy new year to you and the Daver and those boys.
    And get the camera ready because you KNOW we’re going to want pictures.

  8. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:09 am Coco Says:

    Hey, eating one’s weight in Tater Tots and Ketchup is one of the MORE amazing accomplishments of a lifetime, thank you very much.

    Also, I would like to say that Robert Downey Jr. is officially Captain SexxyPants since he hit his 58th life. Rawr. How about I bring over my Blu-Ray of Iron Man, some kettle corn and a bottle of sparkling cider and we can ring in the new year discussing all the many ways we could hurt him together?

    Or would that just be awkward?


    It would totally be wonderful.

  9. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:26 am Kim Says:

    Hello Aunt Becky. I am a long time lurker and felt compelled to comment. Because you told me to. Love you, love your site, love your snarkyness, however hobbled you may be.

    I’m going to answer your questions on my own blog, only because I have been in a total posting slump for months now and need something interesting to do over there.

    Thanks and have a great 2009!!!

  10. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:26 am Kim Says:

    PS: I agree about Robert Downey Jr. When in the hell did THAT happen. Yum-o.

  11. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:38 am mumma boo Says:

    Life Lesson Learned in 2008: When in doubt, your bloggy pals will ALWAYS come through for you even if your IRL pals don’t. Thanks for being my pal, Aunt Becky. Happy New Year to you, the Daver, the boys and that sweet baby girl your gestating!

  12. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:40 am Amy Says:

    You are a FREAAAK, a super FREAK and that’s why I love you! Hoping only the best for you in ’09. No, I won’t answer a question, NO brain cells left! Just Happy New Year to you my dear!

  13. On December 31st, 2008 at 11:45 am Janet Says:

    Hi! I’m Janet and I’m a lurker!

    I love reading your blog, it has kept me entertained while at work, or bored at home!

    Oh, and for the record, I like Britney too! Her new album is badass! I throughly had to explain If You Seek Amy to my boyfriend…he couldn’t figure out the meaning!

  14. On December 31st, 2008 at 12:00 pm Valerie Says:

    I am totally going to answer these questions! They are a great review… you will of course get credit ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. On December 31st, 2008 at 12:04 pm MAria Says:

    Hey we’re the same age, cool.

    I hope 2009 is badass for you, lady. You deserve it.

  16. On December 31st, 2008 at 12:04 pm MAria Says:

    Also I have always and forever wanted to fuck Robert Downey Jr’s brains out. But he’s definitely getting hotter with age.

  17. On December 31st, 2008 at 12:30 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Yeah, I’m with Maria…I’ve always loved RDJ, since I was a little kid. He is hotter than ever, though.

    What do I wish I’d done less of? Crying.

    What do I wish I’d done more of? Laughing.

    Hope you have a good night, Becky. Thanks for being a pal.

  18. On December 31st, 2008 at 2:31 pm Madame Yu See Says:

    5. Love and a discernable waistline – since I’m only answering 1 question, I want to things!

  19. On December 31st, 2008 at 2:46 pm RhoRho Says:

    RDJ has alll-ways been fuckable!

  20. On December 31st, 2008 at 3:06 pm Holly Says:

    Happy New Year Aunt Becky (considering you’re younger then me calling you Aunt seems odd – how about Sister Becky. Yes that’ll do it)

    I lurve my internet friends as well.

    See you in 2009. It starts off with me crying cause Monkey turns 8 in two days. Hold me?

  21. On December 31st, 2008 at 3:21 pm skye Says:

    Happy New Year Becks! Do you like how I casually have you a nickname’

  22. On December 31st, 2008 at 3:24 pm skye Says:

    Happyy New Year Becks! Do you like how I casually gave you a nickname

  23. On December 31st, 2008 at 3:24 pm Kristen Says:

    I hope that 2009 is much sunnier for you, can’t wait until Amelia arrives!

  24. On December 31st, 2008 at 4:12 pm Danielle Says:

    In regards to this….”31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you (optional)?

    I turned 28 this year and celebrated with a prescription for some progesterone suppositories. Now that is sexy.” *looking on the bright side* hey at least you got yourself some ass sex..BWAHAHAHAHAHA

    On a more “mature” note, I think I might steal this…
    Hugs and kisses,

  25. On December 31st, 2008 at 4:26 pm lola Says:

    Is it me or was that the longest meme EVER? Good answers, though! I can’t really remember any of the questions now, because I’m too tired and I need to get myself gussied up for yet another NYE party, but Robert Downey seems oddly fuckable to me, too. Not at all sure when that happened. Then again, I said the same thing about Patrick Dempsey. I used to hate that turd until he showed up on Grey’s looking like a man.

    Happy New Year, girl! I’ll have a couple drinks for you tonight. Oh, and It’s Lola, Bitch! Gotta love that song.

  26. On December 31st, 2008 at 4:52 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    You had a wood paneled ghetto dryer? Awesome! In a wow, that’s kind of bizarre way, of course.

    2008 will go down as the year in which I dreamt of Robert Downey Jr., A LOT. Yep. He’s absolutely what you say he is!

    Happy New Year!!

  27. On December 31st, 2008 at 5:01 pm JaneB Says:

    Delurking to say ‘hi!’ and Happy New Year

  28. On December 31st, 2008 at 5:32 pm Melissa Says:

    I too did the Amazing Never-Ending Meme That Ate Pittsburgh. And there is never anything wrong with eating your weight in carbs. EVER.

  29. On December 31st, 2008 at 5:38 pm Rachel, too. Says:

    hello! sort of a lurker, i suppose, although i only found your blog about a week ago! my goals for 2009, since the only resolution i ever make is to not resolve a thing, include losing the last of my baby weight, to stop lactating,and to sleep A LOT more. i also love vodka, vicodin, and hate angelina jolie. ๐Ÿ˜‰ nice to meet ya.

  30. On December 31st, 2008 at 5:41 pm Rachel, too. Says:

    well, i see now that i should have read your faq’s first, before assuming that you really DO love vodka, but that is okay. i will drink enough for both of us. ๐Ÿ™‚

  31. On December 31st, 2008 at 5:49 pm Susan Says:

    I have a proposal: how about you and me and Hugh Laurie get together, get our fill of vicodin and maybe a cocktail or seven and plot our revenge against Angelina Jolie?

    Happy 2009!

  32. On December 31st, 2008 at 6:06 pm giggleblue Says:

    we can’t continue on as e-friends if you are going to talk about miss jolie like that….

  33. On December 31st, 2008 at 6:56 pm swirl girl Says:

    I am so going to steal this!

    Here’s to a bigger and better 2009!

  34. On December 31st, 2008 at 7:53 pm Nyx Says:

    I am officially de-lurking for the first time EVER! Cuz you asked so nicely…

    What did I do on my birthday and how old was I?

    I turned 36, My husband forgot it, so I called my ex to make me feel better and my husband feel worse…. Because I am generous like that….


  35. On December 31st, 2008 at 8:16 pm Betts Says:

    13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

    I’m still not over that woman talking on her cellphone while in a bathroom stall. And I know it really wasn’t you. How do I know? She didn’t swear once.

    Happy New Year! I love you, you sexy chick!

  36. On December 31st, 2008 at 9:31 pm heather Says:

    No, no, Aunt Becky, you’re the sexxy bitch (gimpy-ness and all). And I’m telling you. This wee sausage? She’s gonna sleep like a charm, I just know it. You are owed this much. Happy New Year, Sausages!

  37. On January 1st, 2009 at 12:36 am Jenn Says:

    Hey lady, I posted the entire list on my blog. Thanks for helping me organize my thoughts.

    Hope 2009 is great. And that you find your waistline. That’s one of my goals too. But I am not gestating so I have no excuse.

  38. On January 1st, 2009 at 2:23 am Kate Says:

    Hi! I’m de-lurking to tell you how much I love your blog; you are incredibly witty and sweet and thoughtful at the same time. I would say that’s quite a feat! Anyways, I wish you a happy 2009, with lots of joy and good health! By the way, I would not be appropriately representing New England if I didn’t ask if you put the vinegar on the french fries. That might be my favorite thing in the world. Fantastic craving food!

  39. On January 1st, 2009 at 8:31 am Madame Yu See Says:

    I don’t think my comments are showing up – not that I say much. A discernable waistline would be the goal of the year.
    Well, if this doesn’t show up, I’ll know it’s an organized plot against me.

  40. On January 1st, 2009 at 11:20 am Jenn Says:

    Don’t worry, you’ll be lactating again very soon. ๐Ÿ™‚

  41. On January 1st, 2009 at 3:08 pm kate Says:

    22. yes
    35. kal penn.

    and yes, when did that happen to robert downey jr?

  42. On January 1st, 2009 at 4:40 pm Brilliant Pineapples Says:

    Bloody hell

    Now that is what I call a boring post.

    And you are only 28?

    My Gawd…….my grannie lives a more exciting life

  43. On January 1st, 2009 at 4:41 pm Brilliant Pineapples Says:

    Oh – and are you serious about Brittny Spears?

