Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

That Stupid Butterfly Can Bite Me.


Dear The Makers of a Prescription Sleep Aid That Rhymes with “Plunesta,”

First, your ad campaign with the stupid glowing butterfly has always pissed me off. Now, I’m no butterfly hater, in fact, I kind of find them whimsical and adorable, but night after ever-loving night, as I sat up, unable to sleep, that stupid commercial would taunt me. Must be NICE, I’d say, as I rubbed my aching eyeballs, MUST BE NICE TO SLEEP.

I’ve been a member of The Unable To Sleep For Shit Club for, oh, what, I don’t know, 4 years now? Before this, I would simply LAUGH at those people who claimed that “they couldn’t sleep.” As someone who considered sleeping as a full-contact sport, I couldn’t imagine just not being able to sleep. It was obviously my moral superiority as a perfect human being that allowed me to sleep while others tossed and turned.

(interestingly, this is the very thing that turns me off of other parents when discussing anything related to 1) kids eating or B) kids sleeping) (because, obviously)

Then I found out that I had hypothyroidism, and learned that maybe requiring 14 hours of sleep a night was kind of not a good thing. It was then when Your Aunt Becky met Synthroid for the first time. It was also when Aunt Becky got knocked up, a time when most expectant mothers sleep as much as humanly possible. Why, when I’d gotten pregnant with Ben, I’d wake up with rug burns on my face where I’d simply passed out while trying–in vain–to tie my shoes.

But pregnant with Alex, I first met The Beast, Insomnia. Nothing I could do made a damn bit of difference: I drank (and promptly vomited up) warm milk, I avoided chamomile tea because it was all herbly and I wasn’t sure it was pregnancy safe and besides that, it tasted like stewed grass clippings to me. I cut out caffeine. I developed a bedtime ritual and followed by it religiously.

And still. And yet. And how. I could fall asleep and never really get into that deep sleep. It. Was. Torture. I went into having a *ahem* difficult newborn already functioning on 9 months of sleep deprivation. At 6 months postpartum, when I was Really Starting To Lose My Shit and think about suicide as a viable alternative to dealing with Alex, I called my OB and sobbed, begging for something, anything to help me sleep.

Because, you see, drug people, Alex got up so often over night, I was too anxious to fall asleep in between or even on those rare nights that he did sleep for more than an hour at a stretch. And I was cracking the fuck up.

My OB threw his hands in the air and told me that he just didn’t care. (also, makers of the drug that rhymes with Plunesta, I am a poet and I don’t know it!) There was nothing he could, or would, do while I was nursing.

Finally, I was introduced to my first boyfriend: Mr. Unisom. Our love affair was long and torrid and held me gently through many a sleepless night. I was finally–FINALLY–able to reach that unattainable deep sleep. Pure. Bliss.

But after my daughter was born, I had even more sleep problems, makers of the drug that rhymes with “plunesta,” and the only cure? MORE COWBELL. Prescription Sleep Aids!

And my tentative love affair with that bitch Ambien was cut drastically short when I realized that it did not actually help me sleep (nor did it give me any of the cool urges like gambling in my sleep or throwing in loads of laundry, which might have actually helped me battle Mount Laundry). So I requested your new wonder-drug, “Plunesta.”

Now shhh…drug people, don’t tell my father, who is a pharmacist, but I mixed “Plunesta” with my old standby: Mr. Unisom and all was right with the world again. Until, of course, my headaches began again in earnest.

The one upside to pregnancy for me is while the rest of me feels like I’m dying inside, my headaches, something I have struggled with for years, go away. It’s divine, especially if you’re carefully able to extract the inability to breathe, the swelling, and the sharing-your-body-cavity-with-another-person part.

But our love was not to be, “Plunesta!” While I was able to overlook the mouth-tasting-like-ass side effect as well as the I-crave-sugar-while-sleeping phenomenon, and my memory loss, my doctor, the swine! had the audacity to chide me not-so-gently about mixing meds! And suggested that perhaps THAT may have been the cause for my ever-worsening headaches!

(also on the chopping block are my OCP’s. See you later, sex life! Hel-lo vasectomy!)

Like the desperate sheep that I am, I abandoned you, “Plunesta;” discarded like yesterday’s dirty diapers. Tossed into oncoming traffic, I sent you and your (apparently) scary side effects packing.

But you, YOU “Plunesta” were not about to take rejection lightly! O! No! I bit, and you bit back HARDER and with sharper, more withdrawaly teeth.

Because last night, after my interlude with Mr. Unisom, I lay in bed, alone, sweating and unable to sleep, my muscles aching and my body throbbing like a rotted tooth.

And today, I feel as though I’ve been encased in one of those dratted jello molds that I loathe, suspended in red goo like some particularly fleshy marshmallow. My body aches, my joints complain when I move, and while I can’t be certain, I think that somebody may have scooped out the grey matter in my brain and replaced it with chocolate pudding.

(shut UP)

Oh yes. After years of not being dependent on anything other than Guns and f’ing Roses and Diet Coke, Your Aunt Becky is going through withdrawal. It is, in a word, unpleasant.

Being the upstanding soul that I am, I then googled “Lunesta withdrawal” and was shocked to learn that besides looking like a decrepit old lady (as the picture clearly showed), I could expect any number of these symptoms to pop up (this was, of course, from some website whom I probably wouldn’t trust. But wait, it’s on The Internet, so it’s true!):

abdominal pains, aching, agoraphobia, anxiety, blurred vision, body vibrations, changes in perception, diarrhea, distended abdomen, feeling of unreality, flu-like symptoms, flatulence, food cravings, hair loss, heart palpitations, heavy limbs, increased allergies, increased sense of smell, insomnia, lethargy, loss of balance, metallic taste, muscle spasms, nightmares, panic attacks, paranoia, persistent & unpleasant memories, severe headaches, shaking, short term memory loss, sore mouth and tongue, sound & light sensitivity, speech difficulties, sweating, suicidal thoughts, tinnitus, unusually sensitive, fear.

While I wouldn’t necessarily mind the feelings of unreality, which sounds an awful lot like getting stoned (praying without the sudden urges for Taco Bell) nor would I mind that “changes in perception.” In fact, I might then decide to get the band back together and get a bus and travel across the States with Aunt Becky’s Band of Merry Pranksters.

That sounds kind of like a break from the norm.

But no.

So, makers of the drug that rhymes with “plunesta” I would like to thank you for your time as my semi-boyfriend, and alternately list you on Don’t Date Him Girl. Or, I will, I suppose, if I don’t wind up a puddle of goo on the floor, shaking, contemplating suicide, and farting.

Right, I know, like that would be different than any OTHER day. Touche, drug company people, touche, indeed.

Now, former lover of mine, I’m off to lay on the couch and rub my aching joints and try not to look directly into the sunlight, lest I burst into flames like a large piece of parchment. Also, can I please have my grey matter back? I do kind of need it.

(shut UP)

It’s not me, it’s you. And me. Okay, it’s both of us.


