Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

The Kids Are Alright (Part I)


One of the biggest concerns I’ve had about moving out and away from my kids (since, of course, I cannot pay my home mortgage) has been how they would cope with the change. I mean, I get upset if I find out my favorite brand of socks has been discontinued, so I could only imagine how my kids would feel about their Mama moving out of the house. I talk a good game, but I love my children so fiercely that it’s been barely possible for me to talk about the divorce and the kids without bursting into tears.

Damns. I just burst into tears again. Looks like I’m going to need a new keyboard and now.

I was very careful, when packing my stuffs up and loading my life into a truck, to make sure that the kids would have a place they could feel at home. My new apartment is small, but cozy. It’s been partially decorated, so I can even call it slightly homey (not, as you may expect, “homie.”). Deliberately, I chose a place so near to one of the parks that the path is literally behind my buildings. I may not have the bedroom for the kids (yet), but I do have a space for them to call home.

In that vein, I’ve been careful to snatch up any toys that have been long-forgotten and shoved into bins in the basement formerly known as my own. And I’ve happily accepted any fun stuff the kids might like, while I quickly replaced my kids lovies with as an identical match as I could find. Hey, I’m not above bribing them with toys that are strictly for Mama’s house.

The timing was fortuitous for me as I’d been asked to do a giveaway (after trying the product) for kids from The OrganWise Guys, who promote understanding of how the body works and how to be healthier by following a set of educational games followed by some plush toys. It’s not quite the same as Oregon Trail, but I’m pretty sure my digital kids would be all, “what is UP with that green screen, Mama?” and the anatomy nerd in me, I won’t lie, squeed at the chance to teach my children about anatomy while they learn eating habits so they can grow to become doctors and buy me a house and diamonds and stuff. It’s a little more on-level than the Grey’s Anatomy book I’ve been reading to them since they were babies. And the diamonds? I figure it’s the least they can do to pay me back for those sleepless nights.

Amelia, my wee book nerd, was especially impressed. That girl will read ANYTHING she can get her wee paws on.

the kids are alright

Alex is, well, he’s a dude. Watch. Trust me, it’s… he’s a dude.

And lastly, we unveiled the kidneys, which were much cuter than when I’d dissected them on the A&P slab. THEY’RE EVEN HOLDING HANDS, PRANKSTERS. When I stop dying of the awesome, I’ll let you know.

the kids are alright

(note the matching Capitol Kitty’s in the background – Amelia was especially impressed that she’d managed to put both of her cats together.)

While I’d wanted to play a game with the kidneys, possibly, “hide the kidneys” or, “let’s cuddle with kidneys,” I didn’t. Mostly because the kids both fell asleep inside my sparkly pink ottoman after this shot was taken. Don’t ASK me how. I can barely sleep in a bed, but they’re happy sleeping inside furniture. Kids are weird.


So The OrganWise Guys are giving away the very same game to one of my Pranksters. Why? Because they’re awesome.

To enter, leave me a comment telling me what YOU’D do with a pair of plush kidneys.

For additional entries, you may do the following (please leave a comment for each – I’m not too bright):

*Follow me on Pinterest

*Subscribe to my Frugal Living Blog (how to save money at Target is my post today)

*Like my Facebook Page (which I have NO idea what to do with)

*Like Band Back Together’s Facebook Page

I’ll pick a winner (heh) in one week – October 10, which I feel something important is going on, which makes me uneasy, because if there is something, I’ve forgotten it. I’ll also give you one last day at this giveaway before I pick a winner!

Moving totally screwed with my mojo but I’m SO almost done!

41 Comments to

“The Kids Are Alright (Part I)”

  1. On October 2nd, 2012 at 8:49 am @Mamavation Says:

    RT @mommywantsvodka: RT @mommywantsvodka: TIME TO PLAY HIDE THE KIDNEYS, with a lil help from @OrganWiseGuys #organwiseguys

  2. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:06 am Emily Says:

    I feel like those kidneys need to decorate my office.

  3. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:06 am Emily Says:

    I like you on facebook.

