Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Time For Merry Pranking, Pranksters


So wow, huh. If you’re reading this in a reader, I suggest you come and take a look around. Come see! Come see! It’s pretty! *claps up and down like a chimp*

Anyway. I kind of need your help today. But don’t worry. It’s actually not, like, HARD.

See, ages ago, when I rode a dinosaur to school and Jesus was my classmate, I was fortunate enough to land myself a couple of agents, Michael and Kristina of Ebeling Literary Agency. I had a book proposal that was full of The Awesome, everyone said so, and it was only a matter of time before someone eagerly snatched it up.

Then the crash of Aught-Eight happened.

The publishing world, along with the rest of the world, got burned when the economy plummeted and while everyone agreed that my stuff was great! My numbers just weren’t high enough.

But Your Aunt Becky, she is many things. And she is a tenacious beast, so Round Two of Book Proposals were drafted, incidentally, as Amelia was born, and sent off to publishers. Again, the publishers were interested, but worried. They’d been burned badly. People weren’t buying books in such droves.

New vs. old media! Cats and dogs, living together, mass hysteria, Pranksters!

Publishers, it turns out, they like numbers. No one has said that I don’t have talent or appeal, because if LOL Cats can get a book, I should probably be able to score something.

It’s a numbers game. Publishers want numbers. They want to see big Twitter numbers, big Facebook Fans, huge subscriber numbers, all of that stuff, publishers want.

Along with my new site design, I have a new page up at the top left corner called, brilliantly “The Book.” If, my agents think, I can get a ton of people to fill out their names and email addresses saying that, “uh, hai, we’d order her book, publishers would be swayed over.

But if I need numbers, I need your help, my Mery Pranksters to get them. Blog it, Tweet it, beg people on the street, just please help Your Aunt Becky out.

It’s not money or a credit card I need, it’s just names and email addresses of people who might be willing to buy my book. Consider it a PRE-pre-order. Ask your coworkers, your mom, your dad, your friends, your IMAGINARY friends, whatever.

The higher the numbers (they’re looking for numbers, I emphasize, not your NAMES)(it’s not The Man looking for you, people), the better it looks. And really, this beats me coming around banging on your door and peeking creepily in your windows. WHICH I WILL DO.

I did door-to-door sales for Girl Scouts and I’ll do it again if I have to but I am not going to look cute in a costume designed for a third grader and mark my words, I WILL wear it.

In return for signing up, I will HAPPILY send you a chapter of my book (soon). Really, nothing about this sucks.

Just don’t make me hold a bake sale because seriously, that will make no one happy.

So, Internet, while you’re exploring my new site design and admiring all of the hard work that went into it, done by the disjointed efforts of The Daver, Your Aunt Becky (Sherrick Harks), Keeping You Awake and Mrs. Soup, won’t someone think of the NUMBERZ? By no means is it complete, but sometimes, you have to just get ‘er done.

Let’s get ‘er done.

Can you help me? Please?

86 Comments to

“Time For Merry Pranking, Pranksters”

  1. On February 28th, 2010 at 10:27 pm Jurgen Nation Says:

    Happily. You got my number, girl.

  2. On February 28th, 2010 at 10:31 pm Ellie Says:

    Why not… we need more books published.

  3. On February 28th, 2010 at 10:32 pm Sue robinson Says:

    You got it!

  4. On February 28th, 2010 at 10:36 pm Steph the WonderWorrier Says:

    Love the new look of the site! Off to click on “THE BOOK” right now!

    (In return… feel like sharing a link to my Cancer Fundraising team’s page sometime? . If you read this blog post: you’ll get it)(THANK YOU!).

  5. On February 28th, 2010 at 10:41 pm a Says:

    Nice rework! Although the pictures on the left freak me out because the last one looks unfinished and I can’t scroll down with it! I will sign up for the book thing!

  6. On February 28th, 2010 at 10:44 pm Shell Says:

    Love your new look! Off to sign up like a good little lemming.

