Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

So THAT Was Christmas…


And *phew* now it’s the Best Day Of The Year: December…uh (looks at brand new Despair Calender, notes:


laughs deeply because it’s fucking true and returns)…December 26. The day AFTER Christmas. Not only is everything on SALE again, but that means that Christmas is OVER and I don’t have to deal with anything more pretending to be merry or liking other people again for another WHOLE year.

Which, hi, AWESOME.

No, don’t get me wrong, I like Christmas, but maybe it’s because I have a butt-load of children, but I’m about ready for it to be all over with by mid-December. I don’t want holiday themed hand-towels or soap or bras, I just want to go back to hating the world–besides me and my blog people–in peace and stop pretending to like everyone and everything in the name of Christmas.

Anyway, it’s over, I’m suitably happy, and while I’m now migrained, and sort of infirm, everything went well, even with the crotch parasites running around for the past two days like they were on crack. (note to self: do NOT put candy ANYWHERE near children at 7 in the motherfucking MORNING ever again)

I was roped into hosting Christmas Eve by the Persuasive Powers Of Guilt and I even managed to cook a turkey without making anyone sick. Turns out that the secret to a good turkey is a) shoving things up its’ butt and b) butter. Everything, except your cholesterol, is better with butter.

The smallest ones didn’t really care about opening presents (!!!) which makes me wonder if I actually birthed them myself, because there’s nothing not awesome about presents with your name on them, but once opened, it turns out that The Daver and I are excellent about picking out gifts for them. To be fair, though, they’d have been equally thrilled with a package of straws and some Solo cups.

The big one was happy to help them open presents and was most thrilled by his R2-D2 backpack which makes me SURE he was adopted because Star Wars is SO not my thing (I did buy the backpack for him on my own. I was VERY proud of myself). Unless it’s LEGO Star Wars, the video game, which is full of The Awesome.

Because this was The Christmas of Practicality for me, I’d opened up most of my gifts ahead of time, and wasn’t about to rewrap them, because that’s REALLY a pain in the ass. But I was given the ultimate Housewifey Present of a new hand-held vacuum (a Dyson!). Dave joked that it was to remind me that while I was trying to build My Empire this year, he wanted to remind me that I should refocus my energies on housecleaning*.

Then, full of Christmas cheer, I vacuumed up his scrotum.

All in all, Christmas was completely lovely and I am more than happy to see it in my rear-view mirror. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to try and extract toys from packaging that I’m pretty sure was designed by sadists. I will probably lose a finger, and barring that, at least many layers of skin.

Oh well, that’s why we have so many layers to spare, right?

Merry Day After Christmas, Internet! Your Aunt Becky wants you to gather ’round and tell her how your Christmas treated you.

*He really WAS kidding and I was the one oogling this vacuum like a freak for years. But I really did vacuum up the scrote. Because OBVIOUSLY.

106 Comments to

“So THAT Was Christmas…”

  1. On December 26th, 2009 at 11:51 am melissa Says:

    i had the traditional chinese food dinner because that’s what all of us jews do for christmas πŸ™‚
    wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season.

  2. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s because Jews are awesome and so is Chinese food. We had it last night, too.

  3. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:17 pm floreta Says:

    i think christmas would be fun with kids! i would want to make gingerbread houses.

  4. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:23 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Gingerbread houses are awesome. And so is playing with the toys. I swear, Dave and I have had as much (if not MORE) fun with the toys than the kids have. Ha.

    Come on by for Christmas next year. You can make the houses with them.

  5. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:24 pm linlah Says:

    Burnt steaks, rolls that didn’t raise and perfectly done baked potatoes, ah Christmas.

  6. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:37 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now that actually sounds freaking DELICIOUS. nom nom nom nom.

  7. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:25 pm Dana Says:

    Ha! How did that cyclonic actions work on the Daver’s scrotum??

    Christmas for us was filled with few presents, but so many blessings neither Cam nor I noticed, and honestly? It doesn’t get any better than that!

