Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

She Blew My Nose And Then She Blew My Mind.


Even during my Single Years ™, I always have had a deep affection for Valentine’s Day, probably, at least in part, because it showcases my favorite colors: Red, Pink, and Sparkly. I’m not going to say that before I got a built-in Valentine (well, three of them, if you’re counting), I didn’t occasionally long to do something romantical with my other half, but I never knew what that was, exactly, which made it exceptionally hard to wish for.

Even after however many years The Daver and I have been together (let’s not count, mmkay?), we have yet to form any interesting traditions relating to Valentine’s Day (aside from me buying every Pink -n- Spangly thing I can get my mitts on), and I am pretty okay with that.

I guess I just don’t see the point in Valentine’s Day.

I mean, any holiday that nets me some presents (oh, I am so easily bought) is A-Okay in my book, and I do love buying gifts for the Sausage Factory nearly as much as I love getting them, but shit, why is there only one day of the year that I have to express my love?

And how, exactly, is love bought with a box of crappy chocolates (which I have actually never gotten) or wilting flowers? I have a feeling that if I were to be on the receiving end of either of those gifts, I would end up more upset than if I’d gotten nothing at all. Why? Because I dislike crappy versions of ANYTHING, and stuffed animals for people over the age of 8 drive me up a wall.

But I am probably in the minority here, as I noticed wall-to-wall such items yesterday at Mecca (read: Target), which means that there is a market for these gifts.

I don’t know.

Aside from the gifting and the color scheme, Valentine’s Day isn’t all that appealing to me (to be fair, if Bastille Day–which happens to be the day before my birthday, so mayhap this is a bad example– were the day in which I got presents, I would like it just as well). I don’t love my husband any more or any less today than I will tomorrow (unless he magically makes the ice melt from the driveway; then I will love him more), and I’ve always thought real romance was found in the day-to-day stuff.

Passion is great, I’m told, but it fizzles and you’re left sitting across the table with someone whose deplorable manners you’d never noticed when he was giving you multiple orgasms.

Maybe it’s not as thrilling to have someone who will (without prompting) clean out the coffee maker for you so that your morning coffee doesn’t taste vaguely minerally, but I don’t care. Passion doesn’t set up e-payments for the bills or pick you up McDonalds when you’re needing a fix. Passion doesn’t watch you push an 8 pound baby out of your crotchal area WITHOUT VOMITING, nor does it stay up late to help your big son fill out last minute Valentines, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even clean up dog barf from the white (WHITE!) carpeting.

I’d rather have someone who, without making a gross poo face, will plunge the toilet you’ve just clogged (while complimenting your toilet clogging prowess), or drop everything he’s doing to visit your dad in the ICU.

Maybe it’s not the sentiment expressed in a Hallmark card, but it’s real and that’s what I care about.

The Daver, who smiles as he takes my shit and sometimes even laughs when he’s wearing his phone headset and I follow him around trying to order a cheeseburger and large Diet Coke, is the man I never expected I’d be lucky enough to marry.

And no matter how pissed off I can become with him, I never forget that.



So tell me what YOU think about Valentine’s Day. Love it? Hate it? Marginally indifferent?


And happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! Aunt Becky loves you, you know.

30 Comments to

“She Blew My Nose And Then She Blew My Mind.”

  1. On February 14th, 2008 at 10:49 am Jenn Says:

    I pretty much think what you think, as usual. You just say everything SO much better. 🙂
    Kent and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with each other. I actually do NOT like flowers or the fancy chocolates (or jewelry, while I’m at it) so yeah. Pointless. We do get little things for the kids but that’s mostly because our mother’s did that for us. Valentine’s Day is for blah.
    I laughed out loud at the toilet clogging thing. And I also would love my husband a teensy bit more if he could magically make the ice disappear from the driveway.

  2. On February 14th, 2008 at 10:55 am Tony Says:

    I am not a big fan of VD, though I have an absolute love for all the VD jokes (they never get old) that both I and my wife make about it every year.

    VD is actually a very high preasure holiday, but mostly because I *suck* at buying gifts for people. The advice ‘get them something you would like’ just doesnt work for me, because I realy dont think new software or an oscilascope are going to get me any points..

