Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Talk Is Cheap When The Story Is Good.


Man, oh man am I feeling full of The Laziness today, but as I have committed (at least in my head) to trying to post something every day on this here blog, I have decided that the only way to accomplish this somewhat lofty goal is to do a post in bullet form.

*Alex has decided that rice cereal is as nasty as it looks. So nasty, in fact, that he no longer wants to take part in having it grace his now discriminatory palate. Luckily, he thinks Pear/Pineapple and Carrots are akin to heaven, so he has been eating them with gusto. He has also taken a liking to my nonfat/gross/foul yogurt, which is taking me out of my lazy slump to head out to get him his own kind. Because the kid doesn’t need Splenda quite yet. At least not until he’s 12.

*Today, I gave him a graham cracker (don’t worry, not the honey kind, I checked) which he summarily destroyed all over his bouncy seat leaving the dog in new heights of ecstacy, unparelled by only the mere mention of broccoli. Yes, my dog adores broccoli and carrots. He’s strange and sausage shaped and kind of stupid, but we love him. Well, except for when he fights with skunks. Then we call him variations of dumbass for the next couple of weeks.

*I recently started using some self-tanning lotion, which frightens me, as I have visions of myself looking like a slightly chubby, streaky carrot. I have this old friend you see (well, she’s not old per se, but I’ve known her since pretty much forever) who comes into town bringing me a bag full of cast offs from the lotion store that she works at. She’s brought me a bunch of self tanners before, but I was pregnant, and the smell bothered my sensitive nose, so I gave it all away. Now that I’m not pregnant, I’ve realized that it wasn’t actually pregnancy nose that prevented me from using it before. No, it just completely smells horrific. Either way, my previously pasty baby is emitting a nice sun kissed glow (I kid, I kid).

*Week 2 of The Diet is going swimmingly. I’ve lost another 2 pounds, which of course makes me extremely happy, although I have to admit, I wish those numbers were going down FASTER. I can so see why the no/low carb diets are popular, and sometimes I wish that I could do them without, of course, the anal leakage. Other than that, it’s a good diet, it makes sense and best of all NO BOXED MEALS (shudders dramatically).

*I am a touch anal (how many times can I mention the word butt, ass, or anal in a post? Many, many times.) and a little OCD, so when I got a note from Ben’s school in red ink demanding that a book that we read last week be returned to them I got a little panicky. I distinctly remember sending the book back to school, I signed for it certifying (which is a total hoot. *Me*, signing stuff like *that.* Man, I really am a mother, aren’t I?) that we’d indeed read it and now it’s gone. My gut tells me that the book has been lost at school, and I’d bet $150 that I’d sent it back, but all the same, it’s making me unnaturally upset that it’s gone BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO ABOUT IT. I’m not going to argue with it, and since I come across as well, different, in writing I need to make sure that they have checked thoroughly at school prior to sending them a check for the stupid book.

posted under The Sausage Factory
8 Comments to

“Talk Is Cheap When The Story Is Good.”

  1. On September 26th, 2007 at 3:07 pm Kristin Says:

    You should hold the book hostage until Ben can have a cookie or two with his lunch.

  2. On September 26th, 2007 at 5:00 pm becky Says:

    Maybe I will. Did I mention the name of the book? It’s “Gum on a Cat” and it’s not a very interesting read.

    (Poor, poor Ben was so traumatized by the cookie incident that he is TERRIFIED of having the cookies in his lunch bag to eat after school. TERRIFIED.)

  3. On September 26th, 2007 at 5:33 pm Kristin Says:

    Maybe you should protest “Gum on a cat” and sue the school for fictional vet bills and mental anguish after planting the idea that putting gum on a cat was good. I think the right lawyer could make a good case for you.

    I swear to god, your child is in Nazi school. I know, I know, it’s montessori and they are allowed to make their crazy Nazi rules…but COME ON! No cookies??? (I think you should sue because of Ben’s trauma, as well) I am feeling litigation happy today.

  4. On September 26th, 2007 at 8:43 pm becky Says:

    Hahaha, maybe I will sue them. Poor Ben really was traumatized by this, as he’d never thought about cookies being bad for him. Because really, if you can’t have cookies as a child, when can you (unless you’re Daver, which means you can have cookies whenever you want them)?

    Did you hear about the school that’s trying to ban cupcakes?

  5. On September 27th, 2007 at 4:27 am rockmama Says:

    The Prawn is also making her foray into the world of solids. Pretty much everything liquified is fine by her, but she’s not a fan of textures just yet. The salmon, peas and potatos mashed up? Hell to the no.

  6. On September 27th, 2007 at 10:53 am Kristin Says:

    At least it’s not this place…

  7. On September 27th, 2007 at 1:11 pm becky Says:

    Solids and kids can be absolutely adorable, especially when they find something they like. So far, ice cream is a favorite, and really, who can blame him? It’s mine, too, which might add to the oh additional 35 lbs on my frame currently. Alex doesn’t know what to do with textures either.

  8. On September 27th, 2007 at 1:25 pm becky Says:

    Kristin, ohmygod. Thank the Lord that wasn’t his place.

    Suddenly, the no cookies thing is paling in comparison.

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