Mommy Wants Vodka

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Whatever Is Spanish For Denial


Last week after sprinting jauntily to the mailbox to see if I’d finally won that bazillion dollars I keep hearing about (a Nigerian Prince TOLD ME SO), when I found a pile of junk mail. After sorting through it, I realized that I had one piece that was not junk. From the county. Dreading anything I ever get from the county (on principal, not because they send me Nasty-Grams. DOWN WITH THE MAN!!), I tore into it.

It was a referral for Amelia to Early Interventions.

This wasn’t the first time I’d seen this paper (the name of the child was different, of course) and for some reason it smacked me blind. It’s SO not the end of the world to have a kid that needs some therapy. Shit, she’s in decent shape, by comparison (and by comparison, I mean NOT DEAD. Because this kills a lot of kids), and I really need to get the fcuk over myself.

I guess I’d just been in denial the whole time. Like going through the day to day motions with all that goes on in my Circus of a House, without thinking, honestly THINKING about what a diagnosis of encephalocele really means. I am, apparently, the only one who thinks this way because I called The Daver at work that day in a mild panic:

(ring ring)



“Uh…what?” (he knows better than to really worry when I call in a panic)

“Amelia….got her referral to Early Intervention,” I waited to hear him freak out.

“….” Typing sounds in the background.


I sighed deeply before we hung up. Apparently, I am the only one who is bothered by this. Figures.

I need to put on my big girl panties and just call for the appointments and evaluations, I know I do. Well, okay, I’ll tell YOU Internet, but let’s keep it between us, okay? I actually DID call. And then I promptly hung up when someone answered. Maturity has never been my strong suit, you know?

So I will do what I always do! Distract you with pictures! Because what else can I do? AND WHO DOESN’T LIKE PICTURES?

The Devil doesn’t. I swear.

I know that I post more pictures of my younger kids and while that would make it appear that I am favoring them, I assure you that it’s not.

This, this picture is Ben, In Real Life. Always in motion.


And this is my second born, Alex:


Playing with bath crayons. Outside the bath. Because he is that kind of kid. (what the fuck ever that means)


Daver was sick a couple of weeks ago with the flu–influenza I mean–and slept pretty much 24 by 7 for a week. While I am normally annoyed by him and his irritating and incredibly dramatical Man Colds, my cold, mean heart felt sorry for him.


MAYBE IT WAS THE SWINE FLU!! OH EM GEE!! (note the 2 exclamation points which should illustrate just HOW emphatically emotional I was being) Actually, I think it might have been.


And lastly, Amelia says, “You moron. It wasn’t the fucking swine flu.”

52 Comments to

“Whatever Is Spanish For Denial”

  1. On April 30th, 2009 at 1:17 pm Ames Says:

    Great pictures as always. I’m sure there is an early intervention referral coming to my mailbox soon as well…Grace had EI for 14 months, looks like the little man might be on that road too… apparently they refer ALL preemies to EI at least for an evaluation. Wishing you the best!

  2. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:04 pm magpie Says:

    She’s not too young for EI? But, what the hell do I know? They’re just looking out for her, you know. Though she’s got a look in her eyes that says she doesn’t need any help, thank you very much.

  3. On April 30th, 2009 at 1:10 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Great pictures, the last one and caption is fabulous. Reason number 44 billion Aunt Becky rocks.

  4. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:12 pm Daddy Files Says:

    I’m picturing you calling and hanging up as soon as someone answers, like I did when I was too afraid to call Melissa Foley in the fifth grade! Too funny.

    And yes, I’m with Amelia. This Swine Flu thing is overblown and has to stop. And that’s coming from a member of the media for cripe’s sake!

  5. On April 30th, 2009 at 1:14 pm fidget Says:

    EI, I wish we could have convinced someone that my oldest needed EI. they kept refusing. It was very frustrating. By the time we managed to get them to realize she needed help, she was too old and they were all WHY DIDNT YOU CALL US SOONER? fuckers.

    and I want to smooshies your babies, they are all so cute

  6. On April 30th, 2009 at 1:17 pm lady lemon Says:

    Dude, it was totally the swine flu.

