Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

When In Doubt, Ask The Internet


Firstly, I must thank all of you for your comments on my last post because, well, it’s not something I often talk about. My relationship with Nat is not an easy one and I’m apt to write off bad behavior because things have improved so drastically from where they had been. I’m lucky that he’s not always in such an cock-blast mood, just every now and again he decides to be a complete weenis.

And to clarify, he now does pay child support. This actually happened months ago before we’d ironed out an arrangement (before he used to pay for Ben’s Nut! Ban! school. Or someone did. All that I know is that I didn’t.) and he’s been decent since then. Not to excuse past bad behavior because that is SO not me, but it’s a situation that I never know how to handle.

My initial reaction, you see Internet is to scream and holler at him, but then it’ll escalate the situation and I’ve never wanted Ben to watch us scream at each other. I always thought that seeing that would be more damaging. But what do you think? I’m curious.

But my real reason for this post is this: I’m looking for some big brother/little sister shirts/onsies that are kind of rockin’. I’m not much into the schmaltzy cartoonish ones, because it’s really not my style, I prefer the funkier side of life, you know?

Oh, BONUS! I took some pictures to show you because apparently people like pictures in blogs. I always thought people would find them annoying, but shit, anything to keep my Internet satisfied. Now, before you point out that I only have one child pictured, Ben happens to not be here right now so I couldn’t take his picture. But rest assured, I will do so.

Here is my darling son doing the best kind of advertising I could find: free. BONUS! Also true. And yes, he does have a heart shaped tongue.

In the name of embarrassing myself in front of the entire Internet more than I already do, I conned Daver into taking a belly shot. It is here and it is frightening. Perhaps I should also include this picture in my dissertation upon why teen pregnancy is bad to scare them. As a bonus on this shot, you can clearly see how swollen I’ve gotten in my hands. It’s hot.

And lastly, Alex looking disbelievingly at the size of his mother. Because I am a whale.

39 Comments to

“When In Doubt, Ask The Internet”

  1. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:18 pm Ross Says:

    Kate and I saw these in San Francisco.

  2. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:24 pm melanie Says:

    I couldnt find any brother tee’s I liked except through amazon….. will have to look again because I forgot the name of the company

  3. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:26 pm swirl girl Says:

    Old Navy had some cute t’s that say stuff like Party Animal and such.

    and your ass is HOT!!!!!

  4. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:31 pm Madame Yu See Says:

    The cutest ones my daughter found on the Babies R Us website were Thing 1 and Thing 2 from the Dr. Seuss book, The Cat in the Hat. She registered for them, but I don’t think anyone got them for her twins. Obviously, this wouldn’t work for one baby.
    You may want to check out Bass Pro Shops, Dick’s Sporting Goods, or the Playboy (depending on which way you want this little girl to end up) websites for cute onesies. I think “Future Playmate,” white on black or maybe with some sparkles, with the Playboy bunny ears would be a great, and yet very tasteful onesie.
    Either that or one that says “You May Think I’m A Cutie, But Don’t Smell My Booty.”

  5. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:33 pm Rachel Says:

    Take heart, you can’t be pregnant forever…or some such crap people used to say to me when I needed help getting my beached self off the couch.
    I found some fun stuff on because I’m not the cutesy baby crap type mom either.

  6. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:39 pm Collette Says:

    My sister in law bought this one for her little guy.

  7. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:43 pm a Says:

    Somewhere, there are companies that make cool t-shirts for kids. When you find one, please let me know too, because I haven’t been able to. The best kids t-shirts that I have seen have been at, of all places, Walgreens! Maybe I should shop at higher-end stores.

    Alex is quite the cutie.

    As for the screaming, well, I don’t recommend it. My daughter gets to enjoy the occasional screaming fit that I throw, and has taken to telling me to stop it. Sigh. She’s right. And only 2. I suck.

  8. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:43 pm Mrs.spit Says:

    Cafe Press is always worth a look.

    Your hands are very swollen. Is your face?

  9. On January 18th, 2009 at 1:46 pm melanie Says:

    THAT IS IT….. thanks mrs. spit……..I got my son’s shirt through cafe press!

