Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Why I Should Have Named Myself “Aunt Decepticon”


I know that I am apt to lose some readers when I announce this but I feel in the name of pure disclosure on my end, I should probably ‘fess up. *deep breath* Here goes:

While I mocked the #nikonhatesbabies thing on twitter with my own variation #auntbeckyhatesbabies, I don’t actually hate babies. (if you are blissfully unaware of what I speak, I’ll give you the rundown in a comment. It’s too stupid to put in a real post).

But wait, there’s more!

My given name is NOT Aunt Becky: it’s Rebecca, and I’m not really an aunt. Well, technically I am, but only to The Internet, which is probably good for my charge card, because while I do adore The Internet, I do not have urges to buy It frilly hats.

And I should warn you that if you try to call me “Rebecca,” I will probably freeze and give you saucer eyes, because the only person who has ever called me that was my mother. And only when I maybe stuck the fetal pig I was dissecting in college (FOR CLASS, YOU PERVERTS) into the Meat Keeper of our refrigerator for safe keeping.

Confession #3:

I’m not much of a drinker. Sure, I’m known to imbibe now and again, and I’m sure that I’ll lose my Hardcore Audience when I admit that I’m shamefully responsible about it. Take a breath, Internet, while I wrap my hammy arms around you. I know, I know, I’m sorry I lied to you for all these years.

Someone who calls themselves Aunt Becky and writes a blog called Mommy Wants Vodka has deceived you for years. I’m sorry.

*bursts into song*

“Forgiveneeeessss, forgiveness, EVEN if, EVEN if…”

Well, you know how that song goes. And if you don’t, be grateful. Be very, very grateful.

While my confessions are true, being tongue-in-cheek is more fun, so on I will go being Aunt Decepticon, only confessing to those bored enough to read the about me or things you never needed to know page on my sidebar.

I pigeonholed myself there and I’m not sorry, why should I be?

This brings me to the point of my post in a totally awkward segue that should go on record as being The Worse Segue Ever.

When I first started Mommy Wants Vodka, I was very anxious to separate myself from the Mommy Bloggers out there. I didn’t want to define myself entirely by my children, my husband, my marital status, my hair color, my shoe size, my IQ, ability to blow spit bubbles, my preference to drive manual transmission sports cars, my dislike of mini-vans and high top shoes, the type of crust I prefer for my pizza or my totally awkward segues.

They’re all pieces of who I am, but none of those can possibly describe precisely who I am in and of themselves. So, I was NOT going to be A Mommy Blogger, dammit! I was going to be MYSELF! I am a mother, yes, and I blog yes, but why limit myself?

According to some hippie I once knew, when you define something, you LIMIT it. I’m pretty certain he was trying to justify sticking his penis into someone other than his devoted girlfriend, and I’m pretty sure his logic sucked, but it’s always something I’ve sort of said in jest.

Because why should anyone care if they’ve been pigeonholed into Mommy Blogger Status? Why is that something so dirty now?

That’s the New Thing, I guess, is raging against this stereotype, and while I can see not caring to be associated with the Palmolive Ad Blogs or the Let Me Tell You How My Kids Rule Blogs, or the ever popular This Is Obviously A PR Statement Blog Sponsored By (insert big corporate sponsor here), I don’t see why it fucking matters anymore.

For as long as I write here, on Mommy Wants Vodka, I will get angrily written articles that refer people here to shrilly scold me for getting stinking drunk while watching my children and maybe feeding the baby a bottle of whiskey to shut her up. Even though I don’t and I haven’t (don’t tempt me), I’ll never escape that.

And I’ll never escape being called a Mommy Blogger.

So I’m going to go out on a limb here and say so.fucking.what?

Opinions are like assholes (presumably because everybody’s got one) and if someone wants to define me by the former occupants of my uterus? My blessed crotch parasites? Go ahead.

What I write and who I am stands on it’s own.

If it’s easier for some nameless PR firm or group of Anti-Mommy Bloggers to allow this to define those of us with children so.fucking.what? It’s no dirtier a term than “Breeder” or “Wife” and if it conjures up an image of someone who you think I should be, well, let me show you who I really am. Maybe our perceptions will align, maybe they won’t, maybe 50 million African Pygmy Hedgehogs don’t give a shit.

No stereotype is 100% accurate, no one fits any mold completely and anyone who is incensed by people trying to lump them into a category should really take a look at why it matters to them. People get me wrong ALL THE TIME and I don’t give a flying shit about it. Why does it matter here?

Are all frat boys beer guzzling moron assbags? Does everyone born between the years 1964-1974 feel apathetic and wear flannel while drinking coffee in a grungy coffee house? Do all teenagers suck to be around? For the love of GOD, are all red velvet cakes moist?

The answer, of course, to all the above questions is a resounding “no.”

Just like not all mommy-bloggers are alike. How could we be? We’re all different people, not to get all special-raindrop on your asses or anything, but it’s true.

And why did I, myself, once care if I was called one? I was trying to define myself OUTSIDE of my children: I am a suburban mother who stays at home with her kids who swears, has tattoos, occasionally drinks, and doesn’t poo rainbows or sunshine. I was trying to assert to the world that hey, y’all, I am more than the sum of my parts. And now? 2 years later? I know this without having to cram that down your throat.

What I write and who I am can stand on it’s own. And if you want to judge me for who you think I am? Go for it.

Just don’t try accuse me of being A Blonde. Because I tried it once and well, there’s a reason we dark-skinned girls shouldn’t try to go platinum. That reason? The color orange.


What do you think, Internet? Not about brunettes trying to be blonde, of course, but about being pigeonholed. Is it really something to be all that upset over or should we just try and remember that not everything is Very Serious, Indeed?

