Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

The Vicious Martha Stewart In My Head Is Distracted By Blatant Sexism


First off, let me thank all of you for voting for me, something I will say again on Monday because I was told yesterday that Mommy Wants Vodka won Divine Caroline’s Love This Blog Award! Look!

When I say “I couldn’t have done it without you,” I mean that. I certainly couldn’t have voted for myself 400 times. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. Amelia thanks you. All of the March of Dimes babies thank you. I am once again so humbled and honored by all of you and honestly, I don’t know what to say besides, thank you.

I am so glad to know all of you. I consider you my friends and I know that you all have my back. Please know that I have yours too.

Thank you again. I am honored to know you.


Every August, when the stores start lugging out their holiday wares, my stomach sinks a little as I pass the wrapping paper aisle. Mile upon magnificent mile of tubes of gaily colored paper as far as my eye could see, bows twinkling and winking in the light, tags shining at me from their pegs, and bags lined up like small soldiers, ready to do battle.

While my OCD/alcoholic nature is very evident in such places as my blog, which is never, ever neglected, whether I have the swine flu or am deep with in the withdrawal effects from prescription sleep aids and my orchids, which are all flourishing so wildly that I am probably going to have to build a greenhouse to hold them all, it simply cannot stand up to decorating.

One time, many years ago, I saw a commercial, I think for Tylenol or something, and the lady was all “I have arthritis and I need to take THIS so I can get through my job!” Her job, we learn, is ARTFULLY WRAPPING OTHER PEOPLE’S CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. The commercial wasn’t for THAT service, but I made it my mission in life to ONE DAY be able to pay someone to ARTFULLY WRAP my presents for me.

Because if it’s possible, Dave’s even less enthusiastic about the chore than I am. Probably because he’s a very smart person*. Not only do I hate doing it, but I’m really BAD at it, so it’s a double whammy for me.

Luckily I was able to channel my angst into something else last night. See, I’d bought my son a doctor’s kit for his doll, which he still loves. The doll, I mean.

Dear Fisher Price:

Boys play with dolls too. Get it through your thick skulls.


Aunt Becky


I fumed about this for a bit last night which distracted me from my angst about wrapping ugly presents. (maybe I should have been angstiER about the mystery spot on my floor.) My friends on Twitter agreed and pointed out that there aren’t Lego kits for girls either, something that I hadn’t thought about either. Then I fumed some more.

Now I just need to think of something else tonight to get me through another round of present wrapping. Or maybe I’ll just douse my eggnog heavily in rum.

My ultra-conservative mother-in-law may unwrap this: but in the end, maybe that’s worth it.

No, I take it back. If she unwraps that, it’s TOTALLY worth it.


Are you a present wrapper? Do you dread it? Can you wrap MY presents for me? How much do you think I’d have to pay someone to wrap my presents for me?

*This is me buttering him up so that he buys me the Cantigny mansion.

84 Comments to

“The Vicious Martha Stewart In My Head Is Distracted By Blatant Sexism”

  1. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:33 am Maria Says:

    When we wanted to buy cooking toys for my son, almost everything had pink and white checkered patterns. Craziness. It really pissed me off, especially considering the fact that chefs are primarily men. I guess girls are just expected to learn to cook but dudes can do it professionally? ARGH.

  2. On December 19th, 2009 at 1:51 pm Shin Ae Says:

    So true. My husband cooks professionally, which made it a double whammy. They wanted to be cool like Dad but everything was all girly.

  3. On December 19th, 2009 at 1:52 pm Shin Ae Says:

    Oops. “They” being my sons.

  4. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:37 am Forex Says:

    Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren’t they just different forms of water?

  5. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:43 am Sara @ Life with the Two Says:

    My daughters asked for Legos. And I can’t find even regular Legos. Everthing is like nerdy stupid kits to put together one thing, and not much else. What happened to building houses and cars and boats and stupid stuff.


    On the other hand, I totally think your mother in law SHOULD unwrap that gift. I showed Paulo and now we both have the giggles. Because we’re 12.

  6. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:52 am moonspun Says:

    My daughter loves legos, just like I did when I was a kid. Only back then you could just buy legos. Now it’s all kits.
    I LOVE that present for your MIL! It’s awesome.

  7. On December 19th, 2009 at 4:30 pm Melissa Says:

    Not only are they only just kits. They are fucking EXPENSIVE kits. That said, I dont think they are aimed specifically at boys. But Sci-Fi. I assume some girls are interested in Sci-Fi.

