Mommy Wants Vodka

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Things I Currently Suck At Doing


*Remembering to post to NaBloWhatever every day. For some reason, this seemed easier last year. Perhaps I was cooler back then.

*Keeping my house clean. I’d like nothing more than to be able to clean the vents that taunt me from my ass-grove-worn couch. Honestly, sitting and staring at the mess makes you bonkers.

*Cooking any meals. I’ve never been a culinary genius–nor would I want to be–but I seem to have a hard time figuring out what to feed four picky people who eat at two separate times. Times separated by a two or more hour window. I admit to feeling some guilt over this.

*Using Target-brand diapers on my wee son. Who seems to break out into a rash the moment I buy a box, while I chant (mostly in my head. Mostly): “It’s 7 whole dollars cheaper!” Apparently, his ass cheeks don’t listen OR CARE about ways to save money.

*Thinking about the holidays without hyperventilating. My family is zero stress (no, seriously) and we gave up travel once Alex was born, and yet I cannot seem to let go of the feeling that I want to stamp my feet (okay, my non-busted foot) and yell, “didn’t we JUST do this?” every time I see a Christmas tree display.

*Getting out and about. I’m starting to feel like I’m in an imposed period of rest BEFORE the baby makes her debut. If I’d informed my old self that I was going to be required to rest most of the time (whenever possible) before this baby came, I’d probably have tongue kissed myself. Which, *shudder, shudder* yeah. It sucks much harder ass than you’d imagine being stuck at the mercy of any other adult who might help you out to the store.

*Carrying Alex up and down the stairs for his (lack of) naps. I’m starting to longingly look at those elevator thingies you can put in your house for wheelchair access. Next thing you know, I’ll be begging Daver for a Hooverround just to make it to the bathroom.

What do you suck at doing these days?

posted under Cheaper Than Rehab
34 Comments to

“Things I Currently Suck At Doing”

  1. On November 7th, 2008 at 8:00 pm Io Says:

    I’ll tell you what I *don’t* suck at – drinking. I’m very good at that. Everything else right now, not so much.

    Dude, not an elevator but the things that attach to the staircase and move up along the edge? I don’t even have stairs, but I want one.

  2. On November 7th, 2008 at 8:07 pm Cassie Says:

    I suck at cleaning too. And cooking. Since its just me most of the time I just eat cereal lol. We tried the Target diapers too but Jackson was waking up almost every single night covered in pee. The extra money is worth it to keep me from having to change his clothes at 3 am.

  3. On November 7th, 2008 at 8:08 pm Backpacking Dad Says:


  4. On November 7th, 2008 at 8:41 pm Cricket Says:

    I can’t wait to hear about when you get one of those mechanical chairs on rails for your house. You’ll be really cool then.

  5. On November 7th, 2008 at 8:01 pm Tina Says:

    Walking. My freaking back/hips are killing me.

    Keeping up with the website I took over.

    Cleaning. Cleaning anything at all. I keep up with laundry and dishes and that’s about it.

    Buying anything for the female offspring due in March. I got 4 pajamas for her. Think that’ll cover it?

    Picking anything up off the floor. I look and feel 9 months pregnant and it sucks. DH has resorted to kicking the toys near the toy boxes.

    Going to the grocery store. My girlbits hurt and I had to call DH to carry the stuff in and up the stairs.

    Keeping friends. Bleh.

  6. On November 7th, 2008 at 9:24 pm Queen-sized funny bone Says:

    i suck at looking ahead at mealtime
    i suck at being patient with my husband
    i suck at finding a job
    i suck at holiday planning
    i suck at personal growth
    i could go on and on.

  7. On November 7th, 2008 at 10:18 pm Sandy Says:

    I suck at eating healthy, making myself presentable for work and finding time to sleep.

  8. On November 7th, 2008 at 9:44 pm heather Says:

    If you get a mechanical chair rail, I am SO coming up there. Serious.

    I suck at cleaning up baby puke before said baby decides to play in it and then puke again. All day. Puke, play, puke, play. Sucks.

  9. On November 7th, 2008 at 10:47 pm Jenn Says:

    Um, everything.

  10. On November 7th, 2008 at 10:50 pm baseballmom Says:

    I suck HARD at cleaning. My room is such a pit, I close the door when people come over. I also get so pissed right now because we just got our carpets cleaned, but there are multitudes of LEAVES being tracked in by people too lazy to wipe their feet, and also dog shit because our dogs are SCARED to go out in the rain, and so they want to poop on the pathway under cover, so everyone steps in it because NORMAL dogs poop in the grass. I also suck at being happy about Christmas because I’m with you-didn’t we just do this?! That’s the perfect way to put it! I refuse to shop right now, because it’s NOT TIME YET…I love thanksgiving, and have to force myself to have fun at Christmas for my kids. Fuck.

  11. On November 7th, 2008 at 11:06 pm Emily R Says:

    being a father and a mother

  12. On November 7th, 2008 at 11:17 pm Lynanne Says:

    I suck at all of the above 🙂

  13. On November 8th, 2008 at 12:17 am swirl girl Says:

    coming up with clever comments to your ‘so truthful it hurts’ blog posts.

    being compassionate when the world around me is falling apart

    4th grade math

  14. On November 8th, 2008 at 3:56 am 'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why Says:

    Stepping off the porch without spraining both ankles at the same time. Still can’t top pregnant and in a moon boot chasing a dog and lugging a bebe.

