Mommy Wants Vodka

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Providence, Part Deux*


I don’t get the impression, Pranksters, that a lot of us hold much stock in the idea of Providence (always with a capitol “P”) because, well, we’re a little bit jaded. It’s hard to see a world in which so many bad things happen to good people and say “everything happens for a reason.”

I don’t buy that statement.

What I do believe, as cynical as I can be, is that sometimes, sometimes, we’re given a nudge from the very most unexpected of places.

Providence, I suppose.


Earlier in the day, I’d been chatting with Crys, who is not only my pseudo-shrink (read: I don’t pay her to listen to my babbling), but my friend, about jobs.

Crys: “I need to call this lady back about an interview.”

Me: “Oh yeah? What for? Toxic waste handling?”

Crys: “Hahahaha. No.”

Me: “What about being Billy Mays replacement? Or being the MOVIE PHONE guy?”

Crys: “Hahahaha. No.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m out of ideas then.”

Crys: “I don’t even have the energy to call them back. I mean, I’m not sure I’m up to interviewing right now.”

Me: “*nods* Yeah, I get that. I’m burnt out on applying for jobs. I can’t even fathom trying to interview somewhere without shitting myself.”

Me: “Which I do every single time I get a text message. I also drop a remote, which is neither here nor there.”

Crys: “You’re so weird.”

Me: “I’ll take that as a compliment!”

After several hours of watching dancing cactus videos, my cell rang. A number I didn’t recognize, which is generally code for someone looking for my “expert” opinion on salt or attempting to guilt me into donating to the “People Affected By Sarah McLaughlin ASPCA Commercial,” so I tend not to answer.

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, I answered.

It was a friend of mine – we’d worked together as servers when Ben was a baby, sneaking off and chugging beers in the coolers during our breaks, causing mischief and mayhem wherever we went. Ah, the days of wine and roses.

*looks mistily off into the distance*


Her: “Hey, you still looking for work? The (insert rural hospital here) is hiring.”

Me: “Yes.”

Her: “Okay, here’s my boss.”

Me: “?…?”

*cue annoying hold music*

Boss: “When can you come in to interview?”

Me: “I can make time any day that works for you.”

Boss: “Tomorrow, 10AM, okay?”

Me: *does happy dance*

See, Pranksters, I’ve been working on finding gainful employment since July, when The “D” Word was made official. I’ve written resumes, studied how best to create one. I’ve had friends read them and editors examine them. I’ve applied to places until my fingers were cut to the bone. And? Nothing. Nada. Zilch.


Now, don’t get me wrong, Pranksters – I love blogging like I love diet Coke, but I want to be able to come here, stare at a blank WordPress box and fill it with words. With stories. With tales this side of normal.

What I don’t (and have never) wanted to have to do was to resort to blogging as a means to pay the bills. While I’m entirely aware that Dooce can and does, we all know I’m no Dooce.

When I’m staring at a blank WordPress box, trying to come up with an extraordinarily dull tale in order to “put something; anything up here,” a fat wad of nothing fills my brain. When I tell that motherfucking organ to get all creative, it tells me to shut the fuck up. Trying to force creativity is akin to putting flippers on a monