Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

The Daver Speaks Out!


God knows why, but today Becky told me that what she really wanted for her birthday was for me to write a guest post on MommyWantsVodka. I think she felt bad for me when she saw me notice her ogling a handbag with more more digits in the price than my car payment and turn ashen. And if I, pale as I am, turn more white, you know it’s serious.

Anyhow, she informed me in her Aunt Becky way (the not-so-subtle drip-drip method: “You’re going to post on my blog right? Tomorrow?… Hey Daver, how’s my blog post coming? Are you done with it yet?”) that I would be writing something for her birthday. It had to be something good, an explanation to Her Internets of how I put up with savor every moment of being married to the talented and dead sexy Aunt Becky. ( She’s not MY Aunt Becky, that’d be creepy, she’s just Becky to me. AND still Rock-n-Roll to me, too. AND only a woman. AND more than a woman. ) So here we are. It’s my turn to raise the roof off the mutha, to tell it like it really is…

…and I don’t know what to say.

I mean, there are tons of things to say; I have never known anyone who has made a more positive impact on my life. I am healthier because she made me see the doc. I am successful at work because I have her support at home, and I have wonderful children because she’s my teammate in raising them the way we think is best. She drives me crazy, and I drive her crazy, but if either of us is upset at the other we’re both misesrable about it until we work it out. Despite all the books and advice and people wondering about what makes a relationship work, we just…work. It’s refreshing not to need to think about it too much.

Way back when, I was single, with an apartment in the city, and she was commuting from the far Western ‘burbs to be at her clinicals by 6am. We went on a date, and that night I offered for her to stay at my apartment the night before clinicals so she could get an extra couple hours of sleep. I think at the time I just thought I was being nice, she was a friend of a friend and needed a hand, right? But as I look back I realize that I really just wanted an excuse to see her again, and deep down I already knew she was special to me.

It’s just…something about her. And honestly, you guys know already what it is, because you keep coming back here and reading her writings, laughing along and getting that feeling that she’s right there with ya. ‘Cause, well, she is. Her blog is a reflection of who she is, who we are; we’re not afraid to laugh at ourselves and we think our kids are the best and there’s very little in life that can’t be made better with a good laugh, some good music, and maybe a little vodka to take the edge off.

So, Happy Birthday, baby. One more year of living with your Sausages, being married to your Daver, thanks for being you and putting up with us, making us laugh, and putting us first. We may not always tell you, but you make us who we are, and that makes us pretty damn great.

I’d better close this out now. Becky’s hovering, telling me that maybe SHE should just write the damn thing for me, because I’m too slow. I told her that I was already over 600 words and she told me that was “decent”, with a smirk like it was decent for a moron with a hangover. I laughed and gave her the finger.

Welcome to our family.

95 Comments to

“The Daver Speaks Out!”

  1. On July 15th, 2009 at 10:59 am Badass Geek Says:

    Bravo, Dave.

    Happy birthday, Becky. <3

  2. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:19 am RJ Flamingo Says:

    Awesome post and birthday present! My hubs won’t even look at my blog (that I know of)… I think he’s afraid of what he might find!

    Happy Birthday, Aunt Becky! You surely deserve each other! {{{Hugs!!!}}}

  3. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:26 am Susan Says:

    Happy Birthday, Aunt Becky!! Daver, will you marry me?

  4. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:40 am Denise Says:

    Happy Birthday Becky! May you have a vodka filled day!

    Very nicely written, Daver.

  5. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:50 am Potty Mouth Mommy Says:


    That was just beautiful Daver!!

    Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!!

  6. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:01 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    Now see- sometimes for my anniversary I ask my husband to write me a love letter and that is Becky has done here. You wrote her a Daver-loves-Aunt Becky-love-letter.
    It was nice to hear your voice, Daver.
    And happy birthday to that wonderful woman of yours.

  7. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:03 am ZDub Says:

    Happy Birthday!

    The post is really sweet, Dave you did rad.

    I bet my husband couldn’t get past 2 sentences!