  8. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:55 am Ms. Moon Says:

    When I clicked on the santa stocking for your MIL, it crashed my browser! Hmmmm.
    Probably God’s way of telling me I shouldn’t be looking at other men’s tackle boxes, even covered up.
    BUT- pillow cases- tie everything up in pillow cases! That’s what I’m going to do this year. I, too, hate wrapping and I suck at it. So…pillowcases! With pretty ribbon! Let’s start a movement!

  9. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:55 am a Says:

    I’m taking all the presents back, since my daughter thinks it’s entertaining to throw a beach ball at the Christmas tree. That’ll save me the trouble of wrapping anything!

    I suck at wrapping. I hate wrapping. I wish I had someone who would wrap stuff.

  10. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:10 am Mrs. Spit Says:

    Shopping Malls, up here at least, have volunteers that do it. Usually they are from local charities, and they get the proceeds from coat checks, and tips from wrapping presents, donated to their charity.

    And yes, it is a charitable duty I have always regretfully declined.

  11. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:11 am Allie Says:

    I’m not sure if this is going to make you more or less angsty but they do make Lego sets for girls, my daughter is getting a set of pink and purple Lego’s for Christmas from my mom.
    To all the people above that are complaining about Legos, you have to buy the “bricks and more” sets, they come in a little tub (there are 2 sizes) at Walmart or Target and they come in girls and boys colors. Can you tell we just went through this search at our house?

    And if I was closer I’d wrap your presents for you, I love wrapping, it’s so calming since I only do it when the kids are in bed. I love making big fabric ribbons for every gift and making each one look gorgeous and special. My favorite part of getting a gift is seeing the wrapping, I’m weird!

  12. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:15 am Kadye Says:

    I still love Legos. I went to Disney World in June and we stopped by the Lego store at Downtown Disney… and if I had the money I would’ve bought this when I saw it:

    Dear Aunt Becky/Santa… 😉

  13. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:18 am Antropologa Says:

    I’m crap at wrapping and hate it.

  14. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:20 am Antropologa Says:

    “Girl” legos:

  15. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:21 am Elly Lou Says:

    It’s all about the pillow cases and ribbons. 20 points to Ms. Moon.

    I always wanted a transformer for girls. The closest I got was a pink sharktacon my brother abandoned.

  16. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:23 am melanie Kerton Says:

    I kind of like wrapping presents and would totally help you out if I lived anywhere near you!

    I sort of reject the idea that all toys need to be in both gender colors….I mean seriously shouldnt girls be able to play with blue, red, green and yellow legos (why must all “girl” stuff be pink and purple and YUCKY PASTEL??) I am totally ok with my boy playing with pink and purple stuff too–hey whatever floats his little boat. I just don’t see how reinforcing the gender roles (all my son’s toys and dolls must be wearing blue dammit–and my daughters legos must be pink) really helps the situation. Do we really want all toys to start coming in the pretty shade of khaki? (though I do admit that I find this toy absolutely cool and delightfully gender neutral too!!)

  17. On December 19th, 2009 at 4:54 pm Coleen Says:

    I also HATE that “girl toys are pink” and “boy toys are primary colors” crap. SUCKS. Primary colors are gender neutral! So annoying!

    Target also had a royal blue wooden kitchen that I really liked, but it was out of stock when I had to order something. I gave in and bought my daughter a pink kitchen because the red one didn’t come with a fridge, just a range. She’s also getting a truck for Christmas because she LOVES fire trucks. 🙂

  18. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:39 am Tweets that mention The Vicious Martha Stewart In My Head Is Distracted By Blatant Sexism at Mommy Wants Vodka -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Aunt Becky, Swine Flu. Swine Flu said: Go to The Vicious Martha Stewart In My Head Is Distracted By Blatant… […]

  19. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:39 am Christa Says:

    I really enjoy wrapping gifts. Not that they are extra fancy or anything like that. I just like having the task done. You know, one less thing I have to do later. Plus I like seeing all the gifts under the tree. If I spend my hard earned money buying crap for other people I at least want it out to decorate my house for a few weeks.
    Merry Freakin Christmas!

  20. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:43 am Lea Says:

    I would LOVE to wrap your presents for you! If we were neighbours (stop it spell-check, I’m Canadian!) and you’d pay me in booze. Preferably Vanilla Vodka. Mix it with Coke, and it tastes just like Vanilla Coke with the added bonus of getting you (me) tipsy!

