Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

What’s YOUR Sign, Baby?


For a couple of weeks now, Amelia has been receiving weekly speech therapy. I’ve also taken My Pranksters’ advice and bought some Baby Signing Time DVD’s* which, which, while they have not necessarily helped my daughter (yet), they have succeeded in both annoying me (win), with their incredibly cheerful songs and entertaining my older two sons (double win).

Alex has taken to sign language like he takes to anything else: compulsively. So we watch the DVD’s (and their cheerful fucking songs) endlessly. He has them memorized and can tell you the signs for anything that he has learned. I’d be impressed, but I’m too busy trying to remove the Pizza Song from my long-term memory banks, where I’d much rather put my phone number or social security number or whatever.

The boys have been a huge help with trying to help their sister learn to speak and use sign language to communicate rather than point and shriek like a banshee.

The other night, however, the three kids were in the other room with the television watching their beloved Signing Time DVD when my daughter filled her pants. The boys, enraptured with the “I’m A Boy” song, didn’t notice.

Nor did they notice when their sister took off her loaded diaper and ran around the room.

It took a good couple of minutes before anyone noticed that my daughter was streaking around the room, covered in poo.

When we did, the entire room burst out into a single word. For all the words that we’ve tried to teach her that she’s stubbornly ignored, “Thank you,” “please,” “more,” “cereal,” “food,” my daughter learned this:


Followed by, “Uh-Oh.”

Those totally count as words.



*not a plug**

**I hate that I have to specify that.


Over at Toy With Me, I spent more time swearing about cancer than I’ve ever sworn about anything ever.

I’m designing some Cancer is Bullshit shirts for Band Back Together with some of the proceeds going to charity. Doing good makes your ass look good.

P.S. If you don’t feel your story is “good enough” for Band Back Together, trust me, it is. We also are happy to take any reposts.

I’m also considering making some Prankster shirts. Is that lame or awesome? Shut Your Whore Mouth. If that’s lame, what’s better?

My awesome friend Katelyn’s Krafts is now featured on my sidebar, which is full of the win. She sells sassafrassy totes in her Etsy store. Win!

61 Comments to

“What’s YOUR Sign, Baby?”

  1. On October 6th, 2010 at 11:49 am Losing Brownies Says:

    Last week I wrote a post about my late brother. I don’t know if you want original posts, but I’d really like to put it in Band Back Together. If it’s o.k. could you let me know how to do that?

  2. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Does not have to be original content at all. Just go over to BB2G, sign up, and you can post. There’s an instructional post and everything for how to post in WP. YAY! Happy to have you!

  3. On October 6th, 2010 at 11:57 am cindy w Says:

    This is random, but Rachel Coleman, the host of the Signing Time videos? She has a blog that’s amazing (at and she’s on Twitter as ST_Rachel. She’s much cooler than the songs in the videos would have you think. (And even she admits that she hates the Silly Pizza song.)

  4. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:18 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! I’ll have to find her! That pizza song is the worst thing I’ve ever heard….but my kids love it. So, win. (begrudgingly)

  5. On October 6th, 2010 at 11:58 am mumma boo Says:

    Way to go, Mimi! “Ewwwwww” and “uh-oh” most certainly count as words. Your next assignment is to learn how to say “shit!” so you can tell your big brothers to change your diaper before you redecorate the tv room with it.

  6. On October 6th, 2010 at 11:58 am Roccie Says:

    I just came from cancer site.

    You kiss your babies w that mouth?

    Right on.

  7. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Fuck yeah, I do.

  8. On October 6th, 2010 at 12:18 pm a Says:

    Eeewwww! and Uh-oh! are the two most often heard words in our house…

  9. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Uh. Well. I can’t say the same. Because I say the more grown up versions of those.

  10. On October 7th, 2010 at 3:08 am Maria Says:

    That would be “Fuck!” right?

  11. On October 6th, 2010 at 12:19 pm a Says:

    And by that, I mean that Amelia is free to move in at any time. As long as she keeps that diaper on her backside…

  12. On October 6th, 2010 at 12:25 pm Kristin Says:

    Way to go Amelia, Ewwww and Uh-Oh are most definitely words. Soon she’ll follow it with Yuck and OOOOHH. And I also hate fucking children’s DVD’s the music is awful, I get the songs stuck in my head for year, even songs from shows that are long gone. But yet I can’t remember what I did 5 minutes ago.

  13. On October 6th, 2010 at 12:31 pm amber Says:

    Uh oh and ewww are two of my daughter’s favorite words. They totally count.

  14. On October 6th, 2010 at 12:38 pm Maria Says:

    I need those dvds! We’ve gone to two sign & sign classes so far. My son (16 months) still points, whines and screams (making me want kill myself half the time) but now I know how to sign I knew an old lady who swallowed a fly.

    Mine says da da (which means daddy and thank you) occasionally mama, and most recently “dubah” which is goodbye as some of his electronic toys say when they self shut-off.

    I still think my shrieking banshee is my punishment for complaining about my 5 1/2 year old’s incessant yapping. She started talking around 7 months and was speaking 100 words in 3 word sentences by the time she was my son’s age. She never. shuts. up.

