Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

The Unbearable Lightness of Gold


When I was an overly dramatical kid, I used to read a lot of books where the heroine would say something deep and meaningful to herself which the adults would later find both profound and amazing. While I would occasionally try and wax poetic about this or that in a sad attempt to emulate the book-girl, the adults never seemed to be that impressed with me.

(note: they still aren’t)

So when we were at the antique store and I rhapsodized on about how many people had looked into the antique mirror before me–people in Olden Times (quote, unquote)–I was surprised when my mother didn’t clap me on the back and buy me ice cream for my witty observation. She merely uh-huh’d me in the that’s nice dear tone and went back to looking at serving bowls.

In hindsight that was a kind of cool way of thinking about old things like that. I grew up in a house that Antiques Roadshow would love to sink it’s pearly teeth into and it was safe to say that my bed really had been slept in before by someone else in Olden Times (quote, unquote). The silverware we pulled out for the holidays had been in someone else’s mouth–a mouth I’d never even seen before. The mirrors really had reflected the image of an ancestor or two.

Who were these people who once used the stuff that I now used? What did they like? What did they hate? What would they think about the pithy observations of an irritating 8 year old?

If I’d been the type to daydream, I’d have had a field day there. I’m more practical than that, though, and it was nothing more than a passing observation.

But that was the first time I’d ever thought about an inanimate object having a sort of an independent memory attached to it. Like it might come with it’s own story. I’ll call it a karmic memory because I’m not sure what else it would be (scent memory is what is on the tip of my tongue, but it’s not the right phrase), and that fits best.

For 8 years, I’ve had an engagement ring. It’s sat there sadly unworn in my jewelry box, occasionally seeing the light of day when I’d rush into the box to find my pearl necklace or snake ring.

It was purchased for me and given to me by Ben’s father after I’d gotten knocked up. I can’t tell you why either of us thought that getting married was a good idea–I’d never really thought much about marriage at all–but I suppose it was a life-line in a sinking ship.

Any port in the storm.

When I slipped that ring onto my finger, though, it changed me. Not into the crazy bridezilla who obsesses endlessly about table linens, but into someone I didn’t like. That ring, that cheap ring that Nat begrudgingly shelled out for while complaining about conflict diamonds and American greed, weighed a thousand pounds, a loosely hanging noose around my neck.

I only wore it for a couple of months, feeling inexplicably shameful and often hiding my hands so as not to have to comment on it when people wanted to gush over my engagement. A couple of months, I wore that diamond unhappily, unsure of how my life had taken such a drastic turn for the crap, and then I took it off in a fit of rage.

When he didn’t come home one night, instead sauntering in the following morning with a cat-that-swallowed-the-canary look on his face, hickeys red on his neck, I took that ring off with an angry “you stuck your dick in HER?”

My son rolled about in my stomach, oblivious to the chaos surrounding him.

I kept the ring.

I don’t know why.

Maybe so that I could give it back to him if he asked.

Maybe to give to my children to play dress-up with.

Maybe I just didn’t know what to do with an engagement ring that was just…wrong.

It was like a reminder of an alternate universe every time I’d open my jewelry box to see it nestled there, next to my other, treasured diamonds. A shameful reminder of where I’d been and how bad things were. Maybe I kept it to remind myself of how far I’d come. How hard I’ve worked to get where I am. How I should never compromise who I am for someone else.

Maybe I was just too lazy to figure out what to do with it.

I sold it today.

Today is not a day that means anything to me. It was a gray morning, it’s a lovely sunny afternoon now, it’s June and June is one of my favorite months.

Today has no significance to me whatsoever.

It’s Saturday, tomorrow is Sunday, yesterday was Friday. It appears to be a good day today, my kids are happy, I have a load of laundry in the dryer, although this is Nat’s weekend with Ben, he never called me to pick him up, so Ben’s home today; his real home. We’re having burgers for dinner later.

I didn’t wake up with the intention of selling it, the idea struck me out of the overcast gray sky: why not put it to bed? Why not rid myself of that burden? I’ve paid the rest of my debts, why not this one too? Maybe the gold and diamond will help someone else build something that I hadn’t wanted.

It’s gone now. Over. It’s been over for years, probably doomed from the start.

My memories, my pain, my hate, it’s gone now.


That’s what I was owed. That’s what I got.

It’s more than it was worth.

