Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Texts From Last Night (et all)


I wrote Fear and Loathing at the Post Office here. It’s funny. Please hump me because I’m feeling insecure and neeeeedy. Also, it’s my first post for Skirt!

And then, When Good Holidays Go Bad about what a pain in the ass holidays become when you become a twosome (or, heh, a threesome).

Rounding it out is my interview with the person who stole my daughter, my friend, Mrs. Soup (our daughters look THE SAME).


Dude. Dude. Dude. DUDE. This is like having THE POPE guest post for you:

I asked Becky if I could do a guest post and she most graciously obliged. I am Lauren Leto from Texts From Last Night and TFLN has a book coming out on January 26, 2009.

You can pre-order the book for just $10 here:

We have all sorts of features in the TFLN book, most notably a “Relationship Timeline”, a “Choose Your Own Adventure” chapter and a “Hookup Flowchart”. Also, we have texts grouped into hilarious categories, such as “The Morning After” and “Grubbing Out”. Many of the texts have never been seen on the site before!

Best of all, for Mommy Wants Vodka readers, we have a category called “Don’t Let These People Near Children”.

Some of the funniest ones from that section:

(201): When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called “Myspace” and how strangers could lure you into their “den of love” thanks to clever quotes and graphics

(206): Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

(404): In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

(972): **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**

(704): We’re pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese’s.

(919): If you’re joking I’m going to be sad

(785): I wonder what percentage of toys r us merch ultimately becomes a sex toy…

(1-785): In my case? 100%

Some funny ones that I like from other sections of the book are:

(705): Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

(330): I don’t know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

(215): i keep telling myself in the mirror “get undrunk”


Lauren Leto is the creator and co-founder of the site and

24 Comments to

“Texts From Last Night (et all)”

  1. On December 18th, 2009 at 7:27 am joann Mannix Says:


    I love your site! My sisters and I constantly send each other texts from your site. I’ll be buying your book and one for each of my sisters, too. Keep up the genius!

    OK, Becky. I’m going to check out your links right now. Don’t you evah feel insecure, girl. You are amaaaaziiing!

  2. On December 18th, 2009 at 7:32 am Badass Geek Says:

    TFLN completes me.

  3. On December 18th, 2009 at 7:41 am Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt Says:

    Can’t wait to go read more….

  4. On December 18th, 2009 at 8:35 am a Says:

    Becky, finding the perfect Post Office and DMV is work. You have to try a whole bunch – not just the most convenient one. For instance, I hate my post office, but they’re not terribly busy, so I will go there most of the time. If I have multiple or complex things, or want quick mailing time, I go to the post office near work. The lines may be longer, but they are freaking efficient. My stuff gets to local places the NEXT DAY. It travels 300 miles to Chicago in 1-2 days. It is the most awesome post office on earth. The DMV…eh, that’s tough. Off hours is all I can suggest. You know what’s worse than both of those put together? The Social Security office. There is only one good one, and it is here where I live. No one knows it’s there, so I cannot divulge its location.

    Thanks for the TFLN – I will have to go and read more!

  5. On December 18th, 2009 at 8:47 am Natballs Says:

    bahahahha, I LOVE TFLN

  6. On December 18th, 2009 at 9:49 am Fran Says:

    I was gonna leave this comment on the Skirt site but there was this FORM to fill out first so…..
    These types of places are the reason I still have not changed my name with Social Security since getting married 12 years ago!! You can mail in the form but you have to have a PhD in astrophysics to fill the effing thing out!! And the thought of enduring the hell of the actual office…no, thanks! Good thing I don’t have a job so it doesn’t really matter anyway
    And totally go to a different post office than the closest one if you can. I used to use the PO in the next town because it was always dead in there and the clerks were so happy to see another human that they were always very nice!

  7. On December 18th, 2009 at 10:25 am Jaime M. Says:

    Love, love, LOVE TFLN!!! It’s one of the first sites I read every morning (after this one, of course). Now I’m off to read the posts from our wonderful Aunt Becky!

  8. On December 18th, 2009 at 10:30 am Beautiful Mess Says:

    YAY for bringing YOU back, that’s AWESOME! I agree 2010 should be the year of Aunt Becky. I’ll go around and tell everyone.

    As for a name for your company, how about Beautiful Mess? No…hmmmm well I’ll keep thinking ;o)
    Love ya hon!

  9. On December 18th, 2009 at 10:52 am LaurenLeto Says:

    thanks everyone!!!!!

