Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride



It’s day three of NaBloWhatever and already I’ve begun to suspect that I’ve made a major mistake in signing up for it. Sure, I could simply NOT DO IT but then I would probably beat myself up for saying I would do something that I DIDN’T do. I’m not only stubborn, but stupid too. And a healthy dash of neurotic mixed in. Feel sorry for The Daver. I do.

Part of the problem is that I normally post during the daytime hours–which have been dreadfully shortened thanks to DST, that wily jerk–and my blog was down during those hours. It’s encroaching on 4:30 here and it’s getting dark out. Which inhibits my writing mojo. Because I’m the anti-vampire?

But I digress…

Last week, I got a bee in my proverbial bonnet (because seriously, I haven’t had an actual bonnet since I was a baby) about sending Alex to preschool for toddlers several mornings a week. I cheerfully looked up the area churches figuring that Dave’s early life in the church could probably hold enough sway to admit my son. And I came to one of many impasses: it appears that not only is my son too young to be admitted to their programs (he has to be 2), he must be potty trained.

Which, hahaha.


Moving on to Plan B: a couple mornings a week at a local (chain) daycare.

It wasn’t my first choice (hence the Plan B), but I figured that toddlers were toddlers and he’d be able to work off some of that energy a couple of hours a week. And even (praise Jesus!) maybe even take an ever-loving nap once in awhile. Because I have THAT KID, the one who doesn’t nap, ever.

Let’s just go ahead and say he sucks at the whole sleeping thing. Still.

And as anyone who has had a high-energy toddler knows, sometimes a couple hours a week WITHOUT said toddler truly makes even the coldest of hearts (read: mine) grow fonder. He’s just so BUSY and I’m just so GIMPY and he’s bored and I could just use a damn break from him.

So, Friday morning, before my OB appointment, Daver, Alex and I trooped off to the daycare center where I learned several things:

1) Holy SHNIKES is it expensive. I know you’re not supposed to discuss costs or anything because it’s considered rude and low-brow, but holy SHIT is it expensive.

2) All of the toddlers were dwarfed by my mammoth son, who I didn’t even realize was large.

3) All of the toddlers were sick.


Now Alex and I are both sick. We have a nasty cold, nothing that’ll leave a permanent mark or anything, but it bodes ill for the coming months.

I have a pretty crappy immune system anyway, always have, so I usually catch pretty much any and everything that the (Big) kid brings home. So, if I enroll him in daycare several mornings a week, it’s pretty much a given that we’ll be sick the entire time. While not the end of the world, it certainly sucks to be sick without the ability to imbibe the Green Death Flavored NyQuil and sleep for 47 days straight.

And Alex isn’t exactly resting, and getting better, no, not MY son. He’s running around, crabby as hell, boogering on every available surface like the slime from Ghostbusters II but less pink, while still NOT sleeping.

So, my friends in the computer, whom I have pledged at least an hour (read: 10-15 minutes) a day for the next 30 days to, give me your wisdom.

What would The Internet do?

(Park district activities are not an option here. Sadly. Nor is sending him out to work, or to the bar. Damn toddler can’t even DRIVE yet.)

posted under I Suck At Life
43 Comments to


  1. On November 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 pm Kristine Says:

    On the expensive end, you may be able to deduct it from your taxes – I don’t know the tax laws, but I think both of you must be working (even if working from home.) So there’s a small chunk of change saved.

    There’s not much I can give you on the mammoth size thing. My kid is in a class he’s too young for and he’s bigger than those kids. He’ll be fine – they work things out like dogs do with pecking orders I think.

    On the sick end – he can get sick now and be fine in in Kindergarten or he can start getting sick in Kindergarten – your choice. Also there are some preventative things you can do such as institute immediate clothes change on arrival home from day care (the GERMS are ON his CLOTHES!!!) and possibly even a bath/shower at that time as well. Although you should also ask about their policies re the sick kids – like what it take for them to send them home.

    So I say, if you guys can afford it, go for it.

  2. On November 3rd, 2008 at 6:23 pm ewe_are_here Says:

    Seriously? Barely 2 year olds have to be potty trained to attend? Wow! Lots and lots of kids won’t meet that criteria.