94 Comments to

“Why I Should Have Named Myself “Aunt Decepticon””

  1. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:13 am Scattered Mom Says:

    I’ll let you in on a secret:

    My blog is titled “Notes From the Cookie Jar” and the tag line says, “Baking cookies and braving teens on a daily basis”.

    I don’t bake cookies daily. If I did, nobody would eat them OR we would and all weigh 700 lbs.

    Maybe weekly. Depends.

  2. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:14 am Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] Says:

    I’m very proud of my blog being totally about nothing. It even says it in the name. See: Right there. That way I can tell those pigeon-holers to suckit harder.

    This, “My blessed crotch parasites,” should be on a t-shirt.

  3. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:15 am Stesha Says:

    Can we be blood-sisters? This post rocks!

  4. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:15 am Dolores Says:

    Really? Aunt Becky your not sauced like all the time! :-S That’s it!!! I am not playing in your playground anymore! HEHEHEHEEHEEEE!!! I kinda got a girl crush on you come on… Even if ya didn’t drink AT ALL.. We’d still love ya!!

  5. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:43 am Ms. Moon Says:

    Oh hell. Pigeons probably don’t even hang out in pigeon holes.
    Be who you are. Be free and proud of who you are. Keep writing about it. You do it so well.
    Love….Ms. Moon (another hippie, albeit an old one)

  6. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:46 am Badass Geek Says:

    First? You’re awesome.

    Second? Who cares if we get a label based upon what we write? If you’re happy with it, then fuck that noise.

  7. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:56 am Kristina Says:

    For one thing, I don’t think there is a stereotype out there that could contain you. I’m pretty sure there is only one Aunt Becky.

    I don’t get all the mommy-blogger hate. I’m actually working on a post that touches on that subject. Anyway, people blog because they have something to say. If you don’t like it, or want to judge, don’t read it. If they don’t get it, it shouldn’t matter to the blogger. It’s their space to do with as they wish.

  8. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:11 am melissa Says:

    i think i’m in love with you. hope you don’t mind, of course. i wrote a post…sort of similar…about being pigeon-holed.
    great, great post!!

  9. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:13 am Shanna Says:

    WHAT?! You don’t poo rainbows and sunshine? WTF!!!!!! That’s it, deleting you from my list of favorites. 😉

    Working on the adventures of your “business” card. Probably not very funny, but then I am so TIRED! Your card is wearing me out with all the partying.

  10. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:18 am Cindi Says:

    I think I have a little crush on you!

  11. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:19 am Anita Says:

    For close to 20 years I have been lumped into the “Army Wife” category. Sure I’m an army wife but I’m also a mother, daughter, sister, winner of a 1992 wet t-shirt contest and so much more. It pisses me off when people assume I should act just like the other wives in the military when I obviously don’t.

  12. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:20 am tanya (captaintee) Says:

    ….and why should we believe you NOW?!!? *raises eyebrows*
    kidding kidding, KUDOS and AMEN SISTA!
    so. fucking. what. is right.
    But it managed to make you produce yet another fabulous blog entry, so ying and yang 🙂

  13. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:22 am Amanda Says:

    YES! *dancing around now*
    Thank you. Your words sound like the stuff swirling around in my brain 🙂
    Fabulous, fabulous post!

  14. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:24 am Jessica from Michigan Says:

    After spending my 20s thinking that everything was Very Serious, Indeed, I’ve graduated to so.fucking.what. So far, my 30s have been great.

  15. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:25 am Bobbi Says:

    My youngest kid is 35. I have a grandchild older than your oldest. I read your blog because you’re hysterical and you make me feel better about all the crap I did when my kids were younger. But you can also make me feel better about painting my woodwork purple once because I picked out the color with my tinted glasses on and thought it was dark gray. (Which, in retrospect, sounds awful but really would have been nice in the early 80’s.)
    And what’s with you and the red velvet cake? You do know there’s not real red velvet in it, right?

  16. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:27 am MK Says:

    I write to write. And it’s fun when someone else likes what I write. But if not? It’s fun for me, too.

    You? You’re just a frikkin riot, and I may want to marry you.

  17. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:29 am Dana Says:

    That’s it … I don’t know if I can have waffles with a responsible adult! What about the mimosas??

    Here are my (useless) thoughts on being pigeonholed …

    Any of us who manage to keep a blog going for more than a year write to an audience. Just as certain newspapers and magazines are more appealing to certain segments of the population, so are blogs … and bloggers. And, just like certain newspapers and magazines, blogs and bloggers are sometimes the subject of negative attention. Does it bother me? Yep! Is there anything I can do about it? Other than drink LOTS of Gin so that I can live in denial, not really.

    I pride myself on being somewhat of an anti-blogger. I don’t really fit any specific genre of blogging. Sometimes I talk about my teenage kids, sometimes I talk about my dysfunctional marriage, sometimes I rant on politics, and I always post half-nekkid pictures on Thursdays. I have a VERY diverse readership – not necessarily a lot of readers, but a lot of different readers. I get mommy-bloggers, I get infidelity bloggers, I get food bloggers, I get 47 year old virgins living in their mom’s basement (my personal favorite).

    Because I don’t fit a particular genre, I’ll never have one of *those* blogs where someone actually pays me to write or offers up free stuff for me to review, and that’s OK because that is NOT why I blog.

    Anyway. I think pigeonholing is not necessarily a bad thing and is actually a requirement depending on the goals of the writer.

    I guess I could have just said that in the beginning, couldn’t I?!

  18. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:30 am amy d Says:

    Funny you wrote this today. Recently a family member confronted me on how I should watch what I say on my blog and on twitter because it could be taken the wrong way and hurt people.