Aunt Becky.

85 Comments to

“That Stupid Butterfly Can Bite Me.”

  1. On September 4th, 2009 at 6:37 am Badass Geek Says:

    Hey, look on the bright side. Once you recover from this, maybe you can look into another sleep-aid. You know, something that causes you to grow hair out of your eyes or participate in group sex.

    I just want SOMETHING that makes me productive at night! Eyeball hair be damned!

  2. On September 4th, 2009 at 6:58 am Anjali Says:

    God, you know me so well.

    My latest bout of insomnia (going on two weeks now), has me waking up at 4 am and not being able to fall back asleep. Which sucks, considering that my children are all (finally) sleeping through the night.

    I’m one of those people who could take a bottle of Benadryl and operate heavy machinery — it doesn’t make me tired in the least bit!

    Now THAT is just sad. And I have NO DOUBT that once Mimi is finally settled with sleeping through the night I will be up, watching the faucet drip and drooling.

    Can you write at night?

  3. On September 4th, 2009 at 6:27 am Sam Says:

    So wanting (and/or) sleeping 14 hours isn’t normal? errrrr. Maybe I should get that thyroid test! I’ve always considered my ability to fall asleep anytime, anywhere to be among my superpowers. (As well as destroying electronics by my mere proximity, and hating my sig other’s friends enough that they eventually die, although via natural causes. Mwahahaaa….) Oh well, I hear glandular problems are all the rage these days! Good luck on getting through the ‘Plunesta’ DTs, Aunt Becky – remember, accepting you have a problem is the first step. (Then you can get back to your vodka!) 🙂

    I felt THE SAME WAY about my awesome sleeping prowess! THOSE were the DAYS!

  4. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:31 am tiffany Says:

    I too suffer from insomnia, but fortunately it isn’t caused by my thyroid. I was offered Am.bien by my doctor but am too chicken to take it. My husband had to take it when he was recovering from Mono a couple years back (he contracted Mono at age 35 from his cousin’s 2 year old, she drank out of his coke). Anyway I had the pleasure/terror of watching him do the strangest things night after night, sometimes scary, sometimes funny. Example, one night I woke up and he was standing over me… just staring at me, he would not respond or get back in bed. It really creeped me out, I could not wake him up he just stared and stared. I finally got out of bed and sat in a chair and watched him and he just stood by my side of the bed staring at where I had been laying for hours and then eventually walked around to his side and laid back down. Of course he had no memory of it in the morning. Another time he sat up in bed and started folding imaginary laundy, so I put him to work, I got the 2 baskets full I hadn’t yet folded and put his sleep folding to good use. He did wake up that time after the first basketfull… didn’t get all the laundry folded, darn. Anyway, I’m too chicken to take it, no telling what I would do… so after a night or two with no sleep and I’ve been up 24-36 hours my body finally gives in and lets me sleep. It really sucks though because I feel like crap most of the time and I get headaches too. The only thing that works for me is, unisom and tylenol pm just wire me. Good luck… have you ever tried melatonin?

    Melatonin, I’ll have to check that shit out!

    And, um, can I borrow your husband to fold my laundry for a day or so?

  5. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:39 am SciFi Dad Says:

    Dave’s getting his nutsack cut?

    Oh yes. And we’re celebrating with a delicious penis-themed party. Want to come?

  6. On September 4th, 2009 at 6:41 am Lisa Says:

    Ok, I can’t help with withdrawl except to say LOCK UP THE KNIVES AND GUNS – isn’t that what you are supposed to say?

    But as far as Mount Laundry, I can help! Pitiful life that I have, I have a kick ass laundry system (shut up, I said pitiful already) that will change your life. With my help, Tide will be your new fresh smelling boyfriend!

    If you care for the mind numbing details, e-mail me. Otherwise I will know that you are just shaking your head over my sad existence and I will not mention it again :)!

    P.S. I do hear that Twinkees help soothe the nerves, but on my nasty low carb diet I would not be able to test this theory out for you!

    Dude, locking up my knives is something Daver should have done yesterday. I nearly murdered my google reader and smashed my computer. No good reason, save for being beastly.

  7. On September 4th, 2009 at 6:44 am Caron Says:

    This sounds really awful, Aunt Becky. I’m not groovin’ on your current gig. And maybe a different doctor could help? I’m a big fan of second and third opinions.

    I think that this is exactly what I will do, actually. From the way the doc was acting, he was one of the lucky ones who hasn’t suffered from insomnia himself.

  8. On September 4th, 2009 at 6:48 am Mwa Says:

    So you get no sleep for like years and you write like that? I want some rhymes with Plunesta withdrawal. (Not being American, I honesly don’t know what rhymes with Plunesta – Stunesta? Funesta? Gunesta? All three seem plausible candidates.)

    I have a couple pills left, but probs nothing to get you totally hooked.

  9. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:59 am Dot Says:

    I love your new design! I had a car accident the morning after taking Ambien — it didn’t wear off enough for my reaction times to normalize.

    Now I alternate with Sonata and an herbal formaul I’ve had pretty good results with. it’s called Dr. Teitelbaum’s Revitalizing Sleep Formula (sucky name). It’s made of 5 or 6 herbs — one for sleep onset, one for sleep disruption, etc. Just Google the doctor and you’ll find his website. And don’t overdose on this.

    I will happily check this out, and no, I won’t overdose on it. But the name is awesome! Seriously old fashioned name.

  10. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:00 am a Says:

    What? I thought those were non-addictive prescription sleep aids. How can you have withdrawl from something that’s non-addictive?

    Oh well, um, I hope you can squeeze a nap in – power naps help a little with those aching joints.

    The AMBIEN is supposed to be non-addictive. I don’t think Lunesta ever claimed that. BUT, this is per The Daver who will do ANYTHING to get me off sleeping pills. He obviously has no insomnia.

  11. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:07 am Brenda Says:

    Girl, you make me PEE laughing! DH says you owe us for a new office chair…..

    Had a major bout with that bitch Insomnia a few years ago. Having had a child (High Functioning Asperger’s, Sensory Integration Disorder, Busy Little Bastarditis) who NEVER. FUCKING. SLEPT. I wasn’t all that thrilled to be experiencing this AGAIN. What worked for me was to give in to it. Stay up. Read. Scrapbook. Surf (the web, the water thing isn’t so good in the middle of the night). Whatever. (Notice there is NO housework listed here.) Eventually your brain will learn that it CANNOT WIN the battle of will against you and it will give in and let you sleep.

    It can take anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks but eventually you WILL get back into balance. I am not going to tell me how long it took me because I don’t want to give you false hope/depress you further.

    Good luck – I’ve walked in your shoes and come home with the GD T-shirt.

  12. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:20 am Missy Litzinger Says:

    I hope you feel better soon.

    Thank you. So do I.

  13. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:25 am Maggie Says:

    Ambien = da debil, I had nightmares as a side effect.

