Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

The Snot Fest Continues


Just got a call from my OB/GYN.

Turns out my last Pap Smear (as I like to call “Uncle Pappy”) showed some abnormal cells.

If you need me, I’ll be hiding under my bed, sadly without a bottle of whiskey.

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
49 Comments to

“The Snot Fest Continues”

  1. On June 9th, 2008 at 2:35 pm PiquantMolly Says:


    I hope it’s nothing.

    Though, while you’re under that bed, you might as well do some dusting.

  2. On June 9th, 2008 at 2:46 pm tash Says:

    Oh fuckin’ A. Weeping with you Aunt B, Weeping with you.

  3. On June 9th, 2008 at 2:50 pm Karen Says:

    Oh Beck! Just what you needed today. Shit.

    Don’t freak out just yet. You are a nurse; you know it can be nothing.

  4. On June 9th, 2008 at 2:54 pm Jenn Says:

    That sucks! I’m here for you if you need me. I know I’ve been shit for a friend lately. XOXO

  5. On June 9th, 2008 at 2:57 pm Kristine Says:

    I hope it’s nothing! I’ll be thinking of you.

  6. On June 9th, 2008 at 2:58 pm The Milk Maid Says:

    Our irregular cells can plot and plan together…

    Have something mildly caffieneated whilst under the bed. Or chocolate!


  7. On June 9th, 2008 at 3:02 pm Heather Says:

    I’ll be thinking of you and hoping that it comes back as nothing more than a fluke. {{Hugs}}

  8. On June 9th, 2008 at 3:09 pm electriclady Says:

    Ugh, like you need this right now. I hope it turns out to be nothing.

  9. On June 9th, 2008 at 3:29 pm Betty M Says:

    I’ve been there – mine turned out to be nothing. Its still shit. Hoping all is ok.

  10. On June 9th, 2008 at 3:32 pm DD Says:

    Well…fuckity fuck. When’s the follow-up?

  11. On June 9th, 2008 at 3:38 pm Backpacking Dad Says:

    We’ve had those irregular cells a couple of times, the last time during the pregnancy and a little while afterwards…then gone.

  12. On June 9th, 2008 at 3:44 pm mrs.spit Says:

    Ahh, the irregular cells. They are old friends of mine. We’ve been close companions since 1997. . . .

    Have some chocolate while under the bed. All is not lost.

  13. On June 9th, 2008 at 3:52 pm Amanda Says:

    Here’s hoping they’re nothing. I was just thinking that instead of whisky, how about chocolate? (But the above person beat me to it!)

  14. On June 9th, 2008 at 3:55 pm Heather Says:

    whaaaat? Goodness. It appears, from your people above, that irregular cells may not be that bad. Hoping it’s nothing at all, in fact.

  15. On June 9th, 2008 at 4:07 pm Frozen Star Says:

    I’m gonna join the line of people who hope it turns out to be nothing.

  16. On June 9th, 2008 at 4:18 pm heather Says:

    That happened to me once, and it was the clap.

    Is it too soon to make jokes? I’m keeping my fingers crossed, Becks!

  17. On June 9th, 2008 at 4:27 pm Vered Says:

    Keep us posted.

    Chances are, it’s nothing.


  18. On June 9th, 2008 at 4:36 pm kbreints Says:

    Damn those abnormal cells. They cause more worry than anything else…. Damn them!

  19. On June 9th, 2008 at 4:43 pm Calliope Says:

    WTF? dude.
    can you ever catch a fucking break?!?!?

    I am willing it to be nothing. It is nothing.

    um, what do you do now??


  20. On June 9th, 2008 at 5:30 pm Amy Says:

    Piss on that! Pick up the phone and call if you need to, I’m here!

  21. On June 9th, 2008 at 5:37 pm Judy C Says:

    Aunt Becky – I am old enough to be your mother so you have to listen.

    I command you to relax for at least 2 hours. Put your worries under the bed, snuggle your babies or maybe hug the big sausage (geez that sounds mildly obscene).

