Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

So Light And Airy. Like My Head.


You know what I hate MORE than John Mayer’s douchiness* and mayonnaise combined? I know, what could top that?

What tops that is feeling like I walked into the middle of something I don’t quite understand. It’s probably what keeps me away from most TV series, which if my mother was correct and television truly DOES rot your brain, means that my grey matter is relatively unscathed. Well, what hasn’t been addled by illicit drug use and/or The Drink, I mean.

So please allow me to introduce myself, I’m (not) a (wo)man of wealth and fame. My name is Becky Sherrick Harks, and yes that is my real name and no I probably don’t talk about you, and yes it’s likely that most people I know read this blog and no that doesn’t squigg me out too much. But you can call me Aunt Becky.

No, no, relax, I’m not REALLY your aunt. If I was, you’d probably have at least gotten a coffee stained Christmas card from me or heard some story about how this one time That Aunt Becky did something really stupid and man, let’s make sure to hide the china when she comes over, because she has Those Shifty Eyes. So we’re not really related. Except on The Internet. The assumed familiarity of such a nickname never fails to crack me up, because I normally find that kind of faux closeness sort of irritating.

But this is The Internet, and we’re all friends here.

(don’t tell me otherwise. Because THINK OF THE CHILDREN PEOPLE. *wrings hands nervously*)

This is my blog.

I started blogging back in Aught Four over at another blog, sort of an anti-blog, blog, back when I didn’t realize that you could have a blog and somehow not be lame at the suggestion of my then-boyfriend now-husband The Daver. Apparently he got tired of me flapping my flippity-flap jaw at him and decided that plugging me into a computer was a wiser idea. I’m still not sure on that one, but I’m imagining that Daver’s ears are all high-fiving him for nice call, bro.

I started Mommy Wants Vodka sometime in Aught Seven after my second son was born and all my childless friends started blocking my calls. I guess there’s something really fucking boring about having to listen to someone endlessly whine about having a ridiculously crabby, clingy baby when you’re out clubbing and having hot sex on kitchen tables with random people. Somehow diaper rash and spit up doesn’t compare.

Sometimes I blog about my kids. Benjamin, who is staring down the nose of Eight (which, I should mention, is a much better time than Seven), the clone of The Daver, aside from that pesky biological aspect of it. But what’s biology got to do with it anyway? (this is a rhetorical question, people) He’s on the autistic spectrum, but who isn’t? (apparently this paragraph is all about rhetorical questions)

Alexander is my two-year old and requisite Momma’s Boy. Most days I think he’d happily crawl back into my uterus for the foreseeable future, not because he’s shy or anything, but because he loves me THAT MUCH. He’s loud and abrasive, obnoxious and charming, kind of like me.

Our last crotch parasite is Amelia, who was born in January of Aught Niner. She’s had a string of health-related issues stemming from a neural tube defect called an encephalocele. The really abridged version is that part of her skull was badly formed–stupid skull–and some of, well, I don’t know how to say it without freaking you out, but here goes: part of her brain developed out there. This is not, as you may imagine, a particularly good thing.

All’s well though, or as well as it can be for now, after corrective surgery and her development is being followed by so many government agencies that next year when I have to renew my driver’s license, I’m pretty sure the DMV clerk is going to take a look at my last name and say, “OH! You’re AMELIA’S mother. We know ALL ABOUT HER.” But it will sound less creepy and lecherous when they say it. Our fingers are crossed that she continues down The Normal Path, and so far, so good.

The Daver, as previously mentioned, is the husband I didn’t know I would be lucky enough to have is one of the few people who can tolerate me for long periods of time. Which is probably a good thing, since I happily remind him now and again as I point at his wedding band, “You see this ring? IT MEANS I OWN YOU.”

I’m only half kidding.

He blogs too, or he SAYS he does, but we all know that is a lie, but now and again I convince him to guest-post for me here and he says the same thing I always do. He tells me that I have the nicest audience ever. Which is totally true. I do.

As for me, I was born in 1980, July 15, to be exact (the day after Bastille Day), which makes me a Cancer and according to my astrological dohickey, I should probably be more sensitive. Like by nature or something. But sensitive is something I’m pretty sure no one has ever described me as unless they’re being completely sarcastic, and that’s just fine by me.

I’m a retired nurse, which sounds awfully shady when you work out the details and realize that that makes me retired by age 26, but it turns out for all my overachieving student ways, you can’t fake being a nurse. I’d gotten my bachelor’s in nursing in 2005, the profession chosen for the ability to net paychecks–upon graduation–that netted me did not read so-and-so measly dollars. I’d been a single parent when I walked into the program, and I walked out 2 months short of my wedding day and as my cards fell, it turned out that my happiness was worth more to Daver and I than my paychecks.

If you can believe it (and I can’t really believe it myself), I have netted myself a set of agents and put together a book proposal that’s currently sitting on the desks of some major publishing houses. Don’t be too jealous, though, my chance of getting published–unless a publishing house is exercising some excruciatingly bad judgement–is about three tenths of a percent. I only mention it here because occasionally I do reference it, and, well, who the hell would have thought that I was a writer?

(answer: not me)

My life has pretty much not gone at all the way that I expected it to, and while you could read that statement as: “Oh my GOD, she’s whining about her life when there are people in the world without FEET” it’s not the way I mean it. It’s just that everywhere I thought I’d be is nowhere where I actually wound up.

It’s a good thing, I think. Never thought my life would be so un-glamorous, always figured that I would travel to third world countries** while curing ingrown toenails and cancer, but I’m okay with that. Less chance for ebola here. I like to think.

I typically yammer out a post a day here, because it’s nearly impossible for me to get back into writing once I’ve taken a break. Whether what I say is good or not is debatable, but it’s my blog and I’ll post stupid pointless drivel if I want to. And just so you know, I really meant the whole kumbaya I heart the blogging community. I do try and catch up with anyone who catches up with me because I am married to a geek, I have a twitter account, a facebook account***, 47 email addresses ( and a nifty comment box.

If you want me, you got me.

I’m happy with what I do, I write, I raise kids, I sleep when I’m able, and usually have more heaped on my plate than I can ever possibly accomplish. It’s not where I thought I’d be, but then again, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Now that you’ve met me, Internet, Your Aunt Becky, what about you? Tell me about YOU. Or, alternately, what did I thoughtlessly not answer here that you’re going to lose sleep over if I don’t explain?

*But man, can he play a mean guitar

**A goal of mine always has been and will be (until such time as I am able to realize it, several years down the road) to join Doctor’s Without Borders or, if you want me to sound more cultured MΓƒ©decins Sans Frontières. Yes I am serious.

***We can totally be BFF! On FB! OMG, IDK!

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
115 Comments to

“So Light And Airy. Like My Head.”

  1. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:01 am Badass Geek Says:

    You can have BFFs, but can I be your BFFF?

    (Best Fucking Friend Forever)

    You already know all there is to know about me.

  2. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:08 am Kristina Says:

    Aunt Becky, The Condensed Version. I like it. I don’t have any burning questions right now, but I’ll be sure to think of something. I’m not exciting enough to post anything about myself here, so I will spare you. It’s enough that you feel obligated to come over and read my blog.

    I’m still looking for the perfect BFF heart necklace for us. It must be platinum and diamond-encrusted. Claire’s didn’t have one, but I’ll never give up.

  3. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:19 am Blogging – Posts about Blogging as of July 30, 2009 | Says:

    […] […]

  4. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:38 am Lucy Cooper Says:

    Thanks for catching me up, Aunt Becky. Since we just internet-met and all, now i feel a little more connected and a lot more sure that I hope to meet you someday outside the Matrix. And I blow no sunshine in your bottom when I say you are SO funny and so very relatable. There’s no doubt in my mind that when we do meet, I’ll be asking you to autograph my copy of your book!

  5. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:03 am Jodie Says:

    I love this post and the fact that you are so honest about yourself and your life. I just found your blog recently but I’m working my way through the archives. I too am a mother of three with a blog that is way more about pictures than writing (I’m a better photographer than writer it seems). And I often look around to wonder how I got where I am because this was definitely not the plan, but for the most part I’m happy where I ended up. Happy to share in the life of another mother who does not start and end stories about her children with my little precious genius… or … but we didn’t punish him because after all he was just expressing himself.