    Tryptophan worked for me for a little while after my Dad died. It’s the stuff found in turkey that makes you pass out while watching The Game.

    Currently, I’m taking Seroquel for my bi-polar, but I understand that they give it to people to help them sleep. I know for the 1st 3 weeks I was on it, I was like a zombie unless I got 20 hours of sleep.

    Sleep deprivation is a real mutha-humpa. I have my fingers crossed that you’ll find something that works for you. Of course, once you’ve had sleep and are more sane, will you still be our Crazy Aunt Becky? It could be that the sleep deprivation is a part of your charm.

    I have absolutely no doubt I will be exactly the same. Perhaps I will post EVEN MORE thanks to not being able to do much besides drool all night long (ALLLLL NNIIIIIGGGHHHT LOOOONNGG!) (thanks and I’m sorry, Lionel Richie.).

  14. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:25 am cara Says:

    Pudding for brains…I think I’m feeling zombie like.

    Can’t help you with the withdraw as I kinda scared of pills since addiction runs down both sides of my family. That and they don’t work like they’re supposed to. At least that was my conclusion after being knocked up twice on OCP 😮

    The addiction thing runs pretty rampant in my family too, so I’m afraid of any sort of Xanax-type stuff unless, you know, my daughter needs more brain surgery. Then, just hook me directly up to an IV bag full of that shit.

  15. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:40 am Vinomom Says:

    My BF takes Melatonin but I had my daughter taking it for a while and I didn’t think it really helped much.

    BUT – I have been through nasty withdrawal side effects (no, not from alcohol, becuase I’ve never actually stopped drinking) I had a boyfriend called Effexor and I routinely tell anyone who will listen DO NOT EVER TAKE THIS DRUG. I had to wean myself off of it. Forget to take The Boyfriend last night? Welcome to the worst hangover you’ve ever had x 10 the next morning. You will not be able to get out of bed.

    So I have an inkling of how you’re feeling. Hopefully it doesn’t take too long to get out of your system. I’ve never really had insomnia (three glasses of wine a night helps – just a suggestion.) but I’ve heard great things about Xanex.

    Man, that’s some scary shit. I nearly had a drink last night to see if it would help, but I chose not to. Instead, I wallowed on the couch, wishing that I was on an “alternate plane of existence.”

  16. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:54 am Claire Gregory Says:

    I’d go with a NO on the Xanax, personally. First time I ever took it, I was 19, in the grip of crazy-ass panic attacks, and seeing the pill-happiest doctor in Australia. I took one tablet, then tried to rip my then-boyfriend-now-husband’s clothes off and go him one right there and then. Which would have been fab, except we were sitting in the lounge room with my mother. Once he managed to fight me off I passed out and slept for 13 straight hours.

    Hell, what am I talking about? Maybe Xanax is exactly what you want 😛

    In the meantime, I’m intrigued by “body vibrations” as a withdrawal side effect- talk about fancying up “shaking”. Hope you’re feeling better very soon.

    I think that I’d get hooked on it REALLY QUICKLY. But the added sex might help.

  17. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:58 am Belle Says:

    I need to get prego right freaking now if it cures your headaches!!

    (doesn’t work for everyone. I’m sorry. I wish it did.)

  18. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:01 am dg at diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    That story is hysterically funny and tragically sad. If I lived without sleep for as long as you have, I might have cut a bitch over a bad haircut. Good luck. Lots of good books have come out of the other side of detox. I think you just wrpte your first chapter.

  19. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:07 am Ed Says:

    Yeah, no help to offer on the sleep thing, but I will say this: If this is you writing on no sleep, your well rested writing must be earth-changing, like Bill and Ted in the future. “Be excellent to each other.”

    Ha! I only wish. I think if I were better rested I would be too shy to put anything on the internet. Then again, maybe not.

  20. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:21 am Jayne Says:

    LMAO! Not at you, but well… yeah, at you. My personal sleep fairy shows up at about 8:00 every night. Just as I relax on the couch to watch my favorite TV shows. Yep, out like a light, only to wake up at 11:00, stagger into the bedroom, fall into bed — and lay there wide-fucking-awake! Apparently, the little bitch is on east coast time.

  21. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:24 am Melissa Says:

    Now THIS is why I have been avoiding sleep drugs. I knew there was a reason, not just because my doc is a useless twat.

    Have you tried any homeopathic remedies (not herbal)? I’ve used homeopathics for my son’s colic and teething, as well as my own INSANE ragweed allergies. As granola and goofy as the whole theory sounds, they actually can work wonders. (Srsly… it is a terrible year for ragweed, but I am actually taking LESS of my beloved Sabalia each year that I am on it!)

    Also, I know I sleep better/deal with stress better/am a happier person when I am practicing my yoga… if you can squeeze 5 minutes of meditation in before you go to bed, it can help… some. Of course, all of this is coming from the woman who has been waking up in the middle of a panic attack repeatedly through the night for the last few weeks, so you should probably ignore all of this. Or I should try my own advice. Or something. Maybe we should just start drinking.

    Annoying know-it-all piece of info: it’s not a butterfly, it’s a Luna Moth. They are a really funky glow-in-the-dark shade of soft green and they get to be HUGE (like, size of your hand huge!) Sorry… my dad collects bugs and it kinda rubbed off.

  22. On September 4th, 2009 at 9:37 am Kate Says:

    Thank you for your public service message. I will not be taking any prescribed sleep aids.

    Damn, withdrawal sound hellacious!

    I hope you get through it soon, Aunt Becky.

    Today is a much better day than yesterday. No aching, but I am sweating like a sprinkler. I know, it’s hot. *waggles eyebrows*

  23. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:43 am Nel Says:

    For as long as I remember, I have been that person that says, “I’m just not able to sleep.” I either don’t fall asleep or I wake up an hour after I fall asleep and stay awake the rest of the night. And then I am a worthless piece of shit for the rest of the day.

    So this is what I do….I alternate between 3 different medicines. Ambien, Zyrtec, and Simply Sleep. I take Ambien for 2 or 3 nights in a row. Then on the 4th night, I take 2 Simply Sleeps. Then on the 5th night, I take a Zyrtec. Then, I start all over. This way I don’t rely too much on the Ambien and don’t get dependent. (Zyrtec is an OTC allergy medicine that make me super sleepy).

    I obviously sleep a lot better on the nights that I take Ambien, but at least in my head, I think I am preventing myself from becoming addicted.

  24. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:44 am Jenn Says:

    Fucking drugs. I’m sorry you are going through this and I wish there was something I could do to help. Withdrawal completely sucks. Thinking of you, though! xoxo

  25. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:45 am leanne Says:

    Well, crap. I guess this answers my email question of “So how are you?” And I so wish this weren’t how you are doing. And uh, yeah, also, ignore my complaint about getting up at the ass crack of dawn. Because obviously.

    But I’ll echo the others who say that you write amazingly well for being so sleep-deprived.

