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The Blob


It started last week. Or the week before. Or sometime last year. I don’t know. Time isn’t my strong suit.

Alex, the four-year old, had a double ear infection. This on top of being poked in the eye with a piece of cable from my daughter made for one Unhappy Camper. Can’t really blame the kid for that.

Off to the doctor we went, where I was certain he’d gotten a corneal abrasion or some other eye condition that would squick me the fuck out. You’d think that because I’m a nurse, I’d be immune, but BLECH. No.

Turns out, it wasn’t related to his sister’s gentle, loving caress to the eyeball with a piece of metal. No. Pinkeye. Fuck. Ew. Gross. Nasty.

So we did our course of eye-drops, while I tried not to vomit because EW GROSS EYEBALL and then I got sick with the Mysterious Oregon Train Disease (which I still motherfucking HAVE)(talk about bullshit. Dysentery would be SO much more glamorous than this). Come to think of it, it’s probably from the doctor’s office. Remind me to pick up a hazmat suit, Pranksters.

Yesterday, my day care lady informed me that my daughter woke up with goo in her eye too. She, too, went on the eyedrops. Along with my son, whose eye goo has returned. The universe likes to torture me sometimes.

So now I wait, Pranksters. I wait for the day when I wake up with The Blob on my face. Because anyone who knows me knows I’m twenty-five-niner times more likely to get infected with kid crap than the average bear, I’m certain that when I do, it will be a Blob That Ate My Face. I’m altogether certain, in fact, that my Blob will mutate and become an actual living, breathing Blob, like the pink goo from Ghostbusters II.

Here’s hoping it’ll dance to “Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher.”

24 Comments to

“The Blob”

  1. On November 9th, 2011 at 10:57 am gorillabuns Says:

    My blob would be the Pillsbury Dough boy on my face.

  2. On November 9th, 2011 at 10:59 am Lindsay Dianne Says:

    UGHHHHH Pink eye is so gross. I remember that gooey, crusty feeling when you wake up and you can’t open your eye.

    I don’t want that as an adult. Ever.

    I do, however, want to dance to this song.

  3. On November 9th, 2011 at 11:29 am Rebecca Says:

    Pink Eye is like the head lice………if one person gets it you better go ahead and treat then retreat the whole entire family because once one person has it, everyone has it weather they know it or not.

  4. On November 9th, 2011 at 11:35 am Jax Says:

    LOL….so I read this blog, then went to a news website in Utah where I happened across this little gem. It’s the Blob, Aunt Becky! Even better, a FUNGAL Blob!!

  5. On November 9th, 2011 at 11:44 am The Mommy Says:

    I am not a germophobe – BUT when I go to the pediatrician (for my kids, not myself like Ross on Friends…) I act like one. I’m talking wash-my-hands-5, 396 times-Purell-is-oozing-outta-my-pores germophobe. That place is where germs go to find a new home. Usually MY home. Hazmat suit it is!

  6. On November 9th, 2011 at 1:39 pm Miss Adventure Says:

    You know you’re going to wash your fingerprints off, right? A friend of my mother’s applied for a job with law enforcement where you have to be fingerprinted. She’s also a constant washer/Purell user. They couldn’t get usable fingerprints off her! Beware, beware…

  7. On November 9th, 2011 at 11:47 am Hope Says:

    Also, the kids’ shoe store is a germ hole. Have you been to Stride Rite lately?
    I’m like The Mommy–Purell until my skin falls off at the pediatrician. And the shoe store.

    Good luck!

  8. On November 9th, 2011 at 12:16 pm Heather Says:

    I never minded pink eye. My eyes watered every time I looked at him but I would say it was far better than the throwing up. Cleaning that up and washing sheets and clothes and floors… WAY worse. Hope it is all clear soon!!

  9. On November 10th, 2011 at 11:28 pm kay Says:

    couldn’t agree more! nothing is worse than the throw up, except maybe the diarrhea!

  10. On November 9th, 2011 at 12:21 pm Megaboo Says:

    I am terrified of pink eye. When I was a teenager I got it. My parents did not take me to the Dr. until a month had passed and my eyeball was so badly infected with the pink eye nastiness that my eye was completely dry and got stuck looking to the side.. Rigodamndiculousness. If you don’t want it I would suggest taking a damp washcloth, microwaving it for 30 seconds and putting it Over your eyes. The steam makes all that gunk sweat out of your eyes. It will flush out bacteria. Ugh, I want to vomit just thinking about pink eye. Good luck AB! Hope you don’t get the funk, and I hope your little ones feel better.