    Too bad I can no longer think that it was just my fantabulous mothering, huh?

  15. On October 6th, 2010 at 1:02 pm Michelle Says:

    Of course those count as words! Shit, I say those words all the damn time! πŸ™‚

  16. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:20 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:


  17. On October 6th, 2010 at 1:03 pm Brandi Cortes Says:

    Agreed that Ewwww and Uh-Oh are definitely words; as a nanny, I find them critical in crushing the egos of the children for which I care.
    Speech therapy is an awesome tool. My youngest has been in since this summer working on his articulation disorder and has finally mastered one word to utter perfection…”DAMMIT!”
    God, I’m an awesome mother.

  18. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:17 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Crushing egos is an important part of any childcare arrangement, I find!

  19. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:30 pm Brandi Cortes Says:

    OH.MY.GOD! Aunt-Fuckin-Becky just replied to my reply. I’m literally pissing and crying from joy right now. Not even kidding. You just made my fucking blog-life!

  20. On October 6th, 2010 at 1:12 pm Becky Mochaface Says:

    Those totally count as words.

  21. On October 6th, 2010 at 1:13 pm Maria Says:

    Have I been marked a spammer or somethin’? My comments never show up. πŸ™

  22. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:17 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You’re totally here, baby.

  23. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:28 pm Maria Says:

    Aww but my long ass post about baby signing and my non talker didn’t show.

  24. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:28 pm Maria Says:

    Aww but my long ass post about baby signing and my non talker didn’t show.

  25. On October 6th, 2010 at 1:24 pm Kat Says:

    I’m waiting for the day I come to check your posts at work and your blog is filtered out…since you have your own domain, it won’t be filtered out because it’s a blog, it’ll be because of content. I was checking something that was actually a link from a career site, and it was blocked for being “tasteless”…And it wasn’t adult content, we get told if it’s that too! (I accidentally typed in, instead of! Thank god for filters, sometimes!) If/when it happens, I’ll post from home and let you know why!

  26. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:17 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    BWAHAHAHA! I am TOTALLY tasteless…and proud!

  27. On October 6th, 2010 at 1:27 pm Kelly Says:

    Way to go Mimi! Stinky pants removal, with stealth! That’s talent.

    Mack had a movie (VHS cause my kid is old!) that drove me so batshit crazy, that I threw the fucker away. It was a We Sing video, and it was her FAVORITE. It made me want to stab pencils into my eardrums.

  28. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:20 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    If only I could remove the Pizza Song from rotation, we’d be OKAY. GAH!

  29. On October 7th, 2010 at 1:52 pm Dora Says:

    Ugh! The Wee Sing kids! My niece LOVED them. Very stabby.

  30. On October 6th, 2010 at 1:41 pm badbadwebbis Says:

    According to the Oxford English Dictionary:
    colloq. (orig. N. Amer.).
    Used as an emphatic expression of disgust.

    1978 Washington Post 8 Sept. (Weekend section) 6/1 β€˜Ewwww,’ said the kids. β€˜They don’t have very many manners.’ 1985 Chicago Tribune 23 June III. 8/4 It’s a nuisance,..but it’s better than having a friend exclaim involuntarily, β€˜Ew, gross.’ 1996 Q Jan. 93/2 And{em}eww!{em}kidneys and all those things you have. You guys eat so much insides! 1998 San Diego Union-Tribune (Nexis) 27 Aug. E2 So sordid as to be impossible to discuss in public, or even private (because, euuw, who really wants to). 2003 Smash Hits! 12 Nov. 60/3 What would you do if your mum started snogging your fella? Euw! How wrong is that? 2004 Esquire Aug. 68/1 When..[he] won the gold in 2000 and chalked it up to a drink made from the stomach secretions of giant-hornet larvae, the response..was not Ewwwwww! but How can I get me some of that? 2007 Philadelphia Feb. 103/2 Sex toys are so mainstream these days, you may just run into your boss, or, ew, your dad while shopping.”

    Sucks to be us. Uh-huh and uh-uh are both recognized words, but uh-oh is not. So Amelia is 1 for 2.

  31. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:07 pm Betty M Says:

    Yup those count and are very useful words too. Go Amelia!

  32. On October 6th, 2010 at 2:30 pm AmberLaShell Says:

    Great blog… I know what you mean about those songs they have on childrens learning DVD’s. My Step-Daughter is 6 and I swear if I have to hear that stupid guy with the purple hat one more time, I will cram it down his throat.. Wow, got anger? LOL. Also, the T-Shirt “shut your whore mouth” is priceless… I would totally buy some of those…

    Check out my blog @

  33. On October 6th, 2010 at 3:37 pm Tracie Says:

    I’m a speech therapist and I count those as words. Go Mimi!

  34. On October 6th, 2010 at 3:55 pm andygirl Says:

    girl sounds like she knows what to say. two most important words ever.