    I used to volunteer for the food bank over Christmas by wrapping presents by donations at the shopping malls. One time this very well-dressed, well-mannered gentleman came with a HUGE box from a lingerie store and gave $50 (seriously) to have it wrapped. Damn near took me a half hour, but that thing got the shiniest purple paper with a big fabric bow. I decided it was for his mistress, and I still wish I had peeked in the box to see what was in there. Does that make me a bad person?

  21. On December 21st, 2009 at 2:13 am Angela Says:

    I would have totally peeked! I’m a fan of cherry vodka with diet pepsi, almost reminds me of being a kid, but with vodka. 🙂

  22. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:43 am Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I usually like wrapping presents, until my mother asks me to wrap all of hers, too, and then it becomes a chore. I totally remember that commercial, too.

    Guess what I saw at Meijer yesterday? Old school Fisher Price baby toys! Like, the little telephone and xylophone, and even the little t.v/music box thing. And they looked exactly like they did when we were kids. I was way more excited than I should have been. Now, if only they’d bring back the original Little People barn, house, and garage, I’d buy that shit up for my nephew.

  23. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:44 am injaynesworld Says:

    I suck at wrapping gifts. I think people who artfully wraps gifts so they look too beautiful to open are attention-seeking, passive-aggressive bitches. The advent of the gift bag has totally saved by sorry ass and I would gladly perform unnatural acts for its inventor.

  24. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:46 am Sara R. Says:

    I used to work at Barnes and Noble while I was in college, and we offered free present-wrapping ALL YEAR LONG, so I got pretty good at wrapping book-type objects. I don’t mind wrapping boxes and such because I can usually make them look pretty nice, but anything irregularly shaped still looks like crap and as a result pisses me off 🙂

  25. On December 19th, 2009 at 11:04 am Alexis Says:

    Holy crap!!! That was so NOT what I was expecting when I clicked on the link for you MIL! But I should know better.
    At any rate, I laughed out loud, and my husband (who was standing beside me at the time) was completely shocked and wondered what kind of blog I was reading.
    Totally worth it. For me, and your MIL too.

  26. On December 19th, 2009 at 11:17 am Martha at A Sense of Humor is Essential Says:

    I suck at wrapping and folding laundry, spatially challenged I supposed.
    There are girl legos, just check out any lego catalog, they have castles and dollhouses for the pink set.
    I grew playing w/matchbox cars, they Rock!

  27. On December 19th, 2009 at 11:40 am Kendal Hall Says:

    First of all as your newest BFF, I extpect “that” gift under my tree – you know, the red and white, um, long one.

    That being said, as a child (I do mean child, starting at age 6) I learned to wrap the perfect gift. You see, my grandmother owned a gift shop and during the holidays I was encouraged, no forced, to wrap presents for customers. “Oh, how cute! your little granddaughter can wrap the presttiest presents.) Gag –

    As an adult, there is nothing like grabbing that rum bottle and setting to task – yes, I am Martha Stewart and Lindsey Lohan all in one. BTW – do you have any chartreuse ribbon I can use on your present? Thanks.

  28. On December 19th, 2009 at 11:43 am L.L. Says:

    I’m not a wrapper or much of a present giver – I only buy gifts for my nephew – and it just gets thrown in a back with some tissue paper. Christmas and gifting wrapping is for jerks.

  29. On December 19th, 2009 at 11:48 am That Mama Says:

    Present wrapping. Blech. I have mad wrapping skillz. My presents always end up looking like I took them to the local elementary school and let the special needs class wrap my gifts. And the year I was drinking rum & Cokes while wrapping? Yeah. The in-laws noticed how…um…nicely they were wrapped. I need gift bags.

  30. On December 19th, 2009 at 11:48 am Fsh Led Solar Rechargeable Bicycle Head Light X’mas : travel based Says:

    […] The Vicious Martha histrion In My Head Is Distracted By Blatant … […]

  31. On December 19th, 2009 at 12:04 pm Andy Says:

    When I wrap presents it looks like drunk squirrels wearing oven mitts were responsible!

  32. On December 19th, 2009 at 12:08 pm birdpress Says:

    I like wrapping a few gifts, but when I have a ton I feel overwhelmed. I try to do a little at a time, which I managed this year, but now those last few will continue to sit there unwrapped until the last minute because I’m so sick of it.