  6. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:11 am Kerrie Says:

    Ok…So, let’s go with the plan that little Amelia is totally going to be super normal, right. JUST THINK of how she can use this to her advantage when she’s my age…Married, with kids, and about to lose her shit…She can scream at her kids “You think broccoli sucks? Try having your brain form on the outside of your skull you wimp? Now eat your dinner!” Totally beats the walking in the snow shit…..

  7. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:16 am choosy Says:

    oooh it’s like the season recap before LOST.
    So fun to feel in the know, remember all the characters, and also to see what the producer feels is important to remind you of.
    I enjoyed it thoroughly.

    And I heart you. too.

  8. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:17 am Vanessa Says:

    Hi – I’m new to the blog and loving it! Thanks for your candor and sense of humor. We’ve got some things in common, born in 1980, had a baby girl in Jan. 09, not currently in the full time work force and married to a guy who lovingly puts up with me. I’m following on RSS so I’ll get your blog whenever you update. Looking forward to more…

  9. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:18 am amandakayhill Says:

    Reading this post makes me ponder my own life and I think in 20 years I’m going to wake up and be like the guy from office space. “I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I had hoped it could be.” I’ll have a ridiculous space cadet blur of events to go by as opposed to the drug fog my other family members experience. But still, I think we’re destined for the same fate.

    No burning questions. I’m just riding the wave with you, girlfriend.

  10. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:19 am C @ Kid Things Says:

    I’m a Cancer, too. But I’m your typical Cancer. I’m just as sensitive as we’re supposed to be.

  11. On July 6th, 2010 at 1:43 am Cody Says:

    What a coincidence i have cancer too, want to meet up to discuss our final days at a hospital, or some old school hill for a final sunrise

  12. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:25 am Suzy Voices Says:

    Jeez, for a minute I thought you were going to say you were quitting blogging, and then I would have had to come over there and kick your ass. And I can do it. You may be 12 years younger than me, but I just can. Believe it.

  13. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:29 am Bluebird Says:


    I couldn’t get past the part about you hating mayo. Seriously?

    I’m not sure we can be friends anymore at all.


  14. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:29 am Caroline Says:

    You forgot LOL. Oh, and when I was in middle school, we used BFFOUHFOWECF (Best Friends Forever Or Until Hell Freezes Over, Which Ever Comes First). Yeah, so beat that, you tweens with your texting and your anagrams that I can’t figure out!

    Hope you’re not rethinking that whole being friends thing.

  15. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:30 am Tina Says:

    How big is Amelia’s noggin? Probably going to start her hat on Sunday. Yeah, I know, it’s a million degrees now but by the time I’m finished… Email me! (if you don’t I will use juzilla’s gourd as a model)

  16. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:31 am Mrs Soup Says:

    I love this post so much. But not as much as I love you! Because you are the awesomest. And we are like, twins. Sisters from another mother. BFFs. Lovahs even! Because we are both closeted lesbians. Don’t tell my husband.

    Thanks for letting me stalk you on chat. You make my day happy. πŸ˜€ ^.^ <3

  17. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:35 am Potty Mouth Mommy Says:

    roflmao… i was 25 when I “retired” from nursing… like you, I met the man of my dreams, turned down an AWESOME job offer, and decided that shift work wasn’t worth the detriment to the relationship…

    I still LOVE to tell people I’m a retired nurse- it beats: I’m a SAHM to a kid who’s in school full time.

    However, my first text book was delivered yesterday- eeeeek…. pre-med, here we come!!

  18. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:36 am Valerie Says:

    I haven’t been reading you for very long but I love your blog. You always entertain me or make me think or make me hug my boys extra tight.

  19. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:37 am Lisa Says:

    Hey Aunt Becky,
    I learned a new word here on your blog- crotch parasite. I don’t dare call my own single child that word, not in my family. I can THINK it though and get away with it. Muahahahaha.

    You commented on my blog the other day and my husband asked “Who is Aunt Becky?” I played with his head and just told him Come on, you’ve met Aunt Becky a million times. He just shut up and went about his business. But now I can point him to this entry and get that question all answered up, but I really won’t. I will continue to mess with him and let him think we have an Aunt Becky out there somewhere.

    BFF’s it is! I will find you on Facebook. It is possible to have more than one BFF right? Cuz I have to admit I call at least two other people my BFF and I don’t want you to think I’m “cheating” on you.

    Hey, thanks for the LOL.

  20. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:38 am kbrients Says:

    yeah…aunt becky you pretty much rock my world πŸ™‚ Seriously? I did not know I had been reading from the begining of this blog? Seriously? Time? it has got to slow the hell down.

  21. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:42 am DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    John Mayer is indeed the Douchemeister General. I think he tops the list of Guys That are Tools for ’09, 08 and probably ’07.

    I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of months and I enjoy the complete honesty that you write with. You also don’t seem to have any kind of agenda, which is also a good thing. I am guessing that you told this story early on in your blog history, but, how did you meet The Daver?

  22. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:43 am Teresa M Says:

    You are the same age as my son. His birthday is Sept 7th. That seems so young to me……you are refeshingly open. I am a Cancer too, and I also feel sarcastic and insenstive most of the time. So it’s not just you. My favorite thing about blogs and the web is that there is no age boundry. I am old enough to be your Mom, yet when I read your blog I can totally relate and not feel so damned old!!!! You have also encouraged me to update my blog more often and not give a hoot what I say or what anyone thinks as long as I do write something.

    My burning questions is: Do you get shit from your family for being so open?

  23. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:45 am amy d Says:

    PHEW! For a minute I thought you were leaving us, having done all you could “creatively..and all” here entertaining us goofballs!
    I nearly broke out into a cold sweat…GEEZ!

  24. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:00 am Tracy Says:

    ummmm yeah. I’m pretty sure you’re my long lost twin sister.

  25. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:00 am Alicia Says:

    Dear Aunt Becky,

    Where are my damn business cards?

    (But not really.)

    This is a great primer. I’m glad you’re catching us new folks up. I like our little chats.


  26. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:00 am Nity Says:

    You continue to crack me up.

    Love this “crotch parasite”


  27. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:02 am Becca Says:

    Seriously man, you are the cooooolest! You’ve already been to my site, I believe. I have only been blogging for about two months. I started it to be one thing, and it has turned into something else but I really like it!

    I love your blog, and have been really just fascinated by all of your stories. Keep talking, we’re listening.

  28. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:08 am Liz Says:

    Hey, I just found you the other day – specifically the day I saw you won a blogher award for funny. I like funny and find funny to be lacking in my life so I came over to check you out. I started to read your archives but then I remembered that I have a husband (named Dave! whoda thunk there could be two guys with that very name!) and two kids and a pile of pets and other things that scream for my time and also that you seem to get diarrhea of the mouth almost daily (whoops! hope that didn’t offend!) and I have the attention span of a So anyway, I think you are hilarious and funny as funny can be so I have been visiting everyday for like, almost an entire week now. Want to know about me? I mean, we can’t possibly be BFF if you don’t know me right? My name is Liz I live in Nova Scotia (Canada eh?) and I have a husband named Dave (hmmm sounds like I may have said this already), a 16 year old daughter and an 11 year old son with ASD. I am older than you but not really old enough to be your mother (I didn’t grow up in a trailer park – no offense to anyone that did – I’m sure it was a fine place to live but I have heard the stories of all the OTHER trailer parks) I have a mentally challenged dog and a bitch for a cat. I also have 10 gerbils – why 10 you ask – well it is better than the 18 I used to have but not as good as the 4 i originally had – you know – the ones the pet store kid assured me were male. What else. I don’t work but prefer to sit on my fat ass and eat bon bons all day and my hubby I guess hasn’t noticed because he hasn’t said anything about the mess. Seriously? There is not one speck of dirt or one thing out of place in my house – I dare you to find something wrong with it. I will so go OCD on your ass. So, that is me and I am here stalking you daily now so get use to it. I might even post a comment (I did yesterday) so I can’t be considered a lurker. Stalker sounds better – much better. I can’t share my blog with you unfortunately. I kind of had to shut it down when I went postal (verbally) on my son’s teacher back in the third grade. She lost her job and I lost the ability to call her a bullying lying bitch so I guess it all worked out in the end! Maybe we could get together some day for a game of scrabble? We could play it the way my grandmother used to play with me – by pinging tiles off my head when I challenged her words! Delightful!