  26. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:49 am Karin Says:

    Lisa – I need your kick ass laundry system… as long as it doesn’t offend my husband who’s “job” it is to do the laundry (he’s fallen way behind and today, I’m not wearing clean underwear, my girls shared a bath towel and my potty training son is sleeping on a beach towel and pink lacy top sheet). He doesn’t like my former laundry system of put a load in every time you think about it and prefers the “do as much as you can in 2 hours” method.

    Aunt Becky, I’m sorry you can’t sleep. I’ve had trouble sleeping since my third child was born too. At first, I was just overwhelmed but now, he still has no sense of circadian rhythm despite the fact that no one plays with him in the middle of the night and all the lights are out, oh, and he’s 2 1/2. So for 2 1/2 years, I’ve been basically not sleeping thru the night and even when he stays at my mom’s house about once every 3 months, I wake up anyway BUT I fall into the sleep of the dead between 3 and 7 am (must change this week since school starts on Tuesday and we need to be out the door at 7:30) where almost nothing wakes me – alarm clocks, children jumping on me, TV emergency broadcasting signals – only the promise of already brewed and poured coffee will get me out of bed. Did I mention that before he was conceived, I rarely slept past 8 EVER (college roommates loved me and when dh and I were dating, it was almost a deal breaker since he didn’t want to get up until after I was ready for lunch) and before my second was born, I didn’t even drink coffee?

  27. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:55 am Julie Says:

    As a nurse and fellow hypothyroid/insomniac and chronic pain patient may I offer a suggestion that doctors always forget about? It’s a very old, very cheap drug called Trazadone and I promise you if you take it you will sleep.

    Start with 25 mg-it is enough to help you drift off but not so much that you are hungover in the morning or unable to get up in the middle of the night if a baby calls. It is non addictive and you can stop anytime should you feel like it.

    Trust me on this one.
    Of course, being a nurse, my motto is “Better living through chemistry.”

  28. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:00 am Ms. Moon Says:

    Holy fuck. Honey, insomnia is a killer. I hope you can figure out some relief somehow because it’s just so terrible. You may make it sound funny (and you do!) but I know it’s not funny at all to you. Oh sweetie. I wish I knew what to tell you but I don’t.

    Insomnia is not funny, you’re totally right. It’s just not. And it nearly drove me out of my mind. Thankfully, I’m nowhere near that point. My marbles are long gone.

  29. On September 4th, 2009 at 9:08 am Brianna Says:

    Wait, you mean waking up three million times a night is a BAD thing? It’s not normal? Well, that would explain why I feel like microwaved ass…

    I’m sorry you feel crappy, Aunt Becky. Want me to kick somebody in their happy place for you? (Keep in mind my aim might suck from sleep dep… but it’s the thought that counts!)

  30. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:20 am Scattered Mom Says:

    Oh Wow. Thanks for the heads up to never, ever, try the one that rhymes with Plunesta.

    And I do have a couple of photos of your card, but I think my time is up, isn’t it? I just keep forgetting to send them to you.

    Totally send them to me. I’ll figure out how to get them from an email to my blog somehow. I’m not so clever.

    (shut UP)

  31. On September 4th, 2009 at 9:22 am Nyx Says:

    Good luck with it – I too have The Insomnia.

    Nothing I’ve tried has helped, except for chamomile tea (and it only works in a limited capacity) – and I can’t take sleep aids (the last time I took one it didn’t turn out well – went to bed at 8pm…woke up at 5… PM.)

    So, fight the good fight.

    If worst comes to worst I suppose you could always sue Plunesta…I hear it’s all the rage now-a-days.

  32. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:26 am Sarah Says:

    Maybe I was in withdrawal from *Clunesta* lo those 15 years ago when I was going through all of those freaking symptoms myself! Because Plunesta didn’t yet exist!

    But probably not. Probably just partying with my own fucked up brain chemistry.

    Dude. DUDE. I am just so sorry you’re even having to deal with any of that crap. The not sleeping, the pointless drugs, the headache inducing drugs, the wicked withdrawal drugs… (wait.. same drug?) all of it. No one should have to. Especially no one with kids steaming around their house.

    The Daver should definitely have to join in with some pain and suffering. (Bless his SOUL) Payback! Cut the nutsack that knocked you up!

    Dave does listen to me whine, or at least, he provides a reasonable representation of listening. He’s probably considering which angle would be best to smother me from.

  33. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:00 am stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    Hi. I’m a Plunesta addict. Have been for a few years now. It is the only thing that lets me sleep. I’m working on an alternative therapy right now. at the moment it involves my taking lots of suppliments, then once I’ve taken them I stop the Pluenesta and switch to kava root. Theoretically my inability to sleep is due to a lack of vitamins & minerals. If that doesn’t work I am off to a sleep clinic assuming my health insurance covers it.

    Or I could just surrender to the Pluenesta.

    Ain’t nothing wrong with it, if it’s not giving you debilitating headaches. Or making you gamble in your sleep. Which I think is considered a bad thing.

  34. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:01 am Love Says:

    The reason you can’t sleep is because you don’t have a Sleep Number bed. Or do you? The people on those commercials look like they are really getting a good night’s sleep. You should try it.

    But for real – have you tried acupuncture?

    You know, I’ve been thinking about it. That’s a great idea. Maybe I will research it next week!

  35. On September 4th, 2009 at 11:12 am Rachel Says:

    Having battled insomnia for probably 15 years, as well as withdrawal from the evil Effexor, I can completely understand the vicious cycle. I’ve been in a torrid affair with Mr. Unisom and his outcast brother, Mr. Benadryl for years. Some nights we have a 3-some.
    The sweating, shaking, nausea will pass, but it takes its sweet ass time. I hope you’re able to hang in there and not give in to another prescription and then have to go through it all over again. I fell into that trap when I convinced myself that I had to have the Effexor back. Ugh. It was worse the 2nd time around.

    I’m sorry you went through withdrawal too. It’s a real bitch.

    Thankfully (?) my doctor will refuse to give me any more Lunesta scripts. I suppose this is good. I guess.

  36. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:13 am Coco Says:

    I have insomnia too. It is The King Suck of Suck City. I also sleepwalk, which scares the hell out of my husband when I go out on the balcony at 2 AM to search for socks for the cat (That’s what he claims I told him I was doing. The cat has never worn socks.)

    Xanax works for me but it’s obviously not a good long-term deal. Now I take 3 Benadryl. Sometimes it works.

    It works best on an empty stomach. Really.

  37. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:17 am Michelle Says:

    Sorry to hear you are not sleeping AND withdrawing. i love your new look though!

    I suppose that withdrawal is good because it’s giving me an excuse to be an asshole. Hm. I could use this power for SOMETHING, I’m sure.

  38. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:24 am habanerogal Says:

    Now I am hungry for pudding and jello. I am right there with you on the withdrawl symptoms only in my case it is my evil boyfriend MR Tobacco. I will drink myself into a stupor tonight for some relief

    Quitting smoking didn’t bother me! Shock, I know! And I LOOOVVED smoking. Hm. I do still miss it, though. Years later, I do.