61 Comments to

“The Unbearable Lightness of Gold”

  1. On June 13th, 2009 at 3:22 pm Web Mirror | The Unbearable Lightness of Gold Says:

    […] When I was an overly dramatical kid, I used to read a lot of books where the heroine would say something deep and meaningful to herself which the adults would later find both profound and amazing. While I would occasionally try and wax poetic about this or that in a sad attempt to emulate the book-girl, the adults never seemed to be that impressed with me. (they still aren’t) So when we were at the antique store and I rhapsodized on about how many people had looked into the antique mirror be The rest is here: The Unbearable Lightness of Gold […]

  2. On June 13th, 2009 at 3:33 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    My darling daughter wears the wedding ring I wore when I got married to her father on her toe. It’s gorgeous there.
    I keep a lot of karmetic things around, but they are mostly things I want to keep. I do have some very fine jewelry that my great grandmother left me. It makes me feel weird to wear it and weirder to think of it hidden away. And even weirder to sell it. And yet- I didn’t know her.
    I never can decide what I should do with those things.

  3. On June 13th, 2009 at 3:30 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Last summer, I sold my engagement ring. I’d been divorced for six months, my ex had been re-married for five. It was the only real diamond I have ever had, and it was beautiful. I hadn’t worn it in a year, yet I had it safe in a small glass box that was painted by my great-grandmother. Sort of like you, I just decided one day that I wanted to be rid of it. No matter that my mother thought maybe my boys would want it someday. That fucking thing was cursed, I didn’t want it, I didn’t want them to have it. I got $260 for that $1500 ring, even though I would have given it away.

    Here’s to letting go.

  4. On June 13th, 2009 at 3:53 pm a Says:

    My father was kind of a late bloomer…when he was in his late twenties he was dating this Italian girl (he was a fine Irish boy). She was of the opinion that when they got married, he would essentially abandon his family, and they would spend all their time with hers. As the favored (and only) son with three adoring sisters, that wasn’t happening. However, he told her that as soon as he had saved up $10,000, they would get married. Sometime during this period, she gave him a diamond (for some reason, I don’t know) – anyway, the diamond existed, and it was a decent size. They dated for 10 years, and then my dad’s youngest sister got married. And my dad’s girlfriend was not asked to be a bridesmaid. And she got pissed and delivered ultimatums. 1 year to the day after my aunt’s wedding, my parents got married. I guess we know what my dad thought of ultimatums. Anyway, sometime later, my mom took the diamond that dad’s girlfriend had given him and had it made (along with some other diamonds from my grandmother) into a lovely ring that she wore all the time.

    I have some jewelry of my mom’s because I took it all before it occurred to my sisters. They don’t want a bunch of costume jewelry from the 60s and 70s anyway. I also have some of my aunt’s things. Then there’s the furniture and china that I insist on keeping. I also have the watch my dad was wearing when he died. I agree with the karmic memory thing…

  5. On June 13th, 2009 at 4:08 pm Lildark1 Says:

    I had an engagement ring from a prior relationship that I saved because I spent so much money getting myself out of debt that he was responsible for. about 4 years into my marriage, we really needed money so my husband raffled it off at work. I don’t remember how much we got for it, but it was enough to pay the mortgage and feed my babies. I was glad to be rid of it and glad it went to a good cause.
    Great post 🙂

  6. On June 13th, 2009 at 4:11 pm Danielle Says:

    Go buy something you don’t need with it! Or something Ben doesn’t need. Like chocolate. Glad you’ve gotten rid of it.

  7. On June 13th, 2009 at 5:27 pm Carrie Says:

    Oh my, I attach a concrete memory to just about everything in my posession…I could go on and on.

    And yes, I totally understand the feeling of “free” that comes with parting of such objects. Cut the strings loose, I say!

  8. On June 13th, 2009 at 4:28 pm meg Says:

    I held on to some jewelry from the ex until one day it was just time to be rid of it. I tossed it in the trash and didn’t look back.

    I think you should donate it to a cause that would really piss off the ex if he knew.

  9. On June 13th, 2009 at 6:35 pm Tatiana Says:

    I actually don’t have any of those karmic items hanging around. But I did, for a long time. I had a letter that my dad sent me — an incredibly hurtful one — and I kept it for years. When my husband and I found out we were expecting, and were packing to move into our new two bedroom apartment, I finally threw that letter away. It served no real purpose.

    I’m glad you finally sold that ring, and I’m sorry that your ex was (and is… not taking his son on “his” weekend?) such an unrepentant douche.

