Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

See, I *Told* You Everything Would Be Fine.


Amidst a sea of hormonal nerves, I managed to get my ass into the US room without being carried (it would have been no small feat to carry me), where the US tech promptly squirted the freakishly warm goo onto my belly, when she saw…

A baby. Possibly a Bobble Head, but it had a beating heart so I don’t care how disproportionate it is. Both of my Sausages have satellites where their heads should be (think orange on a toothpick) and I’m pretty used to it by now. It appears that the Sausagebryo is no exception. Huge heads, apparently, are genetic.

It also has a heart that was beating a respectable 160 beats per minute (BPM), apparently geniusness is also genetic. See look at me, making up words. Pure unadulterated geniusness.

The Sausagebryo Link ALSO showed it’s superiority by waving it’s toes at me. It’s tiny shrimpy toes. Obviously it’s as advanced as me! *I* myself wiggled my toes today, too! The Link obviously takes after me.

I am now in possession of a due date to call my own: February 8, which seems a perfect day to be born, if you ask me. I have a July birthday, which means that as a kid, I *never* got to celebrate my birthday at school like the other kids. Apparently, lack of classroom cupcakes has scarred me for life.

All is currently quiet on the Crotchal Front, just the way it should be. I’m weaning myself off my Vitamin W and my beloved Diet Coke, so the next few weeks might be a tad more melodramatic than usual (oh! The HUMANITY OF HAVING TO WEAR SOCKS!). So please bear with your Aunt Becky as she goes not-so-quietly insane.

58 Comments to

“See, I *Told* You Everything Would Be Fine.”

  1. On July 2nd, 2008 at 3:29 pm kalakly Says:

    whoopie!!!!! I feel for you on the D.C. thing. I gave it all the way up as soon as the second line showed up. But I am paranoid…and way ahead of you on the crazy train so climb on board and lets get the fuck out of here!!!

  2. On July 2nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm Heather Says:

    Link is victorious! Hooray! I’ve been thinking of you both ALL day — so glad for the update. Now bring out the melodrama! 🙂

  3. On July 2nd, 2008 at 3:35 pm Kymberli Says:

    I’ve been thinking about you and Like all day, and I’m so glad to read that everything is fine and dandy with your talented and gifted bobbleheaded baby.

  4. On July 2nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm Jessie Says:


  5. On July 2nd, 2008 at 3:42 pm Ames Says:

    So glad to hear all is well! 🙂

  6. On July 2nd, 2008 at 3:55 pm Heather Says:

    YEAH!! So happy to hear all is well!!

  7. On July 2nd, 2008 at 3:59 pm DD Says:

    I tend to keep my pie-hole shut until there’s definitive news. Now I shall open it and do one of those silly “squeeeees” that seem so bloggerly popular nowadays.

    Who wouldn’t be excited about having their very own bobble-headed-baby!

  8. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:05 pm mandy Says:


    So glad you shared that!

  9. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:13 pm Natalie Says:


  10. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:14 pm Marie Says:

    WOO HOO!!!!!!!!
    That is great, I can’t wait to here what you are having.

  11. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:16 pm kbreints Says:

    I have checked your site about 15 times today waiting for wonderful news…. so glad to get it! That is a fantastic due date…. right around both of my boys!

    I liked being pregnant in the winter– I always got so hot!

    YEAH for you all!

  12. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:19 pm heather Says:

    I’m very relieved that I don’t have to think about your vagina area (as much) anymore. And, did you know that usually a heartbeat over 150 bpm usually indicates a girl? I’m just sayin’.

  13. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:31 pm Calliope Says:

    rock on with the awesome news!!
    now talk to me about this weaning off of the W. Is that something the docs are saying you have to do? I have heard from 2 docs that I could stay on the W if I ever get knocked up. But I do live in a fucked up & stupid state…

  14. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:45 pm MsPrufrock Says:

    Orange on a stick! Orange on a stick! Yay!

  15. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:50 pm ewe_are_here Says:


    And congrats on a lovely due date to look forward to.

  16. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:56 pm andria Says:

    That was Adam’s due date. So I know when you did it. Ha.

    Glad it’s there with a strong heartbeat. I will just say that my boys all had HBs in the 130s-140s and my girls was always 160. Just a little thought. Of course they say that is all an old wive’s tale but it will be fun to find out huh?