  39. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:31 am Kristin Says:

    Getting pregnant makes your headaches go away?!? You lucky biotch. Pregnancy makes mine 100,000 times worse.

    As for all those other sleep/meds issues, yikes do they ever sound miserable. Feel better soon.

    Shockingly yes. Apparently this happened to my grandmother, who didn’t get relief? UNTIL SHE WENT THROUGH MENOPAUSE. Glamorous, eh?

  40. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:31 am Christy Says:

    Dude. Not sleeping sucks. I’ve tried it all. Unisom makes me sleep (sometimes) but it also gives me a hangover so bad, I have to hide the razors. So, I’m rested, but pissed off and sick. I take it once a month to catch up. Lunesta doesn’t even begin to work…I can lay there all night with my metallic-y mouth counting sheep. Benedryl has it’s moments. I usually keep one next to the bed for middle of the night emergencies. But I think its just a placebo at this point…been taking it 5-6 times a week for over a decade…ain’t no way that stuff actually works anymore. Ambien and I had a short lived attraction, but then he stopped giving me my jollies so I had to cut him off.

    All in all, I have never slept more than 3 consecutive hours in all my years of living (even as a baby…my poor poor mother). I’ve tried it all…

    And if you tell me to try a warm bath and a glass of lavender tea, I will find those razors and I will cut you.

    BWAHAHAHAHA! I laugh because I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. If one more person suggests warm milk, I will punch them.

  41. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am Lindsey Says:

    Oh Aunt Becky, I hear ya! My fav was the body vibration, or as I liked to call it, electric shock therapy. It would hit at the best possible times, like at the check out stand the second I got up to pay. Can’t tell you how many looks of “someone take that baby away from that crackhead” I got. Good times!

    Hang in there!

    That is THE WEIRDEST FEELING. I haven’t had it today–what I have had includes drenching my body with sweat and alternating between wanting to hug people and stab them. What else is new, I suppose?

  42. On September 4th, 2009 at 11:45 am Up all night « She Started It Says:

    […] all night Filed under: Uncategorized — She Started It @ 5:45 PM Aunt Becky has a funny post up about her insomnia. It’s timely for me, because for two weeks now I’ve been waking up […]

  43. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:57 am mumma boo Says:

    Oh, babe, that sucks. I hope you get some relief soon. No advice to give, just lots and lots of sympathy.

    Thank you! I’m better today. The joint pain is intermittent. But I am, apparently, a geriatric. Who the hell has JOINT PAIN? from Lunesta!?

  44. On September 4th, 2009 at 12:11 pm Potty Mouth Mommy Says:

    bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Welcome to the dark side my pretty!!!

    Sleep has not come easy since my introduction to pubescent hormones and subsequent bi-polar… Even when I DID manage to sleep, I would actually sleep-walk. -imagine if you will waking up in a creek 1/2 a mile from your bed…

    and then… Zopiclone…. oh sweet sweet zoppy- despite the ass-mouth taste, my love affair with this stuff was sweet sweet goodness… until it stopped working… then my doc brought out the BIG guns- Temazapam… oh those ‘pams…. it was like being hit in the mallet with a forehead… (yes- I realize what I just said…and yes- I meant it that way!!)

    I weaned myself of SLOOOOOOWWWWWLY… sorry to hear about the withdrawal- I quit smoking recently and the withdrawal from that was a sincere bitch!!

    I’m mostly just shocked by the withdrawal. I never thought THAT would happen! But no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, right?

  45. On September 4th, 2009 at 11:14 am Jenn Says:

    Someone above mentioned Trazadone. I was taking that for awhile, it really did help.

  46. On September 4th, 2009 at 11:21 am Becca Says:

    Maybe it is just 3rd child syndrome? I, like you, laughed at all those people who ‘couldn’t’ sleep prior to the birth of the last one. Now, I cry because I can’t sleep. And if I am stressed? I grind my teeth while sleeping. I am sure that is what my wife signed on for right?

    Anyway, I agree with the person who posted about effexor, that shit is like coming down off heroin or crack or some other really nasty crap that none of us want to use. I like ambien, but I find that it doesn’t work after a while. That is what happened to my mama too though, so maybe that is just us.

    My mama takes Neurontin because she gets really bad headaches like you (and me, and half the world) and that really helps her get some rest. Have you thought about that?? Just an idea…

    I’m considering asking for Topamax from my NEW MD. I need to see someone who at least SORT OF understands what being a headache-y insomniac is like.

  47. On September 4th, 2009 at 11:26 am Rindi Says:

    I have never posted before but I read everyday. I wanted to tell you I suffered from insomnia after both of my children were born. I was always a good sleeper before. I also developed serious headaches. I was unable to talk my doctor into prescribing any sleep meds so I was forced to take matters into my own hands. I used tylenol pm everynight and would sleep well. After about a year, I began to worry that I was harming my liver or some other organ. About the same time my headaches worsened. I went to my doctor and described my problem. He suggested a great chiropractor (not all new-agey) and a kick ass massage therapist. I see the chiropractor once a week and the massage therapist every two weeks. After about a month, my headaches were almost all gone and I sleep so much better almost every night. I have no idea if that is the reason, but it is the only change I have made. I just wanted to make a suggestion based on my own experience. I am a big fan. Thanks .

    I’m seriously (SERIOUSLY) considering a Chiropractor and seeing an acupuncturist. Beats the shit out of all of the drug problems, especially since most of them aren’t doing a lick of good. Mmmm. Lick. That reminds me of Tootsie Pops. Mmmm.

  48. On September 4th, 2009 at 11:53 am Kelly Says:

    WOW. As interesting as “body vibrations” (WTF?!) sound, it can’t be fun. I hope you get through this soon! I’m one of those people who depends on a good night’s sleep or my fangs come out. Granted, since I’ve become “a big girl” now, I don’t sleep as much now that I have a 9-5 job. I’ve sort of turned into a 24 year old granny who falls asleep on the couch at 9:30pm. Oh well.

    “You kin do eht!!!”

    If I don’t get SOME sleep, I’m a beast. And not even REMOTELY cute. I also cry a lot and whine incessantly. Man, apparently, I behave like Alex when I’m tired. Figures.

  49. On September 4th, 2009 at 12:03 pm Rebecca Says:

    Aunt Becky’s Band of Merry Pranksters…..Quite possibly a reference to The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test? I’ve read that book to my kids. It’s a good read. Read it next time you aren’t sleeping well.

    I have preschool and toddler induced insomnia along with kitten induced insomnia. If it wasn’t for screams and meow’s in the night, I’d sleep well.

    Hells YES it is! My parents are HIPPIES.

  50. On September 4th, 2009 at 1:16 pm Suzy Voices Says:

    Withdrawal sucks ass. That’s why I just keep taking drugs.

    And NOW, I’m singing “Hair of the Dog.” The G’n’R version, of course.

