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The Last, Last Time


I’m a purger.

I can hardly go a week without finding something to pass along to someone else, give to the Salvation Army, throw away or recycle or otherwise dispose of. This is probably a good thing because once, while we were moving from our condo in Oak Park to our current house, I found a receipt that Dave had saved from Target.

Curious as to what he had bought that he had so steadfastly guarded for so long, I saw that it was 3 years old and had 4 things on it: a plastic garbage can, beef jerky, Fritos and…wait for it, wait for it….




kitty litter.

Oh yes. You read that right, Internet.

Thank sweet merciful sweet baby Jesus in heaven hallowed be thy Halloween name that he had carefully thought to store that receipt so lovingly on the floor of his office and move it with him not once, not twice, but three times since then.

Before you call “Hoarders” on me, a show that I cannot watch because I think that I would physically hurt myself either clawing at my skin or eyeballs (and because I don’t find people with obvious mental illness really gosh darn hilarious television), it’s not that he was saving it because he had any attachment to it, it just never dawned on him to throw it away.

Just like it never occurred to him to get rid of his box of cassette tapes that I personally lugged from apartment to apartment and I finally lugged DOWN to the dumpster after I realized that we didn’t own anything to play Milli Vanilli’s greatest hits, (an oxymoron of a tape if I ever saw one) any longer.

(Although in the interest of full disclosure here, I still sing “Blame it on the Rain” in the shower)(what? Like you don’t.)

Lately, I’ve been itching to purge my house of stuff, and while I have managed to go through several of the cabinets in the kitchen, ridding myself of such awesome condiments as a mysterious can of “Kraut” I have an entire genre of stuff that I cannot seem to go near:

Baby Stuff.

You see, my uterus, it’s vacant.

With the exception of an IUD, should Daver continue to be “too busy” to get his vasectomy, I’m done having children. 3, like that wily School House Rock says, has always been the magic number for us. Although I’d always imagined having an assload of children, Dave assures me that 3 kind of IS an assload of kids.

If anything, skating so closely by with Amelia’s neural tube defect reminds me of just how fragile life is and how fucking lucky any of us are to be walking around upright, presumably not dragging our knuckles, slack-jawed and drooling (unless, of course, you’re me, in which case this IS the norm).

I’d read somewhere in my scant research about NTD’s that they are more common in siblings, which reminds me that I must do more research for something I’m writing for the March of Dimes, and since I’ve been on folic acid since dinosaurs were my classmates, well, I don’t know. Would you want to risk that one?

(that really wasn’t up for debate)

Dave’s done, and I’m pretty sure that no matter how many crotch parasites I popped from my delicate bits, I’d always be sort of wistful for one more. Just one more.

Chicago has 2 seasons: Balls Hot and Balls Cold and last week it went from being Balls Hot to Balls Cold and I noticed that my daughter had nothing to protect her rolling rolls from the searing wind.

I also noticed that denial is a pretty powerful thing: she’d been pretty quickly outgrowing her 6 month onesies (she’s 8 months old now) to the point where she was regularly popping open the snaps of the crotch as she scooted along the floor.

I hadn’t wanted to see that.

Just like I hadn’t wanted to go through her clothing bins to sort out the teeny tiny clothes and hats because unlike the last time, this really was The Last, Last Time.

Never again will one of my children wear that frilly dress or that spotted onesie with the frog that Alex used to wear or the hat that was Ben’s or the pink sweatshirt that I bought with my friend Steph when I found out I was pregnant with Ben who I just KNEW was a girl that I’ve carefully saved for my daughter for 8.5 years.

Those wee hats and tiny mittens won’t go on my gnome-like babies, and the bassinet that we so carefully picked out for Alex will have gone completely unused by any of our kids.

I know in my heart that I prefer my children to be children rather than garden slugs, but there’s just something so…sweet about a new baby that you just can’t get back again. I look at pictures of all of my babies as ickle babies and I can’t believe they were ever so small.

I’m not going to let their things go, though, like I normally would, chomping at the bit to get it out of here. For now, all of those memories sit in bags in Alex’s room along with the broken swing where Alex slept for the first 7 months of his life and the bouncy seat where Amelia spent several of hers.

I hope that the smell of their babyness will stay there, in the fabric, so when they’re big and gruff and smell like the woods and grass and dirt and rocks, I can go and grab a bag and open it, and inhale that sweet baby smell, the essence of their babyhood and where they began.

And remember when they were so small and good and when I could fix everything with some warm milk and a cuddle and a blankie. When I could stick my face in their neck while they slept to breathe in their smell so that I could carry that with me as I went about my day.

When we could curl up together like peapods, just the two of us against the world.

I hope that will always be enough for me.

Becky and Benny

Why Aunt Becky, I can hear you exclaim, you look positively AMAZING for having pushed what appears to be a 30 pound 4.5 year old out of your cootch!

And I will tell you, there, there, Internet, this is what happens when you have children when you are a broke 21 year old: you don’t have any digital pictures handy.

PLUS, you look WAY better in postpartum pictures this way.

Becky and Alex

Notice how much BETTER I looked in the picture with Ben than I do in this one taken after giving birth to Alex?

Juuuust kidding. Wear a condom, kids. Not kidding. No glove, no love, okay?

Becky, Ben and Alex

If you look closely, you’ll see why Ben is The Person of The Year. This is Ben meeting Alex. Look at Ben. Now look at Alex. Ben still adores Alex. I do not know why.