  17. On July 2nd, 2008 at 4:58 pm chris Says:

    Ok, I’m marking my calendar now.

  18. On July 2nd, 2008 at 5:02 pm abandoning eden Says:

    Yay!! So that makes you what, like 2 and a half months pregnant?

  19. On July 2nd, 2008 at 5:04 pm theramblinghousewife Says:

    So happy for you!

    Good luck with the caffiene withdrawels!

    (Huge coffee drinker–I remember those not fondly!) 🙁

  20. On July 2nd, 2008 at 5:08 pm Judy C Says:

    I am happy for you and I think February is a perfectly wonderful time to be born.

  21. On July 2nd, 2008 at 5:15 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    Let me add my own congratulations on such great news!

  22. On July 2nd, 2008 at 5:25 pm Jenn Says:

    Woo hoo!!!
    And hahaha… I always wanted a summer birthday (my birthday is February 5th – maybe your little one will have my birthday hehe!). I was constantly complaining about how it was winter and storming on my birthday half the time. And I NEVER got a pool party. *sniffle* I’m a little bitter, still. 🙂

  23. On July 2nd, 2008 at 6:11 pm giggleblue Says:

    i know you are going to have fun delivering that “orange on a stick” through your snuke!

    happy to hear that everything is well in the “below”.

  24. On July 2nd, 2008 at 6:23 pm birdpress Says:

    That’s so great! Congratulations! Maybe it will be born early and share my birthday, Feb. 2. 😀

  25. On July 2nd, 2008 at 6:34 pm kate Says:

    feb 8. bueno for the link.

  26. On July 2nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm Megan Says:


  27. On July 2nd, 2008 at 7:14 pm mrs.spit Says:

    o thank heaven!

  28. On July 2nd, 2008 at 7:48 pm Sara Says:

    160 is totally a girl heartbeat. Big Z was always over 160, and Little Z was mostly a shithead and varied.

    February sounds like a great time to be born. My baby sister was born in February. I myself am an August kid, and have also never experienced a classroom party. It truly is damaging to one’s psyche.

    Congrats Congrats Congrats!

  29. On July 2nd, 2008 at 7:51 pm Cricket Says:

    Shrimpy toes sound absolutely delicious. Congrats on one more hurdle!

  30. On July 2nd, 2008 at 7:55 pm Jenn Says:

    Nothin’ like a little Link, gettin’ bigger every day!

  31. On July 2nd, 2008 at 8:44 pm stefanie Says:

    Heee. told. you. so.

    I love you and your little sausage. sleep well tonight.

  32. On July 2nd, 2008 at 9:00 pm andi Says:

    Can you hearing a loud SQUEEEEEE from the Great White North? That’s me.

    So, so happy all looks well.

  33. On July 2nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm Kymberli Says:

    In response to your comment on my blog:

    No shame, Becky. I too had a huge crush on Wil Wheaton and I also watched Stand by Me repeatedly for that very reason. Well, that was just one of the reasons. Even in the 4th grade when the movie came out I appreciated it for the great story that it was. I had already read “The Body” by Stephen King, the short story on which the movie is based, and I was anxious to see how it was translated to film. Did you know that Stephen King was the dead kid in the movie?

    I have way too many movies memorized and Stand by Me is one of them.

    Teddy: Ha, ha, Goride loses! You lose, Goride! Ol’ Gordie just screwed the pooch!
    Gordie: Does the word retarded mean anything to you?
    Teddy: Gordie, go get the food, you morphodite.
    Gordie: Don’t call me any of your mother’s pet names.
    Teddy: You’re a real wet end, Lachance.
    Gordie: Shut up.
    Vern: I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up, Aghhh!
    Gordie: And then your mom goes around the corner and she licks it up.

    I should probably find a better way to spend my time. 🙂

  34. On July 2nd, 2008 at 9:18 pm A Soldier's Girl Says:

    Have I told you how much you make me laugh? You’re writing is hilarious 🙂

    So glad the little Sausagebryo is doing well…now you can enjoy growing him! 🙂

  35. On July 2nd, 2008 at 9:27 pm Valerie Says:

    That a girl! What do you think… boy or girl? February 8 is a good birthday because you will not be sweating to death prior to giving birth. It’s much easier to bundle up!

  36. On July 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 pm Holli Says:

    I am really happy to hear that everything is going well.

