Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Why Can’t We Be Friends? No…Really.


I find it a little odd that over the years, the only friends I’ve actually managed to stay close with are the ones I made when I was 14, and the subject of my post from last week: My Metal Heads. Close is a relative term, I guess, but they’re the kind of people that I don’t need to talk with every week or even every month to know that all I’d have to do is pick up the phone and say, “I need a shovel, tarp, and an alibi,” and they’d be over in less than an hour with all three, no questions asked.

In a bizarre twist, I even live down the street from one of the houses that Jeremy (one half of the couple that screen prints my awesome Shut Your Whore Mouth Shirts. P.S. they make other shirts, too) grew up in.

Sure, I’ve always had other friends, but they’ve sort of flitted in and out of my life, but these guys have always been around.

At thirty now, I have more girlfriends than I probably ever have before, thanks to you, my Pranksters, but I’ve never managed to hold onto any. I’ve always just been one of the guys. With a set of knockers. Not, I should carefully add, one of the guys, in the Village Bicycle “I fuck them all so they keep me around,” kind of ways, either.

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been trying to make some local friends so that I can have occasion to leave the house now and again, so I figured that my neighbors would be an awesome place to start. I’m fortunate that I like my neighbors and my house and my motherfucking roses, and while The Daver is a hermit who is allergic to sunshine, outside air, and dirt, I’m always out and about with my pickax, shovel and power washer, trying to make my house look less like zombies live here.

I’m the only woman on the block who asks for power tools for her birthday.

I’m also the only woman who does the maintenance around the house. So, when I’m taking a break from ripping out bushes and shrubbery and busting up my ankles from buying a pickax that weighs 30 pounds (say it with me now, Pranksters, nice call on buying the HEAVIEST most HARDCORE one the hardware store had, Aunt Becky), I’ll stop, and have a chat with one of my neighbors.

Now, I’m going to have to draw you a picture to show you what I look like when I’m having these talks, just so we’re both acutely aware of how I look, okay? Then you can nominate my artistic skillz for a Tony Award.

Okay, so that’s OBVIOUSLY not my garden, but I’d say the artistic rendering is pretty incredible, don’t you?

Of course you do. So please, grab a tissue and dab up your tears. I know it’s beautiful. I cried tears at it’s beauty while I drew it.

I know pictures are worth a thousand words, but you cannot hear this amazing drawing speak (besides the worm, of course), but if you could, it would be saying, “So, how do you best remove those roots? And what blade works best? Tell me again about the miter saw. Can I borrow one or do you think that’s something I should really invest in?”

At no point is the interaction ever like this:

I just don’t get it.

I don’t want to have The Sex with other mens. I don’t want your boyfriends. Ladies, I’m not interested in your husbands. Married men don’t appeal to me. I know women who like that kind of conquest, but frankly, I’m more interested in learning about power tools, and I don’t mean the kind in their pants.

See, my dad knows what a klutz I am and didn’t teach me about power tools, probably because he didn’t want to take me to the ER to have my fingers sewn back on every other week. You know what? After I’ve successfully been to the ER on 5 out of 7 of my last birthdays, busted both of my ankles on the stupid pickax in a single week, maybe he was right.

But you know what? I’m scrappy and determined and how to PROPERLY use a miter saw, THAT is what I want to know from your husband. Not how best to take it from behind.

What makes me saddest about this is that I realized I can no longer easily make new guy friends. That’s a sad realization for me.

Hm. Maybe I can get a shirt made that says, “I don’t want your man.” Think it’ll make any difference?

Also: have you noticed this, Pranksters? Can you successfully make friends of the opposite sex now? If you can, tips please?


In a TOTALLY unrelated note, I need halp. I need a ton of pictures for my new site (which I am hoping to get launched tomorrow) that cannot come from Dr. Google. I need your pictures. Not pictures of your kids, but other stuff. Drawings, illustrations, photographs are awesome, but I need them to be at least 450 Pixels wide.

What I’m looking for, which is REALLY convoluted sounding, because I’m not exactly sure how to explain, are pictures, drawings and illustrations that are riffing off the titles of Choose Your Own Adventure stories. NOT the covers. Just pictures that might be sort of like the titles.

I can’t explain more than “I’ll know it when I see it.”

If you have anything, you can leave a link here, or send me something to I’ll love you EVEN MORE than I did before. Which was a lot.

I’ll give credit, of course, I just don’t want to be stealing them from Google to get my bitch ass smacked down.

68 Comments to

“Why Can’t We Be Friends? No…Really.”