  10. On June 13th, 2009 at 5:45 pm DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    I am so bad at keeping jewelery longer than 5 miutes without losing it that I only have the things that I still love in my posession. It is sort of an automatic karma, I just seem to lose the things that I don’t care about.

    Unfortunately, I am unsentimental about most things, so what I don’t lose, I throw away. I am the least woman-like woman straight woman when it comes to that sentimental stuff that I know. I’ll let you know if I decide to change my name to chaz.

  11. On June 13th, 2009 at 6:20 pm Eva Says:

    I’ve got a bunch of letters from boys, and then guys, from miiddle school and high school. I should probably just chuck them wholesale but I keep thinking I’ll go through them…and what?

  12. On June 13th, 2009 at 8:30 pm Badass Geek Says:

    I’ve got a couple Ativan that I can let go for less than market value.

  13. On June 13th, 2009 at 8:42 pm The Unbearable Lightness of Gold | DEEP PURPLE Says:

    […] When I was an overly dramatical kid, I used to read a lot of books where the heroine would say something deep and meaningful to herself which the adults would later find both profound and amazing. While I would occasionally try and wax poetic about this or that in a sad attempt to emulate the book-girl, the adults never seemed to be that impressed with me. (they still aren’t) So when we were at the antique store and I rhapsodized on about how many people had looked into the antique mirror be Read the original here: The Unbearable Lightness of Gold […]

  14. On June 13th, 2009 at 8:51 pm Emily R Says:

    so odd — i have read only two posts so far today, and both were about trading in old rings. chani is the other.

  15. On June 13th, 2009 at 9:58 pm AmyK Says:

    Good for you! Every time you saw that ring had to bring back powerful memories you don’t need in your life. I sold my wedding band from my first marriage to buy my license tags for my car. My mother recently passed away so I wear her wedding band on one hand and my grandmothers band on the other hand. Those are sweet memories. I hope you feel more free now that you have let go of some more of the pain.

  16. On June 13th, 2009 at 8:59 pm Cute~Ella Says:

    It’s sort of ironic that you wrote this. Today I returned a spare car key to someone who is no longer a friend. I found it in a drawer from when we were roommates.It’s not a ring, but it seems like just one less tie to cut before I leave I suppose…

  17. On June 13th, 2009 at 10:46 pm Cat Says:

    I sold everything of my ex’s last year after he moved out… mostly because I needed the money. I kept a pair of diamond earrings until a few weeks ago, for reasons I couldn’t explain if I tried. Sold them on Ebay and threw away the wedding pictures the same week. I used the $200 to kick off a college fund for my amazing baby boy, the only good thing that came out of that relationship.

    I love how your words express things I’ve felt, but so much more eloquently than I ever could. It’s a powerful feeling to see that there are people out there who went through what you’re going through and came out of it strong and happy. Thank you for this blog.

  18. On June 13th, 2009 at 9:46 pm Michelle Says:

    I have held onto a cheap ass necklace my ex-boyfriends Dad gave me one Christmas. He gave the other girlfriends and girls in the family gift cards for Marshall Fields, and I got a little girls frosted heart necklace from Kmart. I look at occasionaly to remind myself of how good I have it now, and how brave I was to leave with just the clothes on my back from his house.

  19. On June 13th, 2009 at 11:03 pm Jewelry Articles | Jewelry Articles Says:

    […] Original post:  Mommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » The Unbearable Lightness of Gold […]

  20. On June 13th, 2009 at 10:20 pm sky Says:

    My problem is with memories and dreams. Can’t seem to lay things to rest.

  21. On June 13th, 2009 at 10:32 pm swirl girl Says:

    I have some karmic shit too…a can of racquetball balls (and I don’t play) given to me by my Hubby (then boyfriend) as a housewarming present …and a tiny red soap lobster we bought at a HoJo’s on our first road trip – It sits on the dashboard when we travel 15 years later. Those two things have moved with us so many times and I always know where they are.
    oh- and I’ll take the ativan that Badass is hoarding.

    don’t bogart the Karma , dude.

  22. On June 14th, 2009 at 12:21 am kalakly Says:

    It wasn’t a ring but it was an idea of something that I always thought I needed to hang onto. And then one day, just like you, for no particular reason I realized that i didn’t want to hang on anymore, it was too much work. And I let it go, even though really, it had been gone for a very long time.
    I think I’d use the 40 bucks to buy Ben something really cool and tell him it is just for him, from you, because you love him and because today is Saturday. (Leaving the Your dad’s an ASSHOLE part out of the story altogether)

  23. On June 14th, 2009 at 4:05 am Betty M Says:

    I keep pretty much everything so there is karmic stuff and stuff which is entirely devoid of meaning all mixed in.

  24. On June 14th, 2009 at 4:11 am confusedboy1986 Says:

    I had hung on to a few different things from my ex’s. I don’t know if they had any karmic attatchment, but from time to time I would look at them and feel a sense of pride and relief that I was out of my old life and sooooo far away now. I hung onto them for a while, whilst I was dating my current partner, but as it got to a year, my insecurities fell away and I threw all my old memories out. I didn’t need them anymore, my ex’s have their lives back home, and I have mine. And that is that. But even when someone has hurt is, its letting go of the memories that can take time.

  25. On June 14th, 2009 at 6:52 am Hope Says:

    That must have been one cheap ass ring he gave you! I got $40 for my wedding band (which was just a plain gold band0 a few months ago – and that was when gold was selling for less than it is now. I’m so glad you didn’t marry the cheap ass bastard.
    I had given my son a diamond my mother had to set in an engagement ring for his wife. When she left him, he got it back from her, then gave it back to me. While doing this, he asked me if he could have it back some time in the future to use in a ring for a second wife! I think not, or at least not until I can soak it in holy water for a month and purge his first wife’s bad Karma from it.

  26. On June 14th, 2009 at 7:03 am zelzee Says:

    I sold all my rings, too. What a small pittance for tons of emotional anguish………….

  27. On June 14th, 2009 at 8:14 am jessiee Says:

    great, and thought-provoking, post. I think I will go upstairs and look at my rings, and see how I feel about them today.

  28. On June 14th, 2009 at 10:21 am ainebegonia Says:

    I sold my wedding ring two weeks after the idiot moved out for grocery money. The only karmic things I tend to keep is old keys. For some unknown reason, I never seem to be able to get rid of them.

  29. On June 14th, 2009 at 11:33 am Westcoast Weirdo Says:

    I don’t hang onto things from people. I toss the shit out – I’m not a packrat of any sorts – I like things new & fresh and it drives my husband nuts. The only karmanic things I keep are from past animals I’ve had. It’s hard for me to part from those 🙁
    And, yes, I enjoy animals more than people, lol.

  30. On June 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am Kim Says:

    I think you and Ben should go on a shopping spree with the $40. Just the two of you, after all, the two of you, and your relationship are the best things that ever came out of Nat the Bat.

    My heart is breaking for Ben, that his “father” could not even call and say he was not coming. I’m sure Ben is having a better time at his real home, but it sucks monkey balls that Nat would do that to his own son.

    Today, Nat receives the “King of DoucheBags” award. I hope he is proud of himself.

  31. On June 14th, 2009 at 12:12 pm Dora Says:

    I have my engagement ring from my ex-fiance. He broke off the engagement 3 months before the wedding. (Deposit on the location had been paid.) The ring is beautiful. (Strangers sometimes complimented me on it.) My mother gave me the setting. It was a great aunt’s. White gold with diamond baguettes. We had it set with an emerald cut sapphire we picked out together. (I never wanted a diamond ring.) I’ve thought about selling it, but it bugs me that I wouldn’t get anywhere near its value.


  32. On June 14th, 2009 at 2:04 pm Fancy Says:

    Sounds like $40 that could be put to good use, instead of the albatross that was hiding in your jewelry box! I’ve thought about selling my engagement ring, but I actually like it and it doesn’t have any bad feelings on it any longer. It’s in an antique setting, an amethyst surrounded by diamond chips. I wear it every time I wear purple.

  33. On June 14th, 2009 at 2:44 pm Amy declouet Says:

    Wow! He f’ing cheated on you while you were pregnant?! There is nothing more disgusting to me than that. So glad you left and married a great guy and good father. I also find it reprehencible he didn’t pick up ben!! Nat: what an ass fuck!!!!