Ben deserves a medal or something.

Becky and Amelia

And lastly, my Cinnamon Girl. My sweet baby Amelia. My last, last one.

97 Comments to

“The Last, Last Time”

  1. On October 5th, 2009 at 9:40 am Maniacal Mom Says:

    Wow Aunt Becky! You really do have a soft side! I hear you girl! My last one was a boy and he really is my LAST LAST baby. I often think I want another one…and my man servant is too “busy” to get to Dr. Vas so we tempt fate (not as often as I’d like…bumpbing bits I mean…not baby fate…anyway I digress…) at least once per month and I can almost feel the soft skin and hear the tiny sighs of tiny babies…but alas…I am done, done, done too.

  2. On October 5th, 2009 at 9:49 am Sheila (Charm School Reject) Says:

    I *love* the name Amelia. That would have been my son’s name if he had been a girl.

    Chicago weather is driving me, and my budget, crazy this year.

    Your children are adorable.

  3. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:11 am Kristina Says:

    This is so hard. I’m pregnant with #2 and we’re pretty sure that it’s going to be our last, and I’m already sad. There is something about a little bitty baby that is unlike anything else in the world. I only wish it lasted longer.

  4. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:29 am Ms. Moon Says:

    Look- save your favorite baby things because in about oh, twenty minutes or so, your children will be grown up and about to have babies of their own. I know, that’s not possible- it will never happen.
    And yet, it does.
    I gave my daughter the clothes I had lovingly saved from my four children and even if she never puts a garment from them on her son, she will have them and that means something. Plus, she can throw them away and I won’t have to. I have done my job, passing them along.
    And you’re right- you could have ten babies and it wouldn’t be enough. Of babies. It would definitely be enough of teenagers.
    Sweet, good post.

  5. On October 5th, 2009 at 9:47 am MK Says:

    Oh the last last is hard, isn’t it? I knew from the day I married we only wanted 2 kids, but still…as Lil dude grows out of his stuff, I no longer have to save it for the next one. Giving away the baby swing? Physically hurt me. But I’m done. Kitchen is so closed, the Mr. is snipped, I’m on yaz and we pull & pray. No lie.

  6. On October 5th, 2009 at 9:53 am Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Awww, Beck, *sniff,sniff* that was so sweet. I have moved so much that I’m not even sure where my babies’ baby clothes are anymore. I just have one small box left of them somewhere.

    And it is freakin’ cold, and I don’t like it!

  7. On October 5th, 2009 at 9:53 am Pete in Az Says:

    (leafing through an old copy of Gray’s Anatomy and sharpening up his pen knife)

    So… Ya want I should take care of The Davers… um problem?

    Oh… and why not save those clothes for the grand kids?

  8. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:00 am Anna Says:


    I’m chomping at the bit to get RID OF the baby stuff (one is enough for us!) but my other half is really dragging his heels… When confronted about it, he says its not that he wants another it just that it seems so hasty. Our son will be 3 this winter – I think we can ditch the highchair.

  9. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:09 am Ed Says:

    “People will tell you where they’ve gone
    They’ll tell you where to go
    But till you get there yourself you never really know
    Where some have found their paradise
    Others just come to harm
    Oh Amelia, it was just a false alarm” — Joni Mitchell

  10. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:15 am Notesfromthegrove Says:

    You have the cutest freaking kids. So, so, cute. They make my uterus ache! If you want to, you can smell MY babies when I have them! Will that help?

  11. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:24 am Mrs.Spit Says:

    I look at Gabe’s stuff in the basement, and I’m like you. Don’t need it, don’t keep it. And I patently don’t need it.

    But, there it sits.

    Sheer stupidity, and meanness. It’s there, and I don’t go into the basement. Really grown up of me, isn’t it?

  12. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:28 am The Expatresse Says:

    Sometimes I think my second (and last) child was so reluctant to leave my womb was because *I* knew she was going to be the last. Honestly, I was 8 cm, totally effaced, with NO contractions. The Dr said if I sneezed, i was to call him.

    As for heat . . . I’m wearing shorts and a wife beater as I type because it is so on, baby. And will be until May.

  13. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:29 am Michaela Says:

    Way to make my uterus clench, Aunt Becky. My boys are 7 and 9 and I’m not sure I’m done. Something about the Last Baby is just too much for my heart.

  14. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:31 am stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    It is so hard to finally remove the last of the baby stuff. I ended up keeping a couple or so (ok maybe half a dozen) of each of the boys’ 0-6 month stuff. My favorite outfits, the ones DH correctly points out they are wearing in 80% of the photos from that time, so why are we keeping them, those clothes. I have a rubbermaid bin with them in them. I’m going to give them to my future DILs, assuming they don’t hate me, when they are pregnant.

    Because what says love quite like a bin of 20 year old Wal Mart baby clothes?

  15. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:36 am Cute~Ella Says:

    Awww. Keep one thing of each. My mom put one of my brother’s fav tshirts on a teddy bear and one of my dresses on a doll for us to have and they sit in our rooms waiting for us to have kiddos of our very own.

  16. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:37 am Lisa Says:

    Three is magic, and three healthy kids is like winning all the lotteries of life put together! But I know what you mean, I never stop wanting more.