    I would look at a couple more daycares if you can find them in your area. I’m in the other camp, where as much germ exposure as they can get is only a good thing when they’re young… builds immunity. I know my boys were sick over this weekend, but such illnesses are few and far between here…. and I attribute a lot of that to exposure at playgroups and nursery attendance.

  3. On November 3rd, 2008 at 6:31 pm AKLadyJ Says:

    Unless you’re happy sitting completely unaccompanied in your house all winter, he (and you) will be exposed to all the nasties anyway. Better to build the immunity while he’s young and strive for those perfect attendance records when he hits school age. Also, yes it’s cripplingly expensive, but I see a lot of benefits outside a break for you…my son’s been there three months and I already see huge leaps in his social behavior. Not to mention, I think it eases the transition to the school routine when he’s a little older. Good luck!

  4. On November 3rd, 2008 at 6:41 pm Coco Says:

    Hey, um, not to disparage the healing power of Church or anything, but church daycares have just as many germy, snotty sneezers as the chains. All daycares are like CDC Hot Zones. I think it’s a law or something.

    It took Bean almost two years of catching Every. Bug. Virus. AND Plague. and the Hub and I suffering alongside him, but now? He is almost never sick. Seriously. He could be dropped in an Ebola-infested jungle and come out without so much as a sniffle.

    Bite the bullet and go with the chain, if the cost isn’t too prohibitive.

    Fell better soon, babe.

  5. On November 3rd, 2008 at 6:43 pm Kristen Says:

    I still vote for nanny/housekeeper. In my perfect world I would have both to help out around here. 5 kids from zero to 14 gets a bit much some days. It would be nice to have someone to play with the little people while I teach the big ones. I am sure that could work for you too, so you could sleep or something. And then you wouldn’t have to shlep him around all over the place with gimpy foot.

  6. On November 3rd, 2008 at 7:07 pm swirl girl Says:

    give the toddler the Nyquil?


    {well, maybe just a little}

  7. On November 3rd, 2008 at 6:14 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    I wish I had a suggestion but there just sometimes is not a good alternative. I think you’re completely correct about the whole illness thing. My doctors used to pick up my kids’ very slim records folders and say, “Your children aren’t in daycare, are they?”
    Magic? Got any of that up your sleeve?
    Or how about- maybe this is the time not to try and write a novel. Or maybe it’s not the time to try and write a novel in one month. Or maybe you could figure out some other thing you’re doing now to give up? Cooking? Sleeping?
    Good luck.

  8. On November 3rd, 2008 at 6:28 pm Tina Says:

    Why are there sick kids in daycare? I thought that daycares didn’t let them come if they were sick. That just sucks.

    I’m in the same boat, though not as gimpy 😉 DH mentioned again finding a mother’s morning out program, but being an atheist doesn’t make me want to go around town to all the churches. And having worked at one of those chains… eh. I’m stuck. DS was exposed to his share of germs at Germboree (lol) but I was there to wash his hands, and watch what he put in his mouth. I’m still just too paranoid.

    And what 2 year old is potty trained? Someone is DELUSIONAL.

  9. On November 3rd, 2008 at 7:32 pm baseballmom Says:

    it would almost be cheaper to join the Y and just pretend you’re there to work out…go hide and sleep or read a book or something! Does your school district have any early childhood programs? I work in a preschool that’s run by the district right now, and it’s AWESOME! Our kids are not potty trained, and they are not all 2. You should check it out!!!

  10. On November 3rd, 2008 at 7:36 pm Stacey Says:

    Around here they have to be 3 and potty trained to get into the church preschools…oh and you have to have signed them up in January if you wanted a space for September. That was a rude awakening let me tell you!
    I had that baby who never slept or napped or slowed the hell down even in illness. He was well over 3 before he got the hang of sleeping and nearly 6 before illness had any effect on his energy.
    My suggestion would be to ask around for a pre teen mom’s helper. Find a 11-14 year old to come after school for a few hours or the weekends. Or if you can find a homeschooled one they might be able to come during the day. A friend of mine has a 12 year old come over from 12-3 3 days a week & it counts toward a class she is doing.

  11. On November 3rd, 2008 at 7:47 pm Miss Grace Says:

    So it WAS your blog that was down. I thought maybe it was my stupidness? Somehow?

