Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

She Wasn’t Brave.


I’ve always had a great amount of admiration for parents who look so at ease while out with their young children, sitting serenely at dinner with the babe happily gumming his hands while sitting in his car seat. If the camera were to pan to my table, you’d likely see my six year old hard at work on completing the kids menu games, my the top of my husband’s head while clicking away on the Blackberry and me, sitting with the baby on my lap while he attempts to fling my plate back to the kitchen. That wide-eyed look on my face: it’s not Xanex-induced euphoria, it’s fear.

You see, after having 2 extremely demanding/screamy/colicky/generally unpleasant babies, I have started to hate going out without reinforcements. Having been front and center in the Great Colicky Baby saga of 2001-2, including such highlights as Out At Dinner, Where’s The Damn Check and At A Friend’s House, This Must Be Better Than Birth Control. 2004-5 held such gems during public bathroom potty training as Mom, Where Is Your Penis And Is It Dirty Down There? and Dave, Can I Hold Your Penis? These days, I’m more apt to have to fight such battles as Dude, Where Is The Tit? and But I Waaaannnnnnnttttt It, Mommy!!!

I want to be able to suck it up and not get so damn stressed out by it because I genuinely hate sitting around the house day after day, as I know that the only behavior that can be changed is my own. Aside from Xanex, I have no idea how I can do it.

7 Comments to

“She Wasn’t Brave.”

  1. On August 23rd, 2007 at 11:38 am Kristin Says:

    I hate people that own dogs.

  2. On August 23rd, 2007 at 12:12 pm Kristin Says:

    ummm…not that this has anything to do with your post, but I thought maybe you would want to get Ben his First Riot Helmet.

    Or perhaps a toddler taser?

  3. On August 23rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm becky Says:

    Dude, why would anyone own a dog? It’s irresponsible and stupid, especially if they don’t stop them from running out in the hallway of their building. But I’m not talking about you, of course.

    (on an unrelated note, stop me, for some reason I have decided that I want another dog. And we both know I’m not that much of a dog person. Help)

  4. On August 23rd, 2007 at 12:26 pm becky Says:

    I am SO buying the toddler taser. I think it’ll come in handy out here in Ghetto St. Charles.

  5. On August 23rd, 2007 at 1:20 pm Kristin Says:

    Am I the only one that is disturbed by the fact that the toddler taser is sold out?

  6. On August 23rd, 2007 at 1:20 pm Kristin Says:

    Am I the only one that is disturbed by the fact that the toddler taser is sold out? yikes

  7. On August 23rd, 2007 at 6:16 pm becky Says:

    that freaks me out, too.

    people are SO alarmist.

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