  8. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:14 am habanerogal Says:

    I for one approve you are the sausage beneath her wings go give her a big birthday smooch from one of her Internets all the way in Canada-land. MUAH ! Happy birthday from me !

  9. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:29 am laura Says:

    Aww very sweet! Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!

  10. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:30 am Jen Says:

    As you probably have realized, I don’t have a blog, don’t want a blog. I was your original troll waaaay back. Since my intentions were only to laugh with you, cry with you, and sort of lurk in your life when mine was too stressful to examine, I have to think of a better term then ‘troll’…Anyway, I found your blog completely by accident looking for baby shower invitations a few years ago. Mommy! Wants! Vodka! on the invitations brought me here. (BTW, we changed the invites to Mommy! Wants! Liquor!)
    I don’t comment often (but I did vote!) and I just want to wish you Happy Birthday. From one midwestern mommy who hates nursing to another. Thank you for all the laughs, the tears, the perspectives.
    Here’s an internet shot of vodka being raised to you today!

  11. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:35 am daisybv2 Says:

    Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!!! That was soo sweet of the hubby…. Hope your day is great!

  12. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:41 pm The Boss Says:

    Nice post Dave. I don’t think our counterparts realize that even though it may be easy for them, that writing a post takes a lot of brain power. They just sit down and write down whatever and its a hit. Lucky Bastards! =)

    Happy Birthday Becker!

    P.S. I have something for you that will be going out in the mail tomorrow morning! Just something that i saw and it totally reminded me of you.

  13. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:44 am mommiebear2 Says:

    Yeah Daver!! Happy Bday Aunt Becky!!

  14. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:45 am Bluebird Says:

    Oh I love it! Hi, Daver, very nice to meet you 🙂

    Happy birthday, Becky. Hope it’s nothing but fun.

  15. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:46 am Mrs Soup Says:

    Happy Birthday Fabulous Lady!! You are sooo fetch. Enjoy the Vodka! And you are one lucky chica! What a winner. 🙂

  16. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:48 am Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Ya done good, Daver. Happy birthday to Beck-star.

  17. On July 15th, 2009 at 11:54 am Shari Says:

    Happy Birthday!

    *waves @ Daver*

  18. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:55 pm Merritt Says:

    Too cute! You know what I got for my birthday? Jack shit. I don’t know, I think there were some presents or jewelry or something, but a guest post by husband/my partner in crime would’ve been really kick ass. So apparently your husband is just better than mine. Wanna trade? No? Fair enough. Daver seems like good people to me 🙂

    Happy birthday AB, I’ll throw a couple back for ya!

  19. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:03 pm MK Says:

    Is Daver single? Wait – didn’t mean to say that outloud…

    Happy Birthday, Aunt Becky – here’s to another grand spankin new year ahead.

  20. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:06 pm a Says:

    Happy Birthday, Becky! You’ll tell us all about that handbag tomorrow, right?

    Daver – nice job!

  21. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:08 pm kbrients Says:

    LOVE. IT.

    Now give us our Aunt Becky back 🙂

  22. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:12 pm lady lemon Says:

    Fucking Daver! You guys are too fucking cute, you actually made me teary with how sweet that was.

    You are so lucky to be with each other in a relationship that “just works” so well. Its a rare thing to find.

    Happy B-day Bec-Star. I lovely dearly, and perhaps even a little bit queerly.

  23. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:15 pm Mwa Says:

    Happy birthday, Aunt Becky!

  24. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:17 pm Coco Says:

    Aw, Daver, I think you did great. We love our Aunt Becky around here, and I think the reasons why are illuminated perfectly by what you said: there’s just something amazing about her.

    Happy Birthday, Becks! Eat cake and drink something alcoholic. Or just eat rum cake. Here, I’ll join you.

  25. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:19 pm Kate Says:

    Awesome post! You two are lucky to have a relationship that just works…without huge amounts of muss & fuss.

    Happy birthday, Aunt Becky!!!

  26. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:19 pm Marinka Says:

    Nice job, Birthday girl. (She soo wrote it herself)


  27. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:20 pm lady lemon Says:

    That was supposed to read “I love you dearly, and perhaps even a little bit queerly.”

