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The Write Stuff


You’d never know from the ridiculous amount that I blog that I never in my whole life kept even as much as a journal.

Wait, that’s not true. My hip and cool cousin gave me a blank diary when I was about 10 or 11 and I tried my best to keep a diary. It lasted about a day and a half before even at that tender age, I looked at it and realized it was complete crap and ripped out the pages I had written in. Since I don’t have it any longer, I’ll try to give you an example:

“Dearest Diary,

I went to school today and I swear that Mike looked at me. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Maybe he’s IN LOVE with me! OOOOOH!



P.S. What is the deal with clear mascara?”

It was, even at that age, in a word: lame.

I guess I fell into blogging pretty much the same way I’ve fallen into anything else in my life.

I never really had thought about kids and then BAM! I was a mother. I’d never expected or really wanted to get married and then POW! I met The Daver. I’d really never had any desire to be a nurse and then WHAM! I just renewed my license.

It’s just strange how these things fall into my lap.

All of the things I had real dreams of doing are things that I’m not doing. I’d wanted to go to medical school and carry on the family tradition of being a doctor, and that promptly fell by the wayside when Ben was born. Sure, I could go back, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

I’d wanted to take my nursing degree and go work for Doctors Without Borders when I graduated, but when I looked into it I realized that I couldn’t make their 6 month commitment without missing out on a lot of Ben’s life.

I have no idea if this is the way that most people eke out their paths in life, because The Daver seems to be doing precisely what he always thought he would do, albeit with the wife and kids he wasn’t sure he would have (which is especially hilarious if you know him. When I met him he had Marriage Material and Great Father written on his forehead). Maybe other people make plans and are actually able to follow through with them, I’m just not sure.

I’m not actually sad that I haven’t gone where I always thought I’d be, I’m quite pleased with my new life (at least, most days). I guess I learned awhile ago that “to make God laugh, tell him your plans,” so I don’t really bother making unrealistic goals right now. I’m fairly certain that I’ll go back to school once we’re done with babies and ickle kids (I’ve done the full time school with a wee one and I won’t do it again), and I have a decent idea of what I’ll be studying when I do go back, but shit, I can’t be certain that any of it will gel into a reality.

Honestly, I’m fine with that. I’ve learned to finally stop fighting whatever forces that be and embracing whatever may come.

I’m just anxious to see where I end up.

What about you? Are you somewhere within what you thought you’d be doing or did your path veer sharply? Does it upset you either way?

posted under Cheaper Than Rehab
35 Comments to

“The Write Stuff”

  1. On April 16th, 2008 at 9:26 am Pauline Says:

    Ha, ha, hee hee. Do I need to answer this for you? I am MOSTLY where I thought I’d be, with one exception. And yes, it makes me upset. And yes, I will admit that to your blog.

  2. On April 16th, 2008 at 9:49 am Heather Says:

    Ha! My plans folded me up and used me as a paper airplane some time ago… Fortunately, I really like my life for the most part, so I’m cool with it.

  3. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:53 am Heather Says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one, and I can usually count on you for that! I had big plans of law school (which were derailed by need for a paying job so used my BA in English to get a quicky MS in education – and I totally hated teaching, but love learning which is where the confusion occurred, I guess…). Thought I’d be in CA which is, ironically, where my sister moved. Never thought I’d have kids, and we have two. Certainly didn’t think I’d be a SAHM, but I *love* it (most of the time). And never in a gazillion years thought I’d want to homeschool, and here we go. See there. Very veered, but very glad.

  4. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:02 am RhoRho Says:

    Like yours, mine is what I like to call “The Accidental Life” (Maybe that will be the name of my memoir?)…I’m just not a planner. People who map it all out freak me out. But to each his own right? Anyway, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yeah, I’d like to be more successful with my “career,” but ya know what, I’m successful in every other aspect, the career will happen like everything else…accidentally.

  5. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:09 am Cricket Says:

    I always wanted to be a SAHM and I got that, did the career thing before the kid thing. I love my son, but I feel restless, like I’m missing something. So I got a good gig, just want a bit more.

  6. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:10 am Doc Says:

    My path veered BIG TIME… however things always work out. I am glad that I didn’t meet my wife earlier in life because she might not have liked me… and there was no way I was ready 10 years ago to be a dad…

  7. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:11 am paisana Says:

    You know what’s funny is that at this moment I’m exactly where I always wanted to be, except that I refused to believe for the longest time that this is where I wanted to be. It took me ages to come to terms with the idea that just because you’re “supposed” to do things a certain way (and raised to think that you have to do A B or C), doesn’t make it the right fit. I LOVE where I am now.

    But, I will tell you that if Eeyore had had his way, we’d be in our 4th year of marriage and working on kid #2.

  8. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:11 am paisana Says:

    I mean, I can’t even imagine it.

  9. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:14 am PiquantMolly Says:

    Oh my god, did my path ever veer. Infertile at the age of 25, divorced 28, engaged soon thereafter, and suddenly moving to London for 3-4 years? These past 2 years have taken everything I ever assumed my life would be (married at 22, done having kids by 30, possibly writing a novel or something terribly witty and urbane). I never in my life dreamed I would be a divorcee. (Divorcee! Sounds so . . . exotic! I sound like Ivana Trump! I am dripping in diamonds and sipping from a delicate flute of Veuve Clicquot in my fully-restored antique claw-footed bathtub!) Life is just a kick in the pants some times, no?

  10. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:15 am KC Says:

    Things have not turned out EXACTLY as I planned – but I am pretty much where I wanted to be. It’s strange that though I believe in fate – I fought like hell to get to where I am professionally and personnally. Of course, if I had kids by now – my life would be very, very different. I think you have a lot more control when you can be selfish.

    You should be proud of where you are and what you have accomplished. Your kids are pretty much the only ones I actually like in this world – so that should tell you something about your parenting abilities…or your choice of friends – I can’t decide which.

    Either way – if I get sperminated – I will probably call YOU every two seconds for advice. So take that for whatever it’s worth.

  11. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:20 am Don Mills Diva Says:

    Hmmm – I expected to be more famous by now but other than that I’m not too far off…

  12. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:29 am Judy C Says:

    Don’t even get me started.

  13. On April 16th, 2008 at 10:38 am electriclady Says:

    When I moved to NYC after college I thought I’d be here 2 years, tops. 13 years later, no signs of ever leaving. I also could never had pictured doing what I do for a living. I picked it because I figured it would offer me flexibility if I wanted to stay home with a kid (because of course I would marry a rich man)–instead, my husband stays home and I bring home the bacon. I also thought, back in college, that I might never get married. I DID know I wanted kids, but never dreamed what I’d have to go through to get one.

    Unexpected, but mostly cool, so I’m good.

  14. On April 16th, 2008 at 11:11 am g Says:

    I was going to be a doctor, no a nurse, no a doctor! But then I realized, I hate when people touch me, I sure as hell don’t want to touch other people. One day, during college (pre-med), I received a call from a friend who wanted to know if I wanted a receptionist job in a brokerage (wall street) firm. I had no idea what a stock or a bond was. Now, 12 years later, I am doing something I never knew existed, but I love it. I am in a high demand, fancy schmancy window office position and I still look around and think, you guys *pay* me to be a bitch? (no seriously, they do… complete with reading other ppl’s emails). I love it. I am glad my career plans veered off.

    I expected to get married at 24 (I was 26), have 2 kids by 28 (34 now, still none), buy a house before the kids (bought when I was 32) and have a new, slender body complete with remodeled boobs by the time I was 30. hahahahahahahaaha the universe mocks me. Maybe I will have all that by 40… maybe.

  15. On April 16th, 2008 at 11:52 am Calliope Says:

    my life is NOTHING how I imagined or hoped it would be. The fact that my life is not really my life but more like a person trying to help someone else have a good life is hard. This is the first time ever where things that I have wanted or worked towards didn’t happen. Why don’t good things fall into our life? Why did a Grandmother with Alzheimer’s fall into mine?

    Stuff that makes my brain stutter.


  16. On April 16th, 2008 at 11:53 am b Says:

    I’m not where I wanted to be, but I think i’m where I need to be..if that makes sense? I’m happy, and I think that’s the most important thing.

  17. On April 16th, 2008 at 12:37 pm Amy Says:

    I don’t know that you really want to know the answer to this one! It may take your whole comments page up! Short version: Planned to be a lawyer, go to Oxford, stay over there and practice law, be too busy for family and friends, have a cat be an old maid! Backfired, hell it blew up! Am I angry? A little but I have been blessed with an incredible ex-husband who is still a great friend, a wonderful fiance, I have time with my family and friends and still have the cat plus 2 more and 2 dogs!

    The latest in the string of blow-ups well, you know about that one, it’s one we never plan for!

    All in all my life never went the way I planned it but I am relatively speaking a happy person!

  18. On April 16th, 2008 at 1:11 pm kim Says:

    Dear Aunt Becky,

    Congratulations, it sounds like you just hit a milestone in the “growing up process”.

    Wait til you are 40, your view of it all will be completely different again.

    EYE had a great plan, it went to shit and now I have one of the happiest lives I could imagine!

    Plans were MADE to be BROKEN.

  19. On April 16th, 2008 at 2:13 pm antoinette Says:

    wow. kim was a bit harsh.

    at any rate. i spoke to one of my high school teachers a while back, and she reminded me that i said i wanted to be a chef “when i grew up”.

    i’m an accountant (well auditor), and the only things i see cooking are client’s books. none the less i like the live it affords me. either that, or i haven’t grown up yet.

  20. On April 16th, 2008 at 2:20 pm Victoria Says:

    Oh, this was a great thought-provoking topic!

    I’m just about exactly where I “planned” to be at this stage of my life – maybe a little ahead of the game in the career department. This all thrills me and despairs me – am I that much of a planner? do I not aspire to enough? could I be doing more??


  21. On April 16th, 2008 at 2:37 pm Chris Says:

    My path veered many times but I never gave up on my dreams and goals. When the children came, I kept thinking positively about my goals but this time with the family in the dream.

    It’s funny how almost everything that I’ve wanted have come to fruition or about to, albeit they came not on the time I wanted them too.

    You can never stop thinking about your goals and dreams. You can still be a doctor, or you can still be a nurse with Doctors with borders but this time think about it with the baby and the Daver in the picture.

    Think it, Say it, Do it!

  22. On April 16th, 2008 at 3:00 pm Redneck Mommy Says:

    I’ve made so many sharp twists and turns on my road of life I really don’t know how I haven’t managed to get sea sick.

    I have no regrets.

    Except for maybe the time I coloured my hair pink and white. Not cute.

  23. On April 16th, 2008 at 2:18 pm Melissa C Says:

    Plan? Are you kidding me???

    My plans involved having a cool, lucrative career with maybe a hubby eventually, and definitely no kids! Living somewhere very urban and chic.

    Ya, right.

    I get to have a fun job that pays almost nothing, got married when I was 21, had a kid 2 years later… then had to wait almost 8 years for the (desperately wanted)second one… living in the most rural city I’ve ever seen!

    I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Well, except maybe the exact same life with more money.

  24. On April 16th, 2008 at 2:32 pm Jenn Says:

    Hahahha… I am NOT doing anything I thought I would be. For one, while I always wanted kids, I never thought I would ever have kids. I was firmly against marriage. And I certainly wasn’t going to give up my all-important quest for a career for children. Yet, here I am.. a stay-at-home mother (a pretty okay one, too) with a husband and kids and (eek!) a minivan. Somehow I think I’m happier now than I would be if I had gone the way I had planned to though. 🙂

    I won’t say that I don’t wonder all the time where I could be if I’d put off having kids but really, I’ve got plenty of time for stressing out about that stuff later. Right now I get to play with Legos, watch cartoons, and play in the dirt whenever I want and I never get funny looks for it! 🙂

  25. On April 16th, 2008 at 3:16 pm kbreints Says:

    I am pretty much where I thought I would be and always dreames of… sounds sad and corny at the same time– but when I was in second grade, I wrote something for school (that I still have) that said: I want to marry a kind man, have 2 kids and live in the country. BAM! Here I am. though I cannot say that I NEVER felt lost… In fact I spent most of my time feeling that way until I met Dan. Crazy life…

  26. On April 16th, 2008 at 6:11 pm Ames Says:

    I’m definitely not where I thought I’d be at all, my dreams of becoming a web designer were shattered when I got my degree and there were no jobs. Tech support was the LAST thing I wanted to do for a career. Ending up with my husband was sorta of a “fate” type of deal, too long to explain here, and I always had a dream of having two kids and I have one and another on the way… so at least I accomplished part of my plan. I’m happy where I am, but would love a change of pace in my career…

  27. On April 16th, 2008 at 7:51 pm Jerseygirl89 Says:

    I’m on life plan number 5 now, the first 4 having been smashed into smithereens. And I’m mostly okay with it. Though that law degree would have been helpful.

  28. On April 16th, 2008 at 6:56 pm Milk Maid Says:

    I thought I would either be single and living in New Orleans writing Anne Rice-ish style novels


    I would marry a cowboy, have 4 or 5 boys, become a nurse and work for the Justin Healers medical team whilst following the rodeo.

    Obviously, only bits and pieces of both stories happened: I’m medical field bound. I love to write, although I will probably never finish a novel. I married a cowboy once, and promptly divorced his arse. I have 2 girls and a steo daughter and plans for at least one more kid (which will be a female of course).

    Am I upset with where I landed? Heck no. I got the creamy center of the cake my peep!

  29. On April 16th, 2008 at 7:02 pm Tracy Says:

    What *is* the deal with clear mascara?

    I’m not sure what I thought my life was going to be, but I’ve mourned the fact that it’s not what I thought I deserved more than once.

    Stopping to mourn it now and this okay, though. Once that’s out of the way… whooptee doo!

  30. On April 16th, 2008 at 7:29 pm LAS Says:

    The only thing in my life that is the way I thought it would be and the way I wanted it to be is my career. And yes, I am both angry and sad about everything else. I am not angry and sad about the way things are – I am angry and sad about the way they aren’t. If that makes sense.

  31. On April 16th, 2008 at 9:04 pm TheRamblingHousewife Says:

    My life is so accidental it’s pathetic.

    You’re not the only one! 🙂

    And I still often wonder what I’ll be if and when I grow up!

  32. On April 16th, 2008 at 9:13 pm Kristen Says:

    I’m with you, rolling with life’s twists and turns and practicing contentment, while still dreaming and striving. I think as we get to know ourselves and work on our ‘stuff’ then we can be content wherever we find ourselves. Even if we were heading to China and end up in Antarctica.

  33. On April 17th, 2008 at 12:18 am baseballmom Says:

    I’m getting there, but it’s taking so damned LONG! I always wanted to work with kids, and I always have, but finally I’m getting to be in a classroom, and not the ‘lunch lady’ or the daycare provider that I was for 15 years. I always knew I wanted kids, just didn’t know it would be such a wild ride, and that they’d be so awesome (sometimes), and I guess I always thought I’d have more money…never anticipated the financial stress of being a grown up. Sucks. I’m reaching the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, though, and I’m happy about that.

  34. On April 17th, 2008 at 6:43 am As American as Apple Pie Says:

    I never in a MILLION YEARS thought I’d be doing what I am. I was going to go to grad school in Denver and get a MBA and work in a huge city being a big shot business person.

    Instead…I’ve had 4 kids, was a stay-at-home mom for 6 years, went to Seminary. The closest I got to Denver was a drive by on a Mission Trip 2 years ago. My stint as a “big shot business person” was selling Pampered Chef for 3 years.

    Yeah, God is funny. But you know what? He has had a plan for you from before you were born, and you are doing exactly what you’re supposed to. When it’s time for a change, He’ll let you know. Sometimes it even hurts…but don’t duck the 2×4, it’s worth it.

  35. On April 17th, 2008 at 7:32 am Kristine Says:

    I was ten when I decided I’d be a civil engineer. And although I thought I’d have my PE by now, and that I would have had it BEFORE I had kids. Once I had kids, I honestly though I might be home by now. But it’s still a work in progress.

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