  29. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:13 am Coco Says:

    Aunt Becky 2.0!

    No, seriously, this is a nice way to say hi to your new readers (*Hi, new readers! Welcome! New people bring the cocktails!*).

    I also need to tell you that my brain has irreversibly inserted you into the Spanish Inquisition skits along with Michael Palin and the gang. This is another reason I love you so much.

    P.S. My invitation stands and is open forever or until I move to Montana. In which case you’re still welcome but there aren’t as many strip clubs.

  30. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:33 pm Jen Says:

    You rock. I found you recently (via Cake Wrecks, of all things). I’m a SAHM to a 3-yr-old boy and an almost-2-yr-old girl, and I retired from a miserable “career” in marketing at the ripe old age of 32 because my husband also prefers my happiness to my meager income. I don’t blog because I’m convinced no one would read what I have to say, which is fine. I do participate in an online journaling community, and I think about 4 people read me on that site – but sometimes a girl’s just go to write.

    I’m not going to stalk you on Facebook because I think that would just be creepy. You are way cool, though.

  31. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:35 am Stacy Says:

    Love your website Becky…just started reading yesterday. I really love your blog design – the notebook and the floral designs on the teal background. Cool. I’ve bookmarked your site and I will be back often to read your posts!

  32. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:38 am Michaela Says:

    New reader here. I’m just jazzed to be hanging out. I recently found your blog and I’m a happy camper.

    In other news–not related in any way to what we were talking about, but I have to share, shut up–I just got my hair done and on the way out of the salon, I did the obnoxious head whip. Totally snuck out on me. That’s some good hair.

  33. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:40 am Jenn Says:

    I hate that feeling like I missed something, too. When I start reading a new blog I go all the way back to the beginning (or as far back as the archives go) and read through. I’ve made a lot of people paranoid (“Who’s reading all my archives!? Did someone find me?! Oh no, oh no!”) that way. There are times when I like someone’s writing but they have 10 years of archives and I think, “NO fucking way, man” and I never come back. It’s sad.

    I (heart) you, though. And your writing. And your funniness. And your sincerity. And it’s nice to meet you all over again.

    That wetness on your ass? It’s my lips.

  34. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:00 pm Wishing4One Says:

    I agree your readers are the bomb really, me included. You are so funny and so real and I am so glad I found you back in the day last year. I can’t believe your so young girl, 1980, man! The thing i think i love about you the most, is that despite your fame and awards, (and upcoming book release- i am wishing it to happen) you always seem to comment on our blogs. That is special as hell to me, i love you Aunt Becky…smooches from Cairo!

  35. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:03 pm Kristi Stevens Says:

    Okay, okay, admit it…you did this post for me since I JUST found you yesterday and you didn’t want me to feel left out and you wanted to make sure I’d keep coming back and making kick-ass comments on your kick-ass blog… okay, I’ll do it… just because you were kind enough to do a post for me (and I’m wickedly intrigued and jealous and want to hear all the gorey details about the book deal). K

  36. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:06 pm Vinomom Says:

    What perfect timing as I’ve only been reading you for a week or so now! I had no idea we were so close in age. Three kids at our age! You are a glutton for punishment aren’t you? I’m 28, and the one I have annoys the hell out of me as it is. I couldn’t tell if you were joking about your oldest being on the autistic spectrum? Oh and I am so with you about 8 being much better than 7. I was comtemplating just pinning a note on her shirt and dropping her off on the side of the road somewhere during the Year of Seven.

    You’ve been by my blog a couple times already. I am getting ready to go to Fabulous Aruba and leave the common life behind. So in preparation for that my blog has been a bit ignored this past week.

    Thanks for the background. I loved it.

  37. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:07 pm Jen Says:

    I wasn’t going to comment but the form was already filled in so I guess it was like, “don’t be lazy”.
    I love your blog. I am going to go back and count how many of your 100 boring things we have in common, well probably not because of being lazy. But if I did you would know that we are BFFs already.

    I am sad that you don’t like mayonnaise but loving mayo and the aforementioned laziness is why I am fat so you should probably stick with that.

  38. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:12 pm Melissa Says:

    And I was beginning to think I was the only woman who can’t stand John Mayer! Everyone I know is just gaga over him and …

    So what is there to know? I am slightly older (shaddup… 8 years is slightly!) than you… have 2 kids who are 7-1/2 years apart, married to my high school sweetheart (yes, I know, gag me with the cutesy kittens and shit) for 15 years… 2 lizards, 1 large fish tank (we used to have 8!) and a geriatric cat. I don’t think I have ever had so few pets.

    Grew up in the middle of nowhere in northern Ontario (srsly… I think the bears outnumbered the people) have half an honours degree in Art and English (yes, HALF!), a full diploma in Architectural Technology (construction management) and what do I do for a living? I make cakes. Wild, weird and ridiculously funny and fancy cakes. I used to have an office job, but that was sucking my soul dry so now I work for myself… just wish my boss paid me better.

    I have a web site, just started twittering, 2 blogs (one of which I have ignored for over a year, the other is newer and not quite as neglected) and I have been running an experiment on FB; I accept anyone who asks me to be their friend… I have 960 “friends” now! LOL… I would have more, but the guys who propose marriage via FB had to be un-friended. I’m a moderator on a cake chat board, and have been banned from another one.

    As you can probably guess, this is not the life I thought I would have, and I wouldn’t trade it for any other… well unless the other is exactly the same but I am rich and skinny. I might trade it for that one.
    Anyhow, since I already have a total of 17 Aunts (not counting my hubby’s family) and I didn’t have an Aunt Becky yet, I figure you fit right in! OK, you totally don’t fit in, but I don’t either, so we can sit in the corner and try to avoid getting “saved” mmmkay?

  39. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:18 pm Shanna Says:

    Wow! Are there alot of suckups out here in Blogland. πŸ˜‰ KIDDING PEOPLE! I heart Aunt Becky just as much as the rest of you, but I have to keep her swollen head down to a reasonable size so she can fit through all the damn doors she has at her house.

    Yeah, I have been to Becky and Daver abode. Anyone else able to say that?

    Still waiting for my cards, hoping they get here by tomorrow as I have an adventure of my own that I would love to take them along for. Not sure if my doc will be up for playing along, but I will take cards and camera if they arrive in time. πŸ˜‰ Oops, let part of the secret slip. πŸ˜‰

    I think you all need to come visit in Boringtown one of these days.

  40. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:18 pm Sarah Says:

    Crotch parasite… Hmm, I’ll have to remember to use that term at my baby shower next month to shock the shit out of my husband’s family. Mwahaha.

    About me: I’m Sarah, I’m 26 and married to my high school sweet heart (on and off anyway. It took us lots of time and dating others to realize that it was meant to be). We have 6(!) cats, an obnoxious, anxious little dog that bites and we’re expecting our first baby, a boy, November 2nd. I love old houses, cooking, haunting flea markets and thrift stores for good deals and old things, the beach, red wine, vodka jello (jello shots but I just make it in a big bowl and eat it all by myself)… I’m an Aries and I am incredibly hard headed and have been told I’ll argue with a fence post if I think I’m right. I’ve been blogging through livejournal to my close friends since 1999? I think? I’d have to look at the post dates. But gave it up and went to blogger earlier this year when I realized all my friends had abandoned lj. It is tough being in a new community and not knowing anyone/having any followers. I’m still trying to figure out what to write about that would interest people who have never met me. I like blogging though because I can put all my thoughts down somewhere.