  51. On September 4th, 2009 at 1:39 pm Katy Says:

    ambien is the best. i’m one of the people that would lay in bed for several hours before i finally fell asleep AND THEN because i didn’t go to bed until like 4 AM and i had to get up at like 9 for class, i definitely ended up taking naps. well, my psychiatrist FINALLY gave me ambien (this was like a year ago) and i honestly take it every night. i didn’t want to take lunesta because of the funny taste you get.
    yeah, the side effects are pretty intense. i have to get off the computer after i take it because i might end up buying things. for real. i go online shopping when i take ambien. and i like to roam the house. i also text message and facebook people. also, if i try to fight it, it totally amplifies depression and i end up crying, other than that, i don’t think i’ve done anything *really* terrifying. i do have conversations with people and don’t remember, but anyone i would talk to know they are probably talking to an ambien zombie. i do have memory loss in general, though. i usually don’t remember what i do before i go to sleep now, with or without ambien. i don’t suffer withdrawal from it or anything. and i know withdrawal. i take some serious anti-depressants. i used to take paxil. that SUCKS. like, it is pretty much on par with like hard-drug withdrawal (i’ve actually had an ex-drug-addict tell me it’s very similar to weaning yourself off crack and heroin). zoloft isn’t as terrible as paxil, but it’s still just miserable. i also take elavil, which is like the worst; it’s terribly addicting. like that’s one of the big offenders in the addictive-antidepressant-world.
    i definitely know what body vibrations are; you feel like you’re vibrating. i can’t even begin to properly describe how bad withdrawal is. you ache, you’re tired, your emotions go high then low, you just want to cry, you’re cold, you can’t focus, and your muscles spasm. but, the moment you take your medicine again (i usually just run out and forget to get the prescription refilled) you feel better. i don’t know any cure for withdrawal except take your medicine again or ride it out.
    sorry this was so long, but i have serious experience with withdrawal and ambien.

    I tried Ambien first, and I’m not sure if it was the shitty timing (right after Mimi’s brain surgery) or what, I couldn’t sleep on it. Stupid insomnia.

  52. On September 4th, 2009 at 3:02 pm Rebecca Says:

    After re-reading your blog about taking your husband vibrator shopping I remembered a website I meandered upon a really long time ago. So, being the researcher I am, I had to check to see if it was still around, and much to my amazement, it is still around and it’s grown. You can now buy not only women but men too! Please do tell me Aunt Becky that you have or at least will visit this site. I almost don’t want to post it here because, it’s kinda sleazy to go posting links on your comments, but do visit this URL (it’s border line porn)

    And to think, I had been wondering what to get The Daver for his birthday…I must look no further!

  53. On September 4th, 2009 at 3:06 pm Manda Says:

    I recommend beer. It’s heavier than your liquor drinks, thereby allowing you to sleep for longer stretches of time. (Kinda like mixing a little bit of rice cereal in the baby’s last bottle, only more fun.)

    While it probably won’t make your withdrawal symptoms go away, it might make you forget them.

    It will cause that pesky Taco Bell craving though. (The Taco Bell is right next to my favorite bar. Convenient? I think so.)

    By the way, I happened to take a sip of water as I was reading the chocolate pudding remark, and promptly spit it down my cleavage. So thanks for the wet bra, Aunt Becky, and I hope you feel better.

    Wet boobs are all the rage 😉

  54. On September 4th, 2009 at 3:22 pm Jenn Says:

    You know about my xanax, ambien and percocet nights, right? It feels like you are sleeping with Heath Ledger.

    I had some of those after Mimi was born. Because I was so fucked in the head, though, I STILL couldn’t sleep.

  55. On September 4th, 2009 at 4:32 pm Sherry Says:

    It’s been years since I’ve had a decent night’s sleep. Since my RA diagnosis I’ve been the happy owner of a prescription for Vicodin. I usually take one at night followed by a couple of beers. Works like a charm but I still have to lie down during the day. Sometimes I am able to nap and sometimes, well, I just wish I was able to nap.

    Some odd mumble mumble years ago when the “minner paws” set in I was given Zoloft instead of the usual horse piss pills. This was right after the report came out that horse piss pills would give you cancer. Yeah, right. I smoke like a freight train, I sweat like a soaker hose and my guts ignite themselves at night… Uh huh, I’m scared shitless of cancer. Anyway, I took the Zoloft for a while but when it came time to go off of them, holy shit… It was like someone was following me around with an electric cattle prod. Out of nowhere there would be a ZZZZTTTT that went through my entire body. It’s kind of hard to keep your mind on something when there’s an electric shock hitting you at random points in time. It was weeks before that stopped happening.

    I used to give my kids warm milk at night but I’d put a spoonful of honey in it. It tastes pretty good that way. Don’t punch me… I’m just saying…

    Those zaps just SUCK. And I’m really sorry about the RA. That’s a hard, hard disease.

  56. On September 4th, 2009 at 7:46 pm Chibi Jeebs Says:

    I *love* how a withdrawal side effect from sleep aids is INSOMNIA. *tears hair out*

    I’ve never been a “good” sleeper, but shit started rolling down hill last spring when I found out I was going to lose my job while Chebbar was unemployed. I swear to Jeebus I didn’t sleep for 3 months. I *still* haven’t recovered fully from that, and basically can’t sleep in the same bed with my other half.

    Go talk to someone at a health food store. Melatonin will eventually stop working for you as your body adjusts to it (as well, it’s meant to GET you to sleep, not KEEP you there). My doctor (and the health food store lady) suggested valerian root, which is supposed to help “shut [your] mind off.” The doc also suggested tryptophan, which made Health Food Lady laugh, as it’s illegal in Canaduh.

    God, I hope you get some sleep. Insomnia is just so, so, so DEMORALIZING. (Yes, demoralizing. Shaddup.)

    It IS demoralizing. Seriously. And Melatonin is something I am going to pick up over the weekend. Although, because I am exhausted, I keep seeing it as “melanin.” You know, the skin pigment?

  57. On September 4th, 2009 at 6:55 pm kyslp Says:

    Since you broke up with Plunesta can you have a mad, passionate affair with Vicodin? I hear he’s mind-numbingly good.

    Seriously, you are in my prayers and thoughts. I can’t imagine what you are going through.

    Vicodin and I, we go WAAY back.

  58. On September 4th, 2009 at 6:56 pm katie32123 Says:

    Wow. I’m deep in the throes of Celexa withdrawal. Electric “zaps”, nightmares, the whole bit–ad nauseum. At first I couldn’t sleep, now I can’t stop sleeping. It’s a conspiracy!!!

    THE ZAPS ARE THE WORST!! I totally remember those! BLECH! Let’s hope we’re BOTH on the up and up soon.

  59. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:08 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    I have a fever and the only cure is MORE COW BELL! That was awesome!