  37. On July 2nd, 2008 at 10:18 pm Katy Says:

    Yay!!! Good news!! So glad. Are you taking bets yet? I predict a girl b/c you need to fight the testosterone in that house!!!

    Vitamin W?

    July birthday!!! Coming up. Mine too!!!!!!!!!!

  38. On July 2nd, 2008 at 11:46 pm b Says:

    Look at that little sausagebryo! Noone, and I mean NOONE should have to go without diet coke. I don’t know the last time I drank anything BUT diet coke. What will you drink? OH THE HUMANITY!!! ::::popping the top on a diet coke to stop my anxiety attack::::::::

  39. On July 3rd, 2008 at 12:40 am Lola Says:

    A fellow Aquarius woman. Look out! I hope she’s born on the 5th, just like me, and then you’ve got some trouble on your hands, Mama.

    So happy for you. Now will you stop obsessing.

  40. On July 3rd, 2008 at 2:50 am vered Says:

    I am so happy for you. This is great news!

  41. On July 3rd, 2008 at 6:07 am SciFi Dad Says:

    I am so happy for you, Becky. I’m glad everything worked out.

    (btw: what is Vitamin W? I looked it up on urbandictionary and got two very different definitions)

  42. On July 3rd, 2008 at 6:37 am heather Says:

    See, told you 8 was the magic number. =P

  43. On July 3rd, 2008 at 7:47 am a- Says:

    How you manage to keep that fabulous sense of humor through this nerve-wracking madness never ceases to amaze me! Good luck babycakes!

  44. On July 3rd, 2008 at 8:08 am PiquantMolly Says:

    Thank GOD!

    It made me very nervous when you weren’t around chat-land yesterday, even though I’ve been the one telling you it would be FINE for the past two weeks. DON’T DO THAT TO ME!

    Kisses, mwah.

  45. On July 3rd, 2008 at 8:10 am LAS Says:

    YAY! So happy for you!!

  46. On July 3rd, 2008 at 8:19 am Karen Says:

    So happy all is well. Pregnancy means no caffeine? That sucks.

  47. On July 3rd, 2008 at 8:22 am niobe Says:

    Wow. I am thrilled. Completely and thoroughly and absolutely.

  48. On July 3rd, 2008 at 9:20 am Kristine Says:

    Excellent news!

  49. On July 3rd, 2008 at 10:44 am Kyddryn Says:

    Hurrah, little Link! And Hurrah, Aunt Becky!!

    Still thinking sticky-baby thoughts, which hopefully won’t result in a due date of June, 2015.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  50. On July 3rd, 2008 at 10:59 am Megan Says:

    So glad everything is ok with your little sausage link! I’m a new blog reader of yours, and I am loving it! Hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well for you. Wish me luck as well, I’m 2 weeks behind you!

  51. On July 3rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm Jerseygirl89 Says:

    I am so, so happy. I TOLD you nothing bad could happen on my birthday. 🙂 And February is a great month – I know lots of wonderful people born that month.


  52. On July 3rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm Wishing4One Says:

    Yay yay yay!!!! I am so happy for you. You know my dad used to call me “bowling ball head” when I was a toddler. Although my head is proportioned quite well now. Love ya and soooooo happy for ya!

  53. On July 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm Coco Says:

    February 6th is my birthday.

    Aquarians rock.

    Congrats on a happy, healthy, toe wiggling Linky. Happy 4th of July, Mama.

  54. On July 3rd, 2008 at 8:53 pm Anjali Says:

    Damn it. YES YES YES!

  55. On July 3rd, 2008 at 11:12 pm Emily R Says:

    That’s wonderful!!

  56. On July 7th, 2008 at 2:38 am baseballmom Says:

    Um, I think you should wait until Feb. 10, because that’s my birthday. The sausage would rawk even harder! So glad it’s good news, and I totally feel ya on the sock thing.

  57. On July 7th, 2008 at 6:38 am Carlynn Says:

    I’m so glad to read this. It must have been a great ultrasound, I can imagine the relief.

  58. On July 7th, 2008 at 12:38 pm Wendy Says:

    Yay!! So glad to hear that all’s well with the pregnancy. You do know that “they” (whoever “they” are) say that the higher the heartbeat, the more likely you’ll have a girl. I seem to recall the first time we saw my daughter’s heartbeat, it was 160 too…good luck to you!!

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