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Wading In The Velvet Sea

February11

Appointment with neuro #2 was this morning and surgery–after an MRV this Monday–will be February 26. Right before my daughter turns 1 month old.

I wish I had something poignant or some revelation about how much better it makes me feel to have this on the books, but all I want to do is run away. With her, preferably. So, if you see a chubby dark haired woman running with a infant car seat along the side of the road, pick her up and offer her a drink. She could use it.

I’m freaking the fcuk out and I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to make it another 2 weeks after hearing things like “skull bone graft” and “may have innervation.” I feel sick.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to vomit up my Valium.

posted under Goin' Off The Rails On A Crazy Train

53 Comments to

“Wading In The Velvet Sea”

On February 11th, 2009 at 2:58 pm Peggy Says:
And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine until tomorrow, let it be.
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:00 pm Shanna Says:
Let me know if there is anything I can do. Like show up at the hospital with a bottle of vodka. 😉 Really, I think I remember how to find you. 😉
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:03 pm magpie Says:
I don’t do ((hugs)) but I think you need one. So, (((hugs))).
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:04 pm Susan Says:
Oh, honey. This has got to be so frickin’ hard. Forgive me for calling you honey and forgive me for not saying, “fuckin’ hard.” I just don’t want to offend your other commenters. Hang in – we’re pulling for you and Miss Amelia!
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:05 pm Rachel Says:
I wish there was something encouraging and uplifting I could say, but there’s not…this all sucks major ass.
Maybe you can get valium in IV or injection form?
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:05 pm kbrients Says:
I really wish there was something that I could say to you that would make some difference, but I know that there isn’t.

I am thinking about you and praying for her…
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:07 pm Sarah Says:
I don’t do hugs either, even in extreme situations. I can’t bring myself to do it, I’m sorry. So how about (((vicodin))) and (((valium))) and maybe (((moonshine)))?

Hang in there chickie…one day you’ll look back on this as the month from hell that you survived.
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:14 pm Ames Says:
I too wish there were some magical phrase I could spit out that would make all the hurt and worry go away, but alas there isn’t.

I am however thinking of you and sweet Amelia and will keep the prayers flowing!
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:14 pm abandoning eden Says:
(((((((becky))))))
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:14 pm Heather Says:
{{Hugs}}
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:21 pm Anjali Says:
Oh. I feel sick, too.

Wading right with you.
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:28 pm Kristine Says:
Forgive my lack of medical knowledge….uh innervation? From the things I looked up are they saying she may (or may not) have nerves in the new part of her skull?

Am thinking of you. Nothing I can say is going to make your 2 weeks any easier.
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:28 pm Ms. Moon Says:
I hate that old saying, “The Lord never gives you anything you can’t bear.” I hate it because (a) it’s not true, and (b) of course we bear what we must.
I swear to you, you will look back on all of this and say, “How the hell did we get through it?” And then you will look at your beautiful daughter and you will say, “Thank God we did.”
And you will be able to smile.
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:28 pm Painted Maypole Says:
at least it’s scheduled, and hopefully this will all soon be far, far behind you.

(by the way, I know you mean FEB 26 – but you may want to edit it)
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:33 pm a Says:
Granted, skull bone graft and innervation do not sound pleasant, but you know they have to cover all the scary stuff. I’m sure that Amelia will breeze right through it, and you’ll wonder why you were worried.

Meanwhile, I think they recommend combining valium with vodka…but do what you gotta do!
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:33 pm trish Says:
I’m sorry! Continue the venting, though! We don’t mind. 🙂 That’s what friends are for, right?
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:37 pm deb Says:
I can’t imagine how hard this all is for you right now, but put your faith in these doctors the best you can.
Then drink as much and as often as you can. Which if your breastfeeding isn’t. So I’ll drink for you.
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Betty M Says:
I’ll be there with a drink if you run by. I am sorry it is so hard.
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:42 pm Amanda Says:
I can’t even fathom how difficult this is for you. Trust me, if I could I’d get you plastered. (Heck, give me an address and I’ll send you a care package.) I’m still praying for your family.
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:46 pm Danielle Says:
Oh don’t throw up the Valium! That’s the good shit, sister! Give that beautiful baby lots of cuddles, she’ll help ya get through this. Thinking and praying for you!
HUGS
On February 11th, 2009 at 3:54 pm Miss Grace Says:
Ugh.
On February 11th, 2009 at 4:07 pm kate Says:
praying praying for all of you.
On February 11th, 2009 at 4:15 pm g Says:
Good to have it on the books, meaning after said point you move past this. Because you and Amelia and the rest of the family will move past this. You are always in my thoughts Bec. Much love baby girl.
On February 11th, 2009 at 4:18 pm Betts Says:
I want it to be over for you, so you can enjoy this time of sleepless nights and sore nipples. I wish I could make it better. I’m thinking of you a lot.
On February 11th, 2009 at 4:23 pm paula Says:
Oh Becky, this must be so hard for you. I’m thinking of you and your family.
On February 11th, 2009 at 5:08 pm tash Says:
Pulling over, setting doily on road shoulder, pouring two stiff drinks.

Thinking of you, all, tons. Just tons.
On February 11th, 2009 at 5:22 pm Kendra Says:
Oh, God, the first month after all my kids were born were the hardest months of my parenting life so far. Just getting over having a baby, getting used to caring for one, and settling into life with the new family, it’s all so hard. I absolutely can’t imagine how I would have gotten through that along with all that you’re dealing with right now.