  34. On June 14th, 2009 at 4:26 pm heather Says:

    When I split with my husband I took his wedding ring, and another ring I had given him. I moved back in with my parents. Later that year, around Xmas, he showed up there with gifts for my daughter. I had taken the two rings and carefully wrapped them and put them in a gift bag. He thought I bought him something special, and really, it was a kiss-off. I laughed my ass off after he drove away, with the woman he was pretending he wasn’t cheating on me with. He thought I wouldn’t notice her waiting outside in her truck for him? I still have my rings and I’ve been with my current husband for 10 years. I don’t think they’re worth much but I don’t even think about them. They are just objects in a drawer somewhere. I can’t honestly say they meant much to me when he put them on my finger back in 1996.

  35. On June 14th, 2009 at 4:57 pm GingerB Says:

    My karmic item story is about me and my mindset – not my exes. I bought a 1951 Studebaker for my first car. I really did love it then, and I later hung on to it long after I should have because I thought it made me seem more interesting. I really always knew I would never fix it up and it just deteriorated in my care, to where I felt like shit for letting an item of value just waste away to time and rust and lack of interest. I would tell myself that I would only ever sell it to pay for travel, or something really, really important, not just to get through college or grad school. Finally, after establishing myself in my career, I was tired of waiting to meet Mr. Right, as opposed to Mr. Right Now, and I wanted to get myself a child and start a family. I sold the house I was in, and bought one with a better layout to be a single mom to an as yet unknown child. I sold the car to marshall the money I needed and I cried like a baby when I handed over the keys and took the cash, right in front of the buyer and the mechanic who had stored it. Then I hired a man to work on the newly purchased house, who kept coming to “volunteer” after the job was done and eventually I made him my boyfriend and we got pregnant the third month of trying and now I have two of the finest babies ever known to humanity, a husband, and two stepsons. So losing this interesting thing I had got me an assload of more interesting things in my life. I kinda miss it, but not very much. The shit I kept from exes I will dump in my own blog. It’s way harder to explain to myself.

    I LOVED reading these comments, Aunt Becky!

  36. On March 2nd, 2011 at 6:36 pm karla Says:

    GingerB,i have a ’61 Falcon (my first car) that is still sitting in my inlaws driveway because after i purchased a car that could get me to-from work and school i can’t seem to let go of it. and now, over 10 years later it’s deteriorating and i have by no way the means to restore it to it’s original way. it’s going to have to be sold soon. *sigh*

  37. On June 14th, 2009 at 6:43 pm lola Says:

    Good for you. Sometimes it’s those little things that carry the most weight.

    Me? I sold all of my gold from exes and my mother-in-law and just about anyone who ever gave me gold at the highest price a while back. It was just a bunch of pretty jewelry that I’d kept around because people I once cared about gave it to me. Finally, I just had to be real and admit that I’ve never worn gold, unless it was white, and I never will. So, I felt no attachment as I handed it over. I made so much off of it, I wish I had more exes that gave me gold 😉

  38. On June 14th, 2009 at 8:47 pm eden Says:

    Awesome post. I hocked all of my jewellry for drug money, in my twenties. Whoopsies.

    Laughed at loud at “You stuck your dick in THAT!?”

  39. On June 14th, 2009 at 8:40 pm PiquantMolly Says:

    I sold my prior wedding set back to the jeweler for a good chunk of change the week before Brad and I got married. It was especially satisfying to pay for the beginning of my second marriage with the remains of the first. 🙂

  40. On June 14th, 2009 at 8:45 pm mountainmomma18 Says:

    First off- a beautifully written story- loved it.
    I had a desk from my ex fiance who had bought it for me when I moved down south to be with him. Six months later i moved back up north for grad school and took the damn thing with me. it never bothered me until i started writing my dissertation and could not write anything, at all. I was convinced that the thing was cursed so my husband hauled it outside for trash day pick up and bought me a new one. And what do you know, I finished that sucker on the new desk.

  41. On June 14th, 2009 at 9:23 pm electriclady Says:

    Bravo, babe.

  42. On June 14th, 2009 at 9:44 pm Lisa Says:

    Everything you own, owns you. Good.Or.Bad.

    After having extensive property damage with Hurricane Rita, and losing an entire house in Hurricane Ike, you gain a new perspective on possessions.

    In order to move forward, you must be open to new energy and opportunities. You cannot do that while you are bogged down with the responsibility that comes with ownership (cleaning items, storing items, etc…) of items you do not love.

    I can’t wait to see what great new energy flows into your life now that you have made a little more room for it!

    I do not believe it was a coincidence that you did this letting go on the heels of your daughter’s wonderful news.

    You.Are.On.A.Roll. Congrats!!