    Your worries will be there when you get back from your mini break.

    I was going to say “snap out of it” ala Cher in Moonstruck but I didn’t want to make you cry.

  22. On June 9th, 2008 at 5:37 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Fuck! Hopefully, it’s one of those “false positives” and everything is OK.

    If I was a praying man, I’d pray for you. However, at this point, I think me praying may do you more harm than good, so I’ll just have good thoughts for you, my friend.

  23. On June 9th, 2008 at 5:57 pm Ames Says:

    I’ll be praying that it is nothing… you poor thing! Sending lots of hugs and thoughts your way!

  24. On June 9th, 2008 at 6:37 pm mandy Says:

    awww, I am sorry. I bet it is nothing. Try to relax and NOT worry until you KNOW for a fact that it worry worthy.

  25. On June 9th, 2008 at 7:12 pm giggleblue Says:

    irregular cells are a common occurrance in my life, so i completely understand! you have got to come out from under the bed though… even if it is something, it’s early, so it can be fixed! don’t stress! stress makes it worse.

  26. On June 9th, 2008 at 7:21 pm c. Says:

    Oh no! I hope it’s nothing. I hope it’s nothing. I’ll keep repeating that until you tell me different, kay.
    Thinking of you. XO.

  27. On June 9th, 2008 at 7:37 pm Holly Says:

    Yeah it seems like I have those all the time. Finally 4 yrs after my last child they seem to be gone. For now anyways. Aprrently with the hormone changes it sometimes happens. So lets chaulk this up to probably nothing and just a flare up because of all the hormones.

  28. On June 9th, 2008 at 8:04 pm Valerie Says:


    It’s totally fine! I have had abnormal pap smears for a year now, ever 3 months. Things like this are totally treatable and if you haven’t ever had an abnormal one before, you are lucky!

    You will be fine, and anyway, you’ve got us!

    Good luck feeling better,

  29. On June 9th, 2008 at 8:12 pm Elizabeth Ann Says:

    I prefer to call my abnormal cells eclectic, eccentric or unique, rather than abnormal. As they were putting me through an extra procedure I started naming my abnormal cells – weird names like Alagyful, alejandra, bradley, but then I gave up and start naming them after bacteria species. Out loud, mind you. I was the hit of the ob/gyn office. Have I mentioned I do inappropriate things when I’m nervous? They found my abnormal cells after I received the cervical cancer vaccine (any chance you’ve had that recently?). Turned out to be nothing – I just get to go in every six months now! Score! Sending some good thoughts your way. And will overnight some whiskey if needed.

  30. On June 9th, 2008 at 8:28 pm birdpress Says:

    I’m sending good vibes that your abnormal cells are merely being unique and eccentric, as suggested above. No worries yet, girl! That’s not uncommon. Crawl back out from under the bed and to the kitchen. Get some chocolate.

  31. On June 9th, 2008 at 9:19 pm AlmostMrsJoyner Says:

    I’ll hold your hand under the bed and bring you candy while you wait..Let us know about the follow-up!

  32. On June 9th, 2008 at 9:43 pm Kyddryn Says:

    Speaking as someone who is made up, in her entirety, of weird cells (how else do you explain it??), I believe in the “It’s just a lab tech who didn’t drink enough coffee” school of thought. Honestly, I’d be stunned if they found a “normal” cell on me…that was mine, I mean.

    Meanwhile, if you’re under the bed, don’t forget to feed the monster and thin the herd of dust critters – they’re getting out of hand.

    Oh, wait…that’s under MY bed.

    Seriously, I’ll add you to my “Enough of this nonsense!!” list of people who could use a good thought pr three.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  33. On June 9th, 2008 at 9:46 pm mandy Says:

    Yes, I will send you some! Anything for Aunt Becky!

  34. On June 9th, 2008 at 10:00 pm andi Says:

    No no no no no! Please keep us updated. I’m crossing my fingers that it’s really nothing. And I’m really hoping you don’t see any mice under your bed.