  11. On November 9th, 2011 at 1:40 pm Miss Adventure Says:

    I’m so happy the kids don’t bring home pinkeye. They just bring whatever cold/flu/stomach bug du jour is running around school and promptly give it to me and everyone else in the house. Still recovering from the last bout, myself. Flu shot? What flu shot? It can kick in ANY time now…

  12. On November 9th, 2011 at 4:30 pm Twisted Domestic Goddess Says:

    YUCCCKKK!!!! I NEVER had pink eye as a child,then as an 18 year old I went to work at a daycare and WHAMMOOOO!!! I was like what the heck is this gross stuff in my eye???? YUP I had gotsten the pink eye and of course like you AB pick it up EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!

  13. On November 9th, 2011 at 5:40 pm Mayor Gia Says:

    UGHHH. Eye goop. I. just. cant. Shudder

  14. On November 9th, 2011 at 5:54 pm Summer Says:

    My one-year-old currently has pink eye! And I also have a mysterious Oregon Trail illness. Being sick is bullshit.

  15. On November 9th, 2011 at 6:03 pm Jennifer Bohrer Says:

    Bleach everything in your house! use paper towels, wash pillow cases daily and don’t touch your faces…any of you. Eye infections…gaaah! If you do the hot as you can stand washcloth on the eye for 5-10 minutes, then medicine, then a cold icy over the eye for 5-10 minutes it will feel better and heal faster. I went through a series of eye infections after being outside in the glaring sun and popping my contacts in and out. Painful non fun.

  16. On November 9th, 2011 at 6:21 pm Sherry Says:

    Once upon a million years ago when my children were small the whole family came down with pinkeye at the same time. I have no idea where we all came into contact with it unless it was the pool at the apartment complex where we lived. Yes, it was itchy and nasty. I wanted to scratch my eyes with stainless steel pot scrubbers. Each of us had our own personal bottle of drops because if you share you’ll just keep passing it back and forth. I was never so glad to be rid of something in my life. Once gone nobody ever got it again. See me do the happy dance!

  17. On November 9th, 2011 at 8:38 pm Halala Mama Says:

    Well Dear Aunt Becky….. your children, which I guess are my cousins, right? Well they gave me the pink eye as I learned today and I am forty damn years old. I couldn’t be more pissed if I tried. At the pink eye. Not your children.

    Wear the haz mat suit…starting now. Pink eye sucks.

  18. On November 10th, 2011 at 12:52 am Tracie Says:

    Only your face-blob would dance. Because your blob has style.

  19. On November 10th, 2011 at 3:23 am wagthedad Says:

    My wife got a staph infection on her finger. It started out as a hangnail and I was all “honey, it’s JUST a hangnail” and before we knew it she was in the hospital with half her fingernail removed being fed antibiotics intravenously.

    And watching lots of TV.

    And sleeping.

    And reading.

    And I was all, maybe I should neglect my hangnails, too? Because I have a lot of them, and they are apt to get infected any time.

    Maybe I should stop trying to get arrested while drunk. Hospitals are vastly more comfortable than a jail cell, and they let you stay more than one night.

    Anyway, I gave you one of those dorky versatile blogger awards. You don’t have to thank me.

    You’re welcome.

  20. On November 10th, 2011 at 6:41 am Jennifer June Says:

    My daughter is convinced (because somebody told her so) that pink eye happens as a result of somebody farting on your pillow. I kid you not. So whenever somebody is feeling a little pink and gooey, the accusations fly and all hell breaks lose around here.

  21. On November 10th, 2011 at 11:17 am Martha Says:

    My best friend got pink eye in third grade. I’m still living in mortal fear that she’ll infect me. (shudder)

  22. On November 10th, 2011 at 11:22 am Lisa Says:

    My kids have given me everything but malaria and the clap. Pink eye was the worst.

  23. On November 10th, 2011 at 11:34 pm kay Says:

    I swear to god I catch everything! YOU TALKING ABOUT PINK EYE HAS PROBABLY GIVEN ME PINK EYE. I kid you not. This coming from a microbiologist who knows damn well you can’t get pink eye without being exposed to it, but honestly I swear it’s true. If I wake up with the pink eye tomorrow, aunt becky, i’ll blame you…. I have to blame someone after all and your as good as anyone I’d say.

  24. On November 13th, 2011 at 8:35 pm Chris Says:

    I had never had pink eye myself until DD was in preschool. Then she gave it to me, her brother and hubby. Then we all had “gooey eyes.” Yay. Fun. Life sucks. Of course, DH is allergic to penicillin, so he had to have the super expensive your insurance won’t pay for it are you kidding eye drops. Cut to DS#1, and he gets pink eye at preschool (different one, I swear) and gives it to everyone in the family including the baby!

    Pink eye is teh evil in every way, shape and form! There is nothing worse that being an adult afflicted with pink eye. It is humiliating!

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