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The Sparkle Gene


I’m tacky.

This statement is, of course, a “well, duh!” to anyone who happens to know me in real life. I like to blame this on genetics, considering that every time I walk into a room at my parents house, someone remarks “WOAH, NICE SHOES,” and then blathers on about how I’m “just like my grandmother” who had “the same garish taste,” but considering my parents find teak to be the most lovely decoration material ever, I take it as a compliment.

I don’t doubt that one day, along with finding the gene markers responsible for male pattern baldness, scientists will unwittingly find a “tacky gene” which I can only pray to the Good Lord of Butter that they name something like, “The Sparkle Gene” (which goes neatly along with my six-year old desire to rename our car “Sparkle, Sparkle, Sparkle Car,” to which my parents abjectly disagreed with)

(Never DID say I was any good at naming things, considering I own a cat named “Basement Kitty,” and I have no basement)

The Sparkle Gene has been neatly passed down to my daughter who, despite her ability to kick ass at a moment’s notice, loves all things sparkly, although she, like me, is not interested in Princess Gear. In fact, she’s now calling herself Bat Girl, which goes along neatly with my nickname: Good Catwoman. She’ll happily wear her superhero cape while collecting those shiny gem things you can get at craft stores for like a buck (I assume – never did buy any), which means that she too, has the Sparkle Gene.

I like to imagine that the Sparkle Gene is, in some small part, related to the reason I’ve never decorated a home before, excepting for our failed condo, which I painted all colors of the rainbow, just to turn around and sell it. When we moved into the house formerly known as mine, we decided that decorating and painting wasn’t really in our best interest.

Slowly, I did redo two of the three bathrooms and the kids bedrooms as they were popped from my girl bits. The dining room, which was formerly known as my office, I redid last winter, painting it a lovely shade of Eggplant and replacing the ancient light fixture. I loved that room until Hurricane July hit and it was made clear that I would be moving out.

When I moved into my own space, I made sure to pack the pictures I’d been collecting, the decorations I’d held onto for that one day – the day that would never come – I’d be able to decorate a space to call my own. Could’ve been my old bedroom or a real office for me, didn’t matter. I wanted to be able to look around a room and say, “O’DOYLE RULES!” or, at the very least, “BECKY’S BEEN HERE.”

For something so important to me – and it’s always been – I never did manage to get around to it.

Until now.

(cue ominous music)

I’ve been spending a lot of my time thinking about ways I can decorate my new place to make it feel like I’ve got a home of my own. Don’t get me wrong – I’d sooner get mauled to death by a rogue hedgehog before I’ll EVER be known for “my style” but I don’t care. It’s my space to decorate and mine to call home.

the sparkle gene

While non-traditional, you WILL note that there is nothing glittery on that wall, which means I’m decidedly not done.

(mental note: buy bedazzler)

the sparkle gene

This painting is probably one of my very favorites. While it looks depressing as hell, the graffiti says, “There is always hope,” which is one of those wacky new-age things I have to repeat to myself to get through the day. Well, that and “glitter makes EVERYTHING better.”

(Dear Depression: Fuck you. Love, AB)

One of the things I’ve been doing while recovering from the flu that ate my immune system is to play around on this site:

Which I’m only telling you about because they’re running some killer hot deals right now if you sign up. Makes me wish I were a new customer so I could YOINK that ten dollars.

I happen to like this site not only because it appeals to my Sparkle Gene, but because when I go scouring The Internetz for art, I hyperventilate.

Etsy makes me break out in hives because I can only peruse the site if I have something INCREDIBLY specific in mind, which, I’ll have you know Pranksters, does not often happen, and searching for “sparkle, sparkle art,” NEVER gets me ANYTHING I’d ever want.

This site happens to choose small independent companies and showcase their items at a deeply discounted price (especially if you earn credits, which you do by “peeking” at the prices of various items. It’s like a game and it’s probably the best time waster ever, besides Monster Pet Shop (Damn YOOOU CRYS!), but you know and you should totally try it. It’s a ton of fun, even if I can’t afford half the things on there, it’s a great way I get ideas for things to put on my walls, until I own a bedazzler.

Or manage to extract the Sparkle Gene from my genetic makeup. Y’know, whichever comes first.


So what about YOU, Pranksters? Where do you find stuffs for your walls? I’m all about getting my house to look as though I live here.


P.S. Inappropriate frog is inappropriate.

The Sparkle Gene

25 Comments to

“The Sparkle Gene”

  1. On November 26th, 2012 at 10:44 am Patrick James (@Filthycreatures) Says:

    RT @mommywantsvodka: Inappropriate frog is inappropriate:

  2. On November 26th, 2012 at 11:01 am Cindy Says:

    Peacock feathers. I love peacock feathers. Is there a gene for that?

  3. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Yes. I love them too! Got to post a pix of my awesome lamp with a peacock on it.