    As for your precious baby gear – think about taking pictures of it and donating it. An empty swing is sad – think of all the broke 21 year olds that can fill it with another precious little bundle of sweetness. It is hard to let that stuff go, but there are generations of babies that can make use of it.

    Sorry, I am so NOT a hoarder that I cannot help my two cents..

  17. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:38 am DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Three is a nice number. Great pictures. They make me misty for the baby days for like a second and then I snap out of it and realize that if I tried it these days, at this age, I’d leave the house feet first on a stretcher. Babies are for young people, no matter what Adrienne Barbeau says.

  18. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:48 am lifelaughlatte Says:

    Of course my 3 just left for school…and I was so relieved…and now I want them home…NOW! Why is being a mom always like that. Thanks for the heartstrings post. Warms my heart on this chilly California day (ok I won’t rub it in that we finally need long sleeves:) Holly at

  19. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am cara Says:

    I have a list of things to thow away in my house. Not among them is a box of clothing from each of my children even though I m uterus is done playing host. Included in my sons box is the outfit he wore home from the hospital. It is also the same one m husband wore home from the hospital when he was born.

  20. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:51 am Tina Says:

    I have a few things I’m keeping, but I am hauling stuff to consign every weekend. I take lots of pictures and videos and those don’t take up space. But first shoes? Keepers, for sure.

  21. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:51 am linlah Says:

    I only have one child, we moved 7 times, but I have every piece of clothing he wore his first year. He’ll be 27 in February.

  22. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:51 am sky Says:

    Yeah, I am so done with babies. But then sometimes, I think “what if….”

    Which is impossible anyway because Frenchie wasted no time getting snipped and we don’t have sex anyways.

    But I allow myself to think about it every once in a while.

  23. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:54 am injaynesworld Says:

    I love this story and the photos of you and your beautiful children. I never had children, but I do feel the same way over the loss of puppy breath.

  24. On October 5th, 2009 at 12:07 pm Em Says:

    Shhh…don’t tell my Hubs. There is a box, in the far reaches of our already overflowing attic, filled with baby boy clothes that I could not let go. I pray they keep their smell forever.

    See, there could be worse things than being married to a horder. Being married to a cold-hearted pragmatic.

    ADORE Milli Vanilli. Yeah, I said it. Blame it on the rain.

  25. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:20 am Coco Says:

    If you keep making me cry I will bedazzle your current cell phone AND all of your shoes.


    Wee baby post. No fair.


  26. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:22 am Kristin Says:

    Baby clothes make great memory quilts. That way you can have them around forever without guilt.

  27. On October 5th, 2009 at 12:31 pm Cat Says:

    This post makes me want to drive to daycare, bust my son out, and spend the afternoon sniffing his hair.

    I think I’ll be happy with just one more of my own, someday. Unless I meet some amazing guy who wants to have a bunch. I love how pregnancy and breastfeeding makes me feel about myself, but never having been in a relationship for it, I don’t know how I’d handle a guy and a baby at the same time.

  28. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:38 am Painted Maypole Says:

    when i was cleaning my kitchen i found a coupon i had moved twice since it had expired.

  29. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:45 am amy d Says:

    Look at the brightside love…at least when they’re older you’ll be able to sleep more. Life and it’s zaney trade offs, huh?

    Mike has banned the “hoarding” show from our house. It always ends in me shivering with trauma while I scream at the “nasty people” to pick up their shit. Seriously, it sends me down a dark spiral of clutter fear.

  30. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:54 am mountainmomma18 Says:

    Right now only my husband is holding me back from bringing up all the bins of baby stuff and pulling them out and decorating a nursery because as he says “dude you are not due until APril”. And I think that will be my problem, I love the little baby, I will probably have like 7 which would be fine cause I am an irish Catholic, so I would get like some prize of something I think…it will probably be xanax

  31. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:56 am Love Says:

    Tell me you’ve already purged the maternity clothes though? That is the happiest thought in the world. The baby stuff is too hard to give away except the clothes to family, which is what I do and it lives on because I see my nephew in all my sons’ clothes. It’s awesome to see them recycled over and over.

    But the swing, the exer-saucer, the blankets, they remain. I cannot bring myself to get rid of them the same way I cannot bring myself to bear another child. A conundrum I see you are well acquainted with.

    Oh, and I would have kept Rob and Fab’s tapes forever, if I had any.

  32. On October 5th, 2009 at 11:59 am Vinomom Says:

    The Boyfriend moved boxes into OUR house that he never unpacked in his last house. He is a borderline hoarder. He unpacked empty notebooks that he’d moved three times.

    So now I begin to wonder – is the crotch parasite I have the one and only I will have? I never pictured it that way, but life doesn’t usually end up how we pictured it.

    Very sweet post.

  33. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:00 pm Roshni Says:

    *sobs* this post totally touched a 150 chords with me! All that wanting to purge husband being a pack rat and finally about my last kid truly being my last kid (maybe, perhaps,…oh ok, yes!!)
    I still wistfully look at my older one’s baby pics and I cling onto my younger one’s babyness! *sigh* if it were easier…..

  34. On October 5th, 2009 at 12:09 pm Nel Says:

    I was going to comment on a million things but now I can focus on is just how darn cute those pictures are.

  35. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:12 pm moonspun Says:

    Ok, first…can you come clean my house?
    And second…I know what you mean on one level, we have a special small tote of lil moonspun’s baby clothes. She (at 9) loves to look at it. However, from someone who is not capable of having children herself…well…I’ve got a different perspective.
    I LOVE the pictures of you and your kids…wonderful!

  36. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:19 pm SArah Lindahl Says:

    You are adorable, postpartum or not. Simply adorable. And I love Milli Vanilli. In fact, I saw them in concert once. It was an MTV concert and you know what? Downtown Julie Brown was a total bitch.

  37. On October 5th, 2009 at 12:20 pm nannycole Says:

    Girl, you know it’s true….

    I held on to my sons baby stuff for years. It took YEARS to conceive him, and I was hope, hope, hoping, for at least one more. When he turned 5, I decided it was time to get the crib out of the garage.

    Surprise!! Guess who got knocked up? My grandma said it was because we finally got rid of all his baby stuff. That is what did it. I don’t have the heart to tell her – it was all that fucking.

    The little one is 8 months…and, pretty sure…this is the last, last one. My uterus sighs along with yours. My son has yet to sleep through the night. You got it, I haven’t slept for more than 3 hours at a time since January 2009. No kidding. (he is almost walking…hope that makes him tired!)

    Would I still stay awake just to watch another one sleep? You betcha.

    And his crib? Can’t get rid of it this time – it turns into a twin bed! :o)

    ……..oh oh oh, I love you….

  38. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:23 pm Rebecca Says:

    Your babies are absolutely precious. Precious!!

    You look great in all three for just having had a baby. Try as I might, I ended up in one of the photos just after delivery. I looked like I was punched in the face, right between the eyes and ran over by a truck not once, not twice, but about fifty times. Being in labor for about 24 hours will do that to a girl, I guess.

    I have a hard time getting rid of things. Not so much baby stuff (glad those days are OVER!…my kids make colic look like peaceful, happy little cherubs) Dumb stuff that I have a hard time parting with include; cassette tapes (Thank You Goodwill for taking them!), old blankets, clothing that no longer fits, semi broken appliances, duplicate appliances….just before we moved, I packed up about 3 very large boxes (think the big boxes that stroller/car seat systems come in) and called Goodwill. They sent someone to my house the next day. Thank The Lord.

  39. On October 5th, 2009 at 12:23 pm Belle Says:

    I’m a purger as well. I have a ever-growing pile of clothes to give to Goodwill in a corner of my closet, that I take probably monthly. And then guilt trip myself about how much money I spent on those clothes that I just gave away. And then make myself feel better by giving myself an award for being so charitable.
    BUT. I would hoard baby clothes too, and I don’t even have one! My sister is trying to get pregnant, and I already buy baby clothes. The really cute ones. Because I know MY babies will get to wear them after her’s. And then, I’ll hoard.

  40. On October 5th, 2009 at 12:49 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    When we discovered Baby Soup was a girl, I went through the 8 boxes of clothes that my mom had saved from when my brother and I were little. It was so much fun. We got so many great things too.

    So save them. Your children will thank you when they have crotch parasites of their own.

  41. On October 5th, 2009 at 12:56 pm Lady Mama Says:

    Baby items have to be by far the hardest things to throw out. We were pretty sure we just wanted two (had my 2nd in Jan), and already I’m longingly staring at the new born things thinking, no way I can’t possibly get rid of this… I’ll just hang onto it for a few years… just in case.

  42. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:01 pm Jennifer Says:

    Awww, what a beautiful post!

    I was DONE having kids after my 3rd. So done I got my tubes tied during the c-section. Heck, I was so done, I kind of changed my mind halfway through the pregnancy, and regretted wanting a 3rd (right up until the minute he was born, of course – haven’t regretted him a second since!). Now, he’s 3 1/2. And I. Want. A. Baby. I’ve researched tubal reversals. And adoption. I’ve begged my husband, and pleaded and offered every bribe I can come up with. Unfortunately he’s standing firm on the no more kids thing. Although I still think if I hadn’t had the tubal I could have changed his mind by now….

  43. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:13 pm kyslp Says:

    In my experience, the quickest way to get pregnant is get rid of all your baby stuff. (Shout out to Mah Pill Baby!)

    I am guaranteed to make a Goodwill drop the morning after I watch Hoarders. (gagging, shivering)

  44. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:19 pm MamaSkates Says:

    i’m in the same boat…a 5yr IUD that’s due 2 come out…a hubby that’s lazy about getting the snip snip but insists he’ll have no more children…a Mama that doesn’t really wanna start over, but is totally depressed thinking that she’ll never have another baby neck 2 sniff! :0(

  45. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:22 pm Allie Says:

    So I’m not the only one who has a weird desire for another but not really. And I get the defect fear – we have a heart defect which they say may be in the genes, but we really don’t know much about it.

  46. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:50 pm Katy Says:

    Tomorrow I have a date with Wanda the Weenie Cam (aka the vaginal ultrasound). I’m six weeks and change and, because of slow hCG and dropping progesterone, have been told this is either a blighted ovum or another ectopic. Right now I have a strong urge to purge my home of all baby and maternity paraphenelia because maybe if I get rid of it all before my tryst with Wanda tomorrow morning things will be miraculously different. Being realistic, I’m resisting the urge and keeping the baby stuff because eventually we’ll need it again. Said child won’t be sprung from my body – this is my final pregnancy – but there are lots of kids who need parents. I’ll let some other woman do the dirty work.

    Save the teeny clothes for Amelia’s dolls. Really, if you’re not tripping over it, what’s the rush in getting rid of it? It’s fine to wait until you’re ready, like when Amelia’s 16 or so…

  47. On October 5th, 2009 at 1:56 pm Priss Says:

    I know. Me too. So often, I have a talk with Gorb about more babies. It doesn’t help that just recently my sister informed me that she is expecting her third child, and I haven’t finished loving the cute out of my niece. I want one too!

    Even when they get older, they’re still wonderful. My oldest turned 13 last month, and she’s teh awsum. My youngest started first grade this year. I want baby butts and sleepless nights full of nnursing back.

  48. On October 5th, 2009 at 2:07 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    Have you ever seen The Daver and my husband in the same room at the same time? No? Neither have I. I think they may be the same person based solely on the receipt issue. If you toss in instructional manuals for products we’ve not owned for years, I’d say they definitely were one in the same.

  49. On October 5th, 2009 at 2:08 pm Betts Says:

    You may not believe this now, but when Amelia is out of diapers, weened, sleeping through the night and playing independently for periods longer than 10 second, you will have a pregnancy scare. It doesn’t matter what birth control you’re using, you will miss a period and freak out. Here comes the unbelievable part… you’ll be praying to the baby Gods that you aren’t pregnant, because life has started getting easier again and you won’t want to go back.

  50. On October 5th, 2009 at 2:14 pm Heather Says:

    That’s so sweet, I love it when people can get gooey about their kids.
    I cannot purge my home of my kids baby stuff. Nevermind that one of those kids can drive and the other is eligible for birth control.
    The baby toys can go, but the clothes and crib can’t. EVER. When we revamped the garage this summer I attempted to go through two 50 gallon bins of clothes, but couldn’t do it. With tears in my eyes I handed the bins to hubby, who smiled and tucked them in with the carefully wrapped crib. Thank God I married a man who is able to deal with my very focused sentimenality.
    You’re a good mom Aunt Becky.

  51. On October 5th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Amy Says:

    Great post! I have also just had my last (???) My first, a girl was stillborn at 41 weeks, and I sobbed putting those clothes away, just knowing that someday I would need them and what a gift they would be to her little sister. Flash forward 2.5 years and I have 2 amazing boys- who don’t sleep through the night (I haven’t had a full nights sleep for 19 MONTHS!!!!) I know we can’t handle another now, plus we are on the , ahem, “older” side, and I’ve had 3 c-sections. But my heart still yearns for my girl.
    A previous poster mentioned making a quilt– fabulous idea! I’m sure you can find someone to do it if you aren’t feeling crafty.

  52. On October 5th, 2009 at 2:23 pm daisybv2 Says:

    Tears…… Aunt Becky so sweet adorable Kiddos.

    I dont even want to think about having “the last last one” I know my hubbs only has patience for one more child, but I dont ever want it to be the day there is no more babies for me.

    That is all I wanted to be as a child was a mom I played with babies from the time I was 2 till I was old… lets leave it at that…..

    And I love having my kids, I puked for nine months, I have had a preemie, but I would do it all over again and again and again

  53. On October 5th, 2009 at 2:27 pm GingerB Says:

    I just keep focused on how much work the ones I have are so I won’t spend too much time thinking “just one more sweet baby” and it almost works. I cannot get rid of clothes without crying, I do get rid of them but I cry. And I am saving a box of my favorite things on each girl, so I can use scraps to make a quilt, one for each of them and one for me. Too bad I don’t know how to quilt and don’t have time to learn.

  54. On October 5th, 2009 at 2:49 pm mumma boo Says:


    Effin’ allergies…


  55. On October 5th, 2009 at 2:58 pm Jo Says:

    I totally, totally, totally understand. My theory is that as long as I have those things (my maternity clothes included), I won’t need them. Call it back up protection. Thankfully, my hubby’s ‘appointment’ (I fondly refer to it as V-day) is less than a month away now. I will then gleefully purge almost all of it (save for one box of baby things for each child).

  56. On October 5th, 2009 at 3:05 pm Sunny Says:

    Awwww… Aunt Becky. Are you about to get your period? You are so sentimental. πŸ™‚

    I thought I would be sad that this pregnancy will likely be my last. Until I found out it’s twins. I’m pretty sure that’s a good way to cure yourself of ever wanting to do this again.

  57. On October 5th, 2009 at 4:06 pm violet Says:

    I’m the person who thought I would be too busy with life to have children. Then I became pregnant and it was a hard blow for me. My son is now 2 yrs old and I really want to have more children. Having a baby is the most amazing experience in the world.

    I am divorced but have begun a serious relationship with someone new. I have been diagnosed with Lupus and my doctor has advised me against planning to have any children any time soon. I hope that my disease will be under control soon so that I may taper off the meds and be able to have more children eventhough it is not recommended for persons who have Lupus.

    I hope that I will be blessed once again to feel the kicks and movements of such a beautiful blessing in my body.

  58. On October 5th, 2009 at 3:25 pm Michelle Says:

    I literally laughed out loud at the beginning of your post only because cleaning and my hubby are such timely topics for me, as I just posted about finding old receipts (among many, many other items) in one of my hubby’s drawers today.

    I would consider myself a purger too.. so imagine my shock when I mistakenly opened hubby’s nightstand drawer only to find remnants of “assorted stuff” from the past 5 years (quite possibly longer!)

    Great blog!!!