    Damn it.

  28. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:23 pm Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) Says:

    Happy Birthday, Becky! And great job on the guest post, Daver! 😉

  29. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:24 pm Creepy Mommy Says:

    Happy Happy Birthday!!!

    You and The Daver drive each other crazy…. in bed right?

    You are lovely and a delight and I wish you the most joyful of days!

    That sounds soooo gay, but it’s true!

  30. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:39 pm Kim Hartman Says:

    Daver, You are a rock star too… are both lucky!

  31. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:52 pm Stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    Happy Birthday Becky! Great Job Daver

  32. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:54 pm Lin Says:

    Happy Birthday!

    & great post Daver, it was really cute!

  33. On July 15th, 2009 at 12:56 pm Employee No. 3699 Says:

    Happy Birthday Becky!! I hope you have a spectacular day.

    And to the Daver, nice job on the post.

  34. On July 15th, 2009 at 2:00 pm Sandy Says:

    Happy Birthday Becky! What a wonderful Daver, and you DESERVE a wonderful Daver. Hope you all have a great day. Have a told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there are no mommy bloggers above you?

  35. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:02 pm Kristin Says:

    Happy Birthday Aunt Becky…and well done Daver! Y’all rock.

  36. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:05 pm Michelle Says:

    Happy Birthday!! Hope you are out having an awesome day with that sweet husband and beautiful children of yours.

    I woke up on my birthday to find a post on my blog from my husband this year as well (I have no idea how he figured out to even do that). It was truly the best birthday gift ever.

  37. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:05 pm ainebegonia Says:

    Aunt Becky, you need to clone the Daver. Happy Birthday Becky!

  38. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:09 pm The Mommy Says:

    Um, does the Daver have a brother? ‘Cause my sister is soooo single…

    Happy Birthday!

  39. On July 15th, 2009 at 2:20 pm perchancetodream Says:

    AAAWWWWWWW……very sweet! And now that you have it in writing you can use it whenever you need to! 🙂

    Have a great year and thanks for making the internet a much friendlier place!!!!

  40. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:20 pm Apple Sauce Says:

    They must have broken the mold after they made The Daver. Well said man.

    Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!! I just wish I could serenade you with my purposely off-key version of the Happy Birthday song. Hope you have a good one.

  41. On July 15th, 2009 at 2:28 pm heather Says:

    Seeing The Daver live made it seem like *my* birthday! Happy Birthday, Becky! I hope Daver doesn’t think this actually substitutes said handbag.

  42. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:34 pm Gina Says:

    Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!
    Daver – you rocked it out dude. It was like when little Billy fills in for Dad in the Family Circle Cartoons..only better.
    Becky – best birthday present ever?

  43. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:50 pm Katie Says:

    Oh hey, they’re both funny!

    Happy Birthday, Becky!

  44. On July 15th, 2009 at 2:53 pm Roshni Says:

    heeheeh! You just described my marriage too!!
    Happy birthday to Aunt Becky!! And congratulations for a very successful writing stint to ‘Uncle Dave’!!

  45. On July 15th, 2009 at 1:54 pm tash Says:

    Hey Daver!

    Happy Birthday, Becky!!!

  46. On July 15th, 2009 at 2:01 pm stacie Says:

    Too cute, Daver. I see why you two just work! 🙂

    Happy Birthday, sweet Becky! May today and all your tomorrows be happy and healthy!

  47. On July 15th, 2009 at 2:12 pm Andy Says:

    Great post Daver!!

    Happy Birthday Becky!!!

  48. On July 15th, 2009 at 3:14 pm Lola Says:

    Great job, man! She’s a hard act to follow, that woman of yours, but you done good.

    Happy birthday, mama!! Don’t eat too much cake or your ass might start spraying that gnarly Ali oil all over the place 😉

  49. On July 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm Notesfromthegrove Says:

    When I started my blog, Becky was one of my very first comments. I couldn’t believe it. AUNT BECKY from Mommy Wants Vodka actually came over to read what little ol’ ME had to say! I was so excited that I called my husband and starting giggling on the phone like an idiot. Not only did she read my stuff, comment it, and give me some love on her link list, but then she actually wrote me back several times when I emailed her.

    Truly special indeed. Not to mention brilliant, hilarious, honest, and REAL. Daver, this was a beautiful post. You almost made me cry.

    We love you, Aunt Becky! Happy Birthday!

  50. On July 15th, 2009 at 2:47 pm Tara Says:

    Good Job Daver.

    Happy Birthday Becky!! I hope you are having a wonderful day.

  51. On July 15th, 2009 at 2:50 pm Rachel Says:

    Happy birthday, Becky! I’m excited to meet you at BlogHer.

    -Rachel from method

  52. On July 15th, 2009 at 3:01 pm Danielle Says:

    Glad Daver has Becky and Beck has Daver!
    Happy birthday, hon! I hope you have the greatest birthday EVER!

  53. On July 15th, 2009 at 4:14 pm Chibi Jeebs Says:

    Love the tags on the entry… }:-)

    Happy birthday! Hope your day is fantabulous! <3

  54. On July 15th, 2009 at 3:21 pm S Says:

    Sooo sweet.
    Happy birthday, a million times over.

  55. On July 15th, 2009 at 3:22 pm kalakly Says:

    Happy Birthday to my favorite Aunt Becky, the one and only. I love you in a totally mad and sickly twisted way.
    Thanks for shining a light in a really dark place. Which I realize to the outside reader may sound ewwwy creepy, but I know you know what I really mean.

  56. On July 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm Kristine Says:

    Awwww, Daver is so sweet, I can totally see why you married him.

  57. On July 15th, 2009 at 3:44 pm swirl girl Says:


    this Mommy wants whatever that Mommy is having!!

  58. On July 15th, 2009 at 4:02 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    Awww! Sweetest thing ever! Happy birthday, sweetie!

  59. On July 15th, 2009 at 4:08 pm Fancy Says:

    Happy birthday, dear sweet Becky. You snagged yourself a keeper there, didn’t you? Good job to The Daver. That was way more special than any present you could have forgotten to buy her!

  60. On July 15th, 2009 at 4:11 pm Lisa Bond Says:

    Happy Birthday “Aunt Daver”!

  61. On July 15th, 2009 at 4:17 pm Hope Says:

    Happy Birthday, Becky!

    Dave – great post, but don’t quit your day job just yet.

  62. On July 15th, 2009 at 4:35 pm sky Says:

    Well done Daver.

    Happy Birthday Becky!

  63. On July 15th, 2009 at 4:46 pm Betts Says:

    He could use those words to renew your vows. He’s a keeper!

  64. On July 15th, 2009 at 5:02 pm kate Says:

    happy birthday.

    lucky bitch.

  65. On July 15th, 2009 at 5:38 pm darkfairymomma Says:

    Happy happy birthday!!

  66. On July 15th, 2009 at 6:18 pm Eva Says:

    Happy Birthday! Well done posting.

  67. On July 15th, 2009 at 7:26 pm Kristina Says:

    Happy Birthday Becky!! And wonderful, wonderful post Daver. You guys are lucky to have each other.

    P.S. Did she really “get an extra couple hours of sleep” that night? Hmm…. sounds fishy to me 🙂

  68. On July 15th, 2009 at 6:48 pm DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Enjoyed your post Daver! I truly believe that the family that flips each other off regularly is the family that stays together. Works for me and my Daver.

    Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!

  69. On July 15th, 2009 at 7:07 pm Inna Says:

    Happy Birthday Becky!
    Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

    ps – nice post Daver!

  70. On July 15th, 2009 at 7:27 pm Farah Says:

    What a very sweet post. Happy Birthday to you. We share the same day. Hope it was a great one

  71. On July 15th, 2009 at 7:41 pm Melissa Says:

    Happy birthday Aunt Becky…

    this one’s for you, since it doesn’t sound like you are getting the one you were eyeing!