    That pic in the link cracked me up. How did you find that? Maybe I don’t wanna know…

  33. On December 19th, 2009 at 12:15 pm MommyNamedApril Says:

    my boys love their baby dolls too. and their kitchen playset and their sparkly hair bands. i super suck at wrapping. what i do is get paper bags from the grocery store, tape them to the kitchen table and hand my toddlers a pack of magic markers. voila. my terrible wrapping job (i mean really really bad) is totally overlooked by the ‘oooooh, precious home-made paper!!!’

    and it’s free.


  34. On December 19th, 2009 at 12:17 pm cindermommy Says:

    My husband is OCD about wrapping gifts. He uses 100 pieces of tape, wraps everything perfectly. He usually has me sit and hand him scissors or pieces of tape like a 4 year old who just wants to help.

  35. On December 19th, 2009 at 12:23 pm maya Says:

    I hate wrapping presents but I hate giving gifts in bags even more. I even get irritated when other people give my kids gifts in bags. What fun is that for a kid?

  36. On December 19th, 2009 at 5:01 pm Melissa Says:

    Oh dont be all judgy lol. Some people just dont have it in them (ME). Its hard enough to drag their lazy butts out to buy your kid a gift. Its hard on the manicure to press all those buttons on the keyboard. They like the tissue as much as the rip. (I think?)

  37. On December 19th, 2009 at 12:36 pm Lippy Says:

    I freaking love wrapping presents. I used to work at a department store as a gift wrapper. It was an awesome job. I used to spend hours making each present look awesome, but now with kids my standards have come down a lot. We usually wrap them all one night after the kids are in bed, while we drink and watch Christmas Vacation. My dream house will have a whole room dedicated to wrapping. I will have wrapping paper mounted on the wall, a long table for wrapping, and bins for everyone we know so I can shop all year long and toss stuff into their bin as I buy. Oh no, even my dreams are boring.

  38. On December 19th, 2009 at 12:46 pm Kristin Says:

    I’m totally with you on the sexism present in toys.

    BTW, I love, love, love wrapping presents and, if you come visit, I’ll wrap yours for free.

  39. On December 19th, 2009 at 12:59 pm linlah Says:

    I like to unwrap presents does that help at all?

  40. On December 19th, 2009 at 1:02 pm Badass Geek Says:

    Congrats on winning!

    And yeah, they used to make Lego’s for girls. I remember being annoyed at having to flip past the pages with them on it in the catalog as a kid.

  41. On December 19th, 2009 at 1:18 pm Aurora Says:

    I LOVE to wrap presents! I have no idea why but I get all a flutter when it comes time to wrap! I even wrap all of Hubster’s stocking stuffers…. each mini M&M Container and Every Small chocolate bar!!! I would TOTALL make a living wrapping presents if I was given the option!
    As for the Legos for girls- they TOTALLY make girl lego sets! The even have them at Toys R Us and at the huge lego store we have over on Disey Property. The have pink legos and Horse sets and all sorts of stuff! my Hubster is a HUGE lego freak and always gets a few sets from me for christmas (3 small sets this year) so I am always looking in the Lego areas to see what they have!

  42. On December 19th, 2009 at 1:29 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    There was a time when I spent many hours wrapping gifts for money, either at a department store or some charity table set up in the middle of the mall. I was very good at it. Probably still am, but after wrapping so many presents for some many years I now loathe wrapping them. I made a bunch of fabric gift bags 6 years ago and most gifts given in this house are put in them. Gifts outside the house usually have paper gift bags that I buy in bulk.

  43. On December 19th, 2009 at 1:29 pm Randa Says:

    I will,, if you want talk to my mom for you. She wraps artfully, every stinking year. Ever since we got old enough to not unwrap everything early, she started in with the decorative bows and the tying. And sometimes she would make me help her. I hate it. I’m a weird perfectionist in that if I can’t get it perfect I don’t do it. So yeah, I don’t know who’s going to wrap my kid’s presents because I don’t have enough time to send them to my mother. I’m sure if you paid for her flight she would go to you though! She loves to travel!
    Sometimes when I’m wrapping presents I just want to roll them up and wad up the ends and throw it at someone.

  44. On December 19th, 2009 at 1:41 pm Mad Woman Says:

    I wrap the presents myself, but considering I buy as little as possible for everyone else but my kids, I don’t have much to wrap. And even with the kids, I attribute most of the gifts to Santa so that I don’t have to wrap them 🙂

  45. On December 19th, 2009 at 1:47 pm Shin Ae Says:

    Yaaaaaay on the Win! I like to wrap presents. I make them pretty. Though I get annoyed because my present-wrapping paraphenalia is stored amongst various other “kits,” i.e., “glitter kit,””stamping kit,””ribbon kit,” etc. I find no way around this because if I make “gift wrapping kit” then “glitter kit,””ribbon kit,”etc. are now incomplete, see what I mean? Troubling. Yeah, I’m a little OCD about my storage of things. There is a huge disturbance in the Force if something is not put away into the proper kit. Also, I have templates to make my own gift bags, boxes, cards & envelopes, etc. (stored in “template kit,” if you wondered). I like to start with rolls of plain brown craft paper and decorate it myself although I will use regular wrapping paper sometimes, too. Can I wrap your gifts? Sure, just send them all here. Heh heh.

  46. On December 19th, 2009 at 2:05 pm Nancy Campbell Says:

    I can’t wrap a present at all. I hate it more than getting a pap smear. So, it made me very happy to get a present wrapped by my friend’s husband. He’s an orthodontist, who works with his hands and has to be very precise and meticulous. Yet, the gift looked like it was wrapped with his teeth. It looked like shit.

    That was the best gift ever.

  47. On December 19th, 2009 at 2:20 pm Aunt Juicebox Says:

    I buy gift bags. I put the items in the gift bags. I stick some tissue paper on top. Viola. Now, at home, I actually reuse the same bags every year for my family, and we dispense with the tissue paper, and I tape the tops closed so there is no peeking. It’s much more economical, earth friendly, and no mess to clean up. Mostly, it’s the earth friendly part. I HATE HATE HATE having to throw away all that paper and the bows. And there are some bags that are a little well loved, and it’s kind of nostalgic to keep seeing them every year. With little kids though, I guess half the fun is in watching them rip the paper, I don’t know.

  48. On December 19th, 2009 at 2:25 pm Rebecca Says:

    Aunt Becky if you haul your fancy butt and all those presents along with the necessary wrapping tools/supplies, I would gladly wrap all your gifts just for the sheer enjoyment of meeting you and your kiddo’s. I’m pretty sure The Daver and my husband would be all BFF in about 14 seconds because my husband is all about numbers and other stuff you’ve mentioned about The Daver.

  49. On December 19th, 2009 at 2:25 pm Rebecca Says:

    Oh yeah….and WOW a Saturday post!! Merry Christmas to me!!! Thanks!

  50. On December 19th, 2009 at 2:35 pm Alicia @bethsix Says:

    When my oldest son was 2, he was really into this doll house he played with at speech therapy. We decided to buy him one for Christmas, and we did, but it was this all-pink, Daddy’s-holding-the-briefcase, Momma’s-holding-the-baby doll house that just made me fume when I looked at it. And it was the best one we found. We bought him dolls too, but we could never really find any “boyish” ones, and he never played with them. Bastards.

  51. On December 19th, 2009 at 2:48 pm lola Says:

    I love wrapping presents, as long as I have a bottle of wine next to me and I’m not rushed. They’re all masterpieces, of course.

    I’ll wrap your presents if you change the two litter boxes I’ve forgotten about for who knows how long and if you put the laundry away for me. Before you jump on that offer, I must warn you that there’s five, count em, five laundry baskets that are folded but need to be put away.

    Do we have a deal?

  52. On December 19th, 2009 at 3:54 pm Jen Says:

    The stars aligned for me this Christmas regarding extra hands for wrapping. I did a major Christmas shopping trip on Friday morning, which happened to be the day my old nanny was training the new nanny to take over while the old nanny is gone on maternity leave. After my daughter went down for her nap, I pressed them both into service. Ta da! All my presents (even stocking stuffers!) wrapped and ready to go. It feels so strange to have that major task (one I don’t mind, but don’t crave either) all done.

    Ha ha ha!!! I love the gift you’ve chosen for your mother-in-law. 🙂

  53. On December 19th, 2009 at 4:45 pm Mommyof10 Says:

    Do you really drink vodka??

  54. On December 19th, 2009 at 7:50 pm Melissa Says:

    She doesn’t. She WANTS vodka. She has kids though so she gives it to me. In liberal doses.

  55. On December 19th, 2009 at 4:52 pm Melissa Says:

    I am all about the gift bags. I know how to knot tissue and stuff it on top like nobody’s business. Is it bad that I also try to grab them up at the end of a present unwrapping session so that I can re-use them?