  10. On January 18th, 2009 at 2:02 pm heather Says:

    I’m with Mrs. Spit on cafepress – it’s where we (I) bought ours. They have millions. Millions.

    And, hey, I’ll throw rocks at Nat any old day; you just holler. Weenis, indeed.

  11. On January 18th, 2009 at 2:20 pm calliope Says:

    I think you look the awesome! & everyone beat me to the cafepress alert.

  12. On January 18th, 2009 at 3:48 pm mumma boo Says:

    Shucks, girl, you look awesome! And Alex is going to be a heartbreaker – those eyes! Those cheeks! You’re going to need a separate phone line for when the girls start calling him.

  13. On January 18th, 2009 at 4:39 pm Sandy Says:

    First of all, you are total hottness! That belly is super hot! I mean that. Second, remember this old wives’ tale when dealing with Nat when he has a douche moment – the smallest pot boils first, so you can tell how big of a person you are by how long you can remain cool under fire without boiling over – and YOU, madam, were the bigger pot the other day…for sure!

  14. On January 18th, 2009 at 4:39 pm Dora Says:

    That’s an awesome belly.

    I got a onesie from here for my friend’s baby. They have every size imaginable for rocking sibs!

  15. On January 18th, 2009 at 5:17 pm Big's Other Half Says:

    I happened to notice these last week when paging through this ridiculous catalog. They might not be funky, but they will work.

  16. On January 18th, 2009 at 5:44 pm guilty noodles Says:

    Aaaaawww, I think you looked great when I saw you. Uncomfortable, but great.

    Too bad about the clothing situation, my friends who own Fooey, they had great designs, but with the economy as it is, they had to close their US line. It’s still available in Europe.

    Try Okkies, Milk on the Rocks, Glug Baby.

  17. On January 18th, 2009 at 5:49 pm Lola Says:

    I quadruple the Cafe Press motion. They have some incredibly cool stuff at reasonable prices and a lot of times free shipping. I love their site!

    Now, you can’t just shoot the belly to convince us that you look like a whale. You have to do a whole body shot, and then I bet you look pretty damn hawt. I’ve seen way worse on women who were six months along.

  18. On January 18th, 2009 at 7:13 pm Anjali Says:

    Your son is sweet, and your daughter, or what I can see of her, is quite the beauty, too. Almost there…

  19. On January 18th, 2009 at 8:43 pm Ames Says:

    Oh yes… got to do cafe press…great and hilarious sibling shirts to be found there. Such as this one:

    I hope the swelling is just “normal” pregnancy swelling (you know how pregnancy swelling creeps me out after all I’ve been through). Hopefully the baby will be here sooner rather than later so you can get some relief.

  20. On January 18th, 2009 at 9:11 pm Betts Says:

    I’m bummed. I wish I’d known about Cafe Press in my onesie buying days. You’re going to have the coolest baby in town.

    You don’t have to yell at Nat. All your internet groupies (me included) will line up outside your house and do it for you.

  21. On January 18th, 2009 at 10:10 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    That is a baby that’s dropped and ready to come home from the outside already to those cute brothers!

  22. On January 19th, 2009 at 12:24 am S to the hizzarah Says:

    I’m with Mrs. Spit on Cafe Press although I’m sure that your readers have come up with lots of great suggestions. I’m so sorry you had to go through that the other day. Total weenis.
    Your children are so beautiful. I can’t wait to meet Amelia.

  23. On January 19th, 2009 at 7:50 am Madame Yu See Says:

    fadkog is right – that baby has definitely dropped and is assuming the position. I predict she’ll be here this week. Tomorrow would be great, then every 4 years the entire country will have a party on her birthday.
    Have you & the Davver tried doing the thing that got you into this condition to try to speed thngs along?

  24. On January 19th, 2009 at 8:21 am Allyn Says:

    Hi there – you are hilarious! And thanks for being so truthful in your posts. I’m completely enjoying you talking about the kids, and the pregnancy… I hope to get pregnant for the first time this year, and it’s great to read about others’ experiences. Especially when they are truly funny and entertaining, like yours. Thanks!