  1. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:43 am Ward Says:

    “I’m scrappy and determined and how to PROPERLY use a miter saw, THAT is what I want to know from your husband.”

    When you find out, can you teach me, because a miter saw sounds really cool. πŸ™‚

  2. On September 6th, 2010 at 12:12 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! I will teach you everything I learn! Miter saws are awesome.

  3. On September 7th, 2010 at 1:55 am voni Says:

    I suggest the women who are accident prone start with the deluxe Dremel kit! Ya can’t do too much damage with a Dremel… unless ya try to remove callouses with it,
    yeah… Oooh, and get the one with the flex-shaft, awesome!!

  4. On September 7th, 2010 at 8:50 am Dora Says:

    If only we lived closer. I would totally teach you. Seriously, I rock the miter saw. Give me a miter saw and a stack of baseboard and I am very happy. The corners will be gawgeous!

  5. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:53 am Brahm (alfred lives here) Says:

    Awesome post. Totally fun. And you are clearly waaaay more handy around the house and garden than I will ever effing be. I like to sip on a cool drink and watch and linger.

    Hate crocs = love you.

    What kind of pics you need???

  6. On September 6th, 2010 at 12:00 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m looking for pictures that are like the titles of Choose Your Own Adventure books. Not the titles, not the covers, but sort of riffing off of them. Does that make sense?

  7. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:54 am Jason aka Cyrus_Jay Says:

    I feel you. I’m the same way with my female friends. Their husbands get all bent out of shape when we go out for a few drinks or a night out. I always ask for their husbands to come along with us, but they always decline. After the outing, the husbands are the ones on the rag questioning and bitching about everything possible. I’ve been accused of multiple things like stealing their wives, marriage wrecker, womb snatcher, & etc. Ironic part is that we’ve been friends since high school. So I guess around in my neck of the woods marriage = death sentence. I’m glad I haven’t received the title yet.

  8. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:54 am Halala Mama Says:

    1. Where do you want us to send the pics?

    2. You can be friends with my husband. He will question you about your political affiliation until you wish your head would explode, then he will declare you to be a Tea Party Republican anyway. Good luck!

  9. On September 6th, 2010 at 12:05 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You can send the pictures to my email:

    I heart you. Hard.

  10. On September 6th, 2010 at 12:15 pm Halala Mama Says:

    Hahah…well I should have seen the info you posted above about the type of pics before I sent them. OH WELL. Hhaha. πŸ™‚ Goodluck.

  11. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:55 am Brahm (alfred lives here) Says:

    This damn thing isnt letting me comment – third attempt – my first two were effing brilliant, by the way….

  12. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:56 am MommyNaniBooboo Says:

    Nope… no dude friends, here. I think a lot of people find it weird for a married woman to have a bunch of guy friends… unless they were friends before she got married.?
    I dunno, social morays freak me out.

  13. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:56 am Amy @ RenderMeMama Says:

    Men suck. I think it isn’t that wives don’t trust you its that they don’t trust their husbands whore minds. Because when they are saying “I’d love to show you how to work that saw”, what they are thinking about working is something entirely different. Or maybe I’m just jaded.

    For pictures, Why don’t you just make your own? Such art should be shown to the wide world lest it be deprived of your insane talent!

  14. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:59 am Kimmy Says:

    I don’t make new friends easily in the first place, but I’ve noticed where guys are concerned it tends to be them skirting around me. They know I’m married and my husbands knife collection isn’t exactly a secret.
    However, HIS friends like me just fine, and several have come to consider me a friend and vise versa. Somewhere between learning I play MMO’s, laughing at me fall out of a chair, and the fact that I’m willing to feed them on occasion. πŸ˜‰

  15. On September 6th, 2010 at 12:18 pm mecarol Says:

    Yes! Not only can I not make new guy friends, most of my old guy friends immediately scurried back into the woodwork as soon as I was married. I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of them were keeping me around “just in case” (to be fair, I might have done the same thing). But even now, guys I’ve known for years feel uncomfortable hanging out with me alone. Believe me, dude, if I could resist jumping your bones 10 years ago when I was single, you’re probably safe now.

  16. On September 6th, 2010 at 12:36 pm Dawn Says:

    If you think it’s hard to make friends with men when you’re also married, try it when you’re divorced. ‘Cause everyone knows how easy us divorcΓ©es are, right. We’re just gagging for it. If I so much as smile at someone’s husband, I can see the smoke blow out of the wife’s ears.

    Of course, I AM gagging for it. Just not with your Sad Sack of a husband, ma’am. Just the mitre saw instructions, plz.


