Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

The Obligatory Post


Thoroughly rejected ideas for posts today include, but are not limited to, the following topics:

*Animals; special focus on my particular animals who must follow me around trying to sit on my (lack of) ass after I clearly inform them that no, in fact, I am in no mood to have a cat make love to my leg. No matter how cute or charmingly they attempt to rub my face with their paws. Or shine their butt-hole in my direction, perhaps hoping for a sniff?

*Toddlers; emphasis on why mine insists upon taking a massive crap about 10 minutes after he lays down for the one, one hour long nap he takes each day. Re-emphasis on the fact that this child never! sleeps!

*Holidays; extra-specially Thanksgiving which is perhaps on par with Fourth of July and/or Columbus Day in terms of Becky’s Level of Enjoyment. Which is only very, very slightly more enjoyment than a coffee enema. But with bonus turkey!

*Tags at the bottom of the post. Mainly, why do I not understand anything remotely technologically oriented? After one marries a geek, you’d assume that the knowledge would, by miracle of osmosis, pass through the air while we sleep, and for that you would be wrong. Plea to Internet At Large to explain this phenomenon.

*Shipping Costs for the presents I am too lazy to go out and purchase. Reiterate why laziness is completely justifiable touching particularly on:

-Ample girth and lack of abdominal muscles with which to support large breasts and (one can only assume) thick skull.

-Mention moon boot, but emphasize the delicious codeine pills that go along with it

Asshole Willful toddler who happily would run far, far away from his (frightening) mother given the slightest opportunity

-Not-so-jokingly bring up birth control options after baby is expelled from her comfy home in my ribcage.

-Finish with a complaint that shipping costs ought to include oral sex from hot delivery drivers. Bemoan lack of hot delivery drivers, and make a pledge that Someday When I Rule The World, all delivery drivers will be smokin’ hot and provide oral sex as a bonus!

*Apologize profusely that comments may have been inadvertantly deleted due in no small part to the 400+ spam messages that I moderate daily.

*Ask The Internet if NaBloWhatever is as annoying to them as it is to you.

posted under It's Becky, Bitch
20 Comments to

“The Obligatory Post”

  1. On November 29th, 2008 at 6:37 pm queen-size funny bone Says:

    Having a good day are we? lol

  2. On November 29th, 2008 at 6:54 pm kbreints Says:

    SERIOUSLY ANOYED WITH THIS NABLAPO-whaterver…. but I started it…. and I WILL finish it!

  3. On November 29th, 2008 at 7:08 pm Em Says:

    I didn’t even sign up for NABLAHBLAGBS – but I’m one. day. away.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t get tags – wth?

  4. On November 29th, 2008 at 8:34 pm Stacey Says:

    I’m so glad NaBloPoMo is over tomorrow & it’s Weekly Winners so I don’t even have to come up with a post! I did it & I am glad I did, but I am glad it is over.

    I do have a hot UPS driver. DH thinks I order individual items from Amazon, rather than waiting to order a bunch of stuff because i am forgetful & don’t plan. I do plan. I plan on seeing lots of my UPS driver!

  5. On November 29th, 2008 at 9:06 pm Rachel Says:

    I had a Fedex driver drop off my $47.54 CUP HOLDER INSERTS for my car…he wasn’t hot, and didn’t offer oral (or any other type) of sex.

    About the cupholders…if you own a Toyota Rav4, you probably know the annoyance of having the stupid rubber cupholder inserts stick to the bottom of the soda bottles. Well, they also get accidentally thrown away. And, as mentioned, a replacement set of 2, with shipping, costs $47.54. UGH!

  6. On November 29th, 2008 at 10:10 pm kristen Says:

    How much longer do you have to wear that moon boot?
    Hope you have an okay weekend, does your hubby have a day off?

  7. On November 29th, 2008 at 10:48 pm kate Says:

    nablopoMOFO. gah. makes me nuts.

  8. On November 29th, 2008 at 9:48 pm Sarah Says:

    Yes ma’am. And I will be your campaign manager – think of the votes we’d get with promises of hot drivers and oral sex for one and all!!

  9. On November 30th, 2008 at 7:50 am Madame Yu See Says:

    Since I also don’t get oral sex from my UPS and Fedex deliverers, I at least try to order from places that offer free shipping. There are tons of them out there.

  10. On November 30th, 2008 at 8:51 am Betts Says:

    I don’t care what you write about; I’d read it. My UPS driver always asks about my dog. Is that code for, “I want to give you oral sex?”

  11. On November 30th, 2008 at 11:45 am heather Says:

    Wow, things have changed around here while I was gone. I like it!

  12. On November 30th, 2008 at 12:52 pm birdpress Says:

    What happens if you just don’t post for NaBlowMe or whatever it is? Does the blog police come and give your blog a ticket? I don’t quite understand the whole thing. Even your obligatory posts are worth reading though, so I’m glad you did it.

  13. On November 30th, 2008 at 2:29 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I think the geeky knowledge is sexually transmitted…

    As for birth control, I would suggest Mirena. I have had one for a few years, and lourve it.

  14. On November 30th, 2008 at 4:38 pm Io Says:

    I will comment on your non-existent boob post by noting that I too have trouble with mine. As I was in bed retching yesterday I realized that my big boobs were exasperating the icky tummy feeling because they pulled my fat in whatever direction I was laying. And since that is part of a larger lazy shipping cost posts I will mention that I have three boxes packed and ready to send to people, but then I would have to actually go to the post office.

  15. On November 30th, 2008 at 5:12 pm Wishing4One Says:

    Boy how I’ve missed u. Has it been that long, I come here and find this totally awesome design, woo hoo! Love it! Hope your boobs get lighter soon. xoxoxoxo

  16. On November 30th, 2008 at 6:14 pm giggleblue Says:

    i don’t go to stores for the entire month of december. if you can’t get it online and delivered by my version of santa (known as the ups man) you aren’t getting it!

    i don’t know about that oral sex thing. i prefer for them to drop and run but then i’m a gay, so that could be why… now if ms. jolie was dropping off packages, well… nevermind.

  17. On December 1st, 2008 at 10:36 am Lola Says:

    My UPS driver is super cute, but he’s also super shy, and I think I scare him. He’s one of those smile while looking down kinds whenever I talk to him. Makes me want to stuff his face in my breasts and tell him Mama will take care of everything.

    I know my dogs scare him, so we’d have to do it in the ugly brown truck on the packages of unsuspecting neighbors. Now, there’s a new year’s resolution I can get behind.

  18. On December 2nd, 2008 at 6:10 pm Jenn Says:

    You want to know my favorite part? That you switched from asterisks to hyphens (and back again!) as bulletin thingies. Hehe.

    Even your posts about things you decided not to post about are extremely fascinating for me. Woo!

  19. On December 3rd, 2008 at 8:55 am Badass Geek Says:

    Yeah, but do you know how infrequently you encounter attractive FEMALE delivery drivers? Not often enough.

  20. On December 24th, 2008 at 10:59 am trish Says:


    Yes, yes it is.

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