    That’s sucks about Amelia. I can tell by looking at her there is a lot of intelligence behind those eyes. Don’t let some stupid county referal make you worry. I think if she really had issues, you would be able to tell.

  7. On April 30th, 2009 at 1:33 pm Jenn Says:

    I was in denial for about 6 months after Will’s EI letter. Turns out, it was nothing but good. I know that you know but a referral doesn’t exactly mean that something is wrong. They just know what to watch.

    Most of all, go with your gut. Not your immature gut that prank calls the county…your mama gut. (That sounds bad but it wasn’t meant that way.) There is alot going on in those eyes…I can tell from the pictures. But it doesn’t hurt to have someone else confirm.

  8. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:41 pm heather Says:

    She looks like The Daver. Might just be the expression, though, as I often imagine him with that same disdainful look as he’s sprawled on the sofa with a Man Cold. She’s fabulously beautiful.

  9. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:42 pm Anjali Says:

    You need to send that picture and commentary of Amelia to Joe Biden. Before he shoots off his damn mouth again…

  10. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:47 pm Sarah Says:

    Okay, sure, you should probably chill, blah blah blah, it’s just routine and DEAR LORD WOULD YOU LOOK AT HER EYELASHES. Keep her away from me; I will eat her. She is just too adorable. Especially when she’s looking at us all like we’re idiots.

  11. On April 30th, 2009 at 1:48 pm Sara Says:

    That is totally what Amelia is saying. I can see it in her eyes. And I love that the boys have crazy hair. It’s just awesome.

    And you know better than to stress out about the EI letter. She’s so little that there isn’t a TON of things they are going to do, and since that little girl kicks so much ass, you’ll be done with them in no time!

    Duh, Dumbass. (Said with lots of love and support, you know that!)

  12. On April 30th, 2009 at 1:52 pm amy Says:

    Oh my God…Amelia is so big!!! I hate when people say that, but wow! She’s such a beauty!!!!
    I feel ya on the early intervention thing. Jack is still seeing an occupational therepist for his post NICU therepy and I dread the smuggness that is “Marissa-the OT” because all she does is point out my kid’s shortcomings. Which I guess, IS her job, but annoying as hell at the same time!

    Don’t freak out mama, Amelia is perfect:)

  13. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:11 pm g Says:

    She will just rock their socks in EI. Go so you have bragging rights as to how full of awesome she is.

    And I am totally distracted and in love with pix of your family. Amelia’s look seems so… I don’t know… Becky-ish? 🙂

  14. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:11 pm Marie Says:

    Your children are all beautiful and Amelia looks super smart so I wouldn’t worry. If she get an extra benifet provided to her to develop her motor skills, then thats not a bad thing right?

    Oh, and my husband was convinced he had the swine flu until I said if he really felt that way he needed to go to a hotel for a little while. Aren’t I a peach??

    Today, though, he is muuuch better.

  15. On April 30th, 2009 at 3:13 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    You know, I’m looking at that picture of Amelia and I’m thinking that after an evaluation they’re going to ask you to bring her back to teach the classes. She’s gorgeous and looks perfect and smart to me.

  16. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Mimi Says:

    The County can eat shit. Your kids are adorable. And is it just me, or are men the biggest babies around when they get sick? If I’m puking, TH turns up the volume on the TV so he doesn’t have to deal. If HE’s puking, I’d better be holding his hair back (even though he has a crew cut) and making chicken soup for him (at the same time).

  17. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:22 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Oh no, early interv……..

    ooooo pretty pictures!!

    What was I saying?

  18. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:22 pm Madame Yu See Says:

    What she’s really saying is “Hand me the phone, I’ll call myself, if you can’t do it, and of all the Gin Joints in all the world, why did this vodka loving mother walk into mine?”

  19. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:43 pm Michelle Says:

    Well, she looks like a perfectly normal, healthy and beautiful baby to me!

  20. On April 30th, 2009 at 2:58 pm Miss Grace Says:

    Your babies are The Cute. Also? Distracting.

    I’ve been enjoying your current post-titling method.

  21. On April 30th, 2009 at 3:17 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    Maybe they’ll take one look at that adorable baby girl and turn her loose! As for me, I see those cheeks and seriously want to gobble them up! She’s so cute!

