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Smells Like The Crazy To Me


It takes an act of God to get me to go to the doctor. An act of God, or a throat so incredibly sore that it felt like a million tiny knives were sticking my naso-oral cavity each and every time I drew a breath.

Well, that and I wanted to prove to Daver that I was sicker, damnit.

The worst part of being sick for me is the fact that my emotions go completely haywire. On any normal day, I’m fairly cheerful (shut up), and that’s tempered with only a few select other emotions. Namely, in no particular order, Hunger, Anger, and/or Sleepiness.

I’m pretty simple, really.

But the moment that rogue bacteria enters my system, it’s like an emotional switch flips to 11, and every other emotion on the spectrum of emotions begins to flood my body.

I cry at dog food commercials (and not even the sad ones), get angry at the weather for daring to dump snow onto my car, suppress every urge to kick the cats out from under my feet (my damn cats are the sweetest BUT neediest animals on the face of the planet), while trying not to weep when the baby went down for an extra long nap (what.the.fuck.was.that.about?).

It’s awful.

When I finally put pants on and got ready to leave to go to the doctor, I realized that the snow that covered my car NEEDED TO BE REMOVED AND WAAAHHHH! I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT! DIDN’T THE WEATHER GODS KNOW I WAS SICK, DAMNIT?

Once I’d finally gotten the car cleared off, I took off, but now the stupid windshield wipers kept going off. None too gently I flicked it back to the off position. Between my own brute strength and the arctic temperature which must have made the plastic more brittle, I snapped it off. I SNAPPED THE FUCKING WINDSHIELD WIPER GEAR THINGY OFF.

The jagged plastic tore the hell out of my wrist and forearm, giving my arm the look that I’d hysterically attempted to slit my wrists, but lacked the follow through to finish the job. I LOOKED LIKE I WAS TOO STUPID TO PROPERLY KILL MYSELF.

Apparently, I’d sunk to a whole new low.

I’m certain my doctor knew that I wasn’t quite right yesterday when he walked in the room and saw my puffy tear-streaked face. Normally, I’m shamelessly rooting through the drawers looking for medical supplies to, ahem, liberate, when he walks in. Typically, then he informs me that he doesn’t keep the samples for the good drugs OR extra prescription pads in examination rooms, and laughs heartily at my crestfallen face.

Not so much yesterday (although I would have appreciated some good drugs), though, which I am sure gave him a bit of a start. He took one look at my throat, informed me that it looked “like the stuff growing in the back of your fridge,” which is a disgustingly awesome mental picture. I got a script for some –icillin’s, and went on my merry (weeping) way.

I was up and down overnight more than the baby (which is saying a whole lot) in some terrible pain, but I’m tentatively feeling slightly better today. I watched Oprah without crying, have seen several commercials for both cell phones and dog food that haven’t fazed me in the slightest, and now that the baby is down for his morning siesta, I feel nothing but relief.

I can only hope that I will continue upon my road to recovery, lest I alienate both my husband and my eldest son (the baby doesn’t care at all either way so long as I am present and within eyeballing range) with my insufferable mood swings.

Am I the only person who reacts to sickness by becoming an emotional wreck? Am I a freak? IS THIS HOW NON-EMOTIONALLY STUNTED PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES?

posted under I Suck At Life
15 Comments to

“Smells Like The Crazy To Me”

  1. On January 23rd, 2008 at 1:30 pm Chris Says:

    YOU HAVE STREP. Holy crap, I knew the moment you told me that it was like a million tiny knives. I used to get strep three or four times a year when I was wee.

    Also, I would have had to kill you had you given me strep. The flu? OK. Strep? Never again.

  2. On January 23rd, 2008 at 1:43 pm Tony Says:

    When I was about 21 or 22 (and I cant believe I am admitting this) I had a cold that was quickly turning into a sinus infection. I was flipping through channels and caught the REM video for ‘Everybody Hurts’. I *freaking HATE REM*. but in that video, when everybody gets out of their cars… was like Niagra falls….I was all like..”YOU SING IT MICHEAL!!! WERE ALL JUST THE SAME INSIDE!!{sniff}”

    Two days later, and I was back to hating the world.

  3. On January 23rd, 2008 at 2:04 pm Emily Says:

    On the bright side, I think you definitely win the sicker contest.

  4. On January 23rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm Ashley Says:

    I’m the exact same way. As a child my mom could tell if I was faking sick by whether or not there were tears. I cannot cry on command. But when I am really sick I am a leaky faucet…

  5. On January 23rd, 2008 at 4:25 pm Jenn Says:

    I get “crazy” like that when I’m sick too. The past couple of weeks have been wonderful for my husband, I’m sure. He’s been wary of me, saying only veeeery nice things (which is, actually, more irritating than if he were calling me not so nice things) and staying out of my way as much as possible.
    Also, I’ve been kind of annoyed with my daughter because this is the first time in awhile that she has been sleeping well and I’ve been up sick anyway. I’m sure that once I start sleeping through the night again, she’ll decide it’s party time. Aaah, parenting is fun.
    I am glad you weren’t too proud to go to the doctor though, if anything it got you a break from the kiddies! 🙂

  6. On January 23rd, 2008 at 4:53 pm kbreints Says:

    Oh no– I completely fall into a mess of self pity. I don’t get sick– ever– so when I do, it is not pretty.

  7. On January 23rd, 2008 at 4:09 pm Heather Says:

    Sickness doesn’t make me cry, it makes me look like someone in need of a shower. I figure the outside should reflect the inside, so I wallow in bed, unbathed and uncombed for as long as I can stand it.

    Glad you got some meds; that should show The Daver.

  8. On January 23rd, 2008 at 6:26 pm Angela Says:

    Sure. Normal. Absolutely normal. (looks up… spots Emily and whispers ever-so-discreetly: you didn’t tell us the chick was nuts when you linked to her.)

  9. On January 23rd, 2008 at 8:03 pm Redneck Mommy Says:

    I get strep like clock work. Seriously. My doc keeps begging me to get my tonsils and adnoids ripped out but I’m too pansy ass to do it.

    So I weep like an overemotional teen watching an afterschool special and pray the penicillin kicks in fast.

    Feel better soon.

  10. On January 23rd, 2008 at 10:48 pm Jessi Louise Says:

    No, it’s only the emotionally stunted ones 😉 Glad to hear you are on the mend.

  11. On January 23rd, 2008 at 11:46 pm TheRamblingHousewife Says:

    I don’t become an emotional wreck . . .I just convince myself that death is imminent! 🙂

    Feel better!

  12. On January 24th, 2008 at 1:29 am Juli Says:

    Redneck Mommy – I have had my tonsils removed THREE TIMES (no lie.) It’s not nearly as scary as you think it is.

  13. On January 24th, 2008 at 10:32 am Calliope Says:

    you won!!
    You are the sickest!!
    wooo hooooo!!

    & if you had cried at yesterday’s Oprah I would have been worried. That show sucked. What was UP with O wanting to man handle those ruby slippers???
    she crazy

  14. On January 24th, 2008 at 2:28 pm honeywine Says:

    I almost cried watching “Life After People” on the History channel. The biologist swears Pascal and his doggy kind will die off in days. Makes me want to teach him to hunt…and unlock the door or break the windows. Mostly I just want the biologists home phone number so I can call him and say “nuh uh”.

  15. On January 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm Kristen Says:

    Wow, you are so me right now. I haven’t barely left my bed in 4 days and I cry every time my dh leaves the room. And I find myself yelling at the kids, screeching really. And throwing stuff across the room cuz I am so frustrated that I can’t get any sleep to get better. and…
    anyway, hope you feel better soon!

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