  8. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:37 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I think that this is all that you needed for Christmas. So glad that you had all that you needed.

  9. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:30 pm Karen Says:

    So glad Christmas is over too!

  10. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:37 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It was awesome and now I’m glad to be done with it.

  11. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:31 pm abandoning eden Says:

    lego star wars IS full of the awesome!

  12. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:36 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It’s the ONLY video game that I’ll play, and I freaking LOOOVE it.

  13. On December 28th, 2009 at 10:28 am Paul Lundgren Says:

    All three Lego video games are terrific, but the Indiana Jones game is a first-class hoot.

  14. On December 28th, 2009 at 10:38 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    My son looooves that one. It’s pretty fun, but it’s HARD! Holy shit, it’s hard. Probably because I kind of suck at video games.

  15. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:37 pm Kisha Says:

    Oh man, I am so glad this shit is over. I’m sorry you’re migrained. Xanax and leftover alcoholic eggnog should do the trick.

  16. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:25 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Vicodin made me happy. So did blogging. Yay!

  17. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:40 pm KyBraith Says:

    Husband’s first Christmas with *my* family.
    {One Mom. One Step-Dad. Two teenage sisters. One adult brother (via phone). One adult step-brother. Three teenage step-sisters. One teenage step-brother. One pre-teen stepsister. Two boyfriends. One sick cat. One needy dog. Me.}

    Somehow, Ryan (husband) did ALL of the cooking – so people didn’t bug him too much since he was busy in the kitchen. πŸ™‚

    Gifts were small and thoughtful. (Homemade Christmas sweaters with felt and glitter, Sketch books, and Mad Libs.)

    Happy Holidays.

  18. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:25 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That sounds like a hell of a fun time to me. Merry Christmas to you!

  19. On December 26th, 2009 at 12:48 pm Daffodil Campbell Says:

    We just threw all the cardboard and plastic off the porch into the front yard.

    Wait. Is that bad? How can it be bad if it feels SO GOOD???

    I worked Christmas Day – I was here for the morning, and then, just when they started whining about freeing their new toys from the bullet-proof packaging, wheeee it was time for me to leave for my shift ! I left my husband running in circles in the cul de sac, pushing the little one around in her new bike, while the 9 year old was attempting to blow up Mentos with a 2 liter of soda.

  20. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:25 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I remember how happy I always was to leave for work when I worked on the holidays. People were always like, “oh that’s SAD that you’re working on Thanksgiving” and I was all, “uh, not so much.”

  21. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:07 pm Bobbi Says:

    I have 13 people coming to my house tomorrow for brunch and a family Yankee Swap. And then sticking around to watch the Pats game. Christmas will never end. Although I did manage to make a pretty much perfect prime rib for Christmas dinner and made Bordelaise sauce from scratch that took all day. And now I can spend the whole day today cleaning the house for the onslaught tomorrow. Shoot me.

  22. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:24 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Can I come over for prime rib next year? I’ll bring vodka and, uh, sarcasm? And really anything else you want.

  23. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:48 pm Bobbi Says:

    Just bring the sarcasm. I have vodka. Although I consider Christmas to be more of a gin and tonic holiday.

  24. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:35 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I prefer Xanax and Vicodin, but really, I’m not picky. But I’m NOT ADVOCATING THE USE OF PRESCRIPTION DRUGS FOR RECREATION, MR. DEA AGENT. HEAR ME?

  25. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:16 pm Fanboy Wife Says:

    I was snowed in this Christmas, so I hope I can get by with just mailing everything out instead of just postponing the stress of visiting families.

  26. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:11 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You know I can see the awesomeness in that. Except if you have to then go and visit anyway. Much as I love visiting family–which I do–traveling sucks.

  27. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:18 pm Fizzle Says:

    Arguing, football, and beer. That’s Christmas.

    Aunt Becky, I found you this: .