  59. On October 5th, 2009 at 4:31 pm Lola Says:

    Well, I knew my boy was going to be an only child after all the troubles we had, but I held onto lots of his baby things, especially some of my favorite clothes.

    The rest of the clothes and gear I gave to my sister-in-law, because she’s like you and loves to have infants around. I crack up when I see my nephews running around in the clothes my son used to run around in. Then, I think, man, I have good taste!

  60. On October 5th, 2009 at 4:49 pm Badass Geek Says:

    When my niece was born in June, my mother looked at my dad and told him that she wanted another baby. At 44 years old.

  61. On October 5th, 2009 at 4:40 pm Becca Says:

    The last one is so very hard. It is such a hard decision to make! The fairy princess lost her first baby tooth the other day. I couldn’t figure out whether that was supposed to happen at 5 or not, so I am going to assume yes. Although, I think she still smells lovely!

  62. On October 5th, 2009 at 4:47 pm Wishing4One Says:

    I have never bought any baby items. ( i do have a toddler size super cute t-shirt that I’ve been saving for my baby for the last 10 years though. Thank God t-shirts never go out of style…) But once I do, I don’t know if I would ever get rid of them. Not saving for the next one, cause I’m sure IF we get one, there probably won’t be a next time in our case.

  63. On October 5th, 2009 at 5:58 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Yeah… my wife is a hoarder of EVERYTHING.

    I spent my university days moving every 4 months in my Mercury Topaz. You figure it out.

  64. On October 5th, 2009 at 4:58 pm Barbara Says:

    I have not read all the comments…but….it’s only the last one until the grandbabies arrive! So enjoy all the fun things that childhood has to offer….learning how to ride a bike, play dough, easy bake ovens, scraped knees and a few tears, soccer practice in the rain, or baseball games in the scorching heat, dance recitals….it never ends because when you finally think your kids are done with this stuff you end up with a grandkid to start it allllllll over! It’s all good Aunt Becky….it’s…

  65. On October 5th, 2009 at 5:04 pm Tracy Says:

    Dear Aunt Becky,

    These feelings will pass. I promise. I CRIED and CRIED and CRIED when my hubby got snipped when our son, our 2nd child, was 6 weeks old. Never mind the fact that I told him I would not have sex with him again (I meant it) (No really) until he’d gotten it done. Never mind that I CRIED for weeks when I found out I was pregnant with the boy…I was done after one. OR so I thought.

    FOR YEARS after he got snipped I had fantasies about him getting re-plumbed so I could hatch some more demon spawn. I had EVEN MORE fantasies about paying someone a stud fee…. but that may be a different comment….

    Anyway…my point is…these feelings of longing for another baby will pass. I promise. Your heart and mind will move eventually from “Child Bearing” mode…to “Child Rearing” mode.

    πŸ˜‰ Tracy

  66. On October 5th, 2009 at 6:30 pm Meg Says:

    I’ve said ti before and I’ll say it again, I’m insane enough to do it again…I just have to convine the other half to give it up;) I do love them tho, even when they grow into big 5 years olds with size 2 feet :p

  67. On October 5th, 2009 at 5:44 pm Chris Says:

    I have three, too and I think it is a good number. One and two were planned, number three we got by being just a little bit careless (we washed our underwear together) (Kidding).

    My oldest daughter is 10, my son is 8 and my baby boy just started kindergarten. Even though he loves to cuddle, his neck doesn’t smell like a baby anymore. He smells like a BOY. *sniff*

    My hubby got snipped a year after the youngest was born, and even then I wasn’t sure I was done. However, I’m very happy with this stage of my life, and would be extremely unhappy if we somehow got pregnant. I smell my brand-new nephew’s neck for my baby smell fix!

  68. On October 5th, 2009 at 6:22 pm kalakly Says:

    I have to go get me a tissue. You made me cry Aunt Becky. And if you would have told me that a writing with the word crotch parasite would one day bring tears to my eyes, I would havelaughed you out of the bar we were sitting in, drunk as usual.
    Your babes are beautiful, And you, you’re awesome.

  69. On October 5th, 2009 at 6:54 pm habanerogal Says:

    It has been 16 long years since my last crotch parasite but the look and smell of a newborn will still make me weepy. I hope it is a good LONG time until I become a grandma but the longing I am sure will last until then. Good thing I got my tubes tied and could never afford to get a reversal done I’m way TOO OLD ofr the baby thing. She is such a sweetie

  70. On October 5th, 2009 at 6:56 pm Natalie Says:

    I can’t watch Horders. It gives me the hives. Watching movies where there is stuff piled around makes me wonder when they are going to stop with the plot of the movie and clean up?

    You should have one more. Even numbers are better!

  71. On October 5th, 2009 at 6:56 pm Mama Cas Says:

    I’ve had 4…you’d think I’d be all done with the “baby fever”. I think no matter how many you have, you still miss that teeny little wrinkly bundle the nurses placed in your arms. And anyone who says differently? Well, I think they’re big fat liars.

  72. On October 5th, 2009 at 6:57 pm a Says:

    I am sooo not ready to get rid of the baby stuff. My daughter will be 3 on Saturday, it doesn’t look good for having any more babies through natural conception methods, and I don’t want intervention. But, still, I can’t let go of the baby stuff. My husband, the eternal purger, doesn’t even try to press the issue because I cry every time he brings up moving something out of her closet.

    I can see why you’d want to make more of those cuties!