  4. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:06 am Emily Says:

    I like The Band on facebook.

  5. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:10 am Beth Says:

    OBVIOUSLY I would give plus kidneys to my son Pike because he needs to try and eat them. I might also stick them onto the outside of my shirt just so people would ask WTH is wrong with me. Maybe.

    In other news, holy CRAP I love your red sparkly ottomon!

  6. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:11 am Beth Says:

    I follow you on Pinterest as bethdobbs

  7. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:12 am Beth Says:

    I’m a blog subscriber via Twitter (star_momma)

  8. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:12 am Beth Says:

    Obviously I like your Facebook page. Cuz… awesome!

  9. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:13 am Beth Says:

    I also like Band Back Together’s FB page. Oooooo!

  10. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:21 am silvertrish Says:

    I’d like those kidneys to leave in the bathroom on the toilet tank for when I have company over to stare at them judgementally when they use the bathroom.

    Either the above, or hang them from my rearview mirror in the car. I like watching people do double takes when I drive by.

    PS: I follow you and the Band on twitter as silvertrish

  11. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:47 am @TheGreatAskini Says:

    RT @mommywantsvodka: RT @mommywantsvodka: The Kids Are Alright (Part I). It’s a giveaway, y’all. (cc: @OrganWiseGuys) #OrganWiseGuys

  12. On October 2nd, 2012 at 9:49 am barbsobel Says:

    hang them from my rearview mirror, of course. because KIDNEYS ROCK.

    hell, i follow you everywhere. because i’m not stalkery at ALL.

  13. On October 2nd, 2012 at 10:01 am BakingSuit Says:

    I already like you on fb.

  14. On October 2nd, 2012 at 10:02 am BakingSuit Says:

    And Pinterest

  15. On October 2nd, 2012 at 10:02 am BakingSuit Says:

    And I’m with the Band.

  16. On October 2nd, 2012 at 10:05 am BakingSuit Says:

    Oh gosh internal organ toys are fun! I’d prob make them talk like “Oh, you have to pee? You can’t do that without me!” and throw them at my friends on their way into the bathroom.

    Or you know, something equally as obnoxious.

  17. On October 2nd, 2012 at 10:06 am BakingSuit Says:

    Oh, and I subscribe to Frugal Living. Go you saving money at our boyfriend and all.

  18. On October 2nd, 2012 at 10:13 am Brittany Says:

    My set of plush kidneys would become the Traveling Kidneys. They would be left in random places around my work and friends’ places, to be discovered and then hidden again. It would be the BEST GAME EVAH!!!!!!!
    Imagine it:
    “Hey, I want some soda! Where is it…WTF are smooshy kidneys doing hugging my Diet Crack?!?!”

    Oh, yeah.

  19. On October 2nd, 2012 at 10:14 am Brittany Says:

    I also follow you on the twitter, The face book, and the pinterest. Oh yeah.

  20. On October 2nd, 2012 at 10:33 am Sherry Says:

    Plush Kidneys is a great name for a band.

  21. On October 2nd, 2012 at 11:16 am Tracie Says:

    I’m guessing the correct answer is not “dissect the plush kidneys”?

  22. On October 2nd, 2012 at 1:00 pm Jamie Says:

    I would put the kidneys on a wreath on my front door. When people asked what they were, i would look at them confused and say “duh, kidneys”.

  23. On October 2nd, 2012 at 1:35 pm Samantha Says:

    I’d let my kitty play with the kidneys while I called her vicious, I’d gnaw on them in hopes to understand what a zombie feels like, I’d flick at them to see if it makes me pee, I’d punch the kidneys when mad at someone, I’d … no really I’d probably give them to my neice who says she wants to be a doctor to take care of her parents when they are sick 🙂

  24. On October 2nd, 2012 at 1:52 pm Pete In Az Says:

    You read Gray’s Anatomy to your kids at bedtime?
    I believe that explains the weirdness.

    I still read through mine once in a while. Mostly, I look at the pictures though.

  25. On October 2nd, 2012 at 2:06 pm JodieGirl Says:

    Ohhh the humanity! To have new-and-improved (Plush) Kidneys! They joy of having nice smooth (Plush) kidneys! WITHOUT the goddamn STONES! Ugg! You would totally not like kidney stones. So I’ma hopin’ that you take pitty on my non-plush-stone-filled-kidneys.
    Love ya AB!

  26. On October 2nd, 2012 at 7:45 pm Cynthia DuBois Says:

    I don't need the kidneys, got two of my own that seem to work overtime, but I am delighted with the update on how the kids are doing. Have you read Amelia Bedelia to your Amelia, yet. She may not be quite old enough yet but Alex sure is. Best wishes of rainbows and unicorns to all of you.

  27. On October 2nd, 2012 at 3:30 pm Jolie Says:

    Dude. PURPLE PLUSH KIDNEYS! SQUEEEEEEEEEL! I would SO hang them from the rearview mirror of my big truck. Cuz frankly I find them way cuter than the balls hanging from some truck hitches, and PURPLE PLUSH KIDNEYS says I got class, and you are crass. Boo-yah!
    and total win on the whole kid – apt – moving thing. It’ll be ok girl. /hugs/

  28. On October 2nd, 2012 at 3:41 pm Lucy Ball Says:

    Obviously, I’d use the kidneys as a back-up for when mine fail me. It won’t be long, I’m sure. PS, moving sucks. Truly.

  29. On October 2nd, 2012 at 6:32 pm Aunt Becky (@mommywantsvodka) Says:

    You know what? The kids are all right.

  30. On October 2nd, 2012 at 11:36 pm MakingMesses Says:

    I'm in your same walk. Only I had to move to a different city for a job and am temporarily a weekend mom which makes me feel like the scum of the earth. God it rips my heart apart.

  31. On October 2nd, 2012 at 7:27 pm andy Says:

    If I had a pair of stuffed kidneys, they would so hang out in my son’s bed with his stuffed sperm! It’s so cute… it has a little blue bow on it’s head! We didn’t get the egg to go with it, but she has a cute pink bow. So a pair of kidneys would fit right in!

  32. On October 2nd, 2012 at 7:27 pm andy Says:

    and of course I follow you on Pinterst

  33. On October 2nd, 2012 at 7:28 pm andy Says:

    and I would love you on Facebook, but they are mean and will only let me like you. 😉

  34. On October 2nd, 2012 at 7:28 pm andy Says:

    I’m with the Band!!

  35. On October 2nd, 2012 at 7:29 pm andy Says:

    and how did I not know about the Frugal blog? I am so following you there now!

  36. On October 2nd, 2012 at 7:57 pm Cindy Says:

    I cannot tell a lie. I owoukd totally give the kidneys to my dog and watch her systematically destroy them. So you probably shouldn’t pick me.

  37. On October 3rd, 2012 at 8:29 am Cindy G Says:

    I’d give them to my kids to mess around with. They like that kind of thing. A friend of ours sent STD and virus plush toys to us a few years ago. It was awesome trying to explain syphilis and gonorrhea to my daughters.

  38. On October 3rd, 2012 at 2:34 pm Joannie Minor Says:

    That looks like something my hard-to-please 2 year old would like to "play with" (put in her mouth). I like you everywhere, AB! 🙂 And the Band. PS, I just got divorced and I kept the apartment we were living in. You are so blessed in one sense to have this fresh new space. I know it totally fucking sucks. But, there is cool stuff, too, and that's what I'm saying.

  39. On October 3rd, 2012 at 6:02 pm Lynette Miles Says:

    Plush kidneys ftw! Tempting to turn them into a faux fuzzy dice for the car, but I suspect my husband would disapprove 🙂

  40. On October 4th, 2012 at 3:09 am Rebecca A. Weaver-Gill Says:

    I like you & The Band on FB. Glad y'all are doing well & that you're figuring out the new home.

  41. On October 6th, 2012 at 7:30 pm Sarah S Says:

    Oh man do I need a set of plush kidneys. They can hang out with the plush beating heart and giant stuffed microbes in my home office!

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