Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride



My parents, when they remembered, measured my height on the back of the door to the basement. It was there that I could see how much I’d grown over the past years and a good way to be all, “I’m not THAT short” when my brother called me Stumpy. I was also, I recall, horrified by what my mother called “her handwriting.”

I’d probably do the same thing in my own house – for my KIDS, not ME – but all my doors are stained wood – nothing white here. So I have to do other things in order to see how much they’ve all grown.

Back in April, 2008, I bought myself Big Mac – a 24 inch computer that was hella awesomer than my previous computer – a 10 inch iBook with a broken screen. It was on that computer that I vowed I’d “write a book,” and “watch dancing kittens playing the piano.”

I did.

When I bought it, rather than simply take a picture of the technology, I decided to pose someone in front of it.

MUCH more interesting that way.

Also: SQUEE at chunky Baby Legs!

Alas, all good things must come to an end. Big Mac had been wheezing and choking along, trying to keep up with me as I beat on it day in and day out.

Last weekend, I’d finally had enough when, once again, Big Mac decided that I didn’t really NEED to be working any more (Big Mac LIES! I must! work! more!) for the eleventy billionth time that week. HOW DARE MY COMPUTER JUDGE ME FOR WORKING!

It was then that I realized Big Mac and I were soon to be parted.

Luckily I had just the thing to fix that.

Pranksters, meet Big Mac II.

Also: look at how far that chubby baby has come. He’s the one in the blue nerd shirt. His sister, Amelia, wasn’t even a twinkle in my eyes when Big Mac 1 came home.

(and no, that’s not Mountain Dew* OR pee in that bottle – it’s lemonade. They were playing “baby.”)

Amazing how far we’ve all come, isn’t it?

*my kids are NOT stoners.

14 Comments to


  1. On March 7th, 2012 at 11:14 am Lori (aka Bubbe) Says:

    Very sweet photos!

  2. On March 7th, 2012 at 11:23 am red Says:

    Four years on a computer? You must use the heck out of it!
    Also, cute to mimic the first picture with the two kids in the second.

  3. On March 7th, 2012 at 11:42 am Marie Says:

    Doesn’t it suck that You have to put the disclaimer at the end because there are people who still have babies drinking MOUNTAIN DEW from bottles? (My mom recently heard her apt. neighbor with a 1 year old as large as my 5 year old tell the “dad” to make sure he watered down that mountain dew before he put it in the bottle. Klassy). Didja see Ellen this morning with the old advertisements? One was for babies to drink more sody pop. Outrageous! You should google it! 🙂

  4. On March 7th, 2012 at 12:42 pm Rich Says:

    Your absolute brilliance knows no boundaries.

  5. On March 7th, 2012 at 12:45 pm Cindy Says:

    Your kids are not stoners. Gotcha. Bwahahaha

  6. On March 7th, 2012 at 1:55 pm Brett Minor Says:

    It’s amazing that you got 4 years out of a computer and I am jealous at the size of yours. I would love one of those big screens.

  7. On March 7th, 2012 at 8:23 pm alaina Says:

    I like this new age version of charting growth. I remember when life existed before personal computers, cell phones, DVDs, Ipods…. A LOT has changed through the years, including my height 🙂

  8. On March 7th, 2012 at 8:48 pm Kim@Amommaly Says:

    Congrats on the addition of Big Mac ii…I have been having LOTSO tech-ish problems over here on my end so I am a teensy bit green.

    On the other hand, I am pretty sure we have the same dishwasher.

  9. On March 7th, 2012 at 8:52 pm katrina Says:

    awww…….i want your kids!

  10. On March 7th, 2012 at 9:11 pm Grace Says:

    Put me in the Jealous Group as well. My laptop literally crashed (aka knocked on the floor by my dog) last year. It’s had a new hard-drive installed, but it was really just a bandaid on a slowly dying computer. I REALLY need a new one.

  11. On March 7th, 2012 at 10:34 pm Michy Says:

    I so so much want to come and steal away your children because they are SO SO SO adorable!

  12. On March 7th, 2012 at 10:58 pm badbadwebbis Says:

    My laptop is the technological equivalent of the 70-year-old man with mild dementia. He’s soldiering on, but his bowels aren’t in tip-top shape, and he’s kind of a hoarder, and he misplaces stuff and changes dates on things on a whim…I imagine it’s kind of like Abe Vigoda at this point.

    He is 6 now, which I believe has an age exchange rate of 12-1.

  13. On March 8th, 2012 at 1:09 am Devan Says:

    So glad you disclaimered the bottle of pee….I thought “uh oh, the baby police are gonna be all over her for that….” I saw it before you even addressed it. I, of course, knew it was for play, but there are some crazies out there…..though, probably not any of your pranksters.

    Anywhoooo, LOVE LOVE LOVE those babies! Your son can rock even a nerd shirt and, as always, your princess is just stunning! 🙂

  14. On March 8th, 2012 at 2:56 pm Marta Says:

    After I read this I had to go get a Big Mac. Because I was initially thinking we were discussing the food.

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