    I was taken aback and immediatley felt bad. really bad. Like I was a mean spirited, evil person.

    But after putting some serious thougt into it, the bottom line is this:
    I know that close friends and family read what I publish on line. I censor myself constantly because it is not my intention to hurt or embarrass anyone. Yet, I have NO control over how a person interprets what I write. It is also compounded with the fact that most people don’t “get” blogging or tweeting. Again, out of my control.

    Good for you for standing up to those who have unfairly stereotyped you! Agree 100%

  19. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:31 am Ashley Says:

    That’s it.

    I’ve had enough.

    You’re divorcing The Daver and I’m divorcing my husband (or maybe we’ll all move to Utah, cause I kind of like my husband. I’ve got him well trained on where all my happy buttons are in my Perpetual Bush Of Happiness) and I’m marrying you. Because you are Teh Awesome.

    I don’t drink that much either, and usually never when my son is awake. And if I do, it’s usually two glasses of wine at the most. (Though, hilariously, my parents asked me if I was becoming a drunk because [after spending hours cleaning my old apartment post-move BY MYSELF] I joked that I wanted to go home and have a hard-earned martini, because there was a bottle of vodka in the freezer with my name on it. And we’re done with work at noon on Fridays and my boss usually takes us out for a long lunch where there are usually sangrias involved. I live across the street from my son’s daycare, it’s not like I’m driving anywhere) So don’t feel bad; not drinking is not a bad thing. Alcohol’s expensive anyhow. And with the money you save, you can finally have that surgery so that you can fart rainbows and poop butterflies.

    Then, Aunt Becky (BTW, my mom’s name is Becky so Aunt Becky helps my husband distinguish you from her when I talk about you), you too can be a Mommy Blogger (TM). Just kidding! Please keep on loving me… Cause it’s the only thing you wanna doooo… You don’t wanna sleep, you just wanna keep on loving me-e-e-e-eee…

    Also, I apparently like parenthesis. And my mom and dad re-started their relationship the same night she was in a wet t-shirt contest. I believe that her words were, “Baby, if you don’t remember this…” and then she went onstage and performed. My mom is made of the Win. 🙂

  20. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:42 am Allyn Says:

    I am really happy you wrote this. I’ve found that you are often quite wonderful at articulating ideas that are on my mind, or just plain important to our generation and this is DEFINITELY no exception. Thank you!

  21. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:42 am Kristi Stevens Says:

    I recently wrote an article entitled “Why I’ll Never Really Be A Mommy Blogger” and then a really prominent mommy blogger pointed out that if I blog about my kids I am, indeed, a mommy blogger. I couldn’t disagree because, well, I like and understand logic. However, that is not the end of the story. I write a lot about politics – doesn’t that make me a political blogger? Eh, probably not, but it does make me a blogger with political opinions. And I write about the generally social fucked-up-ness of where I live and I think that makes me a blogger who does social commentary. I’m a walking contridiction. I think my willingness to examine that makes me worth reading. JUST LIKE, you Rebecca… you made me a reader by commenting on another blog that you hated babies. Then I saw your blog was entittled mommywantsvodka – that’s your hook. But I don’t stay for clever hooks. I stay because your voice speaks to me – and because you’ll post random shit like “jazz hands” on twitter. We’re all more than the sum of our parts – and limiting yourself as a writer or just your life in general to just one part is no way to live. I did that for a long time. I was “just” a mom. Then one day I sat down and wrote my very first blog post and it occurred to me that I am not “just” anything. I’m complex and textured and moody and often right (although I’ll say when I’m wrong). I’m me and I’m learning to own it. And the more I own it the better my voice becomes.

  22. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:49 am Lucy Says:

    You’re confession about not being an aunt really blows.
    But, if you don’t drink, can I have the alcohol you’re not drinking?

  23. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:52 am C @ Kid Things Says:

    I am a mommy blogger. It’s not a big deal. I take care of my 3 kids all day, I don’t have much else to write about. It is what it is

  24. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:56 am Potty Mouth Mommy Says:

    hahaha- I know you said no comments about the going blonde thing- but try this on for size: pasty-white redhead ATTEMPTING blonde… you know the color of orange koolaid- yeah… THAT on top of freckles on top of pasty whiteness… so not good- I look TOTAL shit in orange.

    As far as the pigeon-holing of mommyblogging, it’s kinda like being offended by being called a mother, or housewife, or SAHM. We are all of these things, but we are definitely not “just” anything.

  25. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:59 am Amy @ Bitchin' Wives Club Says:

    Couldn’t agree more. On all counts except the blonde thing. Blonde works for me very nicely.

    And mommy blogger, life blogger, humor blogger, whatever blogger…. they all work or don’t work on any given day. NOBODY puts me in a box. And if they do, I can jump right back out and say FUCK YOU, BUDDY. Or I can just keep on chugging along because I probably never noticed they were trying to box me up in the first place.

    (That’s one of the advantages to being blonde. And tall.)

  26. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:03 am Jen Says:

    I am glad you are defined by more than your crotch fruit. I do not what to be defined by mine. Mommy blogger sounds like you only talk about how cute your kids are and anti-mommy blogger sounds like you set roadside bombs on the stroller walking track. I just want a mom to admit it is possible to be your own fun person unlike those people who are like “everything changes when you have kids, you just exist for them blah, blah, blah”

    Your blog is pretty damn awesome. I admit, it is weird that you aren’t an aunt but growing up I had a Great Aunt Lula and a Great Aunt Pammy who come to find out weren’t actually related to us at all. So I think you are my aunt like they were my mom’s aunts.

    Also, if you did drink in excess I would stilll read your blog but for other reasons.

  27. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:04 am Kerrie Says:

    I prefer to be pigeon holed. It takes thinking for myself out of the equation.