  3. On February 14th, 2008 at 10:58 am Ashley Says:

    Awwww Becky, that’s sooo sweet. I think my Grinch heart just grew 10 sizes….
    I asked my chicken to finally admit how much he loves the kittens as his gift to me for Valentine’s Day. We’ll see if it happens…

  4. On February 14th, 2008 at 11:02 am Pauline Says:

    I’m with you on the love is in the day to day things. I am, however, a sucker for all the glittery heart stuff. I’m a hopeless romantic, what can I say? Although I could really care less if the romance happens today or any other day. I just like being reminded how special I am to my hubby.

  5. On February 14th, 2008 at 11:02 am tonya cinnamon Says:

    i gotta amit and i did a post in my blog on this and i quote..””””why does V-day have to be empathized at the only day to be all gooey

    and lovely and spends hundreds of dollers on junk, roses,and words of promise..
    when in fact you can do that any day..
    i get spoiled a lot on any given day and it doesnt have to be about money or gifts
    could be a mere word or a small gesture or a touch.
    it just baffles my mind when i hear of all the money spent at the stores,
    the cost of flowers jacked up to be bought,
    and then i hear of the breakups, the fights, and the singles who wish for that special some one..
    they have no one to spend that day or any other day with…
    sometimes i feel we do put too much on a holiday..
    i know their ment to be enjoyed and celebrated .
    but sometimes we do take it a bit to far….. “”

    so my rant for the day… v-day is just another day for me… yeh its niced to get really great godiva choclates-raspberry included.. but but i can get them anyday…so today is a lazy day for me no scholl no work.. kidlets i pick up after school. we di the kids the other day for their friends at school..and its laundry night for me LOL..

  6. On February 14th, 2008 at 11:04 am tonya cinnamon Says:

    hahahaha i cant spell either..LOL.. i ment we did the kidlets cards for their friends at school.. sighs needs more coffee LOL

  7. On February 14th, 2008 at 11:10 am Jenn Says:

    I’m back. My two cents. Any kind of gushy sentiment on Valentine’s Day, while appreciated, may come off as somewhat forced and insincere because it was people are “supposed” to do. Rather than it coming “from the heart” – you know?

  8. On February 14th, 2008 at 11:11 am Chris Says:

    Yeah, you caught yourself a good one (ahem, ahem).

    Bones and I are mostly indifferent to the holiday: I get him something small, he takes me out to dinner. We bicker like children the whole time. All these years and we have never actually celebrated the holiday on the holiday.

    He was going to take me out this weekend, but then this week happened. We may still go out, but it’ll be to take his mind of something that’s not either an end-of-life decision or funeral planning. I’ve stopped being upset and I’m now just morbid.

  9. On February 14th, 2008 at 11:27 am Karen Says:

    I think you summed it up pretty well. The everyday stuff is way more important than the “passion” on a Hallmark holiday. I am far from a hopeless romantic – being a divorce lawyer kills any hope of being a romantic – but I still like taking a moment to tell people that I love them with chocolate.

  10. On February 14th, 2008 at 12:07 pm Emily Says:

    That was the best post EVER!

  11. On February 14th, 2008 at 12:30 pm honeywine Says:

    It does sound pretty awesome…even if my crappy box of chocolates is literally on a pedestal. 🙂

  12. On February 14th, 2008 at 1:33 pm Kim Says:

    you both are lucky.

    we think it’s a made up hallmark holiday and therefore do nothing to celebrate it, we, too, count on the day to day stuff to say I Love You, Happy Day, whatever day it is!

    thanks for the up lifting and honest post, again!

  13. On February 14th, 2008 at 2:25 pm Kristin Says:

    V-day = meh in my book. I’m with you though – an excuse for presents is fantastic in my book.

  14. On February 14th, 2008 at 2:40 pm Doc Says:

    I like the plotting of trying to do something sweet for my wife even though I don’t “have” to….BTW – I am eating some of those little hearts with writing on them that I got here at work and I just got a yellow one that says “Soda Ass” WTF does that mean Aunt Becky???

  15. On February 14th, 2008 at 2:27 pm Amy Says:

    I agree, the day to day stuff is so much more important. Great post, and I too laughed out loud at the toilet clogging part!

  16. On February 14th, 2008 at 3:37 pm SaraS-P Says:

    We are not big V-Day fans. First, our anniversary is just before, so we’ve only JUST had a celebration of our love. Second, why have chocolate and champagne only one day??? Make every day V-Day!

  17. On February 14th, 2008 at 4:17 pm Rayne of Terror Says:

    You sound better today. I hope you are feeling some relief from the grief.

