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The Reason We Can’t Have Nice Things


When I’d been dating The Daver for about 5 minutes, I made mention of the fact that I needed to head to an office supply store and pick up a planner/calendar for school, something costing in the neighborhood of maybe 5 bucks. 10 if I went fancier. He took this opportunity to offer to buy me my very own PDA. The green aspect of it appealed to me, here was this thing that cut down on the use of paper and could be used year after year (my parents are hippies. Shut up.).

I insisted that he buy me a Coach PDA holder to go along with it, and when he agreed, it sealed the deal. I was to become a PDA user! Finally, I was moving into the 21st century along with the rest of the planet!

I spent a couple of hours painstakingly entering information into it, spent a couple of days carrying it around in my purse, occasionally whipping it out so that I could look cool (I’m sure that anyone around me was probably all, “what’s with that chick and her PDA?”), and then promptly lost the power cord.

The PDA promptly crashed, all of my information was lost, and the PDA is still knocking around somewhere in my dressing table.

Flash forward several years, when I see an advertisement for a cool new fancy camera which boasts that anyone can use it. Because we were currently using such a piece of shit camera that all of the pictures (like it or not) came out as though we’d been using a soft focus lens and the subjects either posing for Glamor Shots or starring in soft core porn, I immediately began to petition for it.

For Christmas that year I got the camera (with the fancy camera bag I’d insisted upon. You can see clearly where my priorities lie.). By March, it had been dropped, the lens busted, and for Mother’s Day I got a new lens. I can work the camera, providing one of the many buttons hasn’t been pressed (and thereby changing….something. Not sure what.) and frequently take pictures with it, but I can all but assure you that I’m not using it to it’s full capacity of awesomeness. Period.

Due to my long and sorted history with computers (my own father, who is an amateur computer person would often “reformat his hard drive” without remembering that I had had several school papers saved on it, so I’d have to scramble to rewrite my papers mere hours before they were due. Fun times.), it was with great trepidation and nail biting that I got a new laptop shortly before my wedding in 2005. I had requested a Mac, as they seemed to be the most idiot-proof (read: Becky proof) available, but due to some misfortune on my part it had some things (inborn) wrong with it. I can’t elaborate because I am as techno-savvy as the dog is, but it would crash a lot.

Earlier this year, those problems were fixed (by professionals. Not me. My idea of “fixing it” involved a sledgehammer and my garage floor), and all was well and good in Lappy-Land.

Shortly after these kinks were ironed out, “someone” stepped on my laptop. As was the case with the camera “dropping” I have no idea who really did it (although my suspicions are that I, myself did it (this is pretty much my standard MO). Well, this cracked the screen.

This is not a detail that annoyed me all that much, as I can work around most things, but it drove my husband nuts just thinking about it. He ordered me a new screen from eBay, and promised to take care of it.

Early last week, I knocked my lappy off of it’s perch. In addition to bending the power supply thingy (which I have had to replace a total of 10 times. A combination of sheer stupidity and poor design working against me. Let me be clean that the stupidity is on my part), this further cracked the screen. It looks amazingly trippy, but is now next to impossible to work from. Shamefully, I keep suggesting alternate things that I can now do with it to Dave, like as a fancy paperweight! Add some bling, and it might be quite cute hung on the wall!

Dave sweetly (and amazingly without rubbing it in my face like I was a bad dog who’d dropped a shadoobie on the carpeting, which, ever so maturely I’d probably have done) set me up on one of his many extra lappy’s. This is absolutely fine with me, as my requirements for a computer involve exactly one criteria: Email Machine. And preferably indestructible. I’ll never be able to utilize all that a computer is able to do, and any expectations of this would be as stupid as expecting Alex to potty train himself while I watch “my stories.”

But one of the greatest things about having a geek for a husband is that This. Will. Not. Do. It doesn’t matter that the computer I am using is free (and therefore better to me), he is bound, set, and determined that I need a new computer. Period. I don’t seem to be able to sway this one (again, I need to change my expectations here), and probably won’t rest until I have one.

Once I realized that resistance, in this case, was futile, I explained that although I loved my Mac, I’m okay with a much cheaper computer. I had mistakenly believed that this battle was over until last night, when Dave heard that there was a new “sexy” Mac coming out (a computer is about as sexy to me as a dishwasher), and that “I was going to change my mind about going with a cheaper laptop.”

The logical sequence for me is as follows (and starts with the supposition that I can’t possibly take care of fancy technology): Dave, who just got a new laptop for Christmas, could hand that down to me, and buy himself a nicer lappy. To me, it seems to be a win-win situation: we can get the much fancier Mac Air for Dave, who will take care of it gently and lovingly as if it were an ailing lover, and I can have something already paid for and (slightly) broken in. I can (falsely) claim that any damages that it incurs in my ownership were there before I got it (which will make me feel like less of a failure), and Dave and bask in the newness and awesomeness that is the Mac.

As Dave is one of the sweetest people on the planet (no sarcasm here. Really), I have my doubts that this will play out according to my plan, as I’m sure one day he’ll march happily home with the new Mac and present it to me, amidst my protestations that I don’t deserve nice things. I’m the reason we can’t have nice things! Me!