  28. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:04 am Kelly Garner Says:

    Oh Rebecca!! (tellMEnottodosomething!)

    I am living, breathing PROOF that you’re not just a mommy blogger, for I would have been so out of here on day one. Off like a prom dress, out like a Queen at a monster truck rally (pick your metaphor)

    And I’m living, breathing PROOF that you collect new fans daily.
    (little giggle at “girl Crush” poster…me too)

    What you ARE is a damn fine, hilarious, touching HUMAN writer.

    I came here cause the blog name caught my twisted sense of humor. I am a former bartender. I had two favorite shirts I wore at work.
    “Daddy drinks because you cry” and the other read “Stop staring at me” on the front and “Stop following me” on the back.

    The internet is FULL of those that have to be offended, it’s their job. They are COMPELLED to tell you about it…they seek out things to be offended by, so they can log in and tell you “I am superior and you are inferior”

    How many times as a child did you think “mom only criticizes what I do wrong and never notices what I do right”?

    Businesses seldom hear “I got great service today!” (au contraire mon ami)

    Never apologize for being who and what you are! (sorry, off my bossy box)

    *Wanders away humming Just the Way You Are*

  29. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:07 am Robbin out Loud Says:

    I absolutely love you honesty. I agree with what everyone has said on here.

    **This, “My blessed crotch parasites,” should be on a t-shirt.**

    I totally am on board with t-shirts with this on it. I write what I want to write and if people don’t want to red it they don’t have to. You rock girl..

  30. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:18 am Cara Says:

    I agree w/ Angie “My Blessed Crotch Parasites” should be on a shirt. It would go well with my “They Dont Make Batteries this Big” tee (you’d have to read it on my blog).

    I with on the whole who care if you are pigeon-holed thing. I am all preppy and pastels and 80’s obsession while being married to mr. my favorite color is black harley mechanic. Even my family (who should know better) have a tendancy to label me as a biker chick. Don’t get me wrong. I love to ride, Drive a fast car (of course in standard), and sometimes enjoy his music, but I am there in my own way – a rainbow in a sea of black (which was hilarious at a Black Label Society concert a few months ago).

    PS…I am right there with you on the once orange hair thing. Never should have gone there!

  31. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:26 am Kelly Garner Says:

    Geez Kelly shut up already!

    But I just “GOT IT” like there was this huge epiphany!! Stand back!

    Becky is ME, if only there was a “New & Improved” me… a me that was more successful, motivated , energetic, OKAY, and funnier me.

    I’m your underachiever twin!!

    We diverge on orange… I love the color orange.

  32. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:39 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    O! The Humanity! I totally forgot to comment about the #nikonhatesbabies because I am a douche who went to the store for an orchid pot instead. My life, it is glamorous. Stand back, you might get burned.

    So, there was this Nikon party at BlogHer and it was invite-only and it was tres chic and held at a fancy bar. It started pretty late on Friday night, but someone wanted to bring their baby, right? Well, there are ordinances against that here in Illinois and really? Not a kid-friendly venue. But the chick with the baby was cool with it, and made a tongue in cheek reference on twitter to #nikonhatesbabies. The masses lapped it up, thought she was serious, became outraged on her behalf, and began to slam Nikon.

    Seriously, now THAT is some stupid fucking shit.

  33. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:33 am Teresa M Says:

    ahhhhhhh…The orange hair. I am a brunett and we tried to bleach my hair blonde once, after the first bleaching I had to take my firend to the ER with my hair 1/2 done and she said I looked like a ray of sunshine, because it was so mamy shades of orange!!!!! good times eh….

    Who gives a rats ass what anyone else thinks. I love your blog!

  34. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:35 am Jen Says:


  35. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:56 am SciFi Dad Says:

    I once got a pigeon stuck in my hole. It was unpleasant.

    Also? Why isn’t my submission for the Aunt Becky sends her business cards out to everyone thingy posted yet?

  36. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:56 am Alicia Says:

    Wow. There are seriously a lot of people who want to marry you.

    I so WANT to feel this way. I don’t like being pigeonholed, but I wish I didn’t care. I mean, what does it matter, right? Unfortunately, I still get offended when people don’t see past whatever… my being a mother, my being in a certain role at work, my being a whiny ass bitch, … You know, the stereotypes.

    Whiny ass bitch is just ONE of my qualities.


  37. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:01 am tryingin2007 Says:

    high top shoes no good? does this include converse high tops? uh oh… I’m crushed!

  38. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:08 am heather Says:

    I read your blog because I like your stories, the way you narrate your life, and very rarely do you ever get all sappy-mommy-goo-goo-eyes on us. But on the occasions when you do, it’s all good because being a mother is part of who you are. I think your blog only narrowly scrapes the category, simply by virtue of the fact that you are a mom, and you blog. End of connection. And believe me, I have ZERO interest in reading about how little Tommy said something cutesy, unless he said it while rubbing shit in his mom’s hair. I think of your blog more as a humor blog. I am a mother, but would you call my blog a mommy blog? I rarely even mention the fact that I HAVE a child.

    What I’m getting at here is mommy+blog does not always = mommy blogger. (Unless you want it to be one, and if you do, that’s your prerogative.)

  39. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:08 am Mrs Soup Says:

    If you read any article about “How to Make Money Blogging” it will tell you that you need to hit a specific target audience. And if you choose to write about anything else, make a different blog.

    The sad thing is, as long as there is society, we will always be judging and stereotyping and placing everyone in categories. It’s how we process as humans.

    The biggest thing is as long as we as a society use those definitions as The One and Only? We will fail.

    But I ramble.

    I love you. And we need to move into a commune so we can be Sister Wives or something. Cuz I want to have your babies. ^.^ And help you out with the Post Office.