    Also: you need a fancy name to go along with that.

  4. On November 26th, 2012 at 11:13 am starle Says:

    Best advice that i can give you is….get lots of cheap frames in all sizes. You will find, discover, uncover, remember, or be handed sticky drawings.
    Also? It Gets Better. (HUGS)))

  5. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Any idea how to craft a light box? I have to display something and I want it to be well-done.

  6. On November 26th, 2012 at 11:23 am No Good Says:

    WHYYYYY would you want to remove the Sparkle Gene? I use mine all the time!

  7. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:17 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Oh no worries. The Sparkle Gene is strong and alive.

  8. On November 26th, 2012 at 11:31 am Jolie Says:

    Have bedazzler, disappointing really. Don’t get your hopes up is all I’m saying. To use the girl makes noises like whack-a-mole, and then if it’s crooked, there were tears. Got it for her last Christmas and it was used maybe a dozen times.
    You know what’s great about decorating your own space? It’s all YOU baby!! Bedazzle the walls without repercussion. /sigh/ It’s all good.
    Miss ya girl. take care!

  9. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:17 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m going to be writing more! I realized how much I’d missed it when I’d been out sick and it’s time to get back on that horse!

  10. On November 26th, 2012 at 12:01 pm Rebecca Says:

    I kinda sorta want to wallpaper the walls with portraits that were taken of my kids. Kevin says it would be tacky. Well if wallpapering the walls with my kids smiling faces is tacky then just call me Tacky

  11. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha. Ain’t NOTHING wrong with tacky, lovie!

  12. On November 26th, 2012 at 12:12 pm Roxie Says:

    I just tape up posters of james Dean and Montgomery Clift.

  13. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:18 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:


  14. On November 27th, 2012 at 9:19 am Roxie Says:

    Love you more! 🙂

  15. On November 26th, 2012 at 12:38 pm tara Says:

    That thing hanging from the ceiling in the first picture looks vaguely sparkly…..but you definitely need some more sparkle.

    I love painting but my husband is OCD and gets pissed if I don’t do a good enough job according to him. But the next place we move into I’m totally paining. So there.

  16. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:18 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    The thing on the ceiling? TOTES sparkly! It’s a snowflake!

  17. On November 26th, 2012 at 12:46 pm Melissa Says:

    I cant help because i suck at moving and decorating,. I still have boxes of stuff that haven’t been unpacked since I moved into my apartment. I moved there 11 years ago! Le Sigh.

    But I have to tell you that inappropriate frog made me laugh my ass off (I really wish that laughing would make your ass smaller, what is UP with that saying?)

  18. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:18 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahahaha. Maybe if you laugh ALL the fucking time, you’ll burn a zillion million calories?

  19. On November 26th, 2012 at 2:19 pm Cristine Clarke Says:

    You need this vomiting chicken pitcher. I got one as a wedding gift and we are not fighting over custody of it. Sparkle on

  20. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I will totally fight you for it.

  21. On November 26th, 2012 at 3:21 pm Soni Says:

    I do not have the Sparkle gene (sigh) but I also don’t have the colorful decorating gene. My daughter is forever moaning that our house has no color, and damn it, she’s right. Everything is neutral, neutral, neutral. BORING!! Perhaps I will have to try to channel your Sparkle spirit . . . BTW, you and your daughter should check out Pigtail Pals Ballcap Buddies, a kick-ass blog/FB page/store-out-of-her house. Sounds like just your type of place.

  22. On November 26th, 2012 at 5:56 pm Grace Says:

    Yay!! Inappropriate Frog is my favorite!! You’ve rearranged pictures since I was there! You need to take pictures of the Beatrix Potter stuff, too. But yes, you do need more sparkly stuff. Maybe sparkly gemstones on the picture frames?

  23. On November 27th, 2012 at 8:01 am Triplezmom Says:

    I’m a big fan of using my own photographs as art. Print them in 11×14 or 8×10, get cheap frames and you’re all set. Not that I’ve done this since we moved into our house in 2007. But I did before and I still like them. I want inappropriate frog.

  24. On November 27th, 2012 at 9:56 am chrisinphx Says:

    First off, I love the arrangement of the pics on your wall! Groups in clusters like that are always a good look.

    I buy framed pictures from thrift stores then yank out whatever tacky print is in them and replace them with silly shit I find on the internet. I like to keep the pictures rotating so in the frame there are usually 3-4 pictures I’ve printed out and I can swap at will.

  25. On November 27th, 2012 at 12:32 pm michelle Says:

    My daughter has Triplicate Dominant Sparkle Gene that made itself know when she was 5 months old. I couldn’t figure out where she got it from.

    I got My Own Place last year and now I see I have the Latent Recessive Sparkle Gene that was turned on in my late 40’s with the help of Prozac. My Own Place is awesome and my favorite place in the whole world.

    Sparkle on!

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