    Annnndddd I will try to find you on facebook sometime.

  41. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:19 pm lauren c Says:

    Aunt Becky:
    I read most of your blog a few months back…got so wrapped up in it that I could not stop reading! I LOVE IT!! I am a SAHM to a 17 month old, at 7 month PG I quit my job as a paralegal and my hubby and I left our comfort zone to move from South Louisiana to Tennessee to give our child a better life. I love reading your blog, especially when I am having a sluggish day! Keep it up and I am now a BFF and a frequent flyer to your blog!!

    Thanks for the laughs and Mayer is a total douchenozzle!!

    lauren c

  42. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:22 pm Danielle Says:

    I read the last line in the voice of my 12 year old daughter. My ears are now ringing.

    I’m a 33 year old COLLEGE student as of yesterday! I can’t believe it either. I am a mother to two children, 6 years apart. My mother is dead and I miss her terribly, especially now. My father and sister live 3 hours away from me and I hate it! I like dirty martinis and kinky sex. Preferably both in the same night. That about covers it, right?

  43. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm Barbara Says:

    Hey Aunt Becky! OK….that sounds weird since I have a daughter that is only 2 years younger than you. But hey….if that is what you want me to call you…then I will!
    I started reading your blog just a couple days ago. I found it through Cake Wrecks. They posted your addy when they annouced that they were a Blog Award winner along with you. So I jumped over here and after reading only one blog, I added it to my favorites. I have my own blog and find that sometimes I take most of the day to come up with something to talk about. Like today! I have not blogged yet. But something will come to me and I will jump back on it let the words spew forth. But until then…I think I will go play Farkle on Facebook.

  44. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:29 pm Kate Says:

    Hi Aunt Becky! *waves wildly* I’m really glad I found your blog because you sound like someone I’d like IRL and I don’t actually know a lot of people like that! lol

    I’m Katherine, but go by Kate. I don’t really like my name, but oh well, what can ya do?

    I’m married to a guy who is not supremely wonderful, but he’s honest & works hard to support our family so I don’t have to. I guess I shoudn’t bitch too much.

    I have 7 kids who I homeschool. Okay, technically I only school 6 because my youngest is just 3.5 years old and next year I’ll only school 5 because my oldest will graduate and then I’ll have only 4 because #2 kid will graduate, but then I’ll be up to 5 again because #7 will start school. πŸ™‚ Follow that?

    I have lots of kids with medical ‘stuff’: 4 with chiari malformation (another type of neural tube defect), 4 on the autism spectrum (2 Aspies, 1 Autism & 1 PDD-NOS), 2 who have had surgery for tethered cord, 1 with spina bifida (lipomyelomeningocele) + gastroparesis + a g-tube + some underlying condition that is causing a progressive decline but no doctor can figure it out yet. Lessee, what else? Oh yeah, 1 with PCOS, 1 with suspected Marfan Syndrome, 2 with Tourette’s. I may be missing something. It happens. Doesn’t really matter, though… to look at ’em, you wouldn’t know anything was amiss with most of ’em. They’re intelligent & healthy & beautiful (and yeah, I’m biased, but oh well).

    I was a pre-med major in college, worked for awhile as a dental assistant, then gave up the dream of being a physician’s assistant to be a mom. I’ve thought about going back to school to become a nurse because I could work 3 days and have 4 off to school my kids/be a mom and supposedly make really good money doing it, but I don’t know that I possess the personality necessary to be a good nurse. I am not very good at faking compassion or sympathy when what I really want to say is, “Get a grip; it’s not that bad!” Nurses who say things like that aren’t in high demand, I’m sure.

    Oh, and I’m 10 years, 4 months + 10 days older than you, but I don’t feel it.

  45. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:32 pm Ashley D Says:

    Can your blog and my blog go on a playdate? Or ok scratch the playdate idea in favor of getting blitzed on Rombauer and piggin’ out on tuxedo cheesecake.. LOVE LOVE LOVE your postings as always…

  46. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:34 pm Melissa Says:

    one more thing Aunt Becky… I TOTALLY can’t find you on FB!! HOW can you not be my friend? Are you hiding from me? Because you know I have CAKE… LMAO

  47. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:39 pm mumma boo Says:

    “The Inquisition – what a show! The Inquisition – here we go! Hey, Torquemada, whaddya say?” Now I’m imagining you in a nun’s outfit doing synchronized swimming with Mel Brooks. And yes, you’re dead sexy. πŸ˜‰

  48. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:42 pm Jellybean Mama Says:

    Maybe since John Mayer AND mayo are both so gross, we should just start using the expression, ‘John Mayo’. Do you think that would catch on? No? You’re probably right, you usually are about such things.

    Um, so here I am, long-time reader, first-time poster. I guess if you’re Aunt Becky then I’m Cousin Cathi, thrice-removed. I’m not quite sure what I’m removed from (various drinking establishments, stores for shoplifting in my ill-spent youth, and once a local dance club because I tried to do that move where you step up onto the seat of a chair, and then put your other foot on the back of the chair and gracefully tip it over, except I did it in the middle of their dance floor and am pretty sure my big ol’ butt did permanent damage).

    Your blog makes me totally LOL, wince, nod sagely, talk to my friends about you like I know you, die with jealousy that I don’t have a Daver (yet!), and want to drink. Every post. So that’s quite an accomplishment. And I’m a Cancer as well, so OMG WE R TODALLY EACH OTHER’S DENSITY.

  49. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:44 pm Kelly Says:

    Wow, look at all the people hearting on you! You are the coolest. Thanks for my first comment on my blog, I am so honored. Thanks Aunt Becky!!!

  50. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:45 pm Tara Petty Says:

    Well, hello, Aunt Becky. I found your blog a few days ago from a link on cakewrecks. I love your blog (so far). Hilarious and honest. Thank you for sharing.

    So, you wanna know a little about me? Ok, here it goes:

    I’m 23 and have the best life I could imagine. It is everything I always dreamed for, but nothing I ever expected I would actually have.

    I am married to a wonderful nerd with a great job that recently moved us to Buffalo, NY and allows me (the job- not the husband) to stay at home with our beautiful baby boy. (run-on sentence much?)

    Right this very moment I am holding our 11 week-old son, while he sleeps peacefully. He is a wonderful baby, already sleeping through the night and I swear he is going to crawl soon.

    I blog mostly about my baby and other random events in our life. I do it mostly to keep a record of events for my own satisfaction. I enjoy reading through my archives as a stroll down memory lane. It has also become a good way for our family and friends back home to keep tabs on us.

    Ok, enough about me. Again, thanks for blogging. Looking forward to reading your life on this wonderful internet. πŸ™‚

  51. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:48 pm Jennifer Says:

    I lurve my Aunt Becky! The husband asked about one of your comments. He felt guilty he didn’t remember ever meeting you at my family things. It was hysterical. For me. He didn’t find the humor. Probably because I laughed and laughed and never told him the truth.

    I’ve decided we are the same people. I’m 6 months older than you. I have a child much older than the others from a previous relationship. I have a 2 year old. My youngest was born in January of 09. If you got married in 05, then I’m certain you are my doppelganger. Except for the mayo thing. Can’t live without mayo.

  52. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:57 pm Wendy Says:

    Ok two things.

    1. I find listening to John Mayer to be a pretty satisfying experience, as long as I do not either a. watch his mouth do that weird stuff when he sings or b. imagine his mouth doing that weird stuff when he sings.

    2. Do you remember when Kevin Costner knocked breakfast on the floor so he could have sex with Susan Sarandon on the kitchen table in “Bull Durham?” That was hot.

  53. On July 30th, 2009 at 12:59 pm Shari Says:

    Yeah, Aunt Becky – I don’t even fill out the profiles on face book or bogspot cuz it’s like.. yeah.. it is a complicated web I weave. I am reluctant to tell you about me.. you may not be my NBFF.