  40. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:20 am Joan Says:

    Let me be the first to say: I do not have a girl crush on you. What is that anyway? Why can’t it just be a crush? But, I digress. I do think you are hilarious, and I do think you’ve made a point here (not that you need to – I think you’re hilarious even when you don’t).

    I’m a youth minister, with a TATTOO!, an addiction to celebrity gossip, and an unhealthy pining for True Blood. I joke that I’ve mastered the art of walking contradiction, but why does it have to be contradictory? Typically youth ministers don’t watch raunchy vampire series? Whatever. We youth ministers are a naughty bunch sometimes. Dare someone to tell me otherwise.

  41. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:45 am mumma boo Says:

    Screw it, call me what you want. I’m old enough now not to give a flying kahuna. Takes up way too much energy that could be better spent mixing margaritas.

  42. On August 7th, 2009 at 12:50 pm Heather Says:

    Would it be fitting right now for me to just say a little AMEN!! 🙂

    Here’s my little secret… I don’t actually live in a circus!! I know… shameful… how dare I lie??

  43. On August 7th, 2009 at 11:58 am a Says:

    Finally! I was waiting to hear about the Nikon thing…

    I don’t generally get stereotyped, because usually I don’t do much to let people stick me in one particular group. However, my in-laws have all labelled me as THE CHOCOLATE LOVER, like they never had chocolate before I came on the scene, and like I can’t make anything without chocolate in it. Therefore, for the last 17 occasions that I have attended with in-laws, I have categorically refused to make anything with chocolate in it. Does that stop them? No, they still say “I was expecting something chocolate from you.” It’s very annoying to hear how people think you have no range. In reality, though, it’s all about them. They don’t know how to make anything exceptionally good with chocolate, so they rely on me to do it for them. Either way, I’m pretty much just contrary.

    Anyway, you’re too young to be my aunt, so I’m not surprised on that one! And if you drank a lot, your title would be Mommy Has Vodka.

  44. On August 7th, 2009 at 12:04 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    I’ve spent most of my life being pigeonholed as a ditz because the sum of my collective parts doesn’t add up to the correct total for others and I’m not good at explaining my various divergent and contradictory interests at all coherently for them. Therefor I am the airhead.

    I don’t like the Mommy part. I orefer MomBlogger. Mommy sound belittling. Personally I consider myself a Hobby Blogger. Blogging is my hobby.

    I was born in 1967. If there was a grungy coffee house near me, or even a clean well lit Starbucks, I would totally lounge around it apathetically in flannel. Flannel is perfect apathy wear. It just sort of hangs there, it’s warm but not really warm, faded yet colorful. But it is hard to maintain apathy when you have a caffeine buzz.

  45. On August 7th, 2009 at 12:19 pm lisa Says:

    3 things:
    *great post! i love your blog!!
    *im a brunette with ollive complextion and tried to go blond…bad idea!!
    *ive heard the before only like this (excuses are like assholes, everyones got one and they all stink) which i think is funnier =)

  46. On August 7th, 2009 at 1:20 pm foxy Says:

    I do poo rainbows. Unfortunately, we only have one toilet and it doesn’t like to flush. I have yet to find a pot of gold.

    I made that very same platinum mistake – in college, and I was too broke to buy more dye – and it was long before I went to cosmetology school. Doh.

  47. On August 7th, 2009 at 12:23 pm calliope Says:

    I think I am stuck in writing mostly about my baby right now because we sit and look at each other all day long and I don’t have a life outside of my den for the moment. I kind of miss the blogging I used to do a few years ago- but back then most of my posts were angry at the Universe rants because I couldn’t get pregnant. So it feels weird to have wanted something for eons and now have it laughing his ass off in a jumperoo next to me. I am giving myself a kick in the pants to try and write beyond what I am immersed in.

  48. On August 7th, 2009 at 1:33 pm Erin Says:

    There are red velvet cakes that are not moist? The HUMANITY! The SHAME! I’m so horrified.

    Since I live in Georgia, can I call you Auntie Becky? With requisite accent and inflections? What’s that you say? I’m from New York? Crap. Well, I suppose I’ll just have to keep reading what you write even if you continuously deceive me, because of the number of times reading your blog has made my children ask “What’s so funny, Mama?”

  49. On August 7th, 2009 at 1:58 pm Susan Says:

    I’m with you on this one. I prefer to be a humor blogger rather than a mommy blogger and the pigeon holing bothers me.

    I’m with you on the assholes and opinions thing. I have an asshole. Because I married him.

  50. On August 7th, 2009 at 1:06 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Sing on, sistah. You’re writing is awesome, no matter what topic you’re writing about, just keep on truckin’, Becky (who is not an aunt).

  51. On August 7th, 2009 at 2:17 pm Chibbsy Says:

    Eh, just think. If you DID spend the day soused, you could never be as beautifully articulate as you are. So in this case? Not drinking = win.

  52. On August 7th, 2009 at 1:17 pm Margaret Says:

    You’re awesome. Totally awesome.

  53. On August 7th, 2009 at 1:29 pm Adrienne Says:

    “are all red velvet cakes moist?” hahaha! glad i’m alone in the office right now, although anyone walking by might be startled.

    no, being pigeonholed for anything isn’t a fabulous experience, but i think there are varying degrees. i’ve gotten pigeonholed (or maybe stereotyped is more appropriate) based on my ethnicity and based on my assumed nationality (which is AMERICAN damnit, i was born in NY!) and it can cause some bitterness at times (see declarative above). somehow though, being pigeonholed as a triathlete’s wife isn’t quite as bad.