    Perhaps the best part– it has a bottle opener. It also conquers sadist packaging, but $20 says it, too, comes in sadist packaging. So, point completely demolished. Merry Almost-New Year’s…. the holiday designed for boozing adults.

  28. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:10 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I actually GOT a pair of garden shears this Christmas! Who’d have known I should have busted those puppies open early. That rules.

  29. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:19 pm Fizzle Says:

    PS- These are simply a pair of clean, over-rated, girl-ified garden shears.

  30. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:28 pm Melissa Says:

    My poor sister. She still has today to go with her in-laws.

    That said, my Christmas was full of the Awesome. No fighting (a first). Awesome 7 fishes dinner for Christmas Eve. LOVE 7 fishes dinner. Especially when 3 of the fishes include shrimp, lobster tails, and king crab legs. Gave my 8 year old nephew and niece their Christmas Eve gifts (yeah, I am a total bitch like that, I WILL be the favorite Aunt FOREVER because I BUY them stuff, and play with them, well that and my other sister is a miserable bitch, but thats another story lol)

    Christmas Day is at my best friends sisters house for lunch and present giving to my first godson and friend and everyone gets homemage scarves from her mom who is really far gone with Alzheimers, but she knits like nobody’s business. She doesnt recognize any of us anymore, but she ALWAYS gives us our favorite colors! Weird. She had to leave when she started to sundown, but then it was time for me to go to my sisters for dinner and more family (same as the night before, no fights AGAIN) Christmas miracle. I love EVERYTHING I received, and I am itching to open MY NEW CAMERA. And wearing my Martha Stewart Coming Home Poncho.

    Also, my sister lives in the mountains, and when everyone started to talk about weather they started dashing off around 8 or 9. When I say mountain I mean like climbing a wall. My mother said since my new car is untested in ice maybe I should stay and it got into the kids heads. Sleepover with Aunt Em!! I had a full blast 8 year old sleepover with the kiddoes, and I got the bed. The N&N slept on the floor with tons of blankets. The suckers took my picture of me sleeping full open mouth drool mode sometime during the night which they were delighted with.

    My sister now wants me to sleep over every weekend because we slept until 9:30, which I dont think they have ever ever done. The Vampire in the closet kept quiet, and I introduced them to Simon and his Cat on the computer last night. And they introduced me to FRED, who I hate more than anyone in the world now.

    I love that they are 8 now. True people.

  31. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:09 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    8 is a great age and the Martha Stewart Coming Home Poncho is AWESOMELY beautiful (is it weird that I knew EXACTLY what you were talking about and got kinda jealous?).

    Christmas here was also full of The Awesome. Especially since I got to say “scrotum” twice in this entry.

  32. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:32 pm swirl girl Says:

    Like cats have 9 lives..moms have 9 layers – of skin, that is.

    Glad you all survived !

  33. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:56 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    We survived and it was lovely and even better? IT’S OVER. YAY!

  34. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:41 pm Scattered Mom Says:

    We had a great Christmas. After 17 yrs of working in schools, and feeling Christmased out by Dec 20, this year I took a different approach. The tree and decorations don’t go up until the week before the holidays, I didn’t kill myself making anything for people, skipped cards, and basically just focused on Hubs and Jake.

    It was so freeing to make something we all love for dinner (Greek prawns and pasta) instead of a turkey, and the dishes were SO much less!

    Glad you had a wonderful Christmas, too. πŸ˜‰

  35. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:54 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s awesome. Great way to do it. I don’t know HOW people who work in schools handle all the holidays all of the time. I think I’d go INSANE.

  36. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:47 pm Liza Says:

    Dysons are full of teh awesome. Just don’t over charge the battery by leaving it plugged in all the time. A friend killed hers that way.

    To save finger skin from being shredded, the use of hand held can openers is the hidden trick to get the plastic off those insanely sealed items. Demo here –>

    May you slide into a happy post holiday ease…

    Blessings always ~

  37. On December 26th, 2009 at 1:53 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now THOSE are two gems of wisdom. Thank you SO much.