  15. On November 8th, 2008 at 9:00 am mumma boo Says:

    Remembering that my daughter is only 6
    Controlling my peanut m&m addiction
    Figuring out WTF to do about the holidays


  16. On November 8th, 2008 at 8:22 am Charlie Hills Says:

    About fifteen years ago I decided I wanted to write an epic fantasy novel. I’m currently on the second paragraph.

  17. On November 8th, 2008 at 10:04 am honeywine Says:

    Figuring out men. Always…

  18. On November 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am Betts Says:

    I suck at keeping up with laundry. It’s time to wash again before I get the last stuff folded and put away. I swear, I should sell our bureaus and just store all our clothes in the dryer.

    i suck at working out. I’ve been meaning to start doing something for like…. oh…. the last year and a half, but I’m really good at making up excuses why I can’t.

  19. On November 8th, 2008 at 12:30 pm birdpress Says:

    I suck at taking criticism. I also suck at acting cheerful when I’m not.

    I hope your next post is about things you are awesome at.

  20. On November 8th, 2008 at 1:39 pm andi Says:

    All things house-cleaning related. And I’d really like to say it was just “these days”, but let’s be honest – this is not a skill set I’ve ever had.

  21. On November 8th, 2008 at 3:23 pm Petra Says:

    Yeah, I definitely suck at showering and having a life outside of working and blogging right now. I suck.

    But I am pretty good at polishing off a bottle of red wine…so there’s that…

  22. On November 8th, 2008 at 2:46 pm guilty noodles Says:

    I suck at paying the bills. We have no money.

    The cooking thing kills me too. I have to make three separate meals for my picky boys. If it were up to me, everyone would just eat a bowl of cheerios. That’s what I eat.

  23. On November 8th, 2008 at 4:09 pm melanie Says:

    I totally suck at cleaning, its not a skill that I have ever had, I mean i like to tidy up the clutter and I dont mind laundry but the wash the windows, wipe down woodwork, take the curtains down to freshen up, actually get down on the floor to scrub, wipe ceiling fan blades, wipe down wood slat blinds on windows, clean oven, clean out fridge, clean out closets and or dresser drawers……shit i am exhausted just READING the things I should at LEAST be doing a couple times a year! (probably if I did less blog reading and more house cleaning this would not be an issue eh? but lets be real that isnt going to happen anytime soon)

    I also suck at cooking, its not that i prepare BAD food when I do it, but its the planning and the grocery shopping that just wears me out. Give me the ideas and the stuff and I will GLADLY even CHEERFULLY good you dinner, otherwise look out, we are going to Subway, yet again for the 3rd time this week (ok I exaggerate but not by much)!

  24. On November 8th, 2008 at 3:53 pm anita doberman Says:

    Being patient with my son, understanding my husband’s anglo-saxon temperament, controlling my own Italian temper, opening pre-washed salad bags the right way – instead always ripping them apart, forgetting to seal the peanuts’ jar late at night ….

  25. On November 8th, 2008 at 6:56 pm Sara Says:

    I want the chair for the stairs too. And I’m not even in the least bit in NEED of one. I just hate climbing the stairs!

  26. On November 8th, 2008 at 7:13 pm Five Husbands Says:

    Everything – my life is suck 2.0.

  27. On November 8th, 2008 at 8:15 pm Lola Says:

    Well, I suck at dealing with pretty much anything today other than making a great dinner and drinking too much wine. Those were the two bright spots of the last two days!

    Oh, and I suck at taking a shower, since I can’t remember when I took my last one. I think it was Thursday. Sad, I know. Maybe I’ll take one when I’m good and buzzed…

  28. On November 8th, 2008 at 9:25 pm Amy Says:

    I feel your pain! Being at the mercy of others sucks! I wish for a hoverround and an elevator or chair-lift! Of course, by the dreaded Christmas time, I should be “normal” again!

    Thinking of you and your foot! Oops, I meant baby!

  29. On November 8th, 2008 at 8:49 pm Melissa Says:

    I suck at budgeting. Really good at spending – but budgeting? Not so much.

    I suck at math. The girls have to wait for Daddy to come home from work to help them.

    I suck at stepping AWAY from the computer. I feel like some days its my lifeline.

    I suck at being patient.

    I suck at laundry. Doing it. Give me anything to do other than laundry. I hate it. I’d rather have a weekend long pap smear than do laundry.

  30. On November 9th, 2008 at 8:50 am tash Says:

    PLANNING. I can’t see more than 2 weeks in advance (which I know is a conscioius/subconscious act of psychodrama, but I still do it) which means I live in a fire drill. A daily constant stressed out fire drill. I can’t stand it.

    Oh, and could someone else get my child into a good Kindergarten next year? Cuz lately I feel I really suck at that too.

  31. On November 9th, 2008 at 12:19 pm Sarah Says:

    Planning preparing meals – not only kicks my ass but ALSO (added bonus) makes me fee like a failure. Cause I’ve got ISSUES! 🙂

  32. On November 9th, 2008 at 2:40 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Currently, I’m sucking at keeping all the balls in the air with school. I feel completely overwhelmed, and I’m supposed to take 6 classes next semester! Not sure how I’ll be able to do it all…

  33. On November 10th, 2008 at 9:44 am Dot Says:

    I suck at cooking, cleaning and doing laundry, plus caring about what I’m wearing or whether my home looks good.

  34. On November 10th, 2008 at 11:08 am Kristine Says:

    I suck at doing thing when I say I will do them. I am so late on everything right now.

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