  7. On February 28th, 2010 at 10:47 pm Brooke Says:

    Yes, Aunt Becky.

    Love the new design. It is very pretty!!

  8. On February 28th, 2010 at 10:50 pm boobarella Says:

    Look at you with all your widgets hanging out.

    Frak yeah I’ll pimp you to all my friends, frenemies, and enemies. Heck, maybe even my family.

  9. On February 28th, 2010 at 11:07 pm Kristin Says:

    It’s a gorgeous new site design! And, I’ll starting pimping your book tomorrow (sorry, I need my sleep).

  10. On February 28th, 2010 at 11:12 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m so tired from all the work from the site design that I am hallucinating. Tomorrow, we’ll start fresh. Also? I’ll be wearing my fancy new hat while I beg for help. xoxo

  11. On February 28th, 2010 at 11:11 pm Sonny Says:

    I think I want to buy your book but what is it about?

  12. On February 28th, 2010 at 11:15 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    They’re both collections of essays. Longer blog posts, really. Pretty much like stuff you’d read here but longer and much more heavily edited.

  13. On February 28th, 2010 at 11:24 pm Chibi Jeebs Says:

    Tweeted, facebooked, and signed up with *cough*both*cough* email address(es)… 😉

  14. On February 28th, 2010 at 11:31 pm Kate Says:

    Anything for you, Aunt Becky.

    I think my children all want to sign up, too.

    And our cats.

    And I just want to say that I envy your not having to hold a bake sale because I hate having to do fundraising of any kind & I pretty much suck at it (if you go to my blog, you will see I tell the truth), yet as we go through this process of adoption, I have no choice BUT to fundraise because no relative has graciously decided to drop dead & leave me their millions in order to make traveling to the Ukraine to get my girls oh, so easy!

    Sigh… it’s so unfair. 😉 (But they’re so totally worth it)

    Anyway, your new site design is fun & I will sign up lots of people for you ‘cuz I’m all about keeping my bloggy friends happy! 🙂

  15. On March 1st, 2010 at 6:27 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Fund-raising is terrible. I didn’t actually MAKE it as a girl scout. I think I sold like 12 boxes of cookies before I quit. I’m a brownie dropout, dude. DROPOUT.

    And for those girls, even my cold, tight butt will be helping out with your adoption. How could I not, with faces like those?

  16. On March 1st, 2010 at 1:40 am Dory Says:

    This is gorgeous! I love it!

    Is that bar over there <—- a plugin or what?

  17. On March 1st, 2010 at 6:25 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It’s part of a wordpress theme called “picture perfect.”

  18. On March 1st, 2010 at 3:50 am caseadilla Says:

    I’ve been lurking for a few weeks now and want to say, “hey, gurl!”… the new layout is full of The Awesome. EXCEPT, even with my browser on full screen I can’t tell if I am seeing all of the banner options on the left. “…Love, Aunt Becky” was the last one I could see in regular view, and when I full-screened I can now see part of “Top Shelf.” Does my browser just blow, or is the set-up maybe a little wonky? Just trying to help.

    And I signed up for the PRE-pre-order. Gonna head over to FB ro cyber-stalk you there! Thanks for being awesome, and sharing the awesome with us! 🙂

  19. On March 1st, 2010 at 5:17 am Andy Says:

    very cool! You can count on me. And I love the new design. Swanky!

  20. On March 1st, 2010 at 5:49 am charity Says:

    Can’t wait to read it!

  21. On March 1st, 2010 at 7:00 am cakemix Says:

    yes! sign me up! i wanna buy your book…x

  22. On March 1st, 2010 at 7:01 am Wicked Shawn Says:

    Always happy to be of assistance to an aspiring microbiologist/writer. 😉

  23. On March 1st, 2010 at 7:53 am Jennifer B Says:

    Um, hell yeah, I’m in on the book. I will start pushing it on everyone I know. ‘Cause I love you like that! And uh, I’ll make up some email addresses for all the copies of your book that I will buy as gifts for people. 🙂

  24. On March 1st, 2010 at 7:53 am Vinomom Says:

    I will happily sign up. Love the new site – haven’t gotten around to exploring it all yet but it looks neat!