  10. On December 18th, 2009 at 11:13 am SciFi Dad Says:

    I love that site. Seriously, funny shit.

  11. On December 18th, 2009 at 11:13 am denise Says:

    ooooooohhhhhh…………how many times have i looked in a mirror and said the very same thing………….

    it never works………

  12. On December 18th, 2009 at 11:53 am Sara @ Life With the Two Says:

    TFLN is my morning cup of laughter. No matter how shitty my mood, it makes my day infinitely better! (And grateful that my friends and I didn’t text till just a few years ago. It could have been ugly!)

  13. On December 18th, 2009 at 12:15 pm Kelly Says:

    TFLN, that is some pretty funny stuff. I’m glad that there was no texting back in my younger days, who knows what would have been sent out to random strangers, I think that drunken texting could be way worse then the old school drunken dial…

    Yesterday I stood in line for 45 minutes to send a package to my Uncle for Christmas. I just found out from my sister that they left today for the Carribean, so they won’t even be here to get said package until well after the holiday! Curses! Trying to be efficient sucks, and I paid for 2 day shipping so that it would get there “in time.” Gak. (Stupid me, shaking head at self.)

  14. On December 18th, 2009 at 12:44 pm carissajaded Says:

    Texts from last night is the best site EVER! I might have gotten a raise by now if I didn’t get caught looking at it every day. But alas, even my bosses like it now.

    Becky goin to check your other links!! Have a great weekend!

  15. On December 18th, 2009 at 1:29 pm Jenn Says:

    I spend waaaay too much time on that site whenever I visit. It’s a sickness. & I don’t even text – at all.

  16. On December 18th, 2009 at 2:22 pm JennyMac Says:

    (215): i keep telling myself in the mirror “get undrunk”

    I think MANY people have attempted this….and failed.

  17. On December 18th, 2009 at 3:20 pm Manda Says:

    I love that website. I once spent several hours in a row going back through all the archives. I visit every day….right after I visit this site, as a matter of fact.

    My friends and I have noticed, though, that for some reason our submissions never get posted on TFLN. This is frustrating for us, because my friends and I? We’re fucking hysterical.

    Some gems you missed due to overlooking our hilarity:

    (216) I don’t mind drunk you, but I’d prefer you keep your penis in your pants. Not that it isn’t a perfectly lovely penis.


    (216) There is a drunk older woman stumbling down my street with a radio on her shoulder belting out Anarchy In The UK at the top of her lungs
    (1-216) Is it my mom?

    Clevelanders get drunk and do stupid shit too.

  18. On December 18th, 2009 at 3:43 pm Rebecca Says:

    Texts from last night is my most favorite site ever….and many of the texts i’ve read could have been me 10 years ago…That’s sad…or is it funny? I can’t decide.

  19. On December 18th, 2009 at 4:31 pm Mrslala Says:

    Hilarious! I’m going to have to check this out!

  20. On December 18th, 2009 at 7:44 pm Melissa Says:

    Ummm, I may or may not have made a drunken text before lol.

    That said, I have received some that made me laugh. As I am not a big texter, and am really not a big cell phone user I only really turn it on when I have to make a call when shopping for kids and I cant find what I want.

    Anybody that wants me that knows me well enough knows that my phone is always off so they call me at home or at work.

    My favorite text was from an ex-boyfriend, well I guess I just THOUGHT he was a boyfriend and he THOUGHT I was a booty call girl. He liked ALOT <<that was a joke from Mrs. Soup's blog today.

    ANYHOO… The text went like this, after about 4 months of not even talking. WANNA FUCK LATER? I about died laughing. And my response about how romantic he was like 2 weeks later got a response from him saying that he sent that to me by accident, he had meant it for a different Melissa. Guess he liked to keep women around him with the same name so he didnt moan the wrong name during sex.

    And yeah, I got checked for STD's the next day even though we used condoms thank god.

  21. On December 19th, 2009 at 3:11 pm denise Says:

    um yeah…………..thanks for the time waster 🙁 i had tears squirting from my eyes!

  22. On December 20th, 2009 at 11:10 pm Notesfromthegrove Says:

    I love TFLN so much it hurts. And when I find one from my area code, it’s even BETTER!

  23. On December 22nd, 2009 at 8:52 am Mr. T Says:

    This one hit home.. im glad I stopped by – I’ll have to tell my friend to check this out later!

  24. On February 17th, 2010 at 10:51 pm texts from last night Says:

    This website is so f’in funny. They got a book too and thats just as funny!

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