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Why I Need An iPhone 4S


I’m kind of a Mac whore (I suppose you could just say I’m kind of a whore, but that’s not a warm fuzzy, now is it?).

I own Big Mac, my desktop, the new iPad, an iPod, a MacBook Pro, and, of course, my i(CAN’T FUCKING)Phone. With the exception of my i(DON’T KNOW HOW TO)Phone, I love them all.

Hell, I even love my i(YOU’RE A SUCKER)Phone, although I have my days where I want to downgrade to a Not-Smart phone, just to be different than the rest of the world.

That, however, is neither here nor there.

When people started jabbering on about “Siri,” I honestly thought they were talking about Siri Cruise. I really did. I didn’t ask because

a) I don’t really care about Siri Cruise


2) I figured it would make me look like MORE of an idiot than I am. Which takes a LOT of work.

Anyway, I didn’t buy the new i(AM AN ASSHOLE)Phone when it came out. I have an i(fuck you)Phone 4, and really, there was no need for a new one. I mean, I’m always buying new technology (oh, how Old Aunt Becky would laugh at herself now), but that just seemed excessive.

Now that I learned what Siri is, I’m pretty sure I’m reversing my decision.

Siri can be my nanny!

Or my personal blogging assistant!

I just can’t wait to ask that bitch where my pants are.

What would you ask that bitch Siri, Pranksters?

P.S. Can you ask her where my pants are for me? I seem to have *ahem* misplaced them.

Photos by the illustrious iHubby.

28 Comments to

“Why I Need An iPhone 4S”

  1. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:23 am DiatribesAndOvations Says:

    We’ve gotten the most chuckles out of teaching Siri to say things like “Who’s your daddy?” and dirty stuff. She says dirty stuff! You should totally get one!

  2. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:24 am joel Says:

    im not wearing any thunderwear siri.

  3. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:25 am Kimmy Says:

    Today? Why are there videos in my pantry. Whats wrong with this kid. Is he part spider?!? Where’s the rabbit, Why is the bird hiding in the crib, and the ever present where the HELL is my coffee cup!?!
    oddly enough, Siri might be able to answer that last one consistently.

  4. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:26 am Cindy Says:

    I would probably be asking siri the same kinds of questions. Because I have no life. Also, I want to know where your whore pants went.

  5. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:27 am kristi Says:

    Is blogging a real thing?

    Siri, you ignorant slut.

  6. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:32 am Jeans Y Says:

    Siri takes herself a little too seriously! Haha… sorry ’bout that.

  7. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:44 am Jaime Says:

    that’s hilarious… now there needs to be a website for all the funny things people have done to Siri… and honestly.. I still don’t quite know what Siri is. I’m a blackberry girl.

  8. On December 9th, 2011 at 2:35 pm Justme Says:

  9. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:52 am Ewokmama Says:

    So, uh, who the hell is Siri?

    Also, lil miss Cruise’s name is Suri. 😉

  10. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:56 am steph gas Says:

    i asked siri where my pants were. based on my current location, she found six clothing stores nearby.

    she’s a bit proper sometimes. and we really should stop personifying siri as a ‘her’ because in the uk, siri’s voice is male.

    she’ll always be a girl to me though.

    i’m also a mac whore. i haven’t been able to justify buying an ipad with the iphone 4s, macbook pro, and imac because i’m already never farther than 2 feet from one. but they just lowered the prices on refurbished ipad 2 models at the apple online store. so, i might have to get one.

  11. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:58 am Sunbee Says:

    Although your conversation with Siri is better – there is a site that has a bunch of conversations.

  12. On December 9th, 2011 at 11:59 am krlr Says:

    My boss sent me this. I’m thinking it’d be safer NOT to make that great tech leap forward:

  13. On December 9th, 2011 at 1:45 pm katrina Says:

    bwahahaha…..that is hilarious!

  14. On December 9th, 2011 at 10:04 pm Grace Says:

    LOVE IT!!!

  15. On December 9th, 2011 at 12:02 pm lostrack621 Says:

    My friend to Siri: Where can I bury a dead body?
    Siri: Which of these places interest you? River, landfill, alley…..[there were like 6 places]

    I won’t be getting an iPhone4S …I’ve still got an iPhone 3GS. What?!! I know….

  16. On December 9th, 2011 at 12:10 pm Joshua Says:

    “What is the answer of life, the universe, and everything?” If she answers anything other than “42.” she’s malfunctioning.

  17. On December 9th, 2011 at 10:05 pm Grace Says:

    Just make sure you bring your towel.

  18. On December 9th, 2011 at 1:52 pm katrina Says:

    Ha! why would you need that when you have the illustrious iHubby…… ???

  19. On December 9th, 2011 at 1:54 pm Lori (aka Bubbe) Says:

    What’s a siri? I’m completely out of the loop on this one I guess. And while I have what I believe passes for a smart phone it’s stymied because we don’t pay extra for a data package. Being on a limited income we pay for the minutes we use via my SIL’s family plan and call that good. I do get to text though! Go me! Yeah, lame I know.

  20. On December 9th, 2011 at 3:08 pm Amy Says:

    I’d ask Siri (even though I’m a Crackberry addict myself) if she knew where my crushed dreams and hopes went. Also, where in the Hell did my smaller, better ass go? LOL Oh wait, think I know the answer to that one! 😀

  21. On December 9th, 2011 at 3:58 pm robin Says:

    I don’t know what is funnier, your post or the comments. HA!

  22. On December 9th, 2011 at 4:29 pm The iHubby Says:

    I think the funniest thing about this post is the photos. ::wink wink::

    What do you think Siri?

    “You are correct iHubby. Your photos are awesome. But don’t get a big head you douche.”

  23. On December 9th, 2011 at 5:28 pm katrina Says:

    hee hee…….iHubby’s siri is modeled after aunt becky…

  24. On December 9th, 2011 at 10:07 pm Grace Says:

    I would ask
    Siri, why didn’t you make any pie?

  25. On December 10th, 2011 at 1:39 pm Suniverse Says:

    I like to ask Siri stuff like, “WHY? WHY IS MY LIFE LIKE THIS?”

    The answers are never very satisfying, but it’s marginally cheaper than therapy.

  26. On December 11th, 2011 at 10:11 am Mayor Gia Says:

    “Siri, are there any ghosts in THIS room?” Walks into new room. “Siri, what about ghosts in THIS room?” walks into new room. Ad nauseum.

  27. On December 11th, 2011 at 5:38 pm Marta Says:

    I sort of want to upgrade my 4 to a 4S for Siri as well… mostly because its like a built in therapist.

    “Siri why don’t my clothes fit me?”

    “Siri, why are my kids so loud?”

    “Siri, can you teach my husband how to make me orgasm?”

    “Siri, I would like a hitman for my boss”

  28. On December 12th, 2011 at 10:57 am Dilovely Says:

    OK, that was good. I needed that laugh today.

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