    Actually, I learned pretty much everything I needed to know about home and garden maintenance from my parents, so I don’t even need that from your husbands, ladies.

    So, no, I can’t be friends with married men any more. I am barely allowed to be civil with them without every married woman in the room giving me the stink eye.


  17. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:49 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Yeah, dude, DIDN’T EVEN THINK OF THAT. Sorry. You can be friends with Dave all you want.

  18. On September 6th, 2010 at 7:32 pm ScienceGeek Says:

    Saddest thing I ever saw was my mother distancing herself from a friend of many years once the dust had settled from her divorce and she’d started to socialise again.
    Look, I love my dad and all, but even if this friend WAS the kind of woman who’d actually sleep with her friend’s husband (she wasn’t), he wouldn’t be the first choice on her list. Or even, say, the tenth. Fortunately, my mum realised how unfair she was being before the friendship was completely lost.

    I’m sorry you have to go through this, though.

  19. On September 8th, 2010 at 7:34 pm Dawn Says:

    Why thank you both! I understand where the other women are coming from. A lot of men are skanks. You wouldn’t BELIEVE the number of married men who have propositioned me, presuming the GAGGING FOR IT would give them a free ride, so to speak. *ahem* And it’s always the guys you wouldn’t suspect. Walter Mitty was a freak in the sack, is all I’m sayin’. It’s a drag, though because I have always enjoyed platonic friendships with men and that’s pretty restricted now. Except for The Daver! Yay! Thanks, Aunt Becky.

  20. On September 6th, 2010 at 12:40 pm Shell Says:

    I haven’t been able to make guy friends- other than ones whom I’ve known forever and they have been grandfathered in- because yes, I get looked at like I’m trying to steal the husbands away. Or, if the guy is single, like I’m looking to be a dirty cheater. Drives me insane. I wrote a post about it a while ago, but I think I might get mocked and break all sorts of blogging rules if I leave that link. LOL

    I’m not sure what sorts of pictures you want.

  21. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:48 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m not sure what sorts of pictures I want other than “I’ll know it when I see it.” Which, yeah. HELPFUL.

  22. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:08 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    I have a harder time making guy friends now because I’m flirty. not the ‘hey wanna do it behind that desk’ flirty but the fun, safe, going nowhere cuz I am happily married flirty. I think it is a lack of trust on other women’s part or maybe they are judging me by their own secret desires. Maybe they really want to be the ‘lets do it behind the desk’ sort & just project that onto me. Cuz if they want to, then everyone must want to. But ladies, it ain’t all about sex. Your man does have something I want. His expertise with coding & wiring. You can keep the rest of him, I just need a small part of his brain from time to time.

    Check out my flickr photostream if you see anything you can use let me know & I can resize it for you if you need.

  23. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:10 pm Kadye Says:

    I don’t know how to use a miter saw… I don’t know if Tony does either. I must be the worst girlfriend ever. Is this something I’m supposed to know? Crap. Is there a form I’m supposed to have him fill out? Like, a questionnaire about his hobbies?

    But if he does, I’ll totally let him teach you how to.

  24. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:13 pm Jenn Says:

    Feel free to check my flickr page & let me know if you want any of the photos there. I will say that most of them are of my kids & other people but there are some other things on there too. I’m going to put of pictures of the frog that pooped on me later. Woo.

    Also? I love your drawings. And the fact that women think you want to sleep with their husbands says a lot more about the state of their marriages than it does about you. I can’t make friends of either gender for that reason – I hate women and don’t want to be friends with them anyway, and women think the only reason I would talk to their husbands/boyfriends is because I want to sleep with them. Idiots.

  25. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:15 pm Alizabeth Says:

    My father gave me the advice of ‘you can’t ever be friends with guys, they will always try to sleep with you’, when I was 19. That advice never stopped being true until recently I became friends with a guy a little bit younger than me (I’m 33 and married, he’s 28). Maybe he just feels sorry for my aging ass, or maybe he’s into cougars, but since we have been friends for two years now and he’s never said or did anything outside of the friend zone I’m going to go with ‘yes you can!’. I give him relationship advice and he sends me middle of the night drunken texts about eating burritos in some strangers bed. I guess you have to let them know where you stand and smack them down if they ever try to cross that line.

  26. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:16 pm Dana Says:

    So … I Can’t help you with the guy friend thing ’cause … well … most women think if their guy LIKES you then he wants to have sex with you which is then translated into “You’re a Slut” *shrugs*

    But, I’ll be happy to be a fellow “one of the guys with a set of knockers” – I can even teach you how to use a compound miter saw without losing the tips of your middle fingers!