  12. On November 3rd, 2008 at 7:53 pm Deb Says:

    Swirl Girl!!! What are you saying?? Give the child Nyquil??!! That’s what they made Benedryl for!! Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT waste the good stuff on the toddler. Get the Benedryl for him and keep the Nyquil for yourself. What do you mean she was joking??? Then, um… ok.

    I think you can deduct the daycare costs from your taxes. You wont get it all back, but you will get a percentage off the top. I say put him in a daycare. It will give you a break. Even if it is to rest up from all the Nyquil. It’s good for him and good for you. Not the Nyquil, the daycare. The Nyquil is only for you. Refer to the beginning of this comment for further instructions.

  13. On November 3rd, 2008 at 9:05 pm foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    I’ve scanned the other comments here and I have to agree. If you can swing it, try to get him in a program a few mornings a week. It’s a great opportunity to interact with children outside his family, and gives you a moment to focus on other things. Those germs are going to hit him up everywhere. Honestly, my kids most often got sick after either a trip to the doctor for something routine, or after pawing the carts at Target.

  14. On November 3rd, 2008 at 9:36 pm melanie Says:

    I waiver, what I did was put my son in preschool after he turned 3….. that said I had my moments of craziness well before that age and I can understand the need for some sanity saving time away….. check into mother’s day out programs, where my son goes to preschool they have that and the only requirement is that the child be 1 yr old…. some make you commit to a number of days a week, others will take them when ever you show up.

    I loved being able to use my home-schooled neighbor gal for all my ob/gyn appts when I was preggo with my daughter, her Mom let her come over anytime (since she could do her lessons around when I needed her) and my son thought she was great. However, I dont know how much help it would have been for her to come over when I was still home, I dont see me getting any peace really… unless you have somewhere you can escape too while you have a sitter, it doesnt seem like the ideal solution.

    So if you can afford some daycare, go for it, I am sure the kidlet will benefit!

  15. On November 3rd, 2008 at 9:50 pm gypsygrrl Says:

    ummm. my granny always made me a hot toddy – complete with a teaspoon on whiskey – when i was sick. always worked like a charm!

    ok. bad idea in practice. nice dreams tho…
    no advice, but you better not bail on NaBloPoMo, or i will have to call you a NaBloPoMoFo, ok? :P~~

  16. On November 3rd, 2008 at 10:31 pm Petra Says:

    Oh yes, the dreaded day care SICK. I have also always tr ied to avoid day care, but it is good to get him out of the house (and out of your hair) every now and then…hmmm…do you have any girlfriends with a kid his age that owe you big time? Or that need a little spare cash? Less kids=less sickness, plus he is with someone you know. Just a thought!

  17. On November 3rd, 2008 at 10:39 pm Danielle Says:

    The comments are ALMOST as good as the post itself! I, too agree with the daycare thing. I had my daughter in daycare from 2 1/2 until she started kindergarten. With my son, we decided not to do that. Although we had a GREAT 5 years loafing around at home, his social skills aren’t up to par and he was a wee bit behind the other children. I’m a bad mom. Both my children are fine-ish now and we don’t get sick all THAT much. Good luck and I hope your foot is feeling better SOON!

  18. On November 3rd, 2008 at 9:48 pm heather Says:

    We did a “mom’s day out” type thing with the boy when I was pregnant with Beans. I swear, he had some of the nastiest things dried across his face when I’d pick him up (not to mention the the evidence of lackluster wiping of his nether regions); I kept a container of wet ones in the car door and wiped him from head to toe before I’d even put him in the car. And we still had the flu that year — twice. Between that and my utter loathing of actually having to *be* somewhere at a specific time, we stopped. I now keep him caged in the dining room. Kidding. Sort of.

  19. On November 3rd, 2008 at 9:49 pm Jenn Says:

    Have you thought abut someone who watches kids in their home? This way he gets to play with other kids, and you still get a break.

  20. On November 3rd, 2008 at 10:59 pm lindz Says:

    aw, yes the beginning of daycare sickness..all the viral infections you could possibly imagine would be coming home to you through your child, and it will be miserable! and can I honestly say it will be worth it for the couple hours break a day? Um, truthfully, NO!
    dealing with a sick kid is not fun, and having them enrolled in someday care which will state if they have a temp of 101 degrees will not be allowed to go anyway! ( they did tell you that right?)
    Yes, they need the socialization (like puppies) but it will be hella hard.