  25. On March 1st, 2010 at 7:55 am johnomori Says:

    Happy to help.. God luck.

  26. On March 1st, 2010 at 8:08 am RachelBK Says:

    You write it, I’ll pre-order it. Nice makeover, by the way.

  27. On March 1st, 2010 at 8:24 am Stephanie Says:

    Bex, totally. I am uber-anti-Kindle/Nook/iBook. I love the feel of paper and the smell of book glue and ink. They can have my books when they pry them from my cold, dead fingers.

    And I want yours.

  28. On March 1st, 2010 at 8:41 am Erin Says:

    I wanna pre-order!

    And someday I want someone to want to pre-order MY book, too.


    I’m so there.

  29. On March 1st, 2010 at 8:44 am Elly Lou Says:

    Oh yo, bring on the good writing karma. Fingers crossed for you. I call dibs on cocktails with you all made up drag queen style when your book tour stops in NYC.

    As for your dead sexy new site design? We likes it.

  30. On March 1st, 2010 at 8:51 am Jerseygirl89 Says:

    Love the new site and signing up for your future book. All the pictures are full of the awesome. 🙂

  31. On March 1st, 2010 at 9:29 am Melissa Says:

    Dude you came in 2nd in the Bloggies. You beat Blogess, Fail Blog etc. Damn those people at Walmart, but 2nd is still silver and sparkly.

  32. On March 1st, 2010 at 9:30 am Patty Punker Says:

    the new site is full of awesome. i told the publishers “hell yeah”!

  33. On March 1st, 2010 at 9:43 am Jenni Says:

    I like the new site, but I can’t see all the options on the left bar. I checked full screen and noticed there were options under Top Shelf I can’t see in normal mode. I wonder what other awesome I’m missing.

  34. On March 1st, 2010 at 9:47 am stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    I have about a half dozen email addys. All of which would love to buy your book! Love the new site look!

  35. On March 1st, 2010 at 9:47 am Jessica Says:

    You should start a Facebook group The Numbers (aka Aunt Becky Book Club)….yah. Maybe not…..

  36. On March 1st, 2010 at 10:28 am SoccerMom Says:

    I would love to. I read books all the time and I’m always looking for a new read.

    The new look is pretty cool also.

  37. On March 1st, 2010 at 11:14 am Lee the Hot Flash Queen Says:

    I’ll go do you if you do CCWA. I think that’s fair!

  38. On March 1st, 2010 at 11:15 am Susan Says:

    Consider it done.

    Love the new look!

  39. On March 1st, 2010 at 11:56 am Sandy Says:

    Anything for you darling. But someday I want a signed copy (I will BUY a copy and send to you, of course). Oh, and a kiss on the mouth…

  40. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:09 pm alwaysawkward Says:

    Done! I even used my real name and email instead of my blog one, which I rarely do. That’s how awesome I think your book will be.

    Pretty new site!

  41. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:49 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m so excited about the book that I can hardly stand it. I really, really think everyone will love on it. Even I like it, and I hate everything I do. Because OBVIOUSLY.

  42. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:21 pm Jayme Says:

    I feel like I replied to this already but I don’t see my name in the comments. If I did, disregard. But I love it, so tech savvy with the little pics opening up, fancy!

  43. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:48 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Hooray! It’s pretty, isn’t it? I feel all fancy-pants and grown-up. There will be more tweaks this week! Woo-hoo!

  44. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:30 pm Miss Spoken Says:

    Done and done!

  45. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:47 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Loves you.

  46. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:35 pm amber Says:

    Love the new site…it’s befitting of your awesomeness. I gave you my vote for your publishers, but if you get the deal, you must promise to blog about the process for those of us who in our wildest dreams, picture ourselves getting multi-zillion dollar book deals of our own…

  47. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:47 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Of course! I would never dream of not sharing information with my pranksters.