  38. On December 26th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Kim Says:

    We too had Chinese for dinner. My Dave got dressed long enough to go pick it up. We haven’t left the house in nearly two days, other than that. Just sitting in the basement watching new DVD’s, playing new video games and eating cookies. Good times.

    PS: Lego Star Wars is THE BEST! All of the Lego games are fantastic actually, but the Star Wars games rock out.

  39. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    They’re making a Lego Harry Potter! AWESOME!

  40. On December 26th, 2009 at 2:25 pm Melissa Says:

    Are you mad that I made a post of my own? I have the hyper still challenging me from 8 year olds.

  41. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’d PREFER if you’d make a post of your own because I love reading it, yo.

  42. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:23 pm Melissa Says:

    Yo indeed. I work in accounting. How fucking boring is THAT? I have few exciting moments per year. My 8 year old sleepover was the peak of the year lol.

    And also, many people have been fired from my company thinking their blogs were anonymous, and I have too much to say about those assbags. I sometimes get paranoid commenting on other people’s blogs because if you know me in person, you know me by my comments.

  43. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Melissa Says:

    PS – The Martha Coming Home Poncho was another highlight. I about leaped.

  44. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:37 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahahaha! People….*gasp* that’s just funny. I mean, I leave myself out there ON PURPOSE because OBVIOUSLY, but I love people who think they’re anonymous and complain about their jobs. Not a good idea. Just. not. smart.

  45. On December 26th, 2009 at 2:25 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    Christmas was good here with books, movies and video games for everyone, ensuring a good deal of silence, unless it was in multiplayer mode, then there was arguing.
    The meal was excellent,probably the best prime rib I have ever made (and I have made 4 so take it for what it is worth)
    Lego Star Wars is the AWESOME! Mayhem loves it & is getting the DK Visual Dictionary of Lego Star Wars for his birthday next month.
    I have to hold up my end of the festive spirit until Jan 1 because we host a NYE party every year. It’s DH’s b-day. But come Jan 1 I resolve to be grouchy as hell for at least a month just to balance out all the frickin good cheer I am exuding now.
    Of course you have to suction a scrotum with a new vac. I don’t see how you could not.

  46. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:40 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s the whole POINT of vacuums, right?

  47. On December 26th, 2009 at 2:32 pm robin Says:

    hi there…sooo funny…what is with the wrapping…did you ever notice that the most destructible things ..light bulbs…are packed in light , light weight cardboard..with both ends open…but batteries are packed in some government grade plastic..impossible to open..what is going to happen to batteries anyway…That was from ‘Ellen” on her radio City Concert..sooo funny but soo true…BTW..what was that about the scrotum…??I think Im confused..??

  48. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:40 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now that’s totally true about the wrapping stuff and I’d NEVER noticed it until now. You’re spot on! Wild.

    And the scrotum, I was just teasing The Daver back for making a housewife joke. Hehehe.

  49. On December 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm Aurora Says:

    We named our turkey Cletus Both Lefties since he was just a boob (King of the Hill reference) and we rubbed him GENEROUSLY with Butter and about 4 cut up clementines! We stuffed him with a whole one cut in half and sage and onion and garlic and he was SO JUICY and SO MOIST!!!! We also rubbed the dinner rolls with the juices from the turkey which made them even moore delicious!!!!
    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to You Vodka Mama!!!

  50. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:38 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now that sounds fantastic and very similar to what I did. Except with a lemon. And it was awesome! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too!

  51. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:08 pm linzm0 Says:

    So are you ever going to be able to have a Christmas WITHOUT vacuuming up The Daver’s scrotum? It sounds like tradition material to me!

  52. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:37 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    There’s nothing NOT AWESOME about that mental image, is there?

  53. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:15 pm bashtree Says:

    Merry Christmas Becky!