    And just in case your gmail email address sucks, you’re welcome to anything on my project 365 blog – Dana Does Digital –

  27. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:24 pm Alizabeth Says:

    Just for the record what my father said was not the most insane advice my family has ever given me. My grandfather once told me “Honey you don’t have to date the boys, Just sleep with them”. Wow grandpa. In his defense he was pretty drunk, and I had just gone through a couple bad relationships.

  28. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:49 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry. That’s just hilarious.

  29. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:46 pm mel Says:

    MANY years ago my hubbs used to ask for power tools for every birthday & Christmas present (from everyone) because he was jealous that I had more than he did. I am pretty sure some of them are still in the box, but he now has an impressive collection. Of course, I think I use many of them more often than he does (some of these cakes require engineered structures!) but SHHHHHHHHH!!! Don’t tell him that or who knows what he will do next!

  30. On September 6th, 2010 at 1:52 pm James Says:

    i personally dont have a problem making friends with the opposite sex but that’s prolly because i was raised with two sisters and a mom and my dad left us any ways ya maybe trying baking something for them and maybe get invited to a barbecue and theres your chance to ask questions bout a miter saw

  31. On September 6th, 2010 at 2:01 pm Bellwether Says:

    This has never happened to me outside of the internet, unfortunately. 9/10, every chick I meet on the internet with a boyfriend seems to think I am out to get them. It doesn’t matter that I have a boyfriend who I am madly in love with, who I gush about constantly and am probably pretty annoying about. I am obviously always flirting, always being a slutty slut mcslutterslut to their boyfriends.

    I later asked my male friends about this and they said it was because I was being nice. Apparently, nice = flirting!


    After I go look at an apartment today I will see about drawing you some things. I have no idea yet but I will do it. Somehow.

  32. On September 6th, 2010 at 2:11 pm Jersey Girl Gets Real Says:

    I have male friends but it’s funny. My husband who was one of my male friends at one time does not condone my having male friends even though at the time he and i were friends he was not looking to get into my pants…so to speak. Suddenly he thinks every other guy is which is funny especially if you ever saw a photo of me…I am less then hot…tepid actually.

    Not sure about you but the thing with me is that I have a big mouth and although some guys think it is funny sometimes none of them think it is sexy.

    Anyway, I am considering ordering one of your shirts but am not sure I would not get kicked out of the gym for wearing it…but I happen to LOVE it!

  33. On September 6th, 2010 at 2:17 pm linlah Says:

    I’ll let my husband teach you all about power tools, he’s an expert, if you let the Daver teach me all about computers.

  34. On September 6th, 2010 at 3:18 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Dave can teach you everything you want to know πŸ™‚

  35. On September 6th, 2010 at 2:43 pm themomsmith Says:

    I would be totally fine with you talking with my husband about his power tools. For the love of GOD, someone has to and if it’s not me then all the better.

    What I wouldn’t be cool with would be incessant text messages (especially late at night…even if they were only about power tools)…or going to bars together…or hanging out and not including me (or worse not TELLING me) because I would feel left out. You really you should be my friend too even if I don’t know anything about power tools…well…except for the kind we keep in a hatbox under the bed. πŸ˜‰

    Basically, if you keep it clean and transparent (I just had to stab myself for using corporate lingo, fyi) then I would be totally cool with my husband working in your garden. The one with flowers. And dirt. And worms. Not the one in your pants. Just to be clear. Not that I think you have a dirty, wormy garden in your pants.

    Fuck. I’m going to shut up now.

  36. On September 6th, 2010 at 3:05 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:


    And I’d HOPE the worm would stay far away from my garden or I’d lop that shit off. I don’t fuck around.

    Besides, then WE could hang out, too! I like ladies, too.

  37. On September 6th, 2010 at 2:47 pm KYouell Says:

    Seriously? Seriously! There are too many of us commenting “Yeah, I don’t want your damn husband,” for there not to be the possibility that some of the women in each of our neighborhoods are like *us* and don’t care if their hubby is our friend. Personally, I would totally let any Prankster Woman be friends with my hubby because then there is the slight chance you would be friends with ME and I need more friends, dammit.

    Also a member of the guys with boobs club. Have I mentioned my football tattoo? Men always think that the players’ numbers represent players I’ve slept with. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Women can’t like football for the football? Grow the hell up. I, frankly, think that it’s a weird combo of men wanting their wives to keep them on a short leash because they all want to think that they’re sex fiends. It’s like a chihuahua that thinks he’s a rottweiler, ya know? Growl growl grrrr. But open the gate to the yard and he’ll run in the house. Dude you’re not fierce, but I get that for the sake of your particular marriage dynamic we all have to pretend that it’s not safe to be friends with you. ::eye roll::

    I hate that the wives of the guys I was friends with in high school (real bury the bodies kinds of friends) treat me like I’m after them. It *IS* exactly like (someone — refusing to scroll) said, I managed to keep my hands off them when we were young & hot, I think I can behave myself now too. SHEESH!

  38. On September 6th, 2010 at 3:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    We really need to all move into a commune.

  39. On September 6th, 2010 at 2:58 pm Rebecca Says:

    You can rip anything you want from my blog…there is a really great sunflower photo and some of Colombine Wildflowers and some Balloon Flowers and various other failures from my garden.

  40. On September 6th, 2010 at 3:05 pm Heather (qtberryhead) Says:

    We just decided to buy something else, and rent out our house. Our neighbors suck (too nosey). Maybe it’s a good time to move to your neck of the woods….?
    I ask for(and get) power tools as gifts. And hubby gets bonus points for throwing in jewelry while he’s at it. I like knowing that I am capable of throwing up a wall, including wiring, over a weekend. I also do 99% of the plumbing work at my house.
    As far as women and men being friends. I’ve found that it seems to be something that most men have to keep from their wives. I have a few good guy friends, but it’s made difficult when they have wives that seem to be uber insecure.
    It probably doesn’t help that I have a shirt that says “My boyfriend’s wife hates me”…or that I am more at home discussing power tools than canning or sewing.

  41. On September 6th, 2010 at 4:11 pm Becca Says:

    I seem to make guy friends just fine but now I have problems making girlfriends. I don’t know if it’s the lesbian thing or what, but they just don’t stick around. I’ve talked about this on my blog because I think it’s based ony desire to talk about my children. As in, “oh hi, my kids bipolar is there anything you want to share now?” I think people run from that, but I could be wrong…

  42. On September 6th, 2010 at 5:14 pm Robin Says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one. I thought I was borderline social recluse until I realized it was everyone else who was the fucking weirdo. I’d make girlfriends and then they’d end up acting like, well, chicks. I fucking hate that. Then you get on the same cycle if you hang out too much, and if god forbid its 2 chicks you’re hanging out with at the same time its the PMS tri-fecta from hell. I figured out the hard way that the best friends I ever made were back when we didn’t have a socially implanted “filter”, which was kindergarten. Anyhow, I sent you some pictures, hope they help. I’m a donkey and the first email I forgot to attach the bitches, but I sent them. Anyhow, I added my lame ass blog if you care to read, I put my filter on bc some of my co workers read it and I don’t want to offend them, but after reading your blog and how awesome you are, I may just turn that filter off πŸ˜€

  43. On September 6th, 2010 at 5:16 pm Rusty Brown Says:

    Check out my albums on FB. Some stuff from Colorado, New Mexico, Mt. Lemmon in AZ, and a few pictures from China. If there is anything there you want, I’ll email you the original.

    Oh, and the pickaxe thing? The heavier, the better. It’s all in the swing….

  44. On September 6th, 2010 at 6:14 pm Betty M Says:

    I can’t think of the last time I made friends with a guy outside work who wasn’t gay. Definitely no bonding over power tools with the neighbours anyway.

  45. On September 6th, 2010 at 8:30 pm Allison @ Alli 'n Son Says:

    Yea, friends with the opposite sex is just odd now that I’m married. Especially if the man is not someone my hubby knows first. I’m not exactly sure when that changed. With marriage? With kids? When I turned 30? No idea.

  46. On September 6th, 2010 at 8:55 pm Pademelon Says:

    I feel your pain. I’ve always been one of the boys. I grew up without most stereotypical gender roles. Mom worked more, Dad worked less and took care of me. Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my Dad and his friends. I end up in awkward situations because I get invited to my husbands boys nights (by both husband and husband’s friends), be they in playing video games or out for beer and pool. Since I’m usually also friends with their partners and doing things like cupcake baking Sundays, the guys get a lot of flack for inviting me and not inviting their girlfriends/wives. Half the time I turn down potential invites because I don’t want anyone to have to deal with the issues it brings up. There are a number of occasions where husband tells me I’m welcome but he wasn’t going to ask because inviting me mean the other guys are obligated to invite their partners. So I don’t go. Which is fine, actually, not a big deal at all. It’d just be nice to not have to weigh out my options that way. Apparently, “It’s different. She doesn’t count as a girl.” doesn’t go over so well with jealous partners. I don’t know what to do about it either. I’d totally consider a “I don’t want your man!” shirt.