  21. On November 3rd, 2008 at 10:16 pm giggleblue Says:

    god, poor child already has the infamous “day care nose”. i hate that to no end! all the children in day care have the same damn runny ass nose. do these people sanitize or what??

    i know that the chain place is already expensive and a non chain place will be even MORE expensive, but there are less sickly little kids at the non-chain places, trust me!

    pay more for more sanitizing and less day care nose. either that, or like someone else mentioned a home daycare. less germs with less crumb snatchers.

    poor thing! i say hop that kid up on some airborne and serious vitamin c, and multi-vitamins. we are going into winter!!

    could you send him with a can of lysol and teach him how to use it??

  22. On November 3rd, 2008 at 10:22 pm SciFi Dad Says:

    Set him up at the end of the driveway with a hot chocolate stand. He’ll earn a living, and you’ll have some time to yourself. Plus, he doesn’t need to drive to sell hot chocolate.

  23. On November 3rd, 2008 at 11:23 pm Queen-sized funny bone Says:

    I hope you both get better soon.

  24. On November 4th, 2008 at 12:08 am Vered - MomGrind Says:

    I like Jenn’s suggestion of looking for someone who watches kids at home. Of course she’d need to have amazing references. I know what you mean about being sick all the time. Supposedly it builds their immune system but it really sucks, especially if you catch it too.

  25. On November 4th, 2008 at 4:56 am SCY Says:

    Sorry you’re sickie poo 🙁

    Feel better soon!


  26. On November 4th, 2008 at 8:42 am Jenn Says:

    I’d suck it up, I guess. Because I’m cheap.
    Or maybe get a babysitter for him? Just a couple days a week for a few hours, it’s bound to be less expensive than daycare!

  27. On November 4th, 2008 at 9:14 am Betts Says:

    How about finding a girl scout that want to earn her baby sitting badge and pay her to come over a couple of hours after school. Then shut yourself in room and gets some peace.

    Kids are going to get sick. It’s either now or in grade school. I’m also suffering from a cold my DD brought home. I can’t take Nyquil, it makes me jittery, so I’ll just suffer along with you.

    My DD wasn’t much of a sleeper. It would take me an hour and a half to try to get her down for a half hour nap. It was exhausting. Rest assured, this too shall pass.

  28. On November 4th, 2008 at 8:59 am Jane Says:

    Have we somehow become the same person? Because we’re having the same week. Except I’m not pregnant.

    Anyway… in situations such as these, my Plan A is to call mommy. And if mommy is not available, I call mommy-in-law with more than a little reluctance. But at least I know she’s good for wearing out MY giant, high-energy toddler.

  29. On November 4th, 2008 at 10:28 am mumma boo Says:

    Unfortunately, Alex is going to get sick no matter what, so my vote would be for the daycare option if you can swing it. If not, find a mother’s helper – advertise at the local library. The suggestion about the Girl Scout was a good one, too. The local GS council should have information about troops in your area that have girls old enough to sit. You need time to yourself! Take it!

  30. On November 4th, 2008 at 10:29 am mumma boo Says:

    Oh, and feel better soon!!!

  31. On November 4th, 2008 at 9:49 am Susan Says:

    During the summers I would hire a girl from church or the neighborhood to be my, “mother’s helper.” She did everything from entertain the kids to organize the tupperware. We had a university in town, so I also occasionally employed an early childhood major to babysit on days when she didn’t have a heavy class schedule. Just knowing I would have three hours to buy groceries, see a movie or take a nap did wonders for my mental health. Good luck!

  32. On November 4th, 2008 at 11:48 am Karen Says:

    Do you have a family member or friend who can take him a few hours a week? I take my nephew when my brother is traveling (constantly) and my sil need a little break. We childless freaks like to do that once in a while, if we can give them back.

    OR is there a daycare co-op near you? My friend in Boston does that. It is free daycare for a certain hours a week, but you have to volunteer there a certain hours a week. Now, I know you are prego gimp so that may not be ideal now. But maybe Daver can donate sometime??

  33. On November 4th, 2008 at 12:09 pm Sara Says:

    Home daycare. Find a home daycare in your neighborhood that has a drop in slot for care. There are fewer kids, and fewer germs! (Plus, potty training isn’t required)

  34. On November 4th, 2008 at 12:46 pm Petra Says:

    Hey sicko, I gave you some awards over on my blog. Hopefully they will make you feel better. Or at least give you something to look at to take your mind off of it.

    Go get ’em!

  35. On November 4th, 2008 at 1:03 pm honeywine Says:

    On a leash in the front yard is the wrong answer, right?

    P.S.-I gave you an award so you’d have something to write about. lol I should have known better.

  36. On November 4th, 2008 at 2:01 pm Patricia Says:

    Oh I hope everyone is feeling better now. I had three kids at home and got a part time teaching job at the college so my very high energy youngest needed some care. I lucked out with a woman who had no children who opened a daycare/preschool in her home for 6 children. We got all the colds each time my kids entered a different school and I just worked on adding vitamins so they were not so ill – all though I had one with big time allergies.

    Youngest got worn out 2 times a week and still got into the care center routine and that was helpful for napping and bedtime, but it took almost 3 months to get the pattern established. She has made it all the way through HS and now college without a single cold – she’s germ tough!

    My Mum hired a lovely Grandmother (retired teacher) from down the street to come 2 mornings a week, she socialized with friends one morning and the other had time to herself. Of course, the minute #3 went to Kindergarten my mum went back to teaching school full time.
    Good health to you.

  37. On November 4th, 2008 at 4:22 pm Lola Says:

    This NBlo thing is killing me, and I’m not even doing it. I’m not used to having to read all these posts. Jeesh!

    As for Boy Wonder, I think he needs to attend something a couple days a week. I had my son at home until 2.9, when he started at a small home daycare/preschool with the most amazing retired teacher. He was supposed to be potty trained, and he was for the most part.

    She had about eight kids, and she was the greatest person on the planet. She had them outside half of the day and sat them down at desks and got them working on what they needed to know for kindergarten. She even got the kids who never napped to nap. We’re talking an angel sent from heaven here.

    See if you can find something like that. It wasn’t even that expensive, and there weren’t 50 sick kids running around. The downside of that is that when he hit kindergarten, he was sick pretty much the entire year, and so were we. Sadly, you’ve got to pay the immune-building piper sooner or later. Keep looking, and good luck!

  38. On November 4th, 2008 at 7:44 pm guilty noodles Says:

    The Y is great for us and we swapped after going to the snootiest preschool ever. Neither one of the schools required potty training.

    Also try a gym. We were members of Lifetime Fitness, even though it was expensive, you can drop your kid off as many times a month for free. There was a cafe and spa in the gym, so I could get my nails done or a massage (that was the only thing I did when pregnant). They also had tot classes, if you wanted to extend your time.

    You may also want to check your local hospital. We live across the street from one and they have a fabulous child care facility (in another building next to the hospital) for employees with children, but it’s also open to the public.

    I feel for you. At least try to get a sitter for one day. I swear, 8 whole hours to myself was the only thing that got me through the week.

  39. On November 6th, 2008 at 10:28 pm Dana Says:

    Try hiring a college girl. Contact any colleges nearby and ask if they have a place that you could submit job postings. We did that for several years before finally hiring a full-time nanny this fall.

    I use the time to clean, go to the gym, run errands by myself and have kid-free time with J. Totally worth it!

  40. On November 6th, 2008 at 10:31 pm Dana Says:

    I should add that our college girls initially came 1-2 afternoons per week. If you don’t have set hours that you need someone then you really open the field. My schedule switched every semester as theirs did, but it was worth it for the continuity of care.

  41. On November 7th, 2008 at 3:49 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I’m finally catching up after a very busy couple of weeks. Sorry I don’t have any advice, since I pretty much had my kids with me 24/7 till they started kindergarten! Yeah, I wouldn’t have done it if I’d had a choice, but whatevs. I’m just happy I’m not the only person who says “Holy Shnikes.” Because I do, and often.

  42. On November 9th, 2008 at 11:59 am Sarah Says:

    I’d cry – in fact I did… don’t know that it did a lot of good, though. 🙂

  43. On November 14th, 2008 at 6:26 pm trish Says:

    Do you have a treadmill? I’d put it on low, tie my kid to it in such a way that it wouldn’t leave marks but he’d have to keep up with the speed of the ‘mill, and go lie in the bath for an hour. I know. Brilliant, huh? And everyone thinks that just ’cause I don’t have kids I don’t know anything. NOT TRUE.

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