    My Christmas was full of The Awesome, mostly because we don’t have kids yet, but I have a small story to tell you about yesterday It involves bacon, in a roundabout way.

    My husband’s family always does their stocking LAST – which to me is weird because my family always did stockings first. But anyway. So in my stocking he gave me a little bandaid tin full of BACON bandaids. They are bandaids but they look like bacon. And they are AWESOME. Not only to look at (and thus become hungry) but also to use.

    How do I know? I sliced my thumb open while cutting an apple, less than an hour after receiving said bacon bandaids!

    Happy best day of the year to you πŸ™‚

  54. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:36 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Merry Christmas to you! Bacon Bandaids sound like something I must look in to for The Daver because he’s IN LOVE with bacon and OBVIOUSLY that’s awesome.

  55. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:27 pm Heather (qtberryhead) Says:

    My Christmas started about 3 o’clock in the afternoon…when I finally got my kids and untraditionally left my house for dinner at the parents house.
    No presents were opened until after 8 last night.
    This morning I woke up with the plague.
    Glad you’re enjoying your departure from Christmas!

  56. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:36 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Damn, woman. The Plague sucks. I hear vodka helps. Feel better.

  57. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:35 pm Rebecca Says:

    I’m jealous that you have a Dyson. Can you come over for a visit so I can try it out??? Didn’t think so…oh well.

    Isabella opened all of Joey’s gifts because he’s just not interested in pretty packages. He was thrilled with what was inside.

    We got to celebrate Christmas three different times! I know you’re all jealous! On Christmas eve, at my mother in laws (my husband’s entire family is perfect and amazing in every way so this was, of course, wonderful)

    Christmas morning we did the entire Santa thing here with the kids.

    Then we drove 100 miles south to my parents to celebrate Christmas. The drive was horrible because the roads were very slick….with only a DUSTING!!!! People were fishtailing all over the place and skidding off the roads and crashing into stuff. It was scary so we drove about 40 miles per hour on the INTERSTATE. The last 30 miles wasn’t too bad and the roads were clear……

    But, my parent’s house was amazing and great

    As always….this was the best Christmas ever! Lots of family and food and just being around the people that I love.

  58. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:39 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You can come test out my Dyson AND my Kirby because I am that nice. And that sucks that the roads were so bad. We had ice storms up here too, but we had to go across the river. A mere 7 minutes. So, no one really complained and the roads were clear by the time we had to go.

  59. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:37 pm Mary Jo Says:

    “…but that means that Christmas is OVER and I don’t have to deal with anything more pretending to be merry or liking other people again for another WHOLE year.”

    It’s like these words were written with my very own fingers. LOL

  60. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:38 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Why do people have to pretend to be people that they’re not around the holidays? I mean, I’m always pretty friendly, you know? But the stress of having to be nice makes other people MEAN.

  61. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:47 pm DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Christmas was a crazy cluster-f of insanity. And while I need to be thankful for the many blessings in my life, I also need to get as far away from Christmas as possible. Sorry for being a heinous hag, but that’s enough Christmas for me for another year.

  62. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:34 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    This year seemed exceptionally vomity for me, if that makes any sense. Like, ENOUGH ALREADY. I am not sorry to see it go.

  63. On December 26th, 2009 at 3:59 pm Lauren Says:

    I love the calendar! I’m glad that you had a good Xmas!

  64. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:35 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I spent about 30 minutes snickering while I made the calendar for The Daver. That site is HILARIOUS.

  65. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:08 pm Clair Says:

    Lego Starwars is pretty much full of the awesome.

  66. On December 26th, 2009 at 4:36 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Lego Batman is similarly awesome! I’m hearing that they made a Lego Harry Potter which sounds fun too.

  67. On December 26th, 2009 at 6:23 pm Jessica Says:

    My Christmas started with a walk downstairs. I looked out the window, and there was mother — burning one down by the bird feeder.

    The usual.

    I went for the food, I swear.