    I don’t know if we have anything you can use but feel free to browse our Flickr stream. There’s lots of randomness and almost every picture is Creative Commons.

  47. On September 6th, 2010 at 9:28 pm Painted Maypole Says:

    well, in the theatre so many of the male friends I make are gay, so the jealousy issue doesn’t come into play so much. πŸ˜‰

    but i did hang out with straight men a lot, in a friendly way, when I was younger, and that has changed. I hadn’t thought much about it.

  48. On September 6th, 2010 at 10:05 pm Ameya Says:

    I dunno if i’m cool enough to do that whole title thing that you in your infinite becky wisdom want, but. I have a photography site.
    anything you want you can have. except the panda. it’s taken.

    and i worship you. whenever my life is getting whiny and annoying, i sit down and i read your bolog and i say girl shut your whore mouth and just try to be a lil bit cool like your aunt becky.

    dont you love the blog world?

  49. On September 6th, 2010 at 10:36 pm Kristin Says:

    See Aunt Becky, I knew there was a reason I love you. I too own a buttload of uber cool power tools.

    BTW, my photobucket account may have pics you can use. Feel free to grab anything you see either on there or on my blog.

  50. On September 6th, 2010 at 11:13 pm Scatteredmom Says:

    Oh Becky, you have NO IDEA how timely this topic is for me. See, in school I was always friends with the guys, in that same sort of “Let’s just be friends I don’t want to date you” type of way. One guy in particular was my best friend throughout high school and 3 years after. We tried dating, thought we needed to get married, and it fell apart. Badly. It was so bad I just walked away and never shed a tear. Never grieved the end of it.

    Just a little while ago(after not speaking for 19 yrs) he messaged me on Facebook. I asked my Hubs if he cared if we chatted, and he said no. We talked more honestly and openly in 3 days than we ever did; and both agreed that we were to blame for our really spectacularly bad ending, but we were both young and obviously couldn’t give the other what they needed. We are both very happily married and were excited to just be friends again, which we originally were, all those years ago. (like, way over 20 yrs. It’s looong gone. I don’t want him. He doesn’t want me. At ALL). My husband was totally okay with it.

    I encouraged him (or rather, insisted) that he tell his wife we were talking because I didn’t want to cause any trouble. Today, his Facebook account is deleted and surprisingly enough, I’m incredibly sad. Not because I had any romantic interest, but finally, the guy that I had always been best friends with, was a friend once again-although this time, there weren’t hormones and expectations and whatever high school crap in the way. This time, we’re grown up and know who we are and have nothing to prove. We don’t have to think about romance or whatever because it’s just not going there.

    But now he’s gone. I’m sure it’s because his wife was upset, which I understand, but at the same time, I’m sitting here, just overwhelmingly sad because I feel like we resolved all those hurt feelings and bad memories, only to lose our friendship all over again.

    And that really, really sucks.

  51. On September 7th, 2010 at 1:50 am voni Says:

    I so badly for you and I am so sorry that he didn’t man up and tell his wife that he could love her AND be friends with you.
    Men are such pussys and women are SO insecure!
    My best friend is a gay man and I spend the night at his house, hubby couldn’t care less. Probably coz I call the REALLY hot woman he works with his “other” wife and I adore her!
    I am not threatened by other women, what man wants a jealous possessive wife?
    I am sorry for you and totally feel your pain. I lost my best male friend when I married my husband because, I was told later, he was in love with me. HE never told me!! He attended the wedding, tried to make friends with my husband but 2 months later, up and moved to Florida, never to be heard from again.
    It broke my heart and 12 years later, I still think about him and miss being his wingman.
    You would have always have had to placate his wife if she is that kind of woman and he isn’t able to choose his friends.
    But it still sucks…

  52. On September 7th, 2010 at 12:19 am MannyRee Says:

    Gardening? Yeah, nice try, sister. Tell ya’ what, I’ll still love you if you take my man, but I’ll love you even more if you make sure he doesn’t come back.

  53. On September 7th, 2010 at 1:11 am Lannie Says:

    Dude, I hear you. “Yeah, you’re just one of the guys, but then with boobs”… I’ve heard it many times before. I have a lot of guy friends who I’ve known for nearly half of my life now, pretty much like your metalheads club (funnily enough most of my group are metalheads as well btw :D). I’ve married the one I know the longest and love the most, and never even once was romantically interested in any of the other boys. It just wouldn’t work, and I”m not that curious what they’d be like in bed.