    You can not even laugh when I tell you I am prolly your OLDEST reader (I read you every day around 1pm) nor can you laugh when I say that I am still married to my 3 childrens father but have lived with my current BF for 10 years.

    oh.. yeah.. wrap your brain around that one. This year was my 29 wedding anniversary with my babies daddy. My crazy nutty g/f’s send my babies daddy an anniversary card on May 10 to commemorate the happy day. I was not so fortunate as I just got a text from them wishing me a Happy 29th Wedding Anniversary.

    First things first – I was named after Shari Lewis and lamb chop. Well not lambchop but ya know. and for the record my name is NOT Hungarian for Charlotte.

    I am a buyer for our local hospital along with my bf. Actually both of us are buyers and work in the same office together, doing the same job E.V.E.R.Y. D.A.Y! We have lived together for about 10 years now.

    With that outta the way. I will wrap this up all nice and sweet. I am a mom of 3 kids. Kassee born the same year as you she will be 29 in October. She is the mom of my only grand daughter Hannah. She and Hannah live with me and my bf.

    My son Dean bless his little heart he is just like his momma but with a penis. Dean will be 27 on Aug 21 of this year. Oh, I can talk about this kid forever and a blue moon. But he just moved back to Indiana 3 months ago after moving to Pennsylvania after the received his Masters. He called on evening and told me he broke up with his gf of 4 years and quite his job and would be back to Indiana in 2 weeks. True to his word.. he showed up 2 weeks later.

    Drew oh my *sob* oh my baby boy Drew. Drew turned 24 years old, 5 day before your birthday on July 10. oh.. my Drew.! How I love this boy. He will be leaving on Sunday to move to Alaska. *emo sigh here* He applied for his dream job in his last year of Optometry school and was contacted last month to see if he was still interested in moving to Alaska. uhh.. yeah he was.

    Enough about my kids. I have a blog and started blogging in .. oh.. prolly 2003. My boring blog is not public. well I have 2 blogs but the one that I write in is not public.. cuz seriously who gives a rat’s ass about what pisses me off or make me squee. But a mental picture would be a old, blond, over weight grandma that enjoys taking photos. That’s me!

    ok..that is about all I can churn out now. Try not to yawn to much.

  54. On July 30th, 2009 at 2:11 pm Jess Says:

    I started my blog over because of your blog about what people should know about writing blogs. And so far, you are my only comment! =)

    Blog. I just wanted to say it again.

  55. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:13 pm Jennilea6 Says:

    Okay, I am a Blogging Virgin. I plan on popping that cherry in about 2 weeks, and when I do, I promise to send photos. Because I can, because I am kinky like that and because you know you want it. In the meantime, I read a lot. Blogs. Books. Boxes of Cereal. Whatever. And I loved reading yours!

    I am NOT a Cancer. I was NOT born in the 80s or since and am thus a few years older than you (your math skillz is mad, yo!). I have 2 children (both boys) and I have not yet decided if I will pimp them out for the purposes of my own blog or leave their little darling innocent faces alone. (*snort* Yeah. We both know where *that* will end up.) I do NOT hate mayo OR John Mayer (though he may be a douchebag. I will consider.) I could NEVER be a nurse and I am NOT married. I don’t even like Vodka. (No, no, it’s okay. Keep reading.)

    But life isn’t what I thought it would be either, and just the same, it turned out to be okay, too. Oh, and I prefer Tequila.

    This thoughtfully closes my Introduction to You/Me and, also, the Application for BFF status. =) Oh, and I adore you. The End.

  56. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:15 pm Katie Says:

    Hi, I also found your blog through Cake Wrecks. I added your blog to my google reader after going through a few posts, and have been reading some archives here and there. I’m definitely more of a reader/lurker/not a stalker I promise, but since you asked:

    I’m 25, I live in Philadelphia with my boyfriend and a roommate (I can consider the roommate a pet, right?). I’m addicted to caffiene and dark chocolate, and swear like a sailor who just lost a hand at poker. I bake, knit, do brazilian jiu jitsu and love comic book movies. I don’t have any kids, but I still enjoy your blog, and look forward to reading more.

    Oh! and I love your blog layout, it’s pretty sweet πŸ™‚

  57. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:25 pm Angie Says:

    Why is it all the funniest people I know (and read) are moms? Something about putting up with that much mundane ridiculousness every day? Or perhaps it’s the fact that if we couldn’t laugh about it, we’d go insane all postal-style. I have a (completely non-scientific) theory that mommy blogs have reduced child abuse in America. Come on, how many times were you about to smack one and you thought to yourself, “Screw it. I’ll just go be snarky online”?

    Blogs have saved us from isolation, in our own apartments and houses. Although I might not farther than 2 miles from my place any given day, I have friends across the globe. The kumbaya lovey-dove internet has saved the stay-at-home-mom concept for another generation.

  58. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:31 pm mrs. seay Says:

    Thank you for this blog! I just discovered it and its my new favorite!! Love ya!

  59. On July 30th, 2009 at 2:33 pm heather Says:

    From the beginning, baby, from the beginning. I remember reading what must have been your first couple of posts at this site right after Alex was born and being hooked because he and El are almost the *exact* same age. And still, here I am.

  60. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:37 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I’ll have to come back later and read everyone’s comments when I have more time.

    I think you know everything there is and more than you ever needed to about me already, except maybe that our birthdays are only two weeks apart, same year and everything. And we are totally friends on Facebook.

  61. On July 30th, 2009 at 1:45 pm Maggie Says:

    It totally rocks to know there are other smartass moms out there. I felt so alone…

    My kids are 9 and 12 and I can assure you that the smartass apple did not fall far from the smartass tree… so, be prepared!

    You’re like the coolest aunt that I’ve ever had! SO much better than the one that comes to visit once a month!

  62. On July 30th, 2009 at 2:03 pm Beth Says:

    Found your blog via a posting on CakeWrecks and you make me smile. So I will continue to read. You make being mom seem normal and show that you don’t have to lose your sense of humor and sarcasm once you have kids.

    About me:
    I live in Baltimore and have not yet had my car broken into. And I just jinxed myself, I’m sure.
    I love to bake, hence the baking blog.
    Work in graduate school marketing and recruitment, which means half of my year is spent in shady hotels around the country.
    And in my head, I will call you “Ahnt” instead of “Ant”, because I’m originally from Boston and that’s how we roll up there.
    I can’t drink vodka b/c it gives me a rash, but I do love sake.

  63. On July 30th, 2009 at 3:11 pm magpie Says:

    Why are you telling me all of this? Don’t I know everything there is to know about you?

    Mayo is highly overrated. As is Facebook.

  64. On July 30th, 2009 at 2:13 pm Lisa Says:

    I can’t share because I am too traumatized from yesterday!!!!!!

  65. On July 30th, 2009 at 2:26 pm Employee No. 3699 Says:

    Holy crap, my eyes are burning after reading through all these comments.

    I love ‘Crothc Parasite’! I usually refer to my children as the rotten fruit of my loins.

  66. On July 30th, 2009 at 3:31 pm Hope Says:

    Well, Aunt Becky, I think I’m going to start calling myself Uncle Ernie, after Wicked Uncle Ernie in the Tommy rock opera.
    Just because it’s the internet, so I can!!!
    I’ve been Typhoid Mary, Asian, hopeful and now I’ve finally found myself – I’m a dog!

  67. On July 30th, 2009 at 2:40 pm ZenMom Says:

    Great post. As a relatively new reader, I appreciate the “gettin-to-know-ya”. πŸ™‚

  68. On July 30th, 2009 at 3:07 pm daisybv2 Says:

    DUDE LOVE THE POST… totally caught my a ** up which is great. And we totally need to be BFF’s even tough I am a Gemini and you are a cancer, I still hate MAYO and my Xander and Your Ameila are days apart….

    Thanks for the update post and you read my blog so you know all about me already

  69. On July 30th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Cynthia Says:

    You know, I used to think John Mayer was a douche, too…until I followed him on Twitter. He is just about the fucking funniest person to post on there…just shy of Rainn Wilson (the guy who plays Dwight on The Office). Kevin Nealon is pretty hilarious to follow as well.
    I digress.
    JM plays a shit ton of pranks and posts about them (which, I might add, are sometimes funny-ha-ha, but mostly funny-uh-oh), in addition to random shit that you just can’t help but laugh at. It’s sort of endearing, really.