  22. On April 30th, 2009 at 3:18 pm kbrients Says:

    I love me some pictures… and thelast one of Amelia… oh my goodness… she is just beautiful!!

  23. On April 30th, 2009 at 3:27 pm Kristine Says:

    I say, what would it hurt to find out about it. She may or may not need their services, but it’s better to have them offered and decline than to not have them offered when she needed them.

  24. On April 30th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Cassie Says:

    Amelia is so cute. Funny caption 🙂

  25. On April 30th, 2009 at 3:55 pm a Says:

    Prank calling the county – Ha ha ha ha!

    I do not understand the EI stuff – are you actually required to go? What do they do if you don’t? If you’re not worried (although it seems you are), why should they be?

  26. On April 30th, 2009 at 4:03 pm Valerie Says:

    what a cutie! such intense eyes on your little one.

  27. On April 30th, 2009 at 4:27 pm heather Says:

    Denial is a great coping mechanism!!

    And sex with a cheese grater? Oh you poor woman. =(

  28. On April 30th, 2009 at 4:34 pm Meghan Says:

    At least you get referrals there. I have to go huntinmg for them and get them myself…still trying to get into the cleft palette( that’s soooo spelt wrong but you know what I mean) clinic here at the children’s hospital so we can perhaps get some surgery done now that we have TWO failed reastalin injections. But hey got to follow the line of army ants… first we see #1 then wait then #1 to see #2….and on to infinity..

    She’s too cute to have big issues, maybe she’ll fart on someone the first day;)

  29. On April 30th, 2009 at 4:52 pm Kendra Says:

    What beautiful pictures, what beautiful kids!

    That’s got to be heart-wrenching to get that letter; I get terrified by any suggestion that my kids are not going to automatically have easy, perfect lives. (I live in huge states of denial about anything unpleasant and am so far unwilling to change that.) That expression in her picture, though, is so priceless! It’s just such a “oh, honestly, what now?” face. And the bath crayons outside the bath? My kids would be in heaven. I just agreed to let them color the entire outdoors with chalk, and they keep looking at me like they’re waiting to be told they’re doing something wrong.

  30. On April 30th, 2009 at 4:57 pm LAS Says:

    I love the pictures!

  31. On April 30th, 2009 at 5:16 pm deb Says:

    Gosh, she really is to young to be using that language. You should have a sit down with her.

    Don’t sweat the EI Bex. She’s already proved she’s supergirl.

    Oh and by the way, this site does NOT need more cowbell. I’m being inundated with enough cowbell while watching the Rays playing my Sox. Those things are so loud when your IN that stadium.

  32. On April 30th, 2009 at 5:37 pm Inna Says:

    They are adorable!!!! I’m sure it was the swine flu, Oink Oink! 🙂

  33. On April 30th, 2009 at 5:38 pm kalakly Says:

    Love those pics!
    Amelia will probably teach those EI folks a thing or two cuz she’s that smart. Come to think of it, I probably would be a better person if I had had some EI.
    Do you think it’s too late for me?

  34. On April 30th, 2009 at 6:13 pm mumma boo Says:

    Amelia is saying “bring it on, I can take it!” Make the call, get the test, let Amelia show them who is boss. Your kids are so cute, I can’t stand it. You are hereby ordered to slobber on them for me.
    Oh, and look out your window. *waves* 😉

  35. On April 30th, 2009 at 6:33 pm Fancy Says:

    Oooh, honey, I think that pic of Amelia just bitch-slapped you!

    But no, seriously, sign up for what you need to, and obviously the girl is just going to smack them herself with all the milestones she is going to achieve way ahead of schedule.

    And when she is a totally normal teenager and a pain in your butt, you are going to be able to laugh about all of this. I pinky swear…


  36. On April 30th, 2009 at 7:35 pm Mrs.LaLa Says:

    Your kids are SERIOUSLY cute!

  37. On April 30th, 2009 at 6:36 pm Fancy Says:

    Oh yeah, and pull that boogie out of her left nostril…

  38. On April 30th, 2009 at 6:54 pm Swirl Girl Says:

    What Amelia is actually saying is:
    Aunt Becky, if you’re gonna take my picture..gimme a minute to pose all cute -like and pick the tiny booger out of my flippin’ left nostril.