    Happy Holidays to you and yours πŸ™‚

  68. On December 26th, 2009 at 6:45 pm Patti Says:

    Christmas was “meh” as usual. I garnered two gifts, basically because I went out and purchased them myself. It’s not that my husband wouldn’t go get gifts for me, it’s just that after 7 years he still doesn’t have a clue what to get me.

    By the way, Lego Indiana Jones is wickedly full of The Awesome, as well!

  69. On December 26th, 2009 at 7:16 pm Mama Cas Says:

    My kids had candy for breakfast on Christmas Day, too. I’m fairly sure I’ll be nominated for Mother of the Year very soon.

  70. On December 26th, 2009 at 7:28 pm Brooke Says:

    I’m ready to leave my parents’ house. That’s pretty much it. We got some good loot and ate some good food, so I can’t complain, but if I have to hear my overbearing aunt remind my going-senile grandmother to do something that doesn’t matter one more time, I’m going to flip. At least the dog didn’t get sick and cost us the other half of our honeymoon fund… knock on wood.

  71. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m always happy to leave by the time it’s time to go. Although not as quickly as my son is. Alex (the two year old) was all “LET’S GO HOME, MOMMY” at about hour 4. Poor guy.

  72. On December 26th, 2009 at 8:10 pm The Mommy Says:

    Next year, ask The Daver for wire cutters – saves TONS of layers of skin when extracting the toys from their hermetically sealed packaging. Oh, and a box cutter.

    And thanks for the “review” of LEGOS Star Wars. We just bought it…for the children, yeah. So now I’m really excited to try it out!

  73. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:35 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! TOTALLY “for the children” I agree. And the game is awesome. I do NOT play video games and I love this one.

  74. On December 26th, 2009 at 8:10 pm Jennifer B Says:

    Our Christmas kinda rocked. We spent our Christmas eve at my hubby’s best friend’s house. We were up until 4 in the morning just shooting the shit and enjoying the adult time that we never get anymore now that we’re parents. While playing Santa at 4:30am kinda sucked ass, the look on my son’s face when he got his first big-boy bike in the morning was so worth it. Between the 2 kids, we got a freakin buttload of toys… kinda looks like ToysRus threw up in our living room. But playing with the toys has been very fun. And my hubs got me a Wii Fit, which we have been totally flippin over. The whole family has been having virtual snowball fights and doing kung fu to a funky beat, including my mom (who is visiting for 2 weeks- YAY!). This has definitely been one rockin Christmas. We didn’t have to go anywhere. I’m totally exhausterated, but hey, it’s been great.

  75. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now that sounds like a GREAT Christmas.

  76. On December 26th, 2009 at 8:28 pm a Says:

    Hurray! I can now resume my regularly scheduled program of refusing to let people into traffic!

    I ordered myself a Dyson for Christmas too!

  77. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:31 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    And using the one-fingered salute!

  78. On December 26th, 2009 at 8:35 pm baseballmom Says:

    omg, we allllways make gingerbread houses, but this year, we made like 3 because my sil hosted an extended family gathering at her house and we made them there-each kid had one. so my kids got to make many, kinda like the year that the dog ate the gingerbread house when we were out and we had to make another one. we go to my mom’s for christmas eve, where the kids scored a new cell (t), a portable dvd player (alex) and a trip to disneyland-they are not spoiled. our house is quiet for christmas day, and we stay in our jammies. the kids got wayyy less this year because as they get older, their wishes get more expensive…which had to be explained to them, along with the fact that that is NOT what this is supposed to be about, dammit! they got a flatscreen tv for their messy-ass room, which will be used in the rv when we go camping too, and four ps3 games, passes to a local waterpark for this year, and some small stuff. i have to force myself to slow down and enjoy it all-it’s tough! i got a gps which i have no freaking idea how to work!!!

  79. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:31 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Ooooh! A GPS! I hate electronic gadgets at the same time that I love them because I can never work them properly by myself at first. That’s what The Daver is for, right?