    BTW, I just recently found your blog (thanks to props from Jen over at Cake Wrecks after BlogHer) and swear on my ratty Care Bear, circa 1987, that you and I had to be separated at birth, if only for the reason that I can relate to you more than I can to anyone in my whole damn screwed up family, in addition to your penchant for run-on sentences as well. (ha!)

    I work 7pm to 7am on a critical care stepdown unit and sometimes the only way I make it through the night without killing some of my fellow RN’s is to read your archives while jamming out to some Metallica or REO Speedwagon (shut up) and shut them and that Godforsaken call light out.

    Keep rockin’ The Awesome, Aunt Becky. You’re fuckin’ cool.

  70. On July 30th, 2009 at 3:41 pm Betty M Says:

    How did I miss your birthday??? Many belated Birthday Wishes for you my dear!

    Tempted to find you on FB but then embarassed to show that I am even worse at FB’ing than I am at blogging.

  71. On July 30th, 2009 at 4:42 pm Sandy Says:

    You could like, totally be related to me, but then again, not, because my family is not like me. They are kind and gentle and mostly Christian and mostly Republican and I am a smartass liberal college professor and they ask themselves daily, “Where did SHE come from?” But they smile and pretend to love me and of COURSE they love Oscar but they avoid talking to me about politics except to ask me if I’m worried about the fact that Obama is not an American citizen. So yeah, we could be related. But your younger than me so you can’t be my aunt cuz that’s weird.

  72. On July 30th, 2009 at 4:43 pm Sandy Says:

    You ARE younger than me. Did I mention that I iz a professor?

  73. On July 30th, 2009 at 3:58 pm SmartassMom (Katie) Says:

    I’m also stuck on the mayo comment. I’m disappointed, to be honest.

    I also have to start using my blog name to comment because now you have a bunch of Katie’s and Kate’s reading and I HAVE to stand out. I thought about doing “Katie #1” but then I thought that was arrogant and I wasn’t even sure it was true.

    Oh, we have very similar last names. Probably pronounced the same, but mine is spelled ridiculously. Maybe I’ll start using your spelling. Would that be weird?

  74. On July 30th, 2009 at 4:07 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    You actually could be my Aunt Becky, on my dad’s side, or maybe it would be great aunt Becky. Apart from his parents I’ve never met a single family member & there are apparently a lot of them, many in the Chicago area (and Michigan).

    I prefer Miracle Whip to mayo, which I realize puts me in a whole different category of crazy. Many people who are willing to put up with a pagan, 80’s pop loving, Renaissance festival freak, full of useless trivia she adores sharing with others, do seem to draw the line at the Miracle Whip thing.

  75. On July 30th, 2009 at 4:29 pm Eva Says:

    Why exactly don’t you want to be a nurse again? What was it like when you were?

  76. On July 30th, 2009 at 5:42 pm Westcoast Weirdo Says:

    Oh gawd I hate that prick!! And I’m jealous because you’re happy. *Pffbbbbt* So there. I just can’t seem to find where I hid it last.

  77. On July 30th, 2009 at 4:44 pm Inna Says:

    I thought you wanted to become a scientist??? But DWB is definitely a much more noble cause.

  78. On July 30th, 2009 at 4:49 pm Z Says:

    Hey! Been reading for, I don’t know, weeks? ish? But this is my first comment πŸ˜‰

    Love the recap – just what I needed! As for me… Hmmm… Z is not my name; if you ever meet me in real life, I’ll tell ya the story behind it. It’s long and not very funny.

    I might be your age (ish) but I don’t have the kids or the daily writing skillz. I do, however, have a 1/2 doc and a 1/2 doc which makes me *nearly* a doctor and which I like to blame for my lack of time. And a life.

    What else? I’d direct ya to my blog except I recently purged it so you won’t find much there. So. Yeah. That’s it. Me in a nutshell. Exciting, no? (No?)

    Nice to meet you!

  79. On July 30th, 2009 at 5:05 pm Kristin Says:

    What a great post. I’m glad I’m not the only one crazy enough to lay it all out there for the internet to read (including me real name).

  80. On July 30th, 2009 at 6:40 pm Jayna @ Yankee Drawl Says:

    First, I’m cracking up over here from the “crotch parasite” one. Love it!

    Second, awesome catch-up session. The CLIFF notes to Aunt Becky. I’ve been lurking around here in the middle of the night for a long time (sounds so sinister – really though, that’s when I get to do all my blog reading during the 3 month old’s snack session) and hadn’t quite pieced everything together. Thanks!

  81. On July 30th, 2009 at 5:49 pm Cute~Ella Says:

    Hi Aunt Becky! So nice to meet you. I’m Cute~Ella by name, bold and sassy by game. We’re already BFFs on FB along with my kiddo sister and I’m sending you a Pretty Pecker Pop and Tasty Tatas as soon as I can figure out the best way to ship it so they don’t melt.

  82. On July 30th, 2009 at 6:15 pm birdpress Says:

    Excellent synopsis, Aunt Becky! I hope this is going in you “about” section. Is it weird when you think how many of us out here feel like we really know you, even though you don’t really know us?

  83. On July 30th, 2009 at 6:46 pm erikagwen Says:

    awesome. I just started reading/following the blog a few weeks ago; saw the blog listed on the one of the web award sites and thought “Mommy Wants Vodka? I want Vodka. I’ll get vodka then read that.” then I passed out.

    but in the morning I found that I had bookmarked the site and did some reading. Love it!

    No kids, just some dogs and a husband.

    And I will totally be your friend on FB, like now. but only if that is cool with you

  84. On July 30th, 2009 at 6:58 pm Alex Says:

    1. January 09 babies kick ass.

    2. So does this post.

    3. The Daver sounds excellent simply because he’s an occasional blogger like myself. I’m sure there are other reasons, but I’m his comrade for that one at least.

  85. On July 30th, 2009 at 7:05 pm Betts Says:

    I’m the creepy stalker blogger that follows you everywhere on the internets. I live in a house with only one sausage (two if you count the dog). My daughter’s brain was all inside her skull, but I’m thinking Amelia had so much brain, it just wouldn’t all fit inside. I’m retired just like you.

  86. On July 30th, 2009 at 8:20 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    But what about the children without FEET? Who thinks of them?

    I DO. I think of the children without FEET (but not the ones without hands because stumpy arms freak me the fuck out).

  87. On July 30th, 2009 at 7:22 pm a Says:

    OK, so I too am a Cancer, and regarding the sensitivity…that just means that when people say mean things about you, you get really hurt. It doesn’t stop you from saying mean things, though. It’s not that kind of sensitive.

    Let’s just say that no one has ever accused me of having any tact. Now I’ve always known this, but one of my aunts (who was not a Becky, btw) was determined that I should go into the foreign service and become a diplomat. I think it took her 7 years to figure out that with my mouth/brain connection that has no filter, diplomacy would be about the last career option for me. Unless you were looking to start a war…then I’m your girl!

  88. On July 30th, 2009 at 7:40 pm Susan Says:

    Sorry, but, crotch parasite??? Awesome.

    And, yeah, I want you. Keep the writing up.


  89. On July 30th, 2009 at 9:32 pm Painted Maypole Says:

    nice to meet you. Painted Maypole is NOT my real name. you know, in case you thought my parents were real freaks or something.

  90. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:43 pm Foxy Kate Says:

    My name is Foxy Kate, and I found you through a friend of mine who has been reading you for a while, and then I sent you an email and stalked you on facebook and you told me I could move into your basement and we’ll be there next Thursday.

    My cast of characters is me, 35 in September, my husband who looks strangely like Ricky Ricardo, and is Cuban to boot, and four kids: the boy is 7, the wild & wacky twins are 5, and the baby will be 2 in September. (She’s the best one – shhh!) We don’t have any post-utero problems that I know of, but the girls were all trying to kill themselves in-utero and that was stressful and sucky. We got lucky once they came out, though – they should both have CP and be in wheelchairs and all that, if even alive, but I admit that sometimes (ok, always) telling myself that I am lucky they are even here does not dull the anger at finding bedsheets hacked into a million pieces when I leave them with a babysitter to go to a job that pays me $1/hour more than I turn over to said babysitter. (Babysitter looks like McLovin, by the way.)