    -here I was thinking I was the only one who would notice a thing like that…NOT!

    why would she need early intervention? is it just S.O.P for this kind of surgery?

  39. On April 30th, 2009 at 8:11 pm giggleblue Says:

    dave got swine flu and turned into a piece of bacon!! and why is your daughter sooooo freakin cute! she’s just adorable!!

    and that letter, i hope it was a waste of the soon to be 44 cents it took to mail it. that kid is a fighter! look at that face! mystery man in her nose and everything. cute.

  40. On April 30th, 2009 at 9:21 pm Katy Says:

    She looks like she would be a worthy opponent for a PT or OT. I bet she’ll put them in their place in no time.

    I actually enjoyed EI. We went to a pediatric rehab center and it was the one place I felt normal because all the other parents were going through the same crap that we were. Plus they taught her how to walk and talk, two skills that are useful to have.

    It sucks to need EI (or at least an eval), though.

  41. On May 1st, 2009 at 5:54 am SciFi Dad Says:

    I love that last picture. LOVE IT.

    I hope the intervention thing goes well, and you can get your baby off the crank, or is she riding the white pony?

  42. On May 1st, 2009 at 6:18 am Badass Geek Says:

    I think Dave had the Ox Flu.

  43. On May 1st, 2009 at 8:01 am Dot Says:

    Great photos! It’s nice to see the whole family (except I haven’t seen you yet, except for the pink bow and curlers). Somehow I had no idea you were so young. You have a really good-looking family, and as we all know (if we’re old enough to remember Billy Crystal on Saturday Night Live), it is better to look good than to feel good.

    Living with 10,000 illnesses at once, I’ve found that a certain amount of denial is healthy. My therapist says denial is designed to protect us from things that are too difficult to bear all at once. Not that all denial is healthy, but I think this kind is. If I let myself think about all the things that are wrong with me, I’d be tempted to stay in bed permanently. Instead, I pretend it’s all fine and I get up and go to work.

    I know you’ll find a way to call because you love Amelia and want the best for her and you’re a very responsible person. And that is NOT meant as a guilt-provoking statement. It’s just what I see reading between the lines.

  44. On May 1st, 2009 at 9:39 am Lola Says:

    No, he definitely looks like he had the bird flu. Damn pigs have stolen the poor chickens’ thunder!

    Very cute family indeed, and take all the early intervention you can get. My gut feeling is she needs none of it, but you might as well get something out of the system.

  45. On May 1st, 2009 at 12:49 pm Sarcastic Bastard Says:

    Amelia is a little angel straight from heaven (to quote Frances McDormand in Raising Arizona). She’s a doll.



  46. On May 1st, 2009 at 1:14 pm Eva Says:

    Remember those EI people tend to overreact, at least in my experience. They’re trying to look for stuff wrong, after all, so of course they’ll find something! Best wishes.

  47. On May 1st, 2009 at 1:19 pm Katie Says:

    OH EM GEE! We’re in Early Intervention, too! Except for my envelope said Special Education which made me cringe. A lot.

    But really, it’s Early Intervention. I swear.

  48. On May 1st, 2009 at 1:35 pm Coco Says:

    I’m with you, sista. We start Speech Therapy soon. And? If it makes you feel better? I hung up the first couple of times I called the ST.

    Also, the caption on Amelia’s picture was so fitting of her stern little expression that I laughed my ass off for five minutes.

  49. On May 1st, 2009 at 1:52 pm Betty M Says:

    Lovely photos there – what a cute bunch of kids you have there.

  50. On May 1st, 2009 at 6:02 pm PiquantMolly Says:

    She TOTALLY has your eyes! So adorable!

  51. On May 1st, 2009 at 7:11 pm Sarah Says:

    Dude. I took my kid to OT for 2 months for SUCK training. How lame is that?

    Amelia is beautiful. And perfect. And a freaking miracle. And don’t you forget it.

  52. On May 1st, 2009 at 7:26 pm DD Says:

    Damn. You make cute babies.

    In spite of The Daver.

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