  73. On October 5th, 2009 at 6:57 pm Nichole Says:

    Aww so sweet; I had a similar panic moment this fall when younger started kindergarten. The teacher asked at orientation for which parents this was thier last child entering school, and plenty raised their hands. It hit me like a ton of bricks 3 days later that *I* should have been raising my hand, as he was, indeed, “my last.” But I didn’t. And I have no idea why…seeing as how it kinda takes two to tango and I’m not in that situation right now. I’ve said I was DONE for a while now….but man can it be hard to face the reality.

    Enjoy every phase for what it brings, I suppose. πŸ™‚

  74. On October 5th, 2009 at 7:16 pm Kim Says:

    Aunt Becky, I totally know where you’re coming from.

    My hubby is 45 this year, I’m 39. He’s got a 24year old from a previous marriage, and we just had twin boys (my first kids) this January. I told him no more pregnancy/sex/etc until he gets fixed.

    And darnit if I’m not feeling nostalgic and kinda reconsidering this decision. My boys are only 8.5 months old, and still smelly like babies (although they’re crawling and starting to pull up and all that other bigkid stuff).

    Hubby isn’t snipped yet. I keep having fantasies of an ‘oops’ pregnancy.

  75. On October 5th, 2009 at 7:27 pm Leadia Jarvis Says:

    Good golly, I could do post after post of Hoarders. That show has literally given me a whole new anxiety disorder as I sit here day after day debating,” I’ll keep it. No. That’s weird. Toss. No. Keep. No, garbage. No. Hang on to it…” GAAAAAHHHH.

    I’ve been doing the same closet purge as you seeing as we share virtually the same sick patch of seasonless hell, and I’m having the same pangs. We had to postpone my hubby’s vasectomy Saturday because with 5 kids we WERE TOO DAMN BUSY! How’s that for irony. I’ve been lugging bags to the second hand store and calling all my friends to offer hand me downs. The last time I purged via garage sale the lines turned pink on the EPT the very next damned day. But I’m letting it all go anyway. Nine months is that zinger month for me where my uterus goes insane and demands more babies. Rissa is 6 months so…yikes. Get over here and hit me over the head with a Rubbermaid container, will ya! Or maybe we can meet at Once Upon a Child πŸ˜‰

  76. On October 5th, 2009 at 8:11 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    Tears welling up in my eyes! My husband always says he’s going to get snipped like right now, and it just makes me sad because after two, I am not 100% sure I’m done. Life with a second has been really tough, but the thought that I won’t hold a new baby that belongs to me makes my heart ache.

    I hope Tracy is right, that you shift from child bearing to child rearing mode.

  77. On October 5th, 2009 at 8:15 pm Kyddryn Says:

    Oh, how I wanted a second child. Oh, how I still long for a second child. Oh, how that’s SO NOT going to happen. It’s not that I can’t…I shouldn’t. I won’t compromise the life my current Evil Genius has by satisfying my selfish need/drive to have more.

    Also, having just shed my husband like an old, mouldy skin, I am rather shy of the other ingredient for bakin’ babies, and while I could go the “donor” rout or maybe even rustle up Someone who doesn’t mind big girls with fifty-acre arses and no boob and who wants to make a little version of our combined DNA…eh. I know it’s the right choice, to begin and end with my one…but that doens’t make it any easier.

    I have a box of his baby things…I saved one or two outfits from every size/phase he went through and once in a while I pull them out and wonder at how small he was (despite being toddler sized when he came out). I may one day make a quilt of them, or dress a herd of teddy bears, or I may simply leave them in the box. It’s all good.

    Shade and Sweewtater

  78. On October 5th, 2009 at 8:21 pm leanne Says:

    I have tubs of baby clothes and baby gear that I need to purge, but I just can’t quite bring myself to do it. Even though I, too, know we are done with kids. It’s so very bittersweet.

  79. On October 5th, 2009 at 9:05 pm Jen Anderson Says:

    Becky, if you want, pick out your favorite baby outfit and mail it to me and I’ll turn it into a baby doll. I did that once for my Aunt and it was massively adorable.

  80. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:13 pm Tanya Says:

    I for one can hardly wait until I can start getting rid of baby clothes and things. Not that I want to be rid of babies to use them, I’m just tired of having all of that stuff in my house. I’m currently trying for baby #2 but there is no way that I can afford more than two children on my own… I’d like at least three.

    Yes, I’ll be sad to get rid of it, especially if I find I can’t get pregnant a second time, but I do look forward to not having a basement filled with a stroller, baby swing, car seats, baby toys, jolly jumper and a closet full of boxes of outgrown clothes.

  81. On October 5th, 2009 at 9:27 pm Stone Fox Says:

    i am glad to know i’m not the only weirdo who sniffs teeny tiny babies. they smell delicious and very baby-like. once they get about 6 or 7 months old, they lose that new car smell. then they smell like baby soap, sour milk, and dried on food. which is also kind of awesome and sniff-able.

    i am keeping one (maybe two. three, tops. absolute max: four) outfit from each kid that i loved and hanging on to it forever. it will go in their baby totes. once i get them baby totes. which i’ll have to, because 5 outfits will not fit in a keepsake box.

    as for all the other baby paraphernalia? i can’t WAIT to get rid of that shit. if i never see another activity mat, it will be too soon.