    But I’ve had the stink eye from their girlfriends in the past, they’d be jealous of me. And even “I’ve been here long before you were… if I wanted him, I would have ditched my incredibly hot and suited-for-me husband and made a move on your boyfriend (who I wouldn’t work with in the long run) long before you and he even hooked up!” didn’t help that much. Seriously, I don’t get women sometimes :S

  54. On September 7th, 2010 at 2:06 am GingerB Says:

    Before I met and married Lord Honey, I had to be my own handyman. I know this will make you love me even more – I once laid an entire laminate floor (it was a small room) by myself, using a ROTOZIP to cut all the planks, because I had no other kind of power saw. I rock at life! I kept all my fingers!

  55. On September 7th, 2010 at 3:07 am Ami Says:

    I see both sides of this issue and yeah it pretty much sucks.

    Since I got married making guy friends IRL is HARD (no probs online but IRL? Frick it just ain’t happenin’) b/c theres the whole, don’t wanna look like I’m hittin’ on some other man. And then they all kinda treat me funny b/c I’m the chick who owns her own power tools and KNOWS how to use them and I just want the occasional pointer when I’m learning new skills. (My dad didn’t have a son so I was the son w/ boobs)

    So the guys all look over my head at my husband and talk to him instead of me and I’m like…. excuse me, I love him but he grew up a rich kid. The man has a hard time using a screw gun. I’m the one that knows how to use power tools you can talk to me even if I don’t actually have a dick.

    So the friend thing on my end- not so much happening. If anybody else knows how it can work – maybe Aunt Becky can post the best answers as a follow up post (cuz I’m too damn lazy to read ALL the comments and try to find an answer).

    And then we have the flip side. I hate to come across as the bitchy one but I’m not entirely comfortable with my husband’s bff being a nonfamilial girl and them having one on one time with out me. Can he be friends with girls? Oh hell yes. Do I care if they hang out? Nope, with one proviso – I want there to be more than just them there. Maybe I’m old fashioned but since I’ve gotten married I don’t hang out with my old guy friends one on one IRL. Just out of respect for the fact that I’m married now and I figure if you never have the opportunity NOTHING can happen.

    Maybe thats weird and insecure and bitchy of me and no I don’t think they’re all wanting in my husbands pants. But people are people and I figure its better safe than sorry ya know?

    But I do find it irksome when the guys like shun me just b/c I have a vagina AND a wedding ring. So annoying.

  56. On September 7th, 2010 at 6:55 am Kendra Says:

    As a day care provider, most of my interactions are with parents–moms and dads. And although there are a few rare cases where I feel like I can talk equally comfortably (not just about their kid but about all kinds of things) with both parents, there is usually one I click better with. And it’s always weird when it’s the dad. I mean, 99% of our interactions revolve around diaper rashes and who bit who, but sometimes we get into how we feel about our siblings or what life was like before kids–not deeply intimate topics but more than the usual day-care stuff. And I always have to make sure to casually mention the conversation to the mom later, just to make sure she wasn’t left out of anything. And I always refer to him as “so-and-so’s dad” rather than by his name. Otherwise it’s weird, as though I knew a nice guy and a nice lady but couldn’t keep myself away from the man.

    As someone who doesn’t leave the house much, it’s hard to make a lot of friends; the pool of potential friends is pretty small. And it’s frustrating when it feels cut in half somewhat arbitrarily.

  57. On September 7th, 2010 at 8:33 am a Says:

    I went to a kid’s birthday party the other day and found myself in the group of dads for a little while. Now, that I think about it, I usually end up talking to the dads as much as I talk to the moms, if not more. They’re not really friends, per se, but I gravitate to the guys. Also, at work, I usually go out for lunch once a week with a bunch of guys. I want nothing to do with most of the women at my workplace, so my choices are limited. I think it’s OK with their wives (who I know through them, and also occasionally socialize with), as none of them have ever given me the “stop trying to fuck my husband” vibe. Maybe it’s because of my personal unapproachable vibe, or maybe it’s because my husband is a hottie and theirs don’t compare.

    Speaking of which, my husband is the type to have more girl friends…because he likes to flirt. I don’t have a problem with this – he knows my limitations, and we’re clear on what is a problem as far as his interactions with other women. (That would be: If you think you’d be better off with her, have at it, buddy. But don’t think you can change your mind, because I won’t be here if you come back.) He would totally teach you to use the miter saw (and probably try to brush up against your boobs inadvertently while doing so – because, apparently, that’s what guys do. Even with their friends who are girls). And I wouldn’t care, unless you were snotty to me. Then we’d have a problem.