  35. On October 6th, 2010 at 4:26 pm JenM Says:

    Uh-oh is a big word in my house. I have boy/girl twins. Uh-oh means, “I dropped something and I require you to pick it up,” “My sibling did something bad”, “You forgot to give me my required lovey for naptime” or “That thing in my brother’s diaper”. Maggie points to Ben at diaper changes going “Uh-oh!” I hope she always remembers that.

  36. On October 6th, 2010 at 4:45 pm rys Says:

    I had a poopie painter. Yeah, eeewww about sums it up. It’s amazing how a glowing screen can turn kids into zombies that ignore the most putrid of stenches.

  37. On October 6th, 2010 at 4:53 pm A Mom on Spin Says:

    Are they in the Urban Dictionary? Then they’re clearly words. . .

  38. On October 6th, 2010 at 4:59 pm MommyLisa Says:

    I want my ass to look better!

  39. On October 6th, 2010 at 5:57 pm Jersey Girl Gets Real Says:

    They totally count as words and you are lucky. It could have been worse. Her first word could have started with “F” and ended with “uck”.

    Can I write something for “Cancer sucks”?

  40. On October 6th, 2010 at 7:11 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    FUCK yeah you can, baby! I’d love it. And my first word was fuck. Seriously.

  41. On October 6th, 2010 at 6:51 pm natalie Says:

    shut your mouth whore! id totally buy that! also i did a post about my first colonoscopy in dedication to my best friend losing her dad too colon cancer id love to contribute that if youre interested.

  42. On October 6th, 2010 at 7:11 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH. Of course I would.

  43. On October 6th, 2010 at 9:31 pm natalie Says:

    where should i send it too miss thang?

  44. On October 6th, 2010 at 10:02 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Pop on over to Band Back and register with the site. At the top of the blog, there will be some instructions as to how to post and all that jazz. It’s a group blog, so you can contribute as though it’s your own. Which is pretty much a win. Let me know if you run into any issues, yo.

  45. On October 6th, 2010 at 7:27 pm injaynesworld Says:

    Of course they count! They are definitely words. Good for Amelia.

  46. On October 6th, 2010 at 8:18 pm SharleneT Says:

    If someone understands the sounds or motions you have used, then you’re communicating with actions/words… but, it’s the ‘idea’ of being able to communicate that has begun the journey to even more… you go, girl…

  47. On October 6th, 2010 at 8:22 pm Martina Says:

    Certainly they’re words … they have to start somewhere right.

    I think I need at least one of those shirts!!

  48. On October 6th, 2010 at 8:56 pm Kristin Says:

    They totally, completely count as words. Go Mimi Go!

  49. On October 6th, 2010 at 9:14 pm 6512 and growing Says:

    Celebrating the progress!

  50. On October 6th, 2010 at 10:58 pm Amber Says:

    Ewwwww is most definately a word.

    I use it a lot, mainly when people talk about eating health food all day.

  51. On October 6th, 2010 at 11:18 pm Jennifer B Says:

    Well given Mimi’s clear artistic streak, maybe she’ll be able to draw her words??? Let’s just hope it’s not with poo. Because, EWWWWW! See? Totally a word. Uh oh is not a word, only because it’s TWO words, so technically her vocab count is now up to 3. Woooot! Go Mimi! And please don’t paint with poo anymore. Really. Poor Aunt Becky. πŸ™

  52. On October 6th, 2010 at 11:23 pm Ami Says:

    Hells YES those count as words!!! GO MIMI!!! I’m so sorry that you had the poo catastrophe but hey at least you got one helluva black mail story out of it AND TWO whole words!!!

  53. On October 7th, 2010 at 4:49 am Emma Jayne Says:

    Rock on, Amelia! Any attempts at communication are awesome at this stage. My son used sign language for a while and it was hugely helpful. Keep us posted on her progress!

  54. On October 7th, 2010 at 6:20 am dg @ diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Ewwww and uh-oh totally count, especially when used in proper context, which this sure sounded like it was.

  55. On October 7th, 2010 at 10:04 am Lanita Says:

    I’ve adopted both of my daughters internationally, so trust me when I say “Uh Oh” is universal. Hearing it in a Russian orphanage almost made me puddle myself with laughter.

  56. On October 7th, 2010 at 10:45 am Mwa Says:

    They are TOTALLY words!
    I counted the “vroom” sound for a car as my daughter’s first word. If it’s consistent and used in the correct context, it’s a damned word.

    And YAY!!!

  57. On October 7th, 2010 at 12:23 pm Grace Says:

    Those are definately words. I don’t blame her for not wanting to sit in shit…I always take my panties off too.

  58. On October 7th, 2010 at 1:54 pm Dora Says:

    Very useful words. Go Amelia!

    Tell me, is the shitty diaper removal thing inevitable? Or is it something only some children do? Should I pick up a roll of duct tape?

  59. On October 22nd, 2010 at 5:54 pm Lu Says:

    ” I like peas on my pizza….”

  60. On October 22nd, 2010 at 5:55 pm Lu Says:

    so not a robot. came here from stark raving mad mommy.

  61. On October 22nd, 2010 at 7:18 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:


Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...