  54. On August 7th, 2009 at 2:39 pm swirl girl Says:

    I’ll give you the straight answer. After I mill my own wheat, make my own playdoh and re-upholster the ottoman I found at the consignment store.

  55. On August 7th, 2009 at 1:41 pm Betsy Says:

    Oh, great. I suppose your next post is going to tell me the the Queen of Spain is not actually a Queen? I hate the Internet. It ruins everything. I quit.


    You are a blogger who is a Mommy. If you were one of “those” Mommy bloggers, I wouldn’t stop here on my now very short trip around the blogging world. I am not a Mommy, never wanted to be a Mommy…well, I actually AM a Mommy but all my babies have had four legs, a tail and can’t talk. I like it that way. Right, this is about you, not me. You are hilariously funny! Thank goodness all that talent doesn’t come out of a bottle!

    (my spell check keeps trying to turn bloggers in floggers! Made me think of one more thing: All you Floggers out there who feel so superior in your opions that you think it’s helpful to leave them in comments? You aren’t, they’re not and get a life.)

  56. On August 7th, 2009 at 1:56 pm Barbara Says:

    Wait a minute….You can blow spit bubbles???? Can we expect pictures soon????

  57. On August 7th, 2009 at 2:00 pm Barbara Says:

    oh and one more thing….when you are an old brunette like me (well maybe 45 is not THAT old)…and you start getting more gray hair then dark hair…i recommend going blonde….it covers the gray better and not as much “grow out* shows! just a little tip!

  58. On August 7th, 2009 at 2:04 pm Beautiful Mess Says:

    Pigeonhole me, I don’t care. I know what I write and for whom I write for. I write to get it out. Not to be “popular”. There have been a time when I have written for the sole purpose of getting support. And I got it. I am very thankful for the support and the people who gave it to me.

  59. On August 7th, 2009 at 2:44 pm Inna Says:

    I think pigeonhole’s can be mighty comfortable. If you like tight enclosed spaces and all.
    I do wonder why us humans like everything categorized. Scientifically, that is how we learn and study things, but why do we find the need to label people as well?

    ps- I love fucking velvet cake. Its one of my absolute favorites!

  60. On August 7th, 2009 at 2:45 pm DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Some answers to the questions intended to be unanswered:

    Does everyone born between the years 1964-1974 feel apathetic and wear flannel while drinking coffee in a grungy coffee house? – Oh I’ve got the apathy but the grunge and the coffee house not so much.

    Do all teenagers suck to be around? – ummmm. Yeah. Most of the time.

    For the love of GOD, are all red velvet cakes moist? – Hells no! Only the ones made with buttermilk!

    Are all frat boys beer guzzling moron assbags? – I plead the fifth on this, so, of course, you know my answer.

  61. On August 7th, 2009 at 2:45 pm DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Some answers to the questions intended to be unanswered:

    Does everyone born between the years 1964-1974 feel apathetic and wear flannel while drinking coffee in a grungy coffee house? – Oh I’ve got the apathy but the grunge and the coffee house not so much.

    Do all teenagers suck to be around? – ummmm. Yeah. Most of the time.

    For the love of GOD, are all red velvet cakes moist? – Hells no! Only the ones made with buttermilk!

    Are all frat boys beer guzzling moron assbags? – I plead the fifth on this, so, of course, you know my answer.

  62. On August 7th, 2009 at 3:12 pm daisybv2 Says:

    Love Love love the post Aunt Becky!

    I am so sick of people telling me I am a bad mom cause I work and go out on occasion with friends. So I started the “bad moms” club where me and some of my other mom friends would go out and drink and take pics and post them on the internet….for our other stupid friends to see.

    U fuckin rock though we should hang out I live in the burbs my chi-town

  63. On August 7th, 2009 at 3:43 pm Heather Says:

    That’s so funny. Not that you feel like confessing…but that people actually might have thought you woke up to a bottle of vodka and had 500 little nieces and nephews running around…oh, and hated babies, because that seemed so obvious.
    I was drawn to your blog strictly because of your title…I continued reading it because you are a funny, real person who talks about all the shit that most of us do and think anyway. My first reaction to this post was to remove my undies and throw them at the computer screen…then I read your comments and see that you have an entire population of women wanting to convert to lesbianism! That my dear friend, is a GOOD sign that you do not fit into the mainstream “Mommy Blogger” category. Not every woman fits into the Stepford wife category, and THANK GOD for that! I would have been stuck keeping myself amused with my own blog, and never ventured out to find the other bloggers that keep me entertained and reaffirm what I always believed…I do not have to change, conform, or give up my insanity.

  64. On August 7th, 2009 at 5:17 pm TheBeerLady Says:

    Shoot, it seems like everyone’s already made all the good jokes involving pigeons and holes. In fact, all the good jokes about most everything. Damn. I should have gotten here earlier.

    But I’m likin’ the idea of a commune. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’d like to have your baby. I mean, I don’t want to have anybody’s baby, and besides, well, let’s know go into the TMI of the besides. Someone else has to cook, though. I volunteer to take care of the vodka.

  65. On August 7th, 2009 at 4:17 pm g Says:

    I drink da vodka for bof of us.

  66. On August 7th, 2009 at 5:19 pm Jennifer Says:

    No matter what you do, you’ll always be labeled as something. In high school I was called a slut. Eh, whatever. I considered myself sexually liberated. I drink on the weekends. To some, I’m an alcoholic. I consider myself celebrating making it through another week without doing any major damage to my kids. People like to look down on others who make different choices than they do. I may be “just a mom” to a lot of people. I say, what the hell did you make with your crotch lately?

    I blog about my life, just like most of us do. If people don’t like what I’m saying, don’t read. How hard is that?

  67. On August 7th, 2009 at 4:57 pm birdpress Says:

    What’s a “mommy blogger”?

