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…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Weddings ala Aunt Becky


Um. This is an ancient post. I have no idea why it posted here now. THERE’S A GHOST IN THE MACHINE.

I’m not the sort of person who’d been planning her wedding since the day I could walk. In fact, I always thought that the word ‘wife’ had a nasty sort of ring to it. My family also has also had zero interest in planning my potential wedding. In fact, they have threatened to show up to my hypothetical wedding wearing mascot heads and do ‘The Wave’ in the church. I am not and have never been mush-mush OR romantic in any way shape or form. That said, I must disclose a list of things that I believed would make my wedding ‘cool.’

First off, I wanted to dance myself down the aisle at the church to K.C. and the Sunshine Band’s ‘That’s the Way, Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, I Like It.’ What better way to approach the man I’ll be spending the rest of my life with? EVERYBODY loves disco.

In addition to this, I was convinced that the man who would marry me would be a certified Elvis impersonator. I would be married by The King, lip snarl, rockin’ pelvis and all.

Now lastly on my list of hilarious things for my wedding, I planned to have my first dance be extra memorable. I would have the D.J. cue up the beginning of a romantic and dramatic song, I’d meet my husband on the dance floor” and the sweet music would screech to a halt as the Y.M.C.A. would come blasting out. Yes, folks, that’s right, my first wedding song would be the Y.M.C.A.

Now everybody who I have mentioned this to has given me the most horrific look. ‘Aunt Becky, weddings are supposed to be SERIOUS.’ I can’t say that I’ve ever seen it from their point of view.

Dave thinks that I’m insane.

Just wait until he sees the ice cream machine I bought for the reception.

19 Comments to

“Weddings ala Aunt Becky”

  1. On August 27th, 2010 at 9:02 pm voni Says:

    I think it’s a brilliant idea!

  2. On August 14th, 2011 at 4:23 pm Lizzie Says:

    well i think “serious” wedding are boring!! i would rather see the couples’ personality fused into everything 🙂 so you go and YMCA your heart out, ha ha

  3. On August 14th, 2011 at 4:26 pm Brandon Says:

    Funny thing is, if my girlfriend and I ever decide to get married, we have decided to make our “First Dance as Man & Wife” Buckcherry’s Crazy Bitch. Maybe a slowed-down Hangover-wedding-band-esque version, but that is to be determined.

    Fuck Tradition!

    ~My Own Private Idaho~

  4. On August 14th, 2011 at 4:31 pm Caroline Says:

    Hah! If I get married, I’m gonna throw my bouquet like a friggin quarterback tossing a hail Mary.

  5. On August 14th, 2011 at 5:10 pm melissa Says:

    I think the first dance YMCA idea is pretty awesome. It says, “let’s get this party started,” I like it.

  6. On August 14th, 2011 at 6:57 pm Kristin Says:

    You ROCK my dear. That is one wedding I would LOVE to attend.

    BTW, we had the DJ play Friends In Low Places at our wedding reception.

  7. On August 14th, 2011 at 8:34 pm Leslie Says:

    AB, if I ever get married again (and I’d like to, eventually!), I’m consulting you to help plan. Seriously!

  8. On August 14th, 2011 at 9:44 pm Anthony from CharismaticKid Says:

    Can I be one of the village people? I’ll be the motorcycle man.

    Now to learn how to grow chest hair….

  9. On August 14th, 2011 at 10:25 pm April Says:

    We have plans for Cake and Sodomy by Marilyn Manson to be included somewhere…

  10. On August 14th, 2011 at 10:44 pm Darcie Says:

    Aunt Becky, I think your wedding plans are the bomb! I especially like the Elvis impersonator idea, I just celebrated my 25th and we always wanted to go to Vegas and renew our vows with an Elvis Impersonator. A few of my friends who are married as long as we have been have renewed their vows with super serious, weepy, ceremonies. My husband and I are like “What the hell, we’ve already done that, lets do something fun, instead!” Alas, we couldn’t swing it this year, but maybe next year, we can renew our vows anytime, Heidi Klum and Seal do it every year!

  11. On August 15th, 2011 at 12:36 am Tracie Says:

    I have to say that I freaking love the YMCA dance idea.

  12. On August 15th, 2011 at 6:41 am Barbara Says:

    This is exactly how I’d want my wedding to be.

  13. On August 15th, 2011 at 7:47 am Veronica Says:

    I’m getting married in three months, in my paddock, with music playing and the brightest leggings I can find. I’m aiming for fun, not fancy. I mean, we’ve been together for 7 years, we have two children, a mortgage and more animals than most people – so why shouldn’t we laugh and have an amazing time too?

    I bet our grandmothers are going to tsk at us, as we giggle and laugh and shoo ducks away during the vows.

  14. On August 15th, 2011 at 8:54 am Tom Says:

    Oh, Aunt Becky. While I love your sense of humor every chance that I get, I have to agree that marriage should be taken seriously. After all, there are thousands of loving couples in America that don’t enjoy the right.

    I love you.

  15. On August 15th, 2011 at 10:52 am SuperMommie Says:

    Can I come to this wedding? This sounds like my kinda party!!

    I can’t stand the thought of a “real” wedding. I went to the J of the P.

  16. On August 16th, 2011 at 1:53 pm Sarah Says:

    My aunt swore for each of her daughter’s weddings, she’d dance down the aisle to Ain’t Gonna Bump No More With No Big Fat Woman.

  17. On August 16th, 2011 at 8:56 pm Jayme Says:

    A friend of mine and her husband were introduced as mr & mrs at their reception to ‘Another One Bites the Dust’.

    I thought that was quite classy 🙂

  18. On August 20th, 2011 at 3:52 pm Walkingborder (Karen) Says:

    Sorry for the link spam, but THIS is the best wedding I’ve ever seen. It was seriously steam punk. It flat out rocked. Not properly captured: the cutting of the cake, using the sword, that was hidden inside the groom cane. The cake itself speaks for itself. If your wedding doesn’t show your personality, what’s the point?

    PS the ice cream machine could work for any summer wedding. Period. Even serious people love ice cream.

  19. On November 3rd, 2011 at 5:58 pm Julia Says:

    Dear Aunt Becky,
    I’m a newblet Prankster (just found you today) and I have to invite you to my wedding. It’s only ever going to happen when I win the lottery, but here’s how it works:
    My good friend J and I are wedding nerds. We want them. Her boyfriend doesn’t, and my girlfriend has never been the marrying type (in the good way, not the bad way). So when I win the lottery, J and I are having a wedding. (Everyone we’ve told mistakes this as us getting married. No, we never said that. We said we’re having a wedding together, you cats dig?) Our significant others will be our maid and man of honour (and my eminently sensible professional GF has declared she’ll redye her hair pink for it). We’re both having the biggest puffiest princess dresses ever, the women in our bridal parties must have a certain type of dress which also has a huge skirt, and get this–we’re gonna have it at DISNEY WORLD. There will be copious amounts of stupid-cute delicious Disney food, and then later we’re going to run around in slightly less-poofy princess dresses in the parks wearing those Mickey Mouse bride ears and cause SHENANIGANS while making everyone who came to the wedding Drink Around The World at EPCOT with us.

    We’re also making everyone learn routines from the dance game Para Para Paradise for the reception.

    It will be the biggest, silliest, most beautiful event on the planet. And because you believe like we do, you’re invited. I’ll let you know when I win.

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