    BTW – you made me snort laugh when you said hauling out the stuff in August. And it HURT, because ever since MY bout with the stupid swine flu like a MONTH ago I have had a cold that never ends.

  56. On December 19th, 2009 at 7:25 pm PottyMouthMommy Says:

    Feel free to stab me… I <3 wrapping… I spend HOURS in a pile of ribbons, and bows, and fancy-schmancy gift tags and tape and at least two pairs of scissors because my cheap-ass husband won't buy me one of those scotch paper cutter thingies which would TOTALLY rock my world because then my edges would be PERFECTLY STRAIGHT and I would be in heaven because uneven edges make matching the paper edges REALLY f'n hard…

    Ok so yeah- I LOOOOOOOVE wrapping presents more than is healthy or natural.

    and they DO make lego for girls… it's pink!!

    Wait- is that politically incorrect of me, to naturally assume that pink lego has to be for girls… because if it is I don't care- my daughter is a tomboy. Her favorite color is blue. So people who have foofy girly-girls who like pink lego and dollies can bite me because I'm jealous as hell… my daughter refused to even wear dresses until she was SIX!!! As an infant if I put her in something girly and frilly- she would SCREAM like I was killing her until I took it off…

  57. On December 19th, 2009 at 8:14 pm Jayme Says:

    We’ve got a couple sets of the pink legos.

    When my son was four or five he wanted a baby doll for Christmas and I looked high and low for one for him… I did finally find one dressed in a blue sleeper and we also even found a kids blue umbrella stroller as well.

  58. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:01 pm Beth Says:

    I learned some mad wrapping skills from my mom. She just hands over the goods in the bag from where she purchased the item and says, “Cut off the tags but don’t look at them.”

    She rocks.

  59. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:41 pm lydee Says:

    i never thought about the present wrapping before, but how funny! I just realized the only time in my life when i am detail oriented is when i wrap presents (oh and ok, when i fix my hair, but that’s it!). I could care less about decorating for christmas, but by gosh, i take pride in wrapping my presents. what a crazy mixed up person i am. now i feel terrible. thanks.

  60. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:07 pm Laura Says:

    I rock at wrapping presents, personally – the greatest challenge is wrapping an oddly shaped package in a high speed car on the way to a party, neatly and make it look pretty. It’s been done.

  61. On December 19th, 2009 at 10:36 pm Melissa Says:

    I have a question. Not about the wrapping. Maybe a new post? Re-gifting. I have a wonderful pashmina that my best friend is getting because the color doesnt work for me. It is gorgeous, loverly creamcicle orange. While I love the color, it looks awful with my skin tone. She KNOWS this is what she is getting because well…. she is my best friend.

    I just received a Coach change bag/key chain/gift card holder that one of my bosses gave to me. It was stacked with a $200 gift card which I do NOT plan on re-gifting but he gave me the same thing last year. While I love it I dont need another Coach change bag/key chain. Do I give her this as well? Or hold onto it? I actually have a return receipt from Lord & Taylor (I am a Kohl’s kind of girl) so I could probably make a Mall event for myself if I wanted to with the gift cards I have from Nordstrom’s, Lord & Taylor etc. that are years old from my bosses. I think I may need someone to shop for me that likes to go near malls. I have hundreds of dollars worth of cards that would go a long way if I cared to step into one. Some are 3 years old.

  62. On December 19th, 2009 at 11:11 pm Beautiful Mess Says:

    I hate wrapping, only because I suck so much at it. I know people whos bows match their paper and EVERYTHING coordinates and looks beautiful. Mine? HA! Not even close. I’ll use wrinkled up paper I was trying to save under my bed, from the year before. I would LOVE to be able to wrap things in such a beautiful way, but that’s just not me.I’ll just wrap them horribly and if nobody likes it then maybe they’ll like whats inside.

    I do k now that some stores do wrap presents for you. I was at Fred Meyer today (Kroger for you?) and some boy or girl scout troop was wrapping present.

    Oh and every time I say “wrap” I always making a scratching sound like a rapper. I’m cool like that.

  63. On December 20th, 2009 at 1:13 am GingerB Says:

    There are pink Legos, and they build a house. With flowers!

    I make my husband do a lot of wrapping by insisting that I did all the selecting and choosing and carrying home and unless he wants to get out to the stores he better get busy with the paper. Then I busy myself piling it all up around him and shuffling the gifts and now and then doing a couple. Marriage is so awesome!!