    I have been on the livejournal with a private readership of like 100 good ladies who I met through hipmama and the like, ages ago, and I recently started a blog but I’m having a hard time sticking with it because I’m used to just letting it all hang out & be funny but I’m feeling this pressure to be knowledgeable and professional b/c I”m a massage therapist & I do a lot of prenatal stuff & breastfeeding counseling & I’m in nursing school to learn to be a rich lady botox injector, etc., etc.

  91. On July 30th, 2009 at 9:46 pm Venti Vixen Says:

    “I started Mommy Wants Vodka sometime in Aught Seven after my second son was born and all my childless friends started blocking my calls. I guess thereÒ€ℒs something really fucking boring about having to listen to someone endlessly whine about having a ridiculously crabby, clingy baby when youÒ€ℒre out clubbing and having hot sex on kitchen tables with random people. Somehow diaper rash and spit up doesnÒ€ℒt compare.”

    I know, right?

  92. On July 30th, 2009 at 10:35 pm Didactic Pirate Says:

    Too many people love you, and now my comment is 13 miles down this column, damn it.

    Nevertheless. Aunt Becky, I find you coquettish yet beguiling. Calming yet invigorating. Charming yet lascivious.

  93. On July 30th, 2009 at 11:08 pm Lippy Says:

    What is it you don’t like about mayonaise? It’s smooth creamy texture? The super yummy taste? The way is makes my sandwich sparkle? Maybe you mixed it up with miracle whip? Cuz that shit is nasteee. Actually one of the first things I asked my husband when I met him was butter or margarine? mayo or miracle whip” and milk chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips. Not only did he prefer mayo, he also likes the same brand. We are a fucking lame couple is what I am saying. Love your blog and you are super sweet to stop by my and leave your comments. It means a lot to me!

  94. On July 31st, 2009 at 2:14 am cajunfriend Says:

    Just when I was feeling all unique and shit…so many people here are just like me!! Yeah, yeah, I heart you too. Course, I heart everyone. Gemini.

    I was raised in Louisiana, so you really could be my Aunt Becky – even though I am 37. Happens all the time. My Paw Paw and his Uncle are months apart…and both named Wilbert. (WTF, like that was the only name out there?? Momma and daughter couldn’t be more original?) I digress, but this is the gene pool I swim in. Well, wade really. So hello Aunt Becky.

    I live in Illinois now, such – so when you have your first book signing, I’ll be there. Life carries us where we need to be. I need your book.

    I also have a January ’09 baby. What the hell happened in April of 2008 ladies?? Recession was so depressing all we could be good at was sex. It didn’t require the use of a car or gas money. Still free at my house…well, I make emotional payments.

    I have a 7 year old as well. He is so damn funny. What a smartass. I’m a terrible parent, because when he makes an observation *my ‘yuppie’ (but very sweet) big sister bought a plaid outfit for the baby to wear this Christmas, soooo girly, full of pleats and fussy buttons (yes, they were fussy) my kid looked at it and said, “Well that’s stupid.” (yes, yes in front of her!!!)* I just gave him a high five. ‘Cuz really, ‘it was stupid’ was the nicest thing you could have said about that outfit.

    I don’t have a blog…but I do write and always have. The voices in my head get to loud if I don’t put them on paper.

    Thanks for your voices. The layout is great, I always feel like I am in 3rd period Science pretending to pay attention, but reading this awesome novel in stead. (which I often did)

    They use to pay me to be a graphic designer, but no more. I’m like you, gettin paid in hugs and snot, and the occasional wet shoelace.

    Thanks for the post, nice to remember as I fight off all this damn baby weight, that other ladies are out there like me. Just waitin for something to happen and think…hey ya’ll aren’t going to believe this!!! (if one person says, ohh, all my weight came off sooo easy – well, I hope they stub their toe)

    From your little cajun friend *hug*

  95. On July 31st, 2009 at 4:19 am Tina PS Says:

    Wow. I mean wow. I must say I don’t have the guts to write down so many things about me, but here goes… I’m Tina, somewhere over 30 (If I tell you I’m a Taurus and a Chinese snake in “horoscopical terms”, you can get the general “somewhere” idea). I live in Slovenia with my wonderful husband, with a last name practically noone knows how to spell, and we’re working on a family addition. In the mean time, I try to deal with a loud parrot and a demanding cat (I always tell her that in first aid, the quiet ones are in danger, while those who whine the loudest really can sit and wait, but she doesn’t understand). Oh, and 70 orchids. I do have a blog, but I must admit to 1-2 posts per month only.

  96. On July 31st, 2009 at 6:49 am sharon Says:

    yay! i’m so finding u on FB (already stalk u on Twitter)!

    i’m MamaSkates (Sharon) – i’m almost a year older than u (i just turned 30 on Wednesday)…i have 3 crotch parasites & 2 teenage step-parasites…love em all more than life itself! my hubby rocks – plus he’s fine as hell! ;0) i just beat Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (well, my final scan is in August, but no reason 2 think we didn’t get it)…after chemo & a little radiation, i’m finally getting some decent hair back…but it went from dark & a lil wavy – to salt & pepper & looks like it may end up curlier…so weird! i have a boring full-time job (software support), but a super fun side gig – i’m a cake artist! ( i love the outdoors & am sad summer’s coming 2 an end…i blog about random crap that probably no 1 but me & my kiddos’ grandparents wants 2 read – but it’s fun…& therapeutic…& i love the blogging community too! thx 4 the introduction – ur blog is tops on my list…i ♥ reading!

  97. On July 31st, 2009 at 6:50 am sharon Says:

    yay! i’m so finding u on FB (i already stalk u on Twitter)!

    i’m MamaSkates (Sharon) – i’m almost a year older than u (i just turned 30 on Wednesday)…i have 3 crotch parasites & 2 teenage step-parasites…love em all more than life itself! my hubby rocks – plus he’s fine as hell! ;0) i just beat Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (well, my final scan is in August, but no reason 2 think we didn’t get it)…after chemo & a little radiation, i’m finally getting some decent hair back…but it went from dark & a lil wavy – to salt & pepper & looks like it may end up curlier…so weird! i have a boring full-time job (software support), but a super fun side gig – i’m a cake artist! ( i love the outdoors & am sad summer’s coming 2 an end…i blog about random crap that probably no 1 but me & my kiddos’ grandparents wants 2 read – but it’s fun…& therapeutic…& i love the blogging community too! thx 4 the introduction – ur blog is tops on my list…i ♥ reading!

  98. On July 31st, 2009 at 7:24 am hpom Says:

    Greetings from the Great White North! Can I be your crazy Canuck cousin/niece/bff?!?

    I just ran across your blog last week and have been using it to avoid all the work that I should be doing.

    I blogged my way through the first year or so of my (2 year old) dude’s life but have been a bit neglectful in the last few months…..with the blog, not the dude. Your wonderful writing is inspiring me to continue with my blog and see where it goes.

    Thanks for your candor and humour.

  99. On July 31st, 2009 at 7:33 am Maria Says:

    I just have to say that no one is allowed to hate John Mayer. No one!!
    I love him with the intensity of a thousand suns.

    Oh wait, you acknowledged his guitar skills. All is well then.

  100. On July 31st, 2009 at 8:40 am Beth Says:

    Just the fact that you also find John Mayer to be a turbo douche nozzle has won my never ending (kind of like some of his songs) love.

    But also I do believe we live in the same town (don’t worry I’m too shy in person to go looking for you) and to know there is another snarky mother out there in this white bread helicopter-my-kids-are-special-snowflakes-Mom town is a relief.

    My kids are older (one is a sophomore @ North and the other is in 7th grade at that school that rhymes with “Pains”) but I can remember back to those younger days and commiserate with you. You’ve also inspired me to get back to my blog and make it interesting again.