    What are the Choose Your Adventure stories? They were after my time. Are you looking for places? Or vistas? Or buildings? Or people?

  58. On September 7th, 2010 at 12:51 pm MXW Says:

    Of course you can still have friends of the opposite sex now! They just have to be gay.

  59. On September 7th, 2010 at 1:42 pm heydave Says:

    I try to be friends with women, but they all end up wanting me so badly that if becomes awkward. They don’t even show much interest in my power tools.

    (What, you wanted a serious life story? Get out your checkbook.)

  60. On September 7th, 2010 at 3:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Just the “power tool” in your pants?

  61. On September 7th, 2010 at 6:55 pm rys Says:

    My husband is in construction, so he has more power tools than I can count. He has 5 fucking drills. DRILLS. And he says ‘they all do a different job.’ He openly admits it’s to leave the door open to buy more in the future. Anyway, he has a mitre saw. He says that it’s a very ‘specific’ tool (in that it cuts angles only), so you’re better off getting a multi-function tool, like a circular or trim saw. He says he doesn’t get his mitre saw out unless he’s cutting a lot of angles, otherwise he just measures and cuts with his circular saw. He also said it depends what you want to do with the saw would determine which kind you should buy.

    See, if we lived closer he’d just yank whatever tool you need out of our basement and bring it on over. And I wouldn’t be staring out my window eyeing daggers at you. My neighbors are a gossipy bunch though, and that whole male/female thing freaks them out. Which is why I’m not friends with most of them.

  62. On September 7th, 2010 at 8:32 pm bashtree Says:

    I was never very good with friendships to begin with…I was one of those invisible people for a while. And then I assumed that every guy who was being nice probably just wanted to see me naked (because I was a dutifully naive church mouse). Nowadays I feel like I’ve been so AWKWARD for so long that making any kind of real friend is maybe impossible. And most of the menfolk I do know and am sort of friends with are all married anyway and I like their spouses as well, so it’s kind of a combined friendship thing, where I’m not ‘more friends’ with one or the other. I don’t think I’m making any sense.

    THAT’s why I like to build stuff. and fix stuff. and go to hardware stores.

    Maybe WE could be friends πŸ™‚

  63. On September 7th, 2010 at 9:39 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’ll TOTALLY be your friend. I like everyone, yo.

  64. On September 7th, 2010 at 9:10 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    yeah, dude, making friends is hard enough. Period. Then you add in some meow mix and jealousy, forget it.

    I hope your neighbors read this post so maybe they’ll lighten up a bit.

  65. On September 7th, 2010 at 9:38 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahahaha! It’s okay. What can you do?

  66. On September 8th, 2010 at 12:32 am karen Says:

    When my first kid started kindergarten 2 years ago (today) I managed to befriend the two stay-at-home dads. Man what a great thing that was — it wasn’t until the next summer when I found out how shitty the women in that class were being to each other all year!!! Nasty.

    Sometime that year I said to my husband, do you think it is weird that I have founded the dad club at school, and he said, Karen, you only have guy friends. And I took a critical look and I realised that he spoke the truth (aside from a couple of dyke friends …) Hmmmmmmmm.

    I have found that one of the two wives doesn’t really love me, but I don’t want her husband and she’s aworkin’ during the day so it is all good. The other couple has an open relationship, for her benefit, so I am good there. I only want one guy, always had, so it is all good.

    Sucks that people are so dumb. I prefer to remain oblivious: never know when a guy is coming on to me to the point that they give up, and never know when a woman thinks I want her man cuz I don’t and I don’t care. Not caring is goooooood. (and it took me 43 years to get to that point for real!)

  67. On September 8th, 2010 at 12:36 pm The Mommy Says:

    I have some of the same friends that I had when I was in elementary school, too! Making new friends = must leave the house. I’m not very good at it either…

    Also? My grandmother asked for a chainsaw for her 75th birthday. They didn’t get her one. The next summer (her birthday’s in Nov) she cut her leg on the shrub she had chopped down with an ax – BY HERSELF. They should have bought her the damn saw. She’ll be 90 this Nov and I think she still wishes she had one.

  68. On September 10th, 2010 at 2:38 pm andygirl Says:

    I was impressed with your gardening picture until I saw your heart shaped vajayjay. THAT, my friend, is HOT!

    I think you should don a flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off and hang around the home depot. you’re sure to make some guy friends that way!

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