    There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of tourture (shameless plug alert: i wrote an entry about it on my blog). It totally screws with your head. And dealing with withdrawl on top of that! You poor thing! Make the Daver take good care of you and the kids and sounds like you have some other avenues to look at instead of the drugs.

    Good luck! I love reading your blog and hope that you are feeling better soon!

    When Alex was a non-sleeping baby and I was near cracking up entirely, I remembered that this was a form of torture used on POW. I see why it works.

  60. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:19 pm txtingmrdarcy Says:

    How did you bring up the “insomnia” conversation with your doc? Apparently it’s not normal to be a 20-something and have sleep issues. OTCs aren’t working for me anymore. Each time I try to say something, my doc is all “are you depressed? have some zoloft!” But i’m NOT remotely depressed. I’m just all-too-familiar with those Siberian Farting Squirrels that you mention.

    Also. I hear that torturing husbands lessens withdrawal symptoms.

    I’m thinking this would be an awesome topic for Go Ask Aunt Becky this weekend or next!

  61. On September 4th, 2009 at 8:31 pm Mel Says:

    Worth a shot even though it sounds bizarre, it does work. (I have PTSD & suffered from sleep issues for a long time) Here is a form of self hypnosis that truly does work. When you first get into bed tell yourself “I am going to do this exercise & by the time I get to #10 (any number you want) I am going to fall asleep & STAY ASLEEP until my alarm goes off (or any other significant time). Then in your mind draw a circle, write the number 1 inside the circle, then IN SCRIPT next to the circle write the words “deep sleep”. Then go back to the circle, erase the #1, retrace the circle, write a #2 inside (where the previous number once was) & retrace the words “deep sleep” Keep doing this until you are asleep. 9 out of 10 times you will fall asleep before reaching the pre-designated number.
    Good Luck! It is worth a try. I have suggested this to lots of friends & they all report success so I know it works b/c believe me my friends are like me, pretty blunt & would tell me if it didn’t work.

    I nearly considered cracking an egg and leaving it under my bed to ward off my Evil Eye. Trust me, this sounds tame by comparison.

  62. On September 4th, 2009 at 9:54 pm georgia Says:

    i know you feel like shit but your blog looks so hot right now.


    Isn’t she fucking amazing?

  63. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:08 pm Totally deranged Says:

    Oh honey, it takes me back to my days of morphine mixed with valium (had to be done for surgical purposes) where I was so stoned I spammed the spammers back with health reports, rang friends and freaked them out and wondered why they screamed at me several months later as I have no memory of calling them at all – let alone November. I have no idea what happened to November. I threw out all our critical financial files, hid things in the weirdest places as they made me cry, battered a printer to death, called my doctor a used car salesman and hummed children’s songs at him, nearly a year later I am still discovering the absence of critical personal items which went where? Oh yes, I was going to die on the operating table so I got rid of them…

    Damn the drug companies for wreaking havoc, but damn it, that was good stuff!!!!!!!!!!! Stopped the brain cells AND the pain.

    Now none of my necessary sleeping tablets will work thanks to 2 months on valium. Hearing you babe. Seriously hearing you.

  64. On September 4th, 2009 at 10:18 pm Sunny Says:

    I’m sorry, that sounds really miserable! I’ve found the best cure for insomnia to be waking up my husband, who has never had trouble sleeping in his life, to watch TV with me. Because hell, if I’m going to suffer, he should be suffering, too. We are one, and all that.

    Oh wait, I guess that’s not a “cure,” that’s just mean. But yeah, that’s what I do.

  65. On September 4th, 2009 at 11:38 pm Stone Fox Says:

    every time i see that fcuking moth, i think of Silence of the Lambs. “Did the lambs scream, Clarisse?” or something like that. and then i get the shivers because we have a lot of moths in our house thanks to children and dogs who WRECK SCREEN DOORS and LEAVE DOORS OPEN ALL DAY (the kids mostly, the dog is pretty good about keeping doors closed). moths are creepy.

    i wish you had an easier time sleeping. i am imagining what it is like to be you, and it kind of sucks with the whole insomnia thing. of course, “body vibrations” sounds really fun. like, think of the money you are saving not buying batteries for your new vibrator. you could just get the daver to hold it really still and you’d STILL have a good time (if he’s all pissy about not being included in the fun, you could probably get a wall mount for it. i may or may not be overthinking this.) just maybe don’t try to do anything that requires a steady hand. like trimming your bangs. or candling someone’s ears.

  66. On September 5th, 2009 at 12:36 am Amy Says:

    Thanks for reminding me never to take perscription sleep aids…

  67. On September 5th, 2009 at 1:23 am flutter Says:

    You know what this post needs? MORE COWBELL!!

    Aww YEAH!

  68. On September 5th, 2009 at 10:11 am lala Says:

    I’d also like to recommend Sonata (now available generically, and pretty cheap compared to Plunesta, Prozerem, and the scam that is Pambien CR). I’ve taken it off and on for about five years now, and the worst side effect I’ve had is some fun hallucinations if I stay awake reading for too long after taking it. And I do mean fun, like the texture on the wall turning into a medieval dinner party scene. I’m kinda sad whenever I don’t get them. 🙂

    I hope you feel better soon, because insomnia really, truly sucks.

    Ooooh! hallucinations! OOOOOH!

  69. On September 5th, 2009 at 10:14 am Leigh Ann Says:

    oh, wait…my side hurts from laughing so hard! So 14 hours of sleep isn’t normal but it is fun! I love me some sleep, could do it as an Olympic sport! But with two boys running a muck through my house that is rare.

    I tell you what I’ve found that helps me sleep…. are you sitting on the edge of your seat?
    I love me some ADVIL PM! 2 pills of that good stuff washed down with a shot or 2 or 4 of vodka or maybe a beer and you have a lovely night of blissful sleep. Just be careful of the drunken hangover the next morning when the parasites get you up. But other than that there are no side affects, well as long as you don’t count the twitch.
    Glad to be of service…twitch, twitch…damnit!

    There is NOTHING wrong with twitching.

  70. On September 5th, 2009 at 11:06 am Venti Vixen Says:

    God love you for making your not-so-fun situation amusing for the rest of us to read. (I’m not religious at all, btw.) I hope you get some relief SOON.

    Me freaking too!

  71. On September 5th, 2009 at 11:43 am Kelly Says:

    I may be over estimating my genius here, but I think I figured out the main problem with the drug.

    Butterflies don’t fly around at night!!!! Those IDIOTS! they have a mascot(?) that’s diurnal… (I for one, have never had the particular joy of having a butterfly bat itself at my reading light…)

    Another thing… I go to sleep with the help of “beer” This is strictly a personal choice, and I no longer have children at home and don’t operate heavy equipment.. I just shy away from any choice that ends in “or death”

    Allergies? try sneeze-away! *side effects includex, y, z or death

    So.. itchy eyes or death? hmmmm

    Where insomnia is concerned I’ve had many a night I’d gladly have chosen “or death”

    Nothing…NOTHING sucks and blows (simultaneously yes) as much as having thoughts pinging around your head as you look at the clock saying “If I go to sleep NOW I still can have 4 hrs…”

    “If I go to sleep NOW, I can still have 2 hrs…”

    Wishing for the previous pinging instead of the clock watching thoughts

    I FEEL you………..