  101. On July 31st, 2009 at 8:41 am Minnie Says:

    Love it!
    Let’s have a cocktail one night.

  102. On July 31st, 2009 at 7:58 am sharon Says:

    yay! i’m so finding u on FB (i already stalk u on Twitter)!

    i’m MamaSkates (Sharon) – i’m almost a year older than u (i just turned 30 on Wednesday)…i have 3 crotch parasites (my son who’s 9 is an Aspie) & 2 teenage step-parasites…love em all more than life itself! my hubby rocks – plus he’s fine as hell! ;0) i just beat Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (well, my final scan is in August, but no reason 2 think we didn’t get it)…after chemo & a little radiation, i’m finally getting some decent hair back…but it went from dark & a lil wavy – to salt & pepper & looks like it may end up curlier…so weird! i have a boring full-time job (software support), but a super fun side gig – i’m a cake artist! ( i love the outdoors & am sad summer’s coming 2 an end…i blog about random crap that probably no 1 but me & my kiddos’ grandparents wants 2 read – but it’s fun…& therapeutic…& i love the blogging community too! thx 4 the introduction – ur blog is tops on my list…i ♥ reading!

  103. On July 31st, 2009 at 8:12 am Kelly Says:

    Hi Aunt Becky-

    Your blog immediately made me giggle, love that you self-label as a relative. One of my favorite professors in college was a short, ADHD, Irish man. He always referred to himself in the third person as, “your Uncle Tommy.” Always. As in, “Come now, tell your Uncle Tommy what you think.” Or- “Your Uncle Tommy politely requests that you all have your papers turned in no later than Monday, as I’m going on a bender on Thursday, and need to pretend to have read them.” (It’s even more fun when you imagine the Irish accent.)

    Thanks for the smiles!

  104. On July 31st, 2009 at 8:23 am GingerB Says:

    So, as a fellow Cancer, I must ask you – are you sure you aren’t just sensitive on the inside, and hiding under a blanket of sarcasm? See when you do this, you can use it to explain bitchiness. this is my Cancerian theory and I am sticking to it.

  105. On July 31st, 2009 at 8:35 am Mwa Says:

    I can’t believe I’m calling you aunt and you’re three years younger than me! Not to mention you being ahead a kid.

    I would friend some people on Facebook/Twitter but I’m so not ready to out myself as a blogger to my extended friends and family. Too early!

    I did tell my sister and my best friend, though, and they are both like a leaky bucket as soon as they have a drink in them, so it’s only a matter of days…

  106. On July 31st, 2009 at 10:30 am Lola Says:

    You do so talk about me!

  107. On July 31st, 2009 at 9:33 am Shannon Says:

    I like so many others just love your term “crotch parasite”.

    I’ve been looking for the perfect description, and there it is.

    I have three of my own and my oldenst is 9 and a girl. I swear she’s already suffering from PMS and if her period isn’t going to start for another 4 or so years I’m going to lock her in her room and feed her only what fits under the door. My poor son is 7 and is in the middle of his two sisters. I’m concerned for his safetly when his sisters do grow up and beging PMSing together. My youngest will be 4 next week. She has the attitude of a drunk teenager in that she loves everyone, but no one better look at her wrong ’cause she’ll do her kung-foo on them.

    Been married for nine years… Just turned 30… Nothing going like I planned or am planning… YaDa YaDa… You know the drill.

    Thanks for a really great blog. I can always find a piece of myself somewhere in it.


  108. On July 31st, 2009 at 1:57 pm Rock and Roll Mama Says:

    Holy ^&&^, how have I never found you before? You are right out there, and I love that. Also, your blog is gorgeous. tell those publishers if you write a book, we will all read it. That should totally nail it. Also, that if they don’t bloggers will leave flaming bags of poo on their doorsteps a la Billy Madison. Just a little incentivization, KWIM???

    I do, however, have to hate you a little bit, as you’re six years younger than I, and apparently I’m really f-ing old. I’m just noticing. So all of you whippersnappers can bite me. Sigh. Other than that, I luuurrrrve you and will so be back. Thank you!

  109. On July 31st, 2009 at 1:19 pm sharon Says:

    ugh, i’m so embarrassed – somehow, i posted the same damn thing 3 times! i would delete the 1st 2, but it won’t let me…sorry bout that!

  110. On July 31st, 2009 at 2:58 pm Lannie Says:

    *waves* Hey Becky! I have been commenting for a while but I have no idea if we ever properly like introduced ourselves like proper people on the internet. Is that even etiquette around here on the webz? Anyway, hi!
    Lannie here, hailing from NL, two weeks your junior, married, no kids πŸ˜€

    Drop by on my blog if you’re bored. And if you’re reallyreallyreally bored (which I can’t imagine with three screaming bundles of joy bouncing about your house), I used to blog before it became popular, yo. There’s eight years worth of Lanniearchives on the interwebz, I totally talk too much πŸ™‚

  111. On July 31st, 2009 at 7:49 pm TheBeerLady Says:

    We have SO totally got to be BFF on FB.

  112. On July 31st, 2009 at 10:35 pm Lisa Says:

    Becky, I do believe I met you at Blogher….I mean, I have your business card staring at me so I must have met you there.

    In fact, I think we shared breakfast one morning and I was kinda being cheeky, witty, sarcastic, whatev and I want to say that YOU told ME “You are funny”. And I remember thinking to myself- who is this girl? I have heard of her blog but haven’t checked it out yet. And I think she is funny. Yet she thinks I am funny. And I am not…..

    Please don’t go check out my blog because I am much funnier in person versus in writing. Although some people have told me I am funny in writing (but then I had to pay them under the table for those nice remarks). For realz.

    Anyhoo, I love your style of writing and you made me laugh several times while reading this and to me, that means I’LL BE BACK.

    Can we be BFF’s too?

  113. On August 1st, 2009 at 6:49 pm Nina Says:

    Parasite crotch is an Internet nickname for Paris Hilton πŸ™‚ are you also into (I love it!) or just great minds think alike? You have a wonderful blog, and I’m very happy that you won the award! I read your blog very often but rarely comment – once, I think, was on 9/11 memories and then recently we exchanged e-mails on some heated topic.

  114. On August 1st, 2009 at 10:32 pm Claire Gregory Says:

    Hey Becky,

    I’m another reader sucked into your wake by the vortex that is CakeWrecks. As soon as I started reading I was hooked- I’m only a year younger than you, and my first bub Sophie was born last November. Like Amelia she has a million and fifty specialists following her development after she was asphyxiated during birth and suffered severe vrain damage. But like Amelia she’s looking Normal and Healthy, and we’re feeling pretty damned lucky so far.

    I blog about Sophie, and when she actually sleeps (which for the last few months = NEVER) I concentrate on my other blog about writing fiction, and moderate at a books and writers forum. Once in a blue moon I actually get to write some fiction. And sometime in the unknown future I’m dying to get back to my original profession and number one love of archaeology.

    Anyway, thanks for the catchup! I’m not a BFF kind of gal, but you know if I was you’d be my kind of BFF πŸ˜›

    Thanks for the cathc

  115. On August 3rd, 2009 at 9:09 am moonspun Says:

    This is a perfectly timed post for me to read becaue I just was smart enough to add you to Google reader and dig in, after seeing your witty comments on many other blogs I read….
    My daughter, lil moonspun, just turned 9 and you and her share a birthday! A friend had her detailed astrological chart done when she was born, but I’ve never looked at it because I didn’t want it to influence what I thought of her emerging personality.
    Me? In short, I am also a woman who is living a life I could have never imagined. After being with my former partner (lesbian) for 13 years, I am not blissfully married to a wonderful man. He has two daughter, and I have one. After majoring in Women’s Studies in college, I am now in graduate school for Military History…who knew? And after a lifetime in Massachusetts I now live on a dirt road in Vermont, which I love. After 15 years in retail, I now work at the same college where my husband teaches.
    I am amazed at the blogging community, the internet and all the possibilities therein.
    Thanks for sharing….

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