  48. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:45 pm Leslie Says:

    No question…I would buy it and read it with vodka!

  49. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:47 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Everything is better with vodka!

  50. On March 1st, 2010 at 12:48 pm Rebecca Says:

    I gotta go to “The Book” because I love the whole appeal of getting a chapter sent to me, cause you are even more than full of the awesome and thinking of reading more of the stuff that you write…thinking that one day your agent just might let you do a book tour and I just might be lucky enough to not only read your stuff but also MEET YOU!!! Makes me jump up and down and clap like a circus monkey……..That excited!

  51. On March 1st, 2010 at 1:11 pm joann Mannix Says:

    I’m all over it. LOVE the new look. It’s so simple and non-cluttery and just filled with the pretty. Good job! And can’t wait to read a chapter. I’m in the same boat as you. *Big sigh*

  52. On March 1st, 2010 at 1:23 pm Dot Says:

    Very pretty! You don’t look the way I pictured you so I’m having to process a bit.

    If Dooce can be on HGTV, why can’t you publish a book? Or take over the universe!

  53. On March 1st, 2010 at 1:23 pm Cara Says:

    Count me in everywhere (except for twitter…I am rebelling)

    It’s probably for the best for you not to have a bake sale. I remember the cupcake.

  54. On March 1st, 2010 at 1:38 pm J.R. Reed Says:

    I did sign up and am eagerly awaiting my complimentary chapter! I noticed that you went to school with Jesus. Was this in high school or middle school. J.C. and I went to middle school together, but I ended up going to a christian high school while his parents kept him in public school….

  55. On March 1st, 2010 at 2:07 pm Jennifer B Says:

    Wow… I just had a few minutes to prowl around and I must say, Aunt Becks, you clean up pretty damn fine. I am humping all over this new site. I really, really likey it. Really fuckin cool. 🙂

  56. On March 1st, 2010 at 2:16 pm Kelly Says:

    I really like the new design! Very cool. I signed up, going to go back and sign up the rest of my email addresses…more numbers for you.

  57. On March 1st, 2010 at 2:33 pm jen fritzen Says:

    i will happily do my best to increase your numbers! EVERYONE needs a dose of Aunt Becky!!
    ps. LOVE the new site!

  58. On March 1st, 2010 at 3:43 pm Lucy Cooper Says:

    You got it! Love the site, love the blogger. It’s posted on Audra Flammang’s facebook page and I’ll tweet it too.

  59. On March 1st, 2010 at 4:06 pm Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] Says:

    I will pimp your ass off.

    You’ll look funny with no ass, but I hope my efforts make you love me more.

  60. On March 1st, 2010 at 4:21 pm Kristine Says:

    I’m totally signing up!

  61. On March 1st, 2010 at 4:26 pm Bianca Says:

    Let’s stick it to the man and get you a deal!

    BTW love the new site!

  62. On March 1st, 2010 at 4:35 pm statia Says:

    Ok dude. The site? Really purdy, like your mouth, but I’m not sure about the whole comments the way they’re laid out.

    I tweeted your request, too, btw.

  63. On March 1st, 2010 at 5:10 pm Amanda Says:

    OMG! I love your design. And, glad to see you are back with the best slogan ever – stealing gives you herpes although I miss the little men frolicking through the fields.

    I’ll sign!

  64. On March 1st, 2010 at 5:13 pm Jenn Says:

    I super heart your new design. And you. xoxo

  65. On March 1st, 2010 at 5:22 pm Krissa Says:

    I am aaaaaaaall over it!

  66. On March 1st, 2010 at 5:36 pm Lisa Says:

    I hope our entries under the book section really do help, because no one deserves to be published more than you! Good luck!

  67. On March 1st, 2010 at 6:07 pm existentialwaitress Says:

    Love the new look – and I’ll do anything for my aunt Becky! ;)!