Eventually I will cave to the awesomeness that is my new Mac, and probably soon after, I will somehow mangle it beyond AppleCare. Rinse, repeat. Second verse, same as the first.

But, if past is an indicator of present, I will probably get a rockin’ case for it first.


Is there anyone out there able to make me feel better about being such a freaking klutz? Seriously, what I haven’t mentioned here is that I felt incredibly bad about what happened to my laptop. I was nearly in tears (which is rare for cold-hearted Aunt Becky) for quite awhile over it (dramatic much?).

14 Comments to

“The Reason We Can’t Have Nice Things”

  1. On January 16th, 2008 at 3:26 pm Ashley Says:

    shadoobie. that is a chelsea handler word. i LOVE her. thanks for my afternoon reading Aunt Becky. i can’t function without it 🙂

    and do they make this laptop in leopard? your wingwoman also needs a new puter and unlike you, i would LOVE a sexxxy new one 🙂

  2. On January 16th, 2008 at 3:29 pm Pauline Says:

    OH you have no idea how many times I’ve yelled “um honey, I did something to the com-pu-ter. Can you please fix it?” Too many to count. You are not alone. And my hubby was all excited about the new macs last night too. 🙂 Two peas in a pod.

  3. On January 16th, 2008 at 3:43 pm Emily R Says:

    Have you thought about, perhaps, getting a desktop?

  4. On January 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm Leslee Says:

    I try to be careful about the technical things in this joint cuzz A- they cost a SHIT TON of money nda B- I think Greg would completely lost his shit if I full out broke one of his babies. Therefore, I don’t fuck with most things around here. It’s easier that way.

    Now, if we’re talking cell phones? Holy shit! I destroy those bitches with the quickness! I had one that would explode on impact, even if that impact was with a couch and it was dropped from 1cm in the air. I had another one that I managed to not be able to close or it would erase EVERYTHING. I had another one that I managed to do something to the speaker and everything (ringtone, people calling in, didn’t matter) sounded like I was tripping. Right now I have a Katana and, aside from some dings and scratches, I haven’t hurt it severely. Yet. I’ll have had it a year in May, so we’ll see.

  5. On January 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm kbreints Says:

    uhh… well we have a laptop at home — no internet and all my husband does o it is play solitare. Needless to say He is not techno savy– I am most like the more “savy of the two” and I am VERY limited in what I can do.

    However as far as nice things, currently I do not even have my cheap pair of sunglasses b/c I have lost them– thus the reason I do not buy “nicer” ones….

  6. On January 16th, 2008 at 4:41 pm Cara Says:

    The new sexxy Mac laptop is extra thin. As in less than an inch thick. I don’t forsee this working out well for you.

  7. On January 16th, 2008 at 3:51 pm Amy Says:

    I, being a computer geek, have seen these things happen numerous times and yes… even I have dropped/smashed a computer by accident. In my case it was actually a desktop computer and it was beyond repair when I was done with it (I accidentally knocked it off of a 4-ft high workbench when I carelessly tripped over a network cable that was strung across the floor…oooops! The worst part was I did it at work…smashing computers is totally not in our department’s budget!

  8. On January 16th, 2008 at 9:09 pm Redneck Mommy Says:

    I covet that new sexy Mac. And I just got a brand spanking new MacBook Pro.

    Maybe if I drop it and step on it, my husband will be as sweet as yours sounds…

  9. On January 16th, 2008 at 10:59 pm Heather Says:

    I’m way more into gadget accessories (ie the coach pda case) than the gadgets! At least you don’t crash those, right?

  10. On January 17th, 2008 at 11:52 am Manny Says:

    My fiance’s dad is waaay into gadgets. Neither one of us would have Ipods if it weren’t for the fact the has always has to have the latest version of whatever new gadget is out there. When the larger Nano came out, I got his old 4 gig. When the Nano with the larger screen came out, he gave his 8 gig to my fiance and got that one, even though it has less memory. He even gave us his EMac (it’s in great condition) just because his son convinced him he needed a new, fancier one.

    Neither I nor my fiance are clutzy, though. So any mishaps you have are probably due to some type brain worm, or a degenerative nerve disorder. Happy Thursday!

  11. On January 17th, 2008 at 12:47 pm becky Says:

    Gee thanks, Manny. Thanks a LOT 🙂 Can I, um, meet your future father in law? That would be awesome.

    And Ashley, I’m pretty sure that they don’t make a leopard skin for the Mac Air. I now want whatever one the chick from the Girls Next Door has that’s pink. Pink is awesome. And a pink lappy might turn me on.

  12. On January 17th, 2008 at 3:13 pm honeywine Says:

    One word…skins. Change the decor of the laptop whenever you feel like rubbing down plastic sheeting! lol

    And I hope you were putting out for the PDA/Coach bag!!!

  13. On January 24th, 2011 at 3:53 pm Kat Says:

    Say to Dave….1 TerrByte of RAM. Watch him nerdgasm. XDDD

  14. On January 24th, 2011 at 3:53 pm Kat Says:


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