Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

The Day The LOLcats Died


“You should start a blog,” The Daver, circa 2003

“What the fuck is a ‘blog’?” Student Nurse Becky, circa 2003.

I had plans – grand plans – after graduation. Most times, they involved things like “never wiping old person ass again,” or “taking a nap,” or “eating thousands of cheeseburgers,” and “taking over the universe.” Upon occasion (generally when I was sleepy and/or drunk) I wondered what I would DO with the rest of my life. I simply couldn’t visualize it.

But it was that one statement, made by a much younger Daver that started me down a path I’d never expected. I became a blogger.

It was through my first blog, Mushroom Printing, I learned that I could write – albeit not very well. Like anything, it took years of practice and several good editors before I really learned what made a blog post good. And I might argue that I’ve never learned that trick.

It wasn’t until I started writing Mommy Wants Vodka in 2007, shortly after I turned 27, that I realized how powerful a voice could be. It was then that I began pouring myself out onto a blank WordPress screen. What came out was sometimes good, more often not, it was bad, but it was mine. Those words were mine.

Out of a twisted branch of a conversation I’d had many years before, I found my voice.

I’m not about to sit here and tell you how GREAT my voice is or that I’m SO RAD to be a blogger because some company gave me a yacht*, but I am going to tell you that through that voice, I found myself.

There’s no dollar amount, no traffic spike, no amount of comments that can ever compare to how powerful that is.

I went black yesterday to protest SOPA/PIPA (which I keep thinking of as “SOAP” and “Pippy Longstocking”) not because I am certain that these bills will be shutting me down – I don’t know that – but because I love my Internet. The verbage on these to bills is vague enough that something – anything – can happen.

Certainly, as someone who’s shit’s been stolen, I dislike piracy. I’d like to be able to take those who have stolen my material, passed it off as their own, and shove them in a hole and make them listen to the Facts of Life theme for days.

Let me be clear: stealing shit? That sucks. Buy your own fucking movies – I do. Come up with your own blog name – I did. Write your own damn words – I do.

That aside, those laws freak me out.

And I owe the Internet a debt of gratitude I can never repay. For helping a lost girl find her way. That is worth more than any yacht**.

I mean, where would I be without my crazy dancing cat videos?



15 Comments to

“The Day The LOLcats Died”

  1. On January 19th, 2012 at 11:44 am Mayor Gia Says:

    I LOVE this song. And the fact that he managed to use the words “abort” and “law” in the same sentence.

    And you’re totally right about SOPA/PIPA. I don’t like stealing, but I like censorship less!

  2. On January 19th, 2012 at 11:52 am Andie Says:

    Yeah, I think everyone can agree that piracy is bullshit, but I think the Oatmeal put it best when they said that these laws are like trying to solve the problem of an escaped lion by blowtorching kittens.

    Incidentally, when I see PIPA I think of Kelly Ripa and think ‘YES. PIPA MUST BE STOPPED’. The crazy wench.

  3. On January 19th, 2012 at 11:59 am Brandon Says:

    SOPA is easy to pronounce. Soap-ah, like “OPA” in greek, although this is no party…

    But PIPA. Is it PEE-Puh, or Pippa like Pippa Middleton? I personally like PEE-Puh, because this bill would piss all over the interwebs if passed.

    Fight the power, fellow blogger.

  4. On January 19th, 2012 at 12:00 pm Bestfoodies Says:

    Although I can loosely use the term “I am a blogger” since a) I am still a newbie and b) can’t really call myself a writer I do love the fact that I have found something that I enjoy and have met wonderful friends that seem to be as crazy as I am sometimes and I totally resent that they want to take my rights away to pretend I am a writer and join in with all of you in the blog world. Loved your post as always…if it wasn’t for you funny moms out there making me laugh who knows how much more insane I would be!

  5. On January 19th, 2012 at 12:04 pm leigh Says:

    piracy is bullshit – but these laws will mostly hurt people that aren’t doing anything wrong at all. I also went black yesterday because I loves me some internets.. hard.

  6. On January 19th, 2012 at 4:00 pm weekly joy Says:

    I agree that piracy is bad, but that I’d rather someone steal all my words (as if!) And pass them off as their own than for the government to steal them forever. Also SOPA makes me think of sopapillas and PIPA makes me think of Pippa Middleton, so now I’m hungry and I want to shop, so I blame the government for making me fat and broke!

  7. On January 19th, 2012 at 4:14 pm Shannon Says:

    Thank you and my sentiments exactly. If you can’t support bloggers you can at least support the the cat videos that we all watch WAY too much. Seriously though I am new to the whole blogger thing, but it is such an outlet for me I can’t imagine not having the freedom to express my meaningless babble to the sphere.

  8. On January 19th, 2012 at 5:42 pm Sue at Naperville Now Says:

    I think you are very rad. And it is time to quit hiding the yacht.

  9. On January 19th, 2012 at 7:10 pm Heather Says:

    I would really love a sopapilla right now.

  10. On January 19th, 2012 at 10:34 pm Michy Says:

    I went black on both of my blogs too, because these laws just… no. NO.

    Also, I would totally buy you a yacht if I could.

  11. On January 19th, 2012 at 11:04 pm Alexandra/Empress Says:

    Me and you both.

    Saves my life daily.

    Changed my life.

    And has to be said again: Saves my lie daily.

    best two years of my life, up there with the birth of my 3 children.

  12. On January 20th, 2012 at 7:42 am Megan (Best of Fates) Says:

    Would a blow-up yacht count? ‘Cause I might be able to lay my hands on one of those.

  13. On January 20th, 2012 at 11:48 am Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd Says:

    Very nicely put.

  14. On January 20th, 2012 at 11:58 am Tricia Says:

    I ALWAYS give you credit after I tell someone to shut their whore mouths….. 😉

  15. On January 20th, 2012 at 4:12 pm Marta Says:

    Completely agree that blogging is an amazing way to find your voice. The SOPA/PIPA thing is ridiculous (and ridiculously named) and I’m hoping that it goes absolutely no where. Or better yet the shitter.

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...