    Bwahahahahahahaha! Fucking butterflies.

  72. On September 5th, 2009 at 11:46 am Kelly Says:

    …yes, I was having a giggle at your expense…. I suck

    PLEASE laugh at my expense! It was pretty ridiculous!

  73. On September 5th, 2009 at 8:54 pm lauren Says:

    I hate the side effects of otherwise perfectly fabulous medications.

    Like eyeball hair? I HATE THAT STUFF.

  74. On September 7th, 2009 at 10:33 pm ScienceGeek Says:

    After a month long bout of severe insomnia, I remember begging the doctor for something that would ‘remind my body what sleep is. I’m sure once it remembers, it’ll want to do try it out more often.’ I didn’t care about side-effects, or anything, I just wanted to rest. So I empathise.

    Once I had my mitts on that little box of sleeping joy, I decided to be Pavlov’s dog. See, they took ’bout half an hour to work, so during that time, I’d burn lavender, geranium and chalomile essential oils and just lie there, letting that sweet sleepy take over me and trying to imprint myself with ‘this smell=fall asleep, fucking brain!’.
    It worked better than I expected, and still does. I mean, it’s not making me pass out or anything (MrGeek would have way too much fun with that), but it does help. But I recommend one of those electronic oil burners with a timer!

    That’s a brilliant idea. Seriously brilliant. This is why I adore Science People.

  75. On September 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am Mrs Soup Says:

    Man, you’ve had a rough month with breakups. First the gorgeousness that is Dr. House and now That Drug That Shall Not Be Named.

    I better go buy stock in ice cream……

    Hope you feel better soon, schweetums!

  76. On September 8th, 2009 at 12:06 pm Regina Says:

    Hey, my dad was a pharmacist too!
    I couldn’t sleep due to anxiety and had good luck with Paxil. It calmed me down enough to stop my mind from racing and get some sleep. Some dry mouth, but that was about it. Withdrawal not bad either.
    And Dave is getting a vasectomy ?! My husband was always too much of a p***y to do it.

  77. On September 8th, 2009 at 2:02 pm Allison Says:

    I always thought that particular drug tasted like it was made with a powdered Luna moth. It sort of stays in your mouth until sometime after lunchtime. Good luck.

  78. On September 11th, 2009 at 2:39 pm Pagan Says:

    I average between 4 and 5 hours of sleep a night. Sometimes less. I remember right after I moved out of my ex’s I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night…oh, what bliss. But alas, it didn’t last longer than a couple of months. And I’m back to 4-5 hours.

  79. On October 29th, 2009 at 6:22 pm jib Says:

    Now, I’m not here to tell you to induldge in illegal drugs, but you ever think of trying marijuana? I’m sure by now you have a bitter look on your face. Listen I had a girlfriend who NEVER slept or maybe just a few hours. She would become irratated so easily, it nearly destroyed our relationship. One day I sat her down and handed her a joint that myself and another concerned friend rolled for her. She obviously was a little nervous, but let me tell you something it works! Now everynight before bed she smokes a very small amount of marijuana, watches some TV, and the drifts silently off to sleep. She only smokes before bed and no other time. Its been working for 4 years now. Not to mention it’s better for you than mixing 2 different sleeping aids and depressents :\

  80. On October 29th, 2009 at 6:32 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You know, you’re brilliant. Seriously, that’s an awesome idea.

  81. On October 31st, 2009 at 8:59 am jib Says:

    Ha, the bad thing about the interweb is I can’t read sarcasm very well. So hopefully this did help you and you got some sleep. I wanted to point out that I’m not a burnout looking for a way to get everyone high. This was an honest answer to someone who looked like they were running out of ideas. I also forgot to mention that girlfreind in my post is now my wife, and she strongly encourages you to try ATLEAST once.

  82. On December 19th, 2009 at 9:35 am The Vicious Martha Stewart In My Head Is Distracted By Blatant Sexism at Mommy Wants Vodka Says:

    […] as my blog, which is never, ever neglected, whether I have the swine flu or am deep with in the withdrawal effects from prescription sleep aids and my orchids, which are all flourishing so wildly that I am probably going to have to build a […]

  83. On January 6th, 2010 at 11:32 am Katie Cameron Says:

    I was just about to order the free one week sample of the mentioned sedative – thank you so much for the info – i hate any types of withdrawal symptoms. Here’s what has worked for me: I ask for gift certificates for a massage for any/all birthdays etc. Finding a way to get into a hot tub really helps get good sleep once you can fall asleep. A bath is second best. One naproxen but not on an empty stomach….or alternate a Tylenol. A half of an aspirin a day. A calcium plus D tablet. 3 fish oil capsules a day. Getting in bed around 10 pm gives you an hour to enjoy just feeling comfy in bed without worrying about about how little hours of sleep are left in the night to get sleep. Drinking a bunch of coffee early in the morning gets me sleepy by night time. Trying to say the rosary in bed (a trick my Dad told me about when he would wake up in the middle of the night) – I have yet to accomplish doing the whole rosary in bed without falling asleep first! Electric blanket. Trying to read a favorite book or watch a movie I really want to see. Eating mashed potatoes before bed (I believe the Tryptophan is in the potatoes more than in the turkey at Thanksgiving). A guy I used to work with said Trazadone has helped him. Alcohol keeps me awake. Cool bedroom, but warm jammies, and the darkest, quietist, and most windowless room in the house. A lavender sleep pillow spray and lotion that you like….or warm milk and honey sleep aromatherapy by bath & body works is nice. Freshly washed sheets – really great if hung outside to dry. Pillow top mattress plus an extra memory foam pad (sold at Target, online, etc. now days)on top of that! (I don’t know if that sleep number bed really works?) Pamper yourself to bed so much that you hate that you have to fall asleep and the experience will be over!! Avoid looking at electronic devices such as a laptop….evidently this stimulates neuron firing in the brain at a time you want your brain waves to go into standby/hibernation mode. Savor the relaxation, that the kids are asleep, that you are not at work, the quiet, the smells, that you don’t have to wait on anyone, without letting any thought of sleep being the end goal. Also do not use this time to plan your next day….have your clothes, lunches, and next day plans already done earlier in the eve. – having written a “list” to look at in the morning to remind your brain what to do the next day, but not now. My very favorite of all this stuff is the hot tub!!!

  84. On January 6th, 2010 at 11:47 am Katie Cameron Says:

    Then – If you get really desperate; try shoveling snow off a whole driveway when it is 0-5 degrees outside – this knocks me right out afterwards no matter what time of day it is.

  85. On January 6th, 2010 at 1:01 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now that’s a good idea. A good workout always gets me tired. I freaking HATE insomnia.

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