  80. On December 26th, 2009 at 8:39 pm GingerB Says:

    I, too am glad to see the backside of Christmas because I am so incredibily tired from being up every night for a week wrapping presents, and never having time to blog or knit or just not be working out what needs to get done. We have enjoyed the Star Wars Jedi mind trainer, and some Barbies but I have some warnings for you – Barbie clothes don’t really fit, so just don’t get any extras. The iPod touch is perhaps not as easy as it might appear to be, and never let your three year old take her Barbie house parts and the stickers that you use to decorate it into her own room for fifteen minutes because the flowers end up on the roof and the bookshelves get stuck in the bathroom. NOT pretty and I blamed my husband who opened the box, gave her the parts, and told her to put it all away. Grrr.

  81. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:30 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Good to know about Barbies. I plan on buying them for Mimi if she wants them because I am living TOTALLY vicariously. I wasn’t allowed them so I’m totally allowing her ANY that she wants. Ha.

  82. On December 26th, 2009 at 8:45 pm Alicia @bethsix Says:

    Unspeakable horror. That was mine. So glad to be home.

    Hey! *We* have a Dyson, and it’s one of the little(ish) ones – same power, I think, but a littler frame to make it easier to carry up and down stairs (because, yeah, I don’t do that). Anyway, when I was in the hospital giving birth to my fourth child, my mom and grandma were staying at my house. My grandma is a total martyr, so she was trying to clean my house, and she asked my husband if we had a “real” vacuum or just “the little one under the stairs.”

    Full of postpartum cheer, I tried vacuuming up one of her hangy boobs, but even Dysons won’t pick that up.

  83. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:29 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Mental note: do not vacuum up saggy boobs. DAMN. Depressing.

  84. On December 26th, 2009 at 9:05 pm Toni Says:

    It was actually a pretty good holiday. No one killed anyone in the family, so we were good there. And I actually got a gift that I liked – mostly due to the fact that I purchased it for myself. Best gifts come from those who REALLY love you (like yourself).

    And I’m happy to report that this last snow storm only left 6 inches instead of the 12 they predicted for our portion of IL. Not bad at all. πŸ™‚

  85. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:29 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I bought, uh, 98.4 percent of my gifts and that? AWESOME. I didn’t know other people did that too! HA!

  86. On December 26th, 2009 at 10:17 pm RK Says:

    If it makes you feel any better… I alreay took all my decorations down today and packed them all up. Nothing here to remind us of this “wonderful” holiday.

    We exchanged no gifts this year and didnt even do a dinner. We looked at each other… did the deed… and slept for 14 hours straight! whoot!

  87. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:28 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I took down MOST of my decorations, but I have a feeling the tree will stay up indefinitely because I am FULL of laziness.

  88. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:39 am RK Says:

    well…. you want to talk FULL OF LAZINESS…. our tree stays up all year too…. it is a real one that sits on the kitchen counter LOL Didnt even decorate it this year LOL

  89. On December 26th, 2009 at 10:23 pm Dawn Says:


    Although not Jewish, I tried to have Chinese food on Christmas Eve, but the local restaurants have apparently not heard of this tradition because they were all closing at 5 pm on Christmas Eve. WHAT THE!!!

    Had a not bad Christmas. #1 daughter home from the Wild West with boyfriend who turns out to be rather nice, got actual gifts I suggested, and got out of having to cook a turkey, so all in all, a pretty cool Yule.

  90. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:28 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Now that’s kind of depressing that you got NO CHINESE FOOD. I got Chinese food, although it tasted like butt.

  91. On December 27th, 2009 at 1:32 am Hurricane Rojo Says:

    Well, I didn’t get a Dyson, but I am most definitely loving my Safari Snuggie.

    And that’s all I have to say about THAT.

  92. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:26 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s full of The Awesome.