  43. On June 15th, 2009 at 4:43 am SciFi Dad Says:

    Woah. What an amazing post.

    Cutting ties, one string at a time.

  44. On June 15th, 2009 at 8:05 am mumma boo Says:

    I bet you feel so much lighter, now, huh? Amazing how a small piece of jewelry can feel like a ton of lead.

    The diamond ring I received from one ex was made into an earring, which I then gave to another ex. Good riddance to bad rubbish on both counts. 🙂

  45. On June 15th, 2009 at 8:37 am Erin Says:

    Good for you. I’ll bet it feels really good to get rid of such a lodestone. Do something fun with the $40.

  46. On June 15th, 2009 at 9:53 am Mrs.LaLa Says:

    I had a very similar ring from a very similar man. Didn’t hang on to mine though – pawned that SOB for my $40 just as soon as I booted that loser to the curb.

  47. On June 15th, 2009 at 9:31 am foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    Aside from letters and such from a relationship past, I really don’t have anything so, heavy, I guess, as an engagement ring. That relationship past? We made it a past before we got to the engagement ring part, even though we talked of it constantly. Anyway…this post? This post is beauty. Even the part that made me cringe when Ben’s dad apparently couldn’t bother to call for his son. Your todays are filled with lucky and light, hun.

  48. On June 15th, 2009 at 10:23 am Mrs Soup Says:

    Way to get that out of your life.

    We’ve been moving this past weekend and next weekend, so I’ve been going through lots and lots of boxes of just junk. Kept photos and books, but have tossed the junk. The junk that was given to me by my grandparents for a Christmas that just hid in a box. Or things I thought were vitally important from high school that traveled with me to my colleges. It felt good. Have a truckload of things to take to Goodwill and lots of recycling.

    I feel lighter already.

  49. On June 15th, 2009 at 11:56 am Heather Says:

    Both of our rings are in a cupboard in our dresser. I’m not sure if he will ask about them before the divorce is final or not. I don’t think he deserves them but I’m not sure I want to keep them either. Do boys want things like wedding rings?

    Just this morning I packed up my boquet, unity candle, etc and put it in our attic. Why not burn it? I’m not sure…. something kept me from doing it… so out of site out of mind, perhaps when I move to a different house I will leave them in the attic for someone to find and wonder over.

  50. On June 15th, 2009 at 6:50 pm skkuyper Says:

    I actually kept a career if you can believe it….
    When i was married to my ex, out of necessity-as in we need to eat- I had to get a full time job. We had been married for 3 years and I was essentially a stay at home mommy up till that point and had two kids by then ages 6 & 2. I went to work at a desk clerk at a local hotel. It was my way of connecting to the outside world. My ex had made sure to seperate me from my family and friends—he joined the ARMY—just came home one day and said—“i joined the army”….any who…after 6 years of marrieage I had had enough of the lies, and cheating and left with my two kids…and got a better job as a front desk manager back in suburban chicago where I belonged. And was promptly told that it was because of “him” that I was able to have this wonderul new “career” and I owed him something.
    A few months after leaving and nearly to the day of my divorce I re-connected with an old boyfriend from high school—the love of my life.
    I stayed in the hotel industry for many years–always trying to prove the ex wrong….i had gotten MYSELF where I was in my career and moved my way up myself. Right after 9-11 and the miscarriage of my 1st daughter I took stock in my life…I had two wonderful boys-now 11 & 7..A WONDERFUL husband…we had just bought our 1st house….and I was missing it all being at work 60 hours a week. So I quit–and quickly realized I had been hanging on to my career out of spite and now felt so “free”….finally the last piece of him and being under his thumb were gone…..ahhhhh yessss…life was finally my own and he had NOTHING to do with it.

    oh and the ring….I traded it in on the whopper I have on my hand now…the one my kids’ picked out for me….they have really good taste in jewelry…

  51. On June 16th, 2009 at 10:18 am deb Says:

    I do have something. It’s not a ring or anything glamorous. Just a picture. But it’s a picture that serves as a reminder of what I was supposed (quote-unquote LMAO) to have.
    That’s not to say that I’m not happy with what and where my life is, I’m very happy (most days lol) but it just wasn’t the plan.
    I was supposed to marry John and be a Navy wife and live happily ever after with out 2.5 kids (WTH is up with the .5 btw) and a dog or two.
    But as I’m famous (yes FAMOUS) for saying: It is what it is.