  68. On August 7th, 2009 at 5:10 pm Kelley Says:

    Robin McKinley (and Neil Gaiman) have talked about this pigeonholing – they call it Othering: ** [begin philosophy] Most of what’s wrong with the world is due to Othering of one sort of another: of making some category of other people Other than what you are. And then you don’t have to treat them as human beings, and/or don’t have to take responsibility for yourself, for your needs and desires. [end philosophy]
    You can read more here:

    The flip side to this is that people come to expect certain things from you, and when you want to do something different they’ll piss and moan about it.

  69. On August 7th, 2009 at 5:38 pm Sylvia Says:

    Well, the obvious answer would be to say “don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” In other words, where do you draw the line, when that pigeonhole is used dismissively?

  70. On August 7th, 2009 at 5:59 pm Aunt Decepticon Says:

    I find that the best answer to a “there, there pat-on-the-back-now-isn’t-that-special-girl” type of dismissive comment about
    Mommy Blogging is a round-house kick to the balls. Literally OR figuratively.

    Because those people will dismiss you unless you do something, ANYTHING that they deem important.

  71. On August 7th, 2009 at 6:03 pm Mwa Says:

    I HATE being pigeonholed. I sometimes wonder if I worry about it too much as well.

    I do think it’s strange that no one pointed out that you are not entirely helpful to your own cause there by having “Mommy” as part of your blog name. Just saying.

    But – I really don’t think of you as a mommy blogger. More of a humour – life – anything else blogger.


  72. On August 7th, 2009 at 6:04 pm Nel Says:

    Oh, Aunt Deception, how you have deceived me. I am SHOCKED that you don’t drink vodka all day long.

  73. On August 7th, 2009 at 7:20 pm Lola Says:

    So, has your new-found fame brought you twats that have a problem with the name of your blog being associated with the poor, sweet children of the world that you are so obviously corrupting with your vodka and vicodin? Please.

    As for me, I don’t give a shit what you call me, and my pigeonhole is off limits unless I’m drinking vodka and taking vicodin.

  74. On August 7th, 2009 at 7:41 pm Caron Says:

    *shifty eyes*

    What the hell just happened here?

    I have missed something. Aunt Becky went from peeing perfume to spitting fire and I don’t know why. If I don’t like, I don’t read. Prior to meeting Aunt Becky, I didn’t even realize there were categories. I always thought I was just lame. O, shit. I am! Is there a lame blogger category? Can I be in charge of it?

  75. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:06 pm Sarah Says:

    What’s bullshit is that you’ve experienced ANYthing that made you feel like this post had to be written… that having been said and this post having been written, WORD. To your mother, as well.

    And the idea of 50 million African pygmy hedgehogs (or whateverthehell) is really freaking me out. WTF, Woman!

    My daughter poops rainbows. It’s been a real point of contention between us, and I’m just looking forward to the day when SHE can effectively clean the toilets.

  76. On August 7th, 2009 at 8:52 pm Jill Says:

    Amen girlfriend! Couldn’t agree more. My biggest pet peeve is stereotyping, judgemental a-holes. I am who I am and if you don’t like it then go f*ck yourself.

    I am a mom. I adore my kids. And I also curse like a sailor and enjoy a little vodka (among other alcoholic beverages) now and again. I was drawn to your blog because of the title…because I don’t have many “in real life” mom friends, and those of my friends who are moms would shiver at the thought of consuming alcohol while their children were still living under their roof. I find myself thinking I’m either the worst mom ever in the history of moms, or I’m just crazy. It is refreshing knowing that there are other people out there who are actually like me. Who have the same opinions and like the same things and *shocker* are also MOMS! Lots of women birth babies, lots of women will relate to you because you’ve also birthed babies, and lots of women will relate to you on other levels.

    Keep doing what you’re doing, keep writing what you’re writing. Obviously people love you. And some people, ahem, even NEED you to be reminded of their own sanity now and again. 🙂

  77. On August 7th, 2009 at 10:00 pm Lauren Says:

    Fuck the labels. I’m a new mom & it just so happens to be the best and most important thing I’ve ever done. Before Peanut was born I was different. I was.. selfish. Having her has changed my life for the better. I started my blog to chronicle my journey into motherhood. It has become so much more than that. It’s a love letter to Avery but it’s also a place to share my stories with the internets. One day she will read them and learn more about her mother. I love that I’m giving this to her. So if I’m a mommy blogger, fine. Whatever. That’s better than being a LAME-O BORING NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT blogger. Kthnxbai.

  78. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:05 pm Becca Says:

    Pigeon hole me I dare you, I am the prison employee, lesbian mama. What’s that you say? There are still 6 million more like me? Only if I’m lucky enough to actually be one in a million!

    I love how you write and tell a story, and just seem so comfortable doing all of it!

  79. On August 7th, 2009 at 9:23 pm Lea Says:

    I’m not a mommy, no a blogger, but I think you are flippin’ awesome.

    If I ever get around to screen printing shirts again, I am going to make one for my niece with “Crotch Parasite” written on it. Pink, naturally.

  80. On August 8th, 2009 at 4:09 am Cled Says:


    I don’t know what brought that on, but never mind. You rock!

  81. On August 8th, 2009 at 7:47 am nic @mybottlesup Says:

    this brunette who lurves you especially lurves that you said, “so fucking what”….

    that pretty much sums it up.


  82. On August 8th, 2009 at 10:23 am Cara Says:

    I started reading your blog just recently and I love this post! Keep blogging it up!

  83. On August 8th, 2009 at 11:20 am Sarah Says:

    I can’t tell you how much this post means to me. I have to say, I take so much inspiration from you and other “mommy-bloggers” who don’t fit the Stepford wife stereotype. You love your kids, you love your partner, and you have OTHER FREAKING ASPECTS TO YOUR PERSONALITY. Ahhhh–mazing.