  93. On December 27th, 2009 at 7:33 am Shell Says:

    I would trade in all my boys’ presents for a dyson. Okay, that’s not saying much. I’d trade them all in for just about anything, as long as I didn’t have to deal with them any more.

  94. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:17 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! I SO get that. Especially the blinky ones that make noise.

  95. On December 27th, 2009 at 9:23 am Jennifer June Says:

    I bought my boyfriend an 8mm reel to reel projector for Christmas, then broke in to his apartment while he was at work on Christmas eve (Santa style) and stole the films of him when he was a baby.
    It seemed like a brilliant and hopelessly romantic notion, until we spent 2 1/2 very long hours watching footage of complete strangers getting drunk (20 years before he was born) and 45 minutes of my boyfriend playing with his wiener in the tub when he was a baby. Good times.

    If your man ever gets a hankering to buy somebody else a vacuum, send him our way, My daughter’s birthday is coming soon…

  96. On December 27th, 2009 at 10:11 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Vacuums are full of The Awesome, so that’s a freaking sweet ass present. So is an 8 mm projector.

  97. On December 27th, 2009 at 12:50 pm Aunt Juicebox Says:

    I decided that once my current vacuum bit the dust (haha) I’d replace it with a dyson. I’ve even tried to vacuum up concrete chunks and it keeps on ticking. wth.

  98. On December 27th, 2009 at 2:12 pm Miss Spoken Says:

    Christmas went well here in the house that Miss Spoken built. Except that The Boy woke up at 4:00 in the fucking morning. “AwwHellNo. Get back in bed, son. Mama has two hours left on her sleeping pill.”

  99. On December 27th, 2009 at 3:59 pm Zakary Says:

    “Then, full of Christmas cheer, I vacuumed up his scrotum.”

    The funny thing is I KNOW you are serious.

    We stayed up until 5:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve putting together toys from “Santa”. Fuck Santa. Next year, I’m just wrapping the boxes and the kids can worry about it.

    Condolences to your husband’s scrotum.

  100. On December 27th, 2009 at 8:21 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    I had no alcohol yet all my family members survived.

    Yep, that about sums up my Christmas.

  101. On December 28th, 2009 at 10:18 am Anna Says:

    Our Christmas was in the middle of a blizzard… so trapped in the house for 3 solid days with an almost-3-year-old was brutal.

    And, as if it’s supposed to help, the weatherman proudly announced it was the ‘snowiest (his word, not mine) Christmas Day ever’ and chuckled.

    I’m not sure what’s funny about 13 inches of snow. Where the shit do you even shovel 13 inches when you still had 8 on the ground from last time?

    I’m not bitter. I’m not bitter. I’m not bitter.

  102. On December 28th, 2009 at 10:40 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m totally bitter. Today was fucking torture. And I RARELY complain about my day-to-day life, but today? SUCKED. HARD. Tomorrow is probably going to be worse because I just complained. GAH.

    There’s nothing fucking funny about 13 inches of snow. I’ll choke the weatherman for you.

  103. On December 28th, 2009 at 2:22 pm Collette Says:

    I’m glad it’s over, too. Didn’t turn out too bad this year. I DID get a holiday themed dish towel & pot holder, but I also got…are you ready?…homemade laundry soap! With instructions on how to make it(4 gallons at a time!!!), but not how much to use. Should I just dump the whole quart size jar full in one load & see how it goes? Wheeee! This should be fun!
    And, it rained here for Christmas, melted what little snow we had, which was great, but now it’s been snowing on & off all day. Looks like snow showers pretty much all week. UGH! I’ll just be here by the computer!

  104. On December 28th, 2009 at 7:55 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    How does one make laundry soap? I’m TOTALLY confused. Is it…liquid? Or…huh? VERY confused.

  105. On December 28th, 2009 at 6:01 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Ha, I love the idea of vacuuming him. And hey, awesome. Great present!

  106. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:04 pm kys Says:

    Me + Christmas – In Laws – Traveling = The Awesome.

    That is all.

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