  25. On January 19th, 2009 at 9:11 am Melissa Says:

    You’ve got some good suggestions for not-too-cutesy shirts, but if you want a t-shirt to offend as many as possible, I nearly bust a gut reading the baby ones on

  26. On January 19th, 2009 at 9:17 am Kristine Says:

    No idea on the shirts, but cafe press would have been my first shot.

  27. On January 19th, 2009 at 9:43 am mandy Says:

    I love the pictures! You are NOT a whale, you are lovely and I love that shirt!

    Your baby is way adorable and knows what’s what, with the shirt and all!

  28. On January 19th, 2009 at 9:50 am Kate Says:

    I’ll be in the market for some, as well. I’m with you – the only ones I see are not good. I haven’t had much luck with cafe press.

  29. On January 19th, 2009 at 12:25 pm kbrients Says:

    I am not help on the t-shirt front…sorry!

    Sam has the same tougue!

    LOVE the belly shot!! When are you going to drop that baby already??

  30. On January 19th, 2009 at 1:12 pm Jenn Says:

    Awww, I think your belly is adorable. 🙂

    I could never find big brother/little sister shirts when I was looking for them so (as usual) I’m no help there.

  31. On January 19th, 2009 at 2:12 pm Carlynn Says:

    Loved the photos, the internet is very tonight, thanks Aunty B

  32. On January 19th, 2009 at 2:46 pm Amy Says:

    Don’t know about the onesies/tees, but that is quite possibly the most beautiful child I have ever seen! Such a cutie:)

  33. On January 19th, 2009 at 3:03 pm Coco Says:

    You took the high road in dealing with Nat, Becks, and you’re acting in the best interest of Ben, whereas Nat is…acting like a halfwitted moron.

    I’d still like to see him get beaten up by a large man with a baseball bat, but I do commend you, in all sincerity, for trying this hard with someone so unbelievably unlikeable. It matters to your children; not just Ben, but all of them.

    Also, I think your pregnant belly is adorable and I would so love to get Bean and Alex in the same room, except I’m quite afraid that we might end up tied up in a closet while they took over the neighborhood.

  34. On January 19th, 2009 at 6:58 pm baseballmom Says:

    At least you have cute pregnancy clothes…that shirt is way awesome. I looked like a shapeless whale in tie dye and shorts all the time…even in winter because I was so freaking HOT and sweaty. Alex is so dang cute, and with yours, as with mine, there’s a reason for that cuteness!

  35. On January 19th, 2009 at 7:04 pm Karen Says:

    LOVE the belly shot. It is a must really at this point of pregnancy.

  36. On January 19th, 2009 at 10:02 pm Ann Says:

    That little face is too precious and I’m digging the belly shot!! Isn’t that last stage fun???? ug. I haven’t even hit month five and I’m already pissing and moaning. Lord help me when I’m in month 8 or *gasp* 9.

  37. On January 20th, 2009 at 9:04 am Lynn Says:

    I was going to suggest but their site seems to be kaputt (and has been since yesterday when I FIRST read your post). Huh.

    Cute belly! Everyone keeps telling me I’ve dropped… but honestly this baby has been halfway out since about week 20. They don’t seem to know their butt from a hole in the ground.

    You handled Nat with grace – I’d have been all over him in a fit of rage, but my patience during pregnancy is NIL. Ask my 3-year-old. Good job, Becky! 🙂

  38. On January 20th, 2009 at 3:09 pm birdpress Says:

    I love the pics! Ouch, that’s gonna hurt. I am no help at all.

  39. On January 21st, 2009 at 9:43 am Lynanne Says:

    What a cutie!!! Re: the heart-shaped tounge – is he tongue-tied? Not that its a big worry but it might explain difficulties with breastfeeding and speech. The techinical term is ankyloglossia if you must google (I don’t recommend it) Here is a photo:

    I love his pondering look in the bottom photo. Maybe he’s thinking “Dude, that looks seriously uncomfortable.”

    Here’s hoping you get some relief soon!

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