    She is the most talentless bint on the planet

  44. On January 1st, 2009 at 5:52 pm Catizhere Says:

    De-Lurking to say, “Happy New Year to you and yours.”

  45. On January 1st, 2009 at 7:06 pm theramblinghousewife Says:

    See the problem with me is . ..that I haven’t had a discernible waistline in any year in recent memory . . .

    And perhaps that is the reason that I hold a special hatred for Angelina Jolie too! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Happy New Year!!!

    (That beautiful, baby girl will be here soon . . .how exciting!) ๐Ÿ˜‰

  46. On January 1st, 2009 at 8:47 pm Edward Says:

    Happy New Year! I am still hoping to stop lactating soon too…I don’t even have breasts either and I’m fucken lactating…must be hormonal? Yeah the leads on House and the Mentalist…I want to do naughty things to them too at the same time please oh please!

    totally wishing you a Happy New Year Ms. Aunt Becky and if you get some Vicoden can you mail me some? Love ya!

    Oh…my one night stand turned into a hook up and then it turned into love…so much for one night stand s right? So this is funny…my new man says “my hook up has a boyfriend, and my boyfriend has a husband” he said he is going to write a country song to that lol!

    Almost baby time?

  47. On January 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 am Sarah Says:

    I’m happy that I’m not the only one wanting to steal this, and not the only one going DUH, Sugar, RDJ has *always* been fuckable. But yeah… he does improve.

    Brilliant Pineapples is either a riot, or totally not getting the jokes… hard to say. ;-P

    Happy New Year!! Can’t wait for Amelia to kick things into high gear for you! And won’t your foot be a lot happier without that extra weight to carry around?

  48. On January 2nd, 2009 at 6:54 am SCY Says:

    Happy 2009! May it be all you could ever hope for…


  49. On January 2nd, 2009 at 8:25 am Molly Says:

    Love your site – you have me in hysterics. I think I found you from Notes To Self. You are what I want to be when I grow up (and I am older than you by a decade plus)! Good luck on having a beautiful gnome. Looks like she will be perfectly gorgeous. Only good vibes your way.

  50. On January 2nd, 2009 at 11:30 am Kat Wilder Says:

    Ha! I love your list, and I couldn’t agree more with your comment on Robert Downey Jr. I don’t make resolutions รขโ‚ฌโ€ in fact, my latest blog entry is about how I’m OK, but everyone else needs to make some resolutions … NOW! รขโ‚ฌโ€ but if it would lead to getting Mr. Downey and Javier Bardem in my bed (at the same time, or separately; I’m not picky), man, I would so start making ’em …

  51. On January 2nd, 2009 at 12:31 pm Miss Grace Says:

    I think Robert Downey Jr’s been fuckable for awhile.

  52. On January 2nd, 2009 at 2:05 pm jerseygirl89 Says:

    May have to steal this, because I really liked it.

    35. Taylor Kitsch, who plays Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights. Apparently in my fantasy life I am quite the cradle robber.

  53. On January 2nd, 2009 at 3:49 pm Betty M Says:

    Happy new year Aunt B!

  54. On January 2nd, 2009 at 8:04 pm docgrumbles Says:

    Here’s to gathering some great answers for the 2009 post!

  55. On January 2nd, 2009 at 10:19 pm Georgette Says:

    I hope 2009 rocks for everyone. But it probably won’t. So… good luck.

  56. On January 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am Brilliant Pineapples Says:


  57. On January 5th, 2009 at 6:52 pm Sue Says:

    De-lurking to say Happy New Year! And, the thing I’d like to have in 2009 that I lacked in 2008 is a perm. Well, I just got it, actually. Yes, I know 1985 is calling – but really, some cherubic faces are just not meant for straight hair.

  58. On January 6th, 2009 at 5:47 pm Painted Maypole Says:

    very fun! i may be doing a similar meme this week, but mine will be far less humorous. alas.

  59. On December 31st, 2009 at 12:12 pm What Tender Days We Had No Secrets Hid Away, Now It Seems About 100 Years Ago at Mommy Wants Vodka Says:

    […] Years post because it felt weird to not mention that today is the last day of 2009. Normally I do the only meme that I ever do, but today it just didn’t feel right. Then I thought about doing a […]

  60. On January 1st, 2010 at 6:06 pm Year-In-Review 2009 at Mommy Wants Vodka Says:

    […] let the year end without completely my one and only meme. For past experiences, go here: 2008 here, 2007 here, 2006 here. The rest I believe have been lost somewhere. Probably for the better, […]

  61. On October 31st, 2010 at 4:03 pm Meg Says:

    HELLO SEXXY BITCH to you too!

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