  64. On December 20th, 2009 at 1:18 am Jenn Says:

    There’s a whole line of Lego kits for girls, Boo just got some from her grandparents today! But yeah, most of them are geared toward boys & gender-stereotyping really pisses me off.

    I like wrapping gifts. Especially if they are square, because I’m good at it (one of the few things I can honestly say that about, haha). It gets a bit tedious after the seventy-millionth one, though. AND if I make a mistake and it looks crappy it torments me until eventually I give in to my innerocd and tear the paper off to start over again. Stupid? Yes. Worth it? Mostly.

  65. On December 20th, 2009 at 8:22 am V Says:


    How about next year I come wrap your presents? I would love to! No really. I will drive up and wrap them if you want. Can we watch Dexter and you make something tasty in the microwave?

    (Really, I’m going to bug you about it next year.)


  66. On December 20th, 2009 at 10:31 am Cat Says:

    My wrapping method of choice is covering everything in tin foil. No tape! No scissors! No leftover paper! SHINY.

    I had the damndest time finding dolls and cooking stuff for my son. Especially dolls… apparently doll mommies never dress their babies in blue.

  67. On December 20th, 2009 at 12:23 pm Stephanie Says:

    Oh, don’t even get me started on the “girls” and “boys” toys! My son loves to bake and cook, and he has his own little play kitchen where he can do that without burning his hands. But try to find some utensils that are not pink and purple, it’s impossible. Not that I object to him having pink plates, but they are just ugly (IMO). He also loves the littlest petshop cats and dogs. But if I’m shopping online, I have to hunt through all the girls toys. or if I’m at the store, I’ve got to push my cart down the isle filled with insipid pink toys.

    Ok, I’m done now!

  68. On December 20th, 2009 at 1:21 pm Chibi Jeebs Says:

    Dude! You won? YOU WON!!! Hooray! I’m *so* proud of you. <3

  69. On December 20th, 2009 at 2:41 pm Christine Says:

    I love to wrap presents. No really. I don’t however, have the desire to spend 8 billion dollars on ribbon and paper this year. So, if you want to buy the ribbon and paper and come over my house, I’ll open a bottle of wine, or vodka and wrap your presents and mine while you regale me with amusing stories.

    What time will you be here?

    Oh and congratulations on the win!!!!!!!!!

  70. On December 20th, 2009 at 11:44 pm Amy Says:

    Actually my sister likes wrapping presents. But if I really feel that a gift is special I try to wrap it myself. (Christmas presents are great and all) but it’s way more fun to wrap a present for your boyfriend : )

  71. On December 21st, 2009 at 7:26 am Shannon Kieta Says:

    CONGRATULATIONS! Becky! You desrve it! Really what ELSE could we have gotten you for Christmas that you couldn’t return? Eh? You are a phenominal writer and have me at every word. You need to pawn the kids off and write a freakin’ book! You go girl! Shannon, your new BFF!!!

  72. On December 21st, 2009 at 7:43 am Melissa Says:

    Hurray for the award! That is awesome!

    I am not a great present wrapper, though I enjoy it, it is not worth the $ for all the nice wrapping stuff. I am cheap, though I like to say I have different priorities. My mother-in-law wraps beautiful gifts, however the down side is that she does it with a HOT GLUE GUN. Have you ever seen a child anxiously trying to open a gift that has been glued with a hot glue gun. it is just cruel. We end up destroying that beautiful/expensive paper, and with all the pre-made perfectly curled ribbons. Oh, and since we either travel with the gifts or mail them, I don’t put bows on at all. Which is a shame becaue I love lots of curled ribbon. So I try to pretend I don’t care, but if I won the lotto, I would have some kick ass beautifully wrapped gifts, that I wrapped myself, and not with HOT GLUE for crying out loud!
    Melissa in Durham

  73. On December 21st, 2009 at 9:13 am Anna Says:

    I absolutely love wrapping presents and if I lived closer I’d total wrap yours. In exchange for a good hump of course.

    According to my hubby’s family, though, Santa never wraps gifts b/c he’s just too busy…… just thought I’d toss that one out there.

  74. On December 21st, 2009 at 10:20 am TeDiouS Says:

    I love wrapping gifts, it is one of my favorite parts of Christmas. I would absolutely wrap yours for free, as long as you supplied me with all of the good paper, ribbon, and tissue I wanted. There is nothing like the good stuff. Which I could not afford this year, what with having moved across the world (and planning a wedding) and all. My gifts don’t even have ribbon on them this year, as that roll of nice ribbon could buy another gift for the step-daughters. *sigh* I made them as pretty as I could, but didn’t have the pleasure of sitting for hours, days on end, wrapping my own gifts, plus my sister’s and my mother’s. I really missed it. Next year, ship all your gifts to me in England and I will happily, lovingly wrap each of them for you.

