Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

When The Best You Can Do Is Come Up With Some Lousy Cards










Aunt Becky

(I’ll be adding some more through the day. Why? Because obviously)

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
36 Comments to

“When The Best You Can Do Is Come Up With Some Lousy Cards”

  1. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:00 am Jana A Says:


  2. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:01 am Jessica Says:


  3. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:05 am Nancy Says:

    Oh, these are SO funny!! Thanks for sharing…you brightened up my day considerably! Keep em coming, Jana. I tweeted you and shared on Facebook…my friends will love your humor.

  4. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:16 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    *blushes* Glad you liked them!

  5. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:13 am JoJo Says:


  6. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:22 am jessica Says:

    LOL! I love these!

    Maybe I should send the first one to my mom. 😉

  7. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:22 am Says:

    Dear mom,

    Thanks for letting me wreck up your vagina, in ways dad never could.

    Love, your son.

    Wait til you see the Mother’s Day post I’m brewing. My mom is a hoot. And a half… You’ll be scarred for life!!

  8. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:24 am Sara @ Life with the Two Says:

    I just sent this link to my fake moms AND my mother in law. Guess who is NOT in the running for favorite child?!

  9. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:37 am Colecokid Says:

    My mom would love these. But Aunt Becky, she thinks you are the greatest thing on The Twitter and one of the only reasons she checks her Twitter.

  10. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:38 am Mary Says:

    I’m designing a card to send to my grown kids on their birthdays. Something telling them that I am spending all the cash I can get my hands on before I die and I’m leaving them my old 60’s CDs. Or maybe I’ll just wait until I get into the GOOD Nursing Home and then tell them I left everything to that cute bartender at Chili’s.

  11. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:39 am Skytimes Says:

    Oh I love them… thanks for sharing those. My mom hates Mother’s Day and she would LOVE to get one of those. Good giggle, just what I needed.

  12. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:44 am Kristin (MamaKK922) Says:

    Bwhahahaha You never fail to disappoint I LOVE the Nursing home and Creepy baby hands cards PRICELESS.

  13. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:48 am Lindsey Says:

    The one about the flowers is totally a card I would get my mom! Love these!

  14. On May 6th, 2011 at 11:51 am ROx Says:

    These are perfect. My crazy mother would appreciate it, I’m sure.

  15. On May 6th, 2011 at 12:11 pm Ry Says:

    AB, you totally rock! If I spoke to my crazy ass bitch of a mother, these would be perfect for her! Hmm, but NOTHING at all is better!!

    You are great! LOL


  16. On May 6th, 2011 at 12:20 pm Elly Lou Says:

    Jacking asshole bluebirds is about to become my favorite past time.

  17. On May 6th, 2011 at 2:11 pm Penbleth Says:

    Fabulous. Who wouldn’t love one of these cards for Mother’s Day?

  18. On May 6th, 2011 at 3:04 pm amber Says:

    I love it when you do these cards. Now seriously, when are you going to come out with your own Hallmark line?

  19. On May 6th, 2011 at 4:15 pm Barbara Says:

    When you care enough to send the very best… 🙂

  20. On May 6th, 2011 at 5:17 pm blacklisted Says:

    Awesome. And happy Mother’s Day to YOU!

  21. On May 6th, 2011 at 5:54 pm Sunday Koffron Says:

    Thank you Aunt Becky, I have been looking for the perfect mother’s day cards for my mom & step mom. Now I am just gonna sent them this post. (((HUGS))) Happy Mother’s Day to you, and thanks for raising your own fucking kids! You are a hero.

  22. On May 6th, 2011 at 6:04 pm LEAmerman Says:

    OK, so when are the “Shut your whore mouth, MOM!” Mother’s Day cards coming out? That’s what I want to know…

  23. On May 6th, 2011 at 6:24 pm Kristin Says:

    You are a warped and twisted woman. That’s why I love you.

  24. On May 6th, 2011 at 7:32 pm paige furr Says:

    Aunt Becky!
    Those are so friggin awesome! I especially like the hemlock one… Thanks for the laugh!

  25. On May 6th, 2011 at 8:17 pm A Field of Dreams Says:

    *snooort* pissed my undies. Actually the flowers card looks exactly like the one I’ll be giving to my out-law.

  26. On May 7th, 2011 at 8:27 am Stacey Says:

    That first one is something I tell my mom all the time.

  27. On May 7th, 2011 at 9:38 am Kelly Says:

    Love it. You are so witty.

  28. On May 7th, 2011 at 10:04 am Barb Says:

    those are just too funny!!!! Love them!

  29. On May 7th, 2011 at 1:56 pm not that kendall Says:

    I totally forgot to send my mom hemlock this year. Rats!

  30. On May 9th, 2011 at 7:44 am John Says:

    I really wish I had printed one of these out instead of the card that I gave my mom . . . that would have rocked.

  31. On May 11th, 2012 at 10:42 am Kristin Says:

    You seriously need to start and online store (like the Bloggess has) to sell these cards. So damned funny.

  32. On May 11th, 2012 at 10:46 am chrisinphx Says:

    I love the first one! I’ve been telling my mom that she is going into a home with “State run facility” in the title. All 20/20 sytle where they leave you in your filth parked in a corner.

  33. On May 11th, 2012 at 2:11 pm Grace Says:

    I always look forward to your greeting cards!

  34. On May 11th, 2012 at 2:45 pm Her Ace in the Hole Says:

    Dear Aunt Becky – instead of giving my mom a card this Mother’s Day, I think I will remind her that she popped me out of her belly (umm…C-section, you know) just to put me here on this earth to lip-sync to gangsta rap. Since she doesn’t know how to use a computer, I will have to pull up my blog for her. SEE? EASY? Not to mention better than a card.

  35. On May 12th, 2012 at 7:38 am Dr. Cynicism Says:

    The hemlock one is cracking my shit UP! You have a gift for card making.

  36. On May 12th, 2012 at 3:44 pm Jackie Says:

    AB, I sent the last one to my mom and she wrote back “Lol, you are! you are!” she then forwarded the email to my dad and said, “well at least one of our children thinks of me” and he said, “you should be so proud.”
    I called her later and she told me about this. Then she said she was going to send it to my brothers and say “see! this is how you honor your mother!” but she decided against it since she and I have that type of relationship and it hasn’t occurred naturally with the little boys (ages 21 and 25). i then forced her to read the rest of them and we had a good laugh.
    All that said, I LOVE when you do these. they make me happy in the pants.

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