  82. On October 5th, 2009 at 9:41 pm Io Says:

    Please come purge my house next. I have clothes for babies that need to go to, except I am buying for non-existent children. Maybe you should call Oprah on me too. Maybe she’ll give me a car.

  83. On October 5th, 2009 at 10:03 pm Alicia @ bethsix Says:

    I am a purger too. So much so that people at work make fun of me for it (my desk is always clean; I keep nothing). But then I go home to my technically two-bedroom home that shelters six humans, a cat, and a dog, and I have zero control. Oh my. Makes me a little homicidal. Just. A. Little. Twitchtwitch.

    I’m done too. At three kids, we decided to have one more, and I was kind of worried that I was never going to be able to stop, that I’d ALWAYS want just one more. But after having the fourth, ohmahgawd, something happened, and I have reached my limit. Three does not seem like it should be so qualitatively different from four, but it is somehow. Even when I was pregnant with the fourth, I was worried I’d just want to keep going. But after he was born, I don’t know, something HAPPENED. I just want to get on with things, you know? I mean, I love my babies, but I’m really more of a child person. Kids are just cooooool. And babies are cool too, but mostly they’re just life- and soul-sucking need-robots.

  84. On October 6th, 2009 at 3:56 am Sara @ Life with the Two Says:

    I think, it might be my desire to have baby “stuff” that is fueling my baby fever. Getting rid of the crib last year was the hardest thing to do.

    Have I told you lately that I love you? Cause I do!

  85. On October 6th, 2009 at 4:03 am Mwa Says:

    Oh, I’m sure I will always want another one, too.

    I’m having trouble just now with the thought of a third child, because my sister, also the third one of the series, has terrible epilepsy and autism. I associate health problems with a third child, so I’m terribly worried that something will go wrong. But then I think we could have had anything happen to the first two, and that’s no way to live anyway.

    My mother ended up having a fourth. On purpose. Just three years later. So maybe you’d be best hanging on to those clothes for a while. πŸ™‚

  86. On October 6th, 2009 at 7:30 am Karen Says:

    I need to learn to purge. Do you give lessons? Love, love the pictures.

  87. On October 6th, 2009 at 8:07 am Lisa Says:

    Hang on to your favorites. I have ALL 5 of my kids Christmas outfits, soccer uniforms, baseball uniforms, etc. My oldest is 25, my youngest 11. Course now I’m saving stuff for grandchildren. Oh and by the way, a surefire way to get pregnant again is to get rid of all your baby stuff. Pretty much a guarantee.

  88. On October 6th, 2009 at 9:35 am honeywine Says:

    Does he do ziploc baggies of reciepts with the date he cleaned out his wallet on them? No? I win. There needs to be a twelve step group. lol

  89. On October 6th, 2009 at 10:40 am Aunt Juicebox Says:

    Holy crap, I just posted about Hoarders yesterday too. How eerie is that? I’m still debating the whole having another baby thing, but I think my husband is starting to lean heavily towards not wanting to. Maybe we’ve talked about it too long and should have just done it already.

  90. On October 6th, 2009 at 11:33 am Bluebird Says:

    I’m normally a purger myself. But some stuff – there’s just no need. Like things that make you happy, for example. My old t-shirt? Doesn’t do anything for me. But now a sweet baby’s t-shirt that he or she has out grown, but which still smells of wonderful babyness? Yeah, I get it.

  91. On October 6th, 2009 at 9:45 pm statia Says:

    I’m right there with you. With my son, I saved all of his shit. Bins and bins of it even though I wasn’t sure if we were done. I wanted another, I didn’t want another. My husband REALLY didn’t want another. I didn’t think I could have another.

    And lo, we have another. And of course, because I had 8 bins of boys clothes that I loved, we had a girl.

    I know she’s our last and it’s killing me. I’ve been pretty much buying clothes to put them away. I’m more remiss about the clothing than the gear, because I’m so fucking over having brightly colored plastic littering every square inch of my floor.

  92. On October 6th, 2009 at 10:07 pm Antropologa Says:

    My husband has this pair of earrings he bought for his sister over a decade ago, and keeps moving with him and never giving to her, from apartment to house to house…

    I’m actually having some unneeded little clothes problems currently.

  93. On October 8th, 2009 at 4:30 pm ZDub Says:

    I’m having this exact probs right now. I HAVE been watching Hoarders and it makes me want to burn everything we own except baby clothes.


  94. On October 8th, 2009 at 4:32 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    @ZDub I think I would want to burn MYSELF if I managed to watch that show. *shudders*

  95. On October 9th, 2009 at 9:10 am Jenn Says:

    Boo will be 3 next month and I STILL have some of her baby clothes in the back of her drawer.

    I actually need to get rid of some shit but I’ll NEVER give away or throw out the baby clothes and blankets. Except to my kids’ kids. I do plan on making quilts out of them when I get some time (hahahahah).

  96. On October 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    @Jenn That’s kind of what I’m thinking I’ll do, actually. Not ME, hahahaha! Because THAT would be HILARIOUS. No, no, not ME, I’ll find someone ELSE to do it. The quilt idea is great.

  97. On October 9th, 2009 at 9:23 am Kristine Says:

    I have bins of clothes in our guest room, huge buns of clothes. We haven’t made any final decisions yet. 1, 2, 3? Who knows. I can not let them go. I am a hoarder though. I also can’t seem to actually move them to the attic either – but that’s more about the lazy.

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