Mommy Wants Vodka » Blog Archive » Sweater Kittens! Chesticles! Boobs! OH MY.

Sweater Kittens! Chesticles! Boobs! OH MY.

October20

It’s BOOBS week over at Toy With Me, and I’m talking about the one awesome legacy my children left me. And no, I’m not talking about my accordion-like stomach folds, which, I admit are dead sexy.

(want to make out?)

As always, you have an idea for a future topic for a column over there, please, drop me an email to aunt.becky.sucks@gmail.com or leave me a comment.

Click the smiling beaver to be whisked away:

——————-

Aunt Becky: “Just so you know, I found one of your pubes on the baby’s high chair today. It was disturbing. I know you didn’t put it there or anything, but still. EW.”

The Daver (totally not listening): “AWESOME.”

Aunt Becky: “So NOT full of The Awesome. That’s full of The Awful.

The Daver: “Whatever, that’s full of The Awesome. I’m marking my territory.”

Aunt Becky: “You leave a trail of those around the house and it’s gross. You’re shedding pubes. It’s like The Trail of Tears.”

The Daver: “Dude, no way. That’s a Treasure Trail.”

Aunt Becky: *shudders*

——————–

And YAY for contests that are annoying and make me annoy you a lot and so I petition you loudly to vote for me because that is what blogs are for, unless you count being full of self-important bluster, which, of course, obviously.

I’m up for this award you should vote for me. And while you’re there, you should vote for me for this one too.

And then you should vote for me here, too.

Because if you do that? I will show you a picture of the best Halloween costume I ever dressed up in. And this requires me doing actual work to go and find the picture at my parents house.

(obviously, you should cue the violins and cry tears for me at all of the pain and suffering you’re putting me through by making me work. o! the humanity!)

I’ll give you a hint: there were several people who didn’t know me and had no idea I was dressed up. It was FANTASTIC. Man, you’re NEVER gonna guess what it was. I feel like I should tell you or something because seriously, it was THAT good.

*bites knuckles impatiently*

I suck at secrets and I can hardly wait to tell you. I imagine tomorrow you’ll see what this is, so vote.

Please?

Won’t SOMEONE think of the children?!?

posted under Beaver Talk With Aunt Becky

48 Comments to

“Sweater Kittens! Chesticles! Boobs! OH MY.”

On October 20th, 2009 at 10:04 am Michelle Bell Says:
I voted. I also registered my husband and informed him I was voting for him. So does this mean I get double photos?
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:17 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Michelle. You totally get double photos.
On October 20th, 2009 at 10:06 am Notesfromthegrove Says:
I VOTED!

Now post that goddamn picture!
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Notesfromthegrove Must go collect the picture 😉
On October 20th, 2009 at 9:14 am MamaSkates Says:
omg, i’ve gotta see this!!!
On October 20th, 2009 at 9:33 am a Says:
I can’t access your sex column to leave comments while at work, and I won’t remember when I get home, so I just want to say that I am sooo jealous of your giant boob increase! I went from a B cup to a B+ cup, and the only time I got any bigger was when I was totally engorged (then maybe I was a small C). Now I’m back to a B-, and I would not care, if not for all the extra middle flab that is now in danger of sticking out farther than my boobs. Sigh. If I had the D’s, I would not care about the spare tire, because it wouldn’t be so visible!

Can’t wait to see this picture…I admire the creativity of a good Halloween costume.
On October 20th, 2009 at 9:55 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
@A I still look pregnant. Mimi will be 9 months old on the 28th (really!?!) and I look pregnant. I am NOT pregnant, but I look it.

*sighs*
On October 20th, 2009 at 9:35 am Kristine Says:
I’m going to have to vote from home, but I will, I promise.
On October 20th, 2009 at 9:54 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Kristine, thank you very much.
On October 20th, 2009 at 9:59 am Aunt Juicebox Says:
At least you found the hair on her chair (hey that rhymes) and not in her mouth.
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:17 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Aunt Juicebox *shudders*
On October 20th, 2009 at 10:20 am amy d Says:
first things first: that Daver conversation was both rivetting and gross all wrapped up in a whole lotta funny! Seriously, you guys are the funniest married couple alive!! Let’s all get together for drinks sooooon!

Next: The blogher awards! What is up with the voting??? Am I just retarded?! I try to vote but it doesn’t give me any confirmation that I did, so I may not have. Either way…I’m trying for you!

Also? That damn cakewrecks again?????!!!!!
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:05 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Amy D, thanks for trying to vote for me, lover. Check your spam folder. The confirmation is probably there. Stupid spam filter.