  68. On March 1st, 2010 at 6:24 pm Tracie Says:

    If someone can write a book about not buying anything for a year and *without irony* expect us to buy said book surely there is a market for Aunt Becky’s awesome.

    Love the new site!

  69. On March 1st, 2010 at 6:53 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Someone did that? SERIOUSLY? That’s kind of…I mean…I give them mad props for that. Did people BUY it?

  70. On March 1st, 2010 at 7:13 pm Tracie Says:

    Yep. I don’t know how well it sold. I didn’t buy it which is surprising given my tendancy to spend money on ridiculousness.

  71. On March 1st, 2010 at 6:38 pm mumma boo Says:

    You.are.full.of.awesome. I love the new look and layout! Signed up for the book, and will be donning my purple fedora with the ginormous turquoise feather to pimp you out. *smooches*

  72. On March 1st, 2010 at 6:54 pm sarah Says:

    Woman, I am here for you. (kind of chuckling at that, lol) While MY numbers have never been as grand as yours, I am going right now to my blog and posting a plea for you in my side bar.

    Hopefully, I will get tens of names and emails for ya!!!

    And GOOD LUCK! I’d publish you, but I’m a banker.

  73. On March 1st, 2010 at 7:28 pm Emily (Apron Strings) Says:

    DONE! 🙂

    And your new site is gorgeous!

    AND … just have to say the Ghostbusters reference just happens to be one of my favorite movie lines EVER!

  74. On March 1st, 2010 at 8:54 pm Sadie at heyMamas Says:

    Love the new design! And of course will add my name to the list. how exciting….!

    Sadie at heyMamas

  75. On March 1st, 2010 at 9:08 pm Joel Says:

    I would pre pre order a book from le aunty, but I just arranged to get my hands on some killer steroids. Since I don’t need testicles or patience anymore I fingered, why not?
    But then again I will buy whatever she asks of me because I’m her minion. And that’s what us minions do.

  76. On March 1st, 2010 at 9:39 pm always home and uncool Says:

    Wait. You have an agent? I don’t even have a bartender.

  77. On March 2nd, 2010 at 2:52 am Betty M Says:

    Like the new look although the double comments column is confusing me. Will the book be available internationally?

  78. On March 2nd, 2010 at 7:41 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I didn’t see the double comments! I HOPE it’s available internationally. I’ll cut someone if it’s not (or ship it myself).

  79. On March 2nd, 2010 at 8:33 am Amanda Says:

    I want to! I want to!

  80. On March 2nd, 2010 at 12:09 pm Ellen M Says:

    Love books, love your site, love you (in a “I don’t know you, but you know what I mean”-sort of way). Happy to sign up.

    But here’s the thing: how long do we think this books thing can last? I mean, there’s the trees, and the global warming, and the lack of shelf space in people’s houses, and no more independent book stores, and the Crash of Aught 8, etc.. I feel like they’re going to go away for good sometime soon.

    But still! I sign up.

  81. On March 2nd, 2010 at 3:47 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Done and done.

  82. On March 2nd, 2010 at 5:58 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    YAY! Loves you!

  83. On March 2nd, 2010 at 4:14 pm Laura Says:

    Sweet Jesus – I painted a room in my house, re-organized, took some time off of commenting and I come back to your GORGEOUS and very professional site!

    LOVE the crown, BTW.

    YOU ROCK!!!!

  84. On March 2nd, 2010 at 5:53 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m glad that you like it! I’m very pleased by the way it turned out. I needed a big girl site. It was time.

  85. On March 3rd, 2010 at 8:53 am MamaSkates Says:


    i’m so sorry i’m a total slacker these days & haven’t had a chance to catch up on ur blog…& for real – it’s not cause i’m lazy…this damn job!!! grrrrr! hope 2 have some free time again soon & catch up…in the meantime, send me a chapter please – i’m sooooo excited to read ur book!!! ♥

  86. On March 3rd, 2010 at 7:17 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    I got yo’ back!

    Site looks awesome!

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