  18. On February 14th, 2008 at 5:12 pm TheRamblingHousewife Says:

    Don’t care for Valentines Day! Hate getting flowers. Stuffed animals just clutter up the house. And cheap candy disgusts me!

    But buy me some QUALITY chocolates, and we can talk.

    Chocolate covered strawberries, may get you somewhere.

    And a GREAT bottle of wine, you’re guaranteed to score! 🙂

  19. On February 14th, 2008 at 5:22 pm Carlynn Says:

    “I’d rather have someone who, without making a gross poo face, will plunge the toilet you’ve just clogged (while complimenting your toilet clogging prowess).”

    Hear, hear, I’ll second that. Sounds like H and I love him for that, that he can always make me laugh about weird things that I never thought I would ever laugh about.

    Mmm, valentine’s day … I think it’s a cruel day, it just reminds people who have no special valentine of the fact and for the people who do have someone, well, as you say, they don’t love them more on 14 February and then less on 15 February. So if valentine’s day didn’t exist, I wouldn’t mind at all.

  20. On February 14th, 2008 at 6:25 pm LAS Says:

    I don’t really care for Valentines Day personally. I love this post, I love your blog! You are awesome!

  21. On February 14th, 2008 at 6:26 pm Leslee Says:

    I don’t know. I mean, I was kinda into VDay during high school and would daydream about all that romantical crap that never really happened on VDay for me. There were other days, though. Like the day the boyfriend I had during senior year knew I was having a bad day, so he went and found the VERY last copy of the What Dreams May Come soundtrack and two Eeyores on sticks and left them on my front porch just before I got home. I still have those deflated Eeeyores…

    My ex-husband didn’t do “Hallmark Holidays”. Those include, but are not limited to VDay, Sweetest Day (which I find completely stupid), Mother’s Day and the like. Greg has gotten me something every year we’ve been together. It’s never been anything ginormous and that’s ok. The fact that he thought to get me something makes me kinda squishy.

  22. On February 14th, 2008 at 7:46 pm magpie Says:

    i like making valentines out of scraps of pink this and red that. and that is about the extent of it.

  23. On February 14th, 2008 at 10:15 pm baseballmom Says:

    Valentine’s Day…meh. I like it, sorta, but I feel like you do. It’s the little everyday things that matter. I like to go to the kids’ school parties, help them do valentines, make treats, and then we ALL have a nice dinner together at home, and the kids open a little treat/present from us. I just make sure everyone knows they’re loved, that’s all.

  24. On February 15th, 2008 at 3:02 am shay Says:

    I”m largely underwhelmed by all things Valentine AND i don’t like red so….

    I do love chocolate however and am happy to have a whole day to feel justified in ingesting as much as possible:)

    ain’t love grand?! Sounds like you found a keeper:)
    Hope you had a happy v-day filled with chocolate adn love!

  25. On February 15th, 2008 at 8:24 am Melissa C Says:

    we’re pretty much in the meh zone too about the commercial stuff, but we do use it as an excuse (and reminder) to be good to each other… kids get an early dinner of something they love, then bundled off upstairs to watch a movie, while hubby and I have a nice grown-up meal downstairs! All the foods we love, but never bother with ’cause the kids hate it… candles and music, real wine glasses, etc.

    BUT… we never go out to a restaurant on VD, NEVER buy flowers or crappy chocolates or even the cheesy cards (tho hubby has been known to show up with flowers 2 days later… why not? they’re a bargain then! LOL)

  26. On February 15th, 2008 at 8:25 am Melissa C Says:

    BTW… thanks so much for adding my site to your blogroll!!! I got all squishy inside when I saw it!

  27. On February 15th, 2008 at 8:23 am Angela Says:

    Valentine’s Day is way more fun now that I’m married with kids. We do next to nothing, but my husband rocks and my kids are a blast and we just sit around appreciating each other. Broke and happy ; )

  28. On February 15th, 2008 at 10:30 am Kim Says:

    thinking of you today, becky.

  29. On February 17th, 2008 at 12:29 pm Redneck Mommy Says:

    We don’t celebrate V day because as my husband likes to say, every day is V day around here.

    Cue the eye rolling.

    Basically it means we’re too cheap to bother. But we do love each other. I think.

  30. On January 26th, 2011 at 1:13 am Kat Says:

    You just made me cry. ;.;

    I’m going to go cuddle my husband now while I can.

    He’ll be getting deployed in October.

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