And Dave? Is full of gross. He hasn’t noticed that he’s made it to my blog yet, but he will.
On October 20th, 2009 at 10:43 am Allie Says:
I want to see the picture!
And I’ve tried to vote for you twice on blogger’s choice, but it requires getting an account, which I’ve tried to do, but then it won’t send the confirmation. So I want an A for effort!
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:04 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Allie The confirmation has been sent into my spam filter before. Because it’s very effective. But you get an A++ for effort.
On October 20th, 2009 at 10:54 am Mrs Soup Says:
Totally voted, as always. And I can’t WAIT to see that photo. 😀
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:03 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Mrs Soup Now I am afraid that I will not live up to the hype and you will be like…really? THAT’S A DUMB COSTUME. And I will be run off The Internet.
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:12 pm SciFi Dad Says:
I refuse to leave a comment over there because a boob post without photos of said boobage (said supposedly AWESOME boobage) is not a boob post.
On October 20th, 2009 at 8:27 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Sci-Fi, man, now I need to find a boob shot. DAMN.
On October 20th, 2009 at 11:17 am igster101 Says:
I totally voted for you on both categories because your blog is awesome.It’s what mine wants to be when it grows up.PLus, I’m curious to see the costume lol.
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:01 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@igster Thanks for the vote and now I’m blushing.
On October 20th, 2009 at 11:30 am Christa Says:
Marking my territory. Equal parts gross and hillarious. Thank you.
On October 20th, 2009 at 12:00 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Christa Oh, it was nasty. Dave is nasty.
On October 20th, 2009 at 11:47 am Joanna Says:
I voted already and am biting my fingernails impatiently while waiting for that photo. I love Halloween and get a little too excited about costumes. Two years ago I painted my black brother in law white so he could be Michael Jackson and everyone went nuts for him. There were a few people who didn’t realize he’d been painted. It’s was fun and awesome then, now I guess it’s a little sad. But still awesome.
On October 20th, 2009 at 11:59 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Thank you for your vote and that’s a sweet costume. Mine, well, it’s awesome. And probably a good portion of you won’t realize it’s a costume.
On October 20th, 2009 at 11:54 am kys Says:
I would vote Aunt Becky for anything from Dogcatcher to President.

Anxiously awaiting tomorrow’s pic.
On October 20th, 2009 at 1:37 pm Kelly Says:
I think my stomach folds are my best feature. Not!! My little boy thinks it’s hilarious that he can make my tummy look like a butt when I’m not pregnant. Seriously, though, I’m so begging my hubby for the mommy makeover surgery after I have this one!
On October 20th, 2009 at 8:23 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Kelly I can make mine look like a butt too! It’s hot.
On October 20th, 2009 at 2:05 pm Sarah Says:
Damnit, Woman! I love voting for you, I vote early, and I *would* vote often if they let me. But every single time, I forget that I’ve already voted, and I steam in there and realize that Yes, yes I have voted and NO.. NO I cannot vote again. What, these jokers think they’re running a democracy or something?! It’s a freaking popularity contest, isn’t it?? No? Whatever.
On October 20th, 2009 at 8:21 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Sarah, no they do not like you to vote again. You can register with a different email address, I think, but maybe not. I can’t remember. I voted so long ago.
On October 20th, 2009 at 2:39 pm violet Says:
I just voted for you and really happy to do so! And as far as Daver does he say/do the same with leaving stuff all over the house? No? just wondering 🙂
On October 20th, 2009 at 8:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Violet Thank you for the vote and The Daver is like a force of nature leaving a trail of destruction in is wake. It is amazing.
On October 20th, 2009 at 1:56 pm Ed Says:
Voted. Left Post-It notes all over my monitor in case my other personalities show up, reminding them to do the same. “Timmy,” the shy 10-year-old, will probably do it, but “Fuckin’ Lou,” the jaded construction guy, may require some sort of payola.
On October 20th, 2009 at 8:22 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Ed Fuckin’ Lou can have my old Playboy’s if he wants. Or, uh, my husband?
On October 20th, 2009 at 2:07 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:
Just before I read this, I reached for the lamp next the couch to brighten my day, and I noticed one of those treasure trail markers on the lampshade. I said “GAH!” out loud. I do not enjoy this particular trail marker, not one little bit.
On October 20th, 2009 at 8:20 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@fadkog what is worse is when I come across one that is neither mine nor Daver’s. WHOSE IS IT? AAAHHH!
On October 20th, 2009 at 5:53 pm Zakary Says:
“Trail of Tears”….

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
On October 20th, 2009 at 8:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Zakary It was like torture. Pubes should be outlawed. Someone should ban them.
On October 20th, 2009 at 11:26 pm flutter Says:
You? Hilarious.
On October 21st, 2009 at 12:15 am GingerB Says:
Pubes are nasty, except for my husband’s, which are a surprising carroty orange color. Tee-hee, don’t tell him I said that on the internet.

You always get my vote, except I’m kinda mad you made me think about my F cup size, for fuck’s sake. It’s a good thing I love you so.
On October 21st, 2009 at 5:16 am DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:
The award-nazis over at Divine Caroline allow only allow ONE vote. WTF? Blogger’s Choice is far more liberal and lets me pile it on. Yay Blogger’s Choice!
On October 21st, 2009 at 7:27 am Painted Maypole Says:
treasure trail? way to go, daver
On October 21st, 2009 at 8:16 am Kendra Says:
That post was awesome. Haven’t read about the boobs yet, but mine have been on a terrible journey of C, D, DD, C, D and maybe some other sizes too. Thanks, three breastfeeding children! And thanks, 3 C-sections, for the ab flab that is now a permanent part of me. I’m glad I’m not alone in lamenting what used to be good features.
On October 21st, 2009 at 8:41 am Coco Says:
Men are ALL nasty.

Except Tim Gunn. He would never leave a pube on the baby’s high chair.
On October 21st, 2009 at 9:35 am Allie Bear Says:
Ha ha ha, I can’t wait to see the picture. I’ll go vote now.
Oh and Chesticles? I love it, I call mine Breasticles and my husband’s Chesticles. I knew there was a reason I like you. 🙂
On October 21st, 2009 at 10:53 am Let’s Just Say It Involved A Baby Blue Leisure Suit at Mommy Wants Vodka Says:
[…] worry, though, I haven’t forgotten about the picture I owe you for voting for me (you can still vote for me! HOORAY!), neatly locked away from me on my father’s computer, […]
On October 21st, 2009 at 12:11 pm ken Says:
this is exactly why i shave my cocknballs.
On October 21st, 2009 at 12:59 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
@Ken, that’s precisely why one SHOULD shave their cock-n-balls.