  72. On July 15th, 2009 at 8:51 pm Emily R Says:

    happy birthday, babe

  73. On July 15th, 2009 at 8:55 pm mountainmomma18 Says:

    Happy Birthday for reals this time! ANd your husband is very sweet, it reminds me of something my husband would write. Does he like x-box games and lots of expensive electronic toys too?

  74. On July 15th, 2009 at 8:57 pm Bambi Says:

    It’s tomorrow here in the land of Oz – and it’s still your birthday. Happy Day from Melbourne.

  75. On July 15th, 2009 at 9:08 pm April Says:

    Well if that isn’t the sweetest thing ever. Hope he bought you that handbag too;) Happy Birthday!

  76. On July 15th, 2009 at 9:22 pm Meg Says:

    Happy Birthday Becky!!! Hope you had a wonderful day, spoiled rotten and all that. You are very lucky to have such an amazing man in your life…sniff;)

  77. On July 16th, 2009 at 12:02 am georgia Says:

    Happy Birthday!

    Love Reading You So Much.

    ” Life can be shitty but you always have aunt becky to read. ”


  78. On July 16th, 2009 at 12:11 am GingerB Says:

    Well done Daver, and Aunt Becky – I hope you got some extra sausage!

  79. On July 16th, 2009 at 5:59 am Candid Engineer Says:

    Yeah, Daver! And happy birthday, Aunt Becky. You found a nice sub for the occasion. 🙂

  80. On July 16th, 2009 at 6:34 am Amanda Says:

    Happy (belated) Birthday! I know, I’m just a wee bit behind, but it still counts right? I hope your birthday was just as awesome as this post!

  81. On July 16th, 2009 at 6:57 am jessiee Says:

    awwwwww. just awwwww.

    and happy birthday.

  82. On July 16th, 2009 at 7:03 am Fawn Amber Says:

    Happy (late, dammit. sorry.) Birthday, Becky – and the Daver? What a love bug 🙂

    Hope you had a great one!!!

  83. On July 16th, 2009 at 7:09 am Io Says:

    happy Birthday lady. Your husband is giving me a toothache with this sugared prose though.

  84. On July 16th, 2009 at 8:24 am Minnie Says:

    Happy Birthday!

    Well done, I think the Daver will get a little as a direct result of this post.

  85. On July 16th, 2009 at 9:35 am trish Says:

    Happy Birthday, Becky. What a fantastic husband you have! Love you, chica.

  86. On July 16th, 2009 at 12:56 pm Crystal Says:

    This. Yes. I could have written it myself. Although I’m sure you did a much better job.

    Happy Birthday!

  87. On July 16th, 2009 at 1:52 pm heather Says:

    Happy Birthday! Love ya!

  88. On July 16th, 2009 at 4:39 pm excavator Says:

    Happy Birthday, Aunt Becky!

    Hey, your dh knows his way around a sentence! Great post, and good writing.

    I know a lot of good people born in July. Thanks for your message on my blog about my little sausage’s birth day.

    From another sausage mama

  89. On July 16th, 2009 at 8:08 pm meg Says:

    Happy Birthday!

  90. On July 16th, 2009 at 10:42 pm Painted Maypole Says:


    happy bday, aunt Becky!

  91. On July 17th, 2009 at 7:20 am kimmad Says:

    dude…Happy Birthday (alright, I’m a little late…better late than never, right?).

    You have a cool hubby.

  92. On July 17th, 2009 at 11:22 am Kendra Says:

    Happy birthday, Aunt Becky!

    I can’t think of a better birthday present than a treatise on why I am awesome. And you are. Thanks for making me laugh, making me feel like I’m slightly less crazy, and making me feel less alone!

  93. On July 19th, 2009 at 12:22 pm mumma boo Says:

    Late to the party, as usual, but the wishes are still the same! Happy Belated Birthday, Becks! Great post, Daver! Easy to see why you and Becky are perfect each other. 🙂

  94. On July 19th, 2009 at 4:45 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Happy belated birthday. I have an excuse: I was without internet for ONE WEEK. No, I am not kidding.

  95. On July 26th, 2009 at 5:24 am Caroline Lewis Says:

    This was lovely. Thank you for sharing your perspective with us!

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