  75. On December 21st, 2009 at 10:47 am Mrs Soup Says:

    I loathe the fact that there is so much sexism in kids toys. It sucks ass.

    And I get “hired” to wrap presents for my dad. Except for last year when my Mother-in-Law was living at my parent’s house (remind me to tell that story someday…) and she got to wrap them. My mom is the person that doesn’t care what is in the package as long as it’s wrapped up all pretty. Which is my dad wrapped up a potato one year for her….

    Need to tell that story too….

  76. On December 21st, 2009 at 11:07 am The Only Girl Says:

    a) total congrats on your award!

    b) hell ya on the Fisher Price letter! My little guy loves his dolls too but all the accessories like mini stollers and playpens are pink!

    and finally

    c) I HATE HATE HATE wrapping presents. Even though the invention of gift bags has helped my hatred somewhat – I still consider skipping the whole holiday JUST to escape the wrapping. And yes – I have also considered the cost of having someone else wrap it all. It might be worth it to be able to enjoy these last few days before the “Big 2-5” instead of wasting hour after hour after painful hour wrapping.

  77. On December 21st, 2009 at 5:36 pm Mel Says:

    I’m a little late on this, but I would have totally wrapped your gifts for you… as long as they’re in nice, square (or rectangular, ya know) boxes. I don’t do funky shapes.

    I had little girl legos when I was a kid. They were purple and pink and white.

  78. On December 21st, 2009 at 6:20 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:


  79. On December 21st, 2009 at 7:02 pm confusedboy86 Says:

    Can I wrap? hmm….Well I’ve just finished the last of my wrapping and whilst I am on my bed and up-high. I am relatively safe from the cataclysmic destruction that has be-fallen my floor. Sellotape and odd bits of paper appear to have been blown up and the splatter is attached to every conceivable work surface. So in answer to the question, apparently I am a W.M.D. of Christmas wrapping. On the upside, from my complete lack of technique and my poor hand-eye co-ordination (or should that be finger-tape co-ordination) no one could ever guess what their presents are. Even the simplest square presents end up morphed in shape. And on that note I’m going to have to leave you, I’ve just noticed that somehow I have tape on my curtains.

  80. On December 21st, 2009 at 9:29 pm leanne Says:

    While I like wrapping presents (as long as they are easy to wrap and I don’t wait til the last minute — ha ha ha), I’m just okay at it. I just love pretty wrapping paper though. I’m a sucker for fundraisers where I can buy Christmas wrapping paper. Really. And I’m over the fact that my corners aren’t perfect — look at the pretty paper, people!

    Oh, and yeah, where are the legos for girls when they grow up?!? (a few years back I did buy a set for my son that does include Dora, along with Diego and Baby Jaguar — it also includes a big brick lego with buttons that play Dora/Diego catchphrases and songs — my daughter LOVES it. But I haven’t seen anything like it since.)

  81. On December 21st, 2009 at 11:03 pm michele Says:

    I actually emailed Lego about the lack of girly options. My daughter has like building Legos since she was big enough to not eat them, but my son *just* finished his first kit alone at the tender age of 10. The Lego people pointed out the 5 HUGE Belleville playsets (which she had already been gifted with) and then proceeded to say she could build the hospital, the cafe and the market. My goal is to get her to be one of those Lego Masters so she can design girl kits instead of having just stupid race car kits.

  82. On December 22nd, 2009 at 4:35 pm mommiebear2 Says:

    Haha, ironically I brought my husband’s gifts to work today because a gal I work with is truly brilliant with the gift wrapping. So much so that when she is done with it, Id hate to see it torn apart. At home, all gifts are wrapped by my husband because when I wrap, people to tend to ask which kid did it……….

  83. On December 22nd, 2009 at 6:19 pm mumma boo Says:

    Hate wrapping! Fortunately, my movie husband, Brendan Fraser, will be keeping me company tonight while I slave over packages that will be torn to shreds in seconds on Christmas morning.

  84. On December 24th, 2009 at 10:02 am Betty M Says:

    I am at best a mediocre wrapper. More importantlly I thought you guys had wholE rooms in your house devoted to wrapping. Another illusion shattered.

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...