It’s true, they have to cover the scary stuff so you know. And the thing is, if they were talking about my skull, I’d be pretty freaked out but able to hang on. My kids, that’s another story. Do whatever you have to do to get through the next few weeks, and I hope it’s all behind you soon and you can start the really getting to know your beautiful girl.
On February 11th, 2009 at 5:24 pm Sara Says:
Love and hugs!!!

I wish I could say or do more. 🙁
On February 11th, 2009 at 5:54 pm Lynanne Says:
Like the others, I know there is nothing I can say to ease your worries. I heard the dreaded words that something wasn’t quite right when my youngest son was born. He has a skin condition (cutis marmorata telangiectatica congenita – say that 3 times fast) that the specialist warned us that upward of 50 percent (as high as 90% in some studies) of children have complications from, including neurological and cognitive involvement. So, we sit and wait. We went from the beast that we knew and feared (autism can be genetic) to one I knew absolutely nothing about.

I do know that Dr. Google, while providing lots of facts, photos, and information for my scientific mind, did nothing for my emotional piece of mind. Dr. Lynanne advises that you stay the hell away from him. 🙂 Hang in there and all the best!
On February 11th, 2009 at 6:17 pm Fancy Says:
I’ll admit, I don’t know what innervation means, and I looked it up. Are they talking cranial nerves, or topical ones? Any idea what it might mean, or is it a wait and see game?

Either way, I’m thinking of you and Dave and Amelia. Try to think positive thoughts, and surround yourself with strong people. xoxo
On February 11th, 2009 at 6:36 pm swirl girl Says:
Trust that if it were an emergency…they’d be doing this now and not on the 26th.

and I DO do hugs, so here {{{hugs}}}
On February 11th, 2009 at 6:36 pm cloudy Says:
I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I am keeping you & your baby girl in my thoughts.
On February 11th, 2009 at 6:53 pm baseballmom Says:
Dammit, it’s supposed to be your time to have fun with your babe, and you have to worry instead. It sucks big time, and I am so sorry. I hope you can find peace, and that it’s over after this so you can relax…you so deserve to be able to enjoy her!
On February 11th, 2009 at 6:55 pm Andy Says:
OH Beck! I have no words, but I’m here.
On February 11th, 2009 at 7:08 pm Red Says:
I wish all of your loyal followers could say or do something to make it better. Just know that so many people are willing this all to turn our right and we know it sucks for the time being.
On February 11th, 2009 at 7:16 pm Elaine at Lipstickdaily Says:
Deep breath. Look at your daughter’s beautiful face. She has a wonderful mom to get her through this. One nanosecond at a time.
On February 11th, 2009 at 7:30 pm Eva Says:
These things are too much. They shouldn’t happen.
On February 11th, 2009 at 7:39 pm mumma boo Says:
Hang in there, Becky. Amelia will do beautifully. Prayers, hugs, lots of love, and positive vibes coming your way, my friend. She will be great. And so will you.
On February 11th, 2009 at 7:40 pm Five Husbands Says:
Sending love – lots of love.
On February 11th, 2009 at 7:49 pm giggleblue Says:
i’m sending my thoughts. hang in there.
On February 11th, 2009 at 8:13 pm Melissa Says:
I hug, so here ((Becky))

I also drink, so I’ll make sure a few rounds are in your honor tonight when I head out for Decompression Wednesday with the rest of my stressed-out peeps.
On February 11th, 2009 at 8:30 pm Jenn Says:
*hugs* I’m thinking of you guys. xoxo
On February 11th, 2009 at 10:05 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:
I know I keep saying the same things, but it’s only because I don’t know what else to say. Nothing seems enough. We ARE here, and we DO love you and little Amelia. If she’s half as strong as her mother, she will be just fine. Hell, she may even punch the doctor when she comes out of sugery.
On February 11th, 2009 at 10:09 pm Cricket Says:
Auntie, are they considering it an encephalocele? Or will the next test determine that? I used to work on NTDs and know how frustrating the closed versions are – can be impossible to predict. It sounds like you’re in great hands and I’d be worried if you weren’t freaking out. You’re doing a great job.
On February 11th, 2009 at 10:10 pm mandy Says:
I am praying for you both! If it were me, I know I’d be such a mess. I hate that you both are going through this. I know you have so much support and I hope it really helps make you feel even slightly better.
On February 11th, 2009 at 11:02 pm Lola Says:
Well, I don’t know what to say other than the whole thing fucking sucks! If you want, I’ll fly out there and rage against the machine with you and hold your hand and take care of the boys and the pets so you can deal however you need to deal. You might have to share the valium, but after that, I’m great in a crisis 😉
On February 12th, 2009 at 12:03 am LilSass Says:
I’m just here to say I’m thinking of you and your family and sending cyber kisses to Amelia. You need anything and I’m there in a second. No joke
On February 12th, 2009 at 8:55 am Badass Geek Says:
Sure, I’ll pick you up.

I’ll even let you sit in the front seat.

Also, I want to hug you.
On February 12th, 2009 at 9:17 am heather Says:
You poor woman. I just don’t know what to say.
On February 12th, 2009 at 9:54 am honeywine Says:
I just have a horrible grimace right now. Try to keep the valium down… possibly with scotch. I’ll keep my fingers crossed babe. 🙁
On February 12th, 2009 at 10:03 am jerseygirl89 Says:
Of course I’ll pick you up – and bring you to a baby-friendly bar (surely we could find one somewhere?).

I wish I had some words of wisdom a way of helping besides positive thoughts.
On February 12th, 2009 at 10:59 am Melanie Says:
this sucks…
On February 13th, 2009 at 11:54 am Coco Says:
Oh, honey. I am with you in spirit, and I wish it could be in person.

Sending you and wee Amelia the love.