  52. On June 16th, 2009 at 3:18 pm maggie, dammit Says:

    Congratulations, love. Beautiful post.

  53. On June 18th, 2009 at 9:14 pm Jenn Says:

    I have a whole box full of shit like that (I’m the kind of person who looks at EVERYTHING and wonders who it belonged to, where it’s been, etc.). It’s up on the highest shelf in my closet, so far back that I can’t get to it without something to stand on. I can’t bring myself to throw anything in there away but I don’t want to look at it either.

  54. On July 4th, 2009 at 7:37 am charmed Says:

    i considered posting this anonymously, but seeing as there are 52 comments burying it, and 19 newer posts, it woulda kinda been ridiculous and paranoid, which i try NOT to be, whenever i can help it.

    i met my first husband at 19, on the NYC path train. he was about 10 years older than me, and i, being so stupidly 19, thought myself wayyyy more mature than my years. he was psychotically narcissistic and, when diamond-buying time came around, he HAD to have the BEST. it was a gorgeous, flawless, one carat specimen (which his mommy paid for…but he was gonna pay her back, of course!). we got married against my better judgement. he was a fucking PSYCHO. he was a spoiled brat and his materialism made me SICK. i divorced him 2 years later, and gave the ring back to his kind and generous mother.

    when marc and i started the engagement ring talks, i didn’t want anything to do with a diamond. it made my stomach turn. it took months, but i finally convinced him i wanted a CZ. the finest diamond couldn’t turn a rotten marriage, it didn’t mean love or anything close to it. for me, it was quite the opposite…what i have now, what i’ve had for the past 9-12 years is REAL, the ring is REAL, and is a most fitting reminder.

    that being said, no one knows it’s not “real.” who cares, anyway?

    my wedding band, though…much like you, i woke up one morning, for no apparent reason, drove to a small bridge, and threw that fucker right off the side into the dirtiest river in jersey. FEELS GOOD, DOESN’T IT?!?!?!

  55. On July 8th, 2009 at 4:39 pm trish Says:

    No, I don’t have anything I keep that I should probably get rid of. My ex-boyfriend never gave me any jewelry (except a pair of cheapish earrings that are nice but don’t have that weight to them that you’re talking about).

    (had a whole paragraph confessing things but decided to delete it)

  56. On August 1st, 2010 at 1:33 pm Tweets that mention The Unbearable Lightness of Gold | Mommy Wants Vodka -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Aunt Becky and Sunshine Love, JR Reed. JR Reed said: RT @mommywantsvodka: Either I have a magic closet, or this is where they came from: […]

  57. On August 1st, 2010 at 1:54 pm MamaOnDaGo Says:

    Thank you for being so open and willing to share your thoughts and struggles. I don’t own anything from my ancestors. I’m not even too sure about my family tree other than my grandparents and a few stories here & there. I’m making my own memories to pass along. I hope you will do the same but much happier memories.

  58. On August 1st, 2010 at 2:24 pm Amber El Says:

    The ring my daughter’s dad gave to me was an heirloom. An heirloom that had never been through a successfull marriage, only a divorce and two failed engagements. About a year after he and I broke up, his mother chucked it into the river. Thing was cursed

  59. On August 1st, 2010 at 5:02 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Brilliant. I’ve never been happier to be rid of something. Ever.

  60. On March 3rd, 2011 at 8:12 am Cindy Bennett Says:

    I have held onto the first and second engagement rings. The first was very small and all he could afford. It was given with the promise that when we could he would get me a larger prettier ring. After 15 years and him giving money to his sisters, brother, remodeling his parents house, etc. I told him it was time. So we got another ring, beautiful, all I ever wanted, but it meant nothing. I had to beg for it, it was not given out of love or caring it was done to shut me up. I tried to sell it years ago but could get no where near it’s worth. I think I keep it to hang on to the anger, to remind myself where I have been and to appreciate where I am now. I am way to cheap to throw it in the lake, but this post has got me thinking. I may get rid of it now. It has been 15 years since It decorated my hand, maybe it is time to let it and the anger go.

  61. On March 3rd, 2011 at 9:10 am Chris in PHX Says:

    When the ex “Asshat” and I split after 8 loooong years I went to a pawn shop to sell the ring I was given, the guy offered me $60.00. I told him that was almost as disapointing as the relationship itself was. I took that 60 bucks and went to Marshalls and bought some bakeware and my cupcakes have never been better!

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