    I’ve been delaing with this ever since I found out I was pregnant and realized I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, other than take care of my kids for a while. I rebelled against it for a little bit, becauase so my of my friends said, “loh my god, you are way too young to get married/ have kids!” Hell, I’d never thought I’d be married and pregnant a month after I graduated college.
    But I think so many women in my generation are conditioned to believe that “mommy” is a dirty word if you’re under 30… it’s sad. When did being a mother become something to be embarassed of?

    Anyways, sorry…this is getting rediculously long. Maybe I’ll just go make a post about it myself. Do you mind if I link to this post?

    The point of this was…. thank you, you are wonderful and bodacious (I think that word needs to come back into usage), and we all need to remember that nobody will ever know our complete stories. That’s the point of blogs, really… to try to tell a bit of those stories, to show people what’s most important about us. And if all some people get out of it is that we’re “mommy bloggers”, or “just mothers”, or “just wives”…to hell with them. Why do we care? The people who are important get it. If others want to reduce the brilliant complexity of the human experience to labels, I feel sorry for them.

  84. On August 8th, 2009 at 2:10 pm magpie Says:

    Just because I have a sister doesn’t make me a sister blogger. Pigeon holes are for the narrow minded.

  85. On August 8th, 2009 at 3:07 pm Aunt Decepticon Says:


  86. On August 8th, 2009 at 1:30 pm RhoRho Says:

    Dude yo you’ll prolly never get this what with all your 80+ comments but I need help. Needta change my blog name/address and think you’ve done it before…how do my all 7 readers follow me if I do? Sorry to bug, drop a line if you can help a sista out. cant find your email anymores…

  87. On August 8th, 2009 at 7:25 pm Angie the Anti-Theist Says:

    I went to four high schools. The first was a performing arts school (think “Fame” but with less choreography) and we had no cliques at all. The next school was like every other high school movie – clearly delineated groups of Us vs. Them. (I don’t remember the second two schools, something about “funny cigarettes” behind the gym maybe?)

    In one place I rant about injustice, poke fun at politicians, brag about my Little Man (because he is *awesome*) and try to advance my atheist agenda. I don’t really fit the mold for “atheist blogger” (I use a lot more snark than science) or a “mommy blogger” (I’m single, unemployed, and hiding in my apartment till the meds kick in). Somehow more and more people each week find it and start reading it. Why? I don’t know. Mostly I’m just entertaining myself, and it’s fun when someone else laughs at my stupid jokes.

    By the way I’m working on the business card experiment. As soon as I lock up, er, distract the boy long enough I’ll get the pictures and send them your way.

  88. On August 8th, 2009 at 7:42 pm baseballmom Says:

    Dude, we were sisters in a previous life, I’m sure. I got a bouquet of flowers the other day from a marketing firm that wanted me to review its flower delivery service, and that’s fine, but it was addressed to ‘mommyblogger’. WTF? I did get over that label a LONG time ago, though, because I figure that if people met me IRL, they’d figure out that I don’t nearly fit the stereotype of the well-off, escalade driving, starbucks drinking, chanel wearing,gymboree-doing mommy. I also don’t sit at home in the same undies for days on end, not taking a shower, and being depressed. We are all complex, and if you’re complex ENOUGH, then you don’t have to worry about being pigeonholed 🙂

  89. On August 8th, 2009 at 11:36 pm Vinomom Says:

    I will admit I was first attracted to your blog because of your name….like attracts like I always say. I think I write in the same genres you do, I’m a mom thats why it’s in my title, but Vino means so many things to me…friends, laughter, tears, memories, all the rest of the stuff life is made up of besides my kid. I am vaguely aware of the whole mommy-blogger stereotype, and really don’t give a shit about it. My blog’s not well-read enough to be pigeon-holed into any category. If it was, lately that category would be “boring”.

    I do get where you’re coming from though.

  90. On August 9th, 2009 at 5:56 pm Kendra Says:

    What a wonderful post. I found you because I had discovered the phenomenon of the “mommy bloggers” and you came recommended. I’m so glad you did! The “mommy blog” as a concept has meant a lot to me–finding other people in the world who are intelligent, interesting, and mommies. But that doesn’t mean that’s how they see themselves. Maybe they see themselves as dancers or surgeons or terrible singers, and incidentally also as moms.

    I blog mostly as a mom, because that’s mostly what I have to talk about. But it’s nice to be reminded that just because you do something or talk about something, it’s not necessarily who you are.

  91. On August 9th, 2009 at 9:26 pm heart Says:

    For all that you assert you don’t really care what people think, I would respond, “Then why do you sound so very angry?”
    Just Wondering

  92. On August 10th, 2009 at 5:02 pm Juli D. Says:

    I don’t blog, I am not nearly creative enough to try to get someone to listen to me, unless I am drunk. Then the world seems to laugh with me (or so I think). I am constantly defined by my accent- Southern, or my skin & hair- either I am Italian, Mulato, Spanish, Exotic, but can’t be any because of my accent, Etc.

    I just love you. This sounds like a rant I would have.

  93. On August 11th, 2009 at 12:07 pm Employee No. 3699 Says:

    Silly girl, of course you don’t poo sunshine or rainbows. That would probably hurt and give you hemorrhoids to boot.

  94. On August 11th, 2009 at 8:24 pm moonspun Says:

    This post is one of the reasons that you are awesome! And how could anyone NOT want to read a blog called Mommy want Vodka? Clearly anyone who is a mommy or a parent knows the need….and I hardly ever drink. Keep being you….you rock.

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