  35. On June 9th, 2008 at 10:17 pm Kymberli Says:

    Hiding under my bed wouldn’t be such a good thing. Only God and my 2-year old knows what’s under there, because that’s where she goes when she sneaks stuff. My closet, however, would be a safer bet – I know there are only my clothes, unmatched shoes, and dog hair strewn about in there.

    I hope the space under your bed is a cozier place than the space under mine, and I hope that when you come out there’s nothing more than good news to be met with.

    Thinking of you…

  36. On June 9th, 2008 at 10:21 pm Kristen Says:

    Crap. crap. crap.
    Here’s prayin’ it’s nothing. And for some peace of mind for you my dear. sending tons of virtual hugs.

  37. On June 9th, 2008 at 10:28 pm Jenn Says:

    Sending good mojo to you. If you’re going to be hiding under the bed, bring some chocolate and a good book. And don’t forget Matt Damon, but only after I’m done Fuc*ing Matt Damon.

  38. On June 9th, 2008 at 10:32 pm pamajama Says:

    I keep hearing that “abnormal cells” mean “doctor wants a boat.”

    Or maybe they’re extra special cells that look abnormal because they’re Becky cells.

    That’s gotta be it.

  39. On June 9th, 2008 at 10:35 pm Katy Says:

    Fear not! I’ve had a few irregular paps. All but one re-tested fine. The only one that did not required a colpopscopy (near pain free for those of use who have been through childbirth) and after that, all fine. So, good that your Dr is keeping up with you. And don’t get worried yet. It’slikely nothing.

  40. On June 9th, 2008 at 10:36 pm theramblinghousewife Says:

    You’ll be fine, I’m certain! 🙂

    I’ve had many “abnormal,” cells that turned out to be completely “normal.”

    Sending you positive vibes! 🙂

  41. On June 9th, 2008 at 10:40 pm Emily R Says:

    Of course, you totally know how common that is… Doesn’t make it any easier.

  42. On June 10th, 2008 at 12:29 am Lola Says:

    Jesus, lady. First the foot, now the cervix. WTF. When it rains, it pours on Aunt Becky. Listen, the only time I had that scary phone call was when I was pregnant, too. Never happened before or after. This will be okay. The foot, on the other hand, is a bitch that’s going to stick around a while. So, elevate that foot and cervix, watch crappy TV and eat anything you want. Sassy vibes coming your way!

  43. On June 10th, 2008 at 2:15 am Larisa Says:

    I’m sorry. Hopefully it’s just one of those “things” that isn’t really a big deal. I know it’s hard when it’s you.

    Okay – I love the picture at the top of your blog. Thanks for the comment on my blog. NCLM.

  44. On June 10th, 2008 at 5:32 am Wishing4One Says:

    I am SO SURE its nothing as everyone else says above. Sending you lots of good hugs and thoughts….

    I hope you are out from beneath the bed now, come on, come out, its ok. We are all here for you and coaxing you out with our sweet comments….we NEED you to post! You are our Bloggin-Auntie-Becky and you HAVE to be here for us. xoxoxoxo

  45. On June 10th, 2008 at 6:44 am heather Says:

    Aren’t we all just slightly abnormal anyway?
    Yeah, first time that happens you freak out. Who wants to hear abnormal?

  46. On June 10th, 2008 at 7:09 am niobe Says:

    I’m getting kind of tired of the universe f*cking with all of us. Not that the universe cares.

  47. On June 10th, 2008 at 9:22 am Ms. Moon Says:

    Now, Aunt Becky. Don’t put that umbrella up until it actually starts raining.
    Or at least try.
    It’s all going to be okay.

  48. On June 10th, 2008 at 9:30 am Pauline Says:

    Hang in there. Fingers crossed that it’s nothing. XO

  49. On June 11th, 2008 at 12:19 pm Denise Says:

    Of course, they are abnormal. What the hell else can happen in your life at the moment. Have you had one those lovely colposcopy’s before? Oh, joy…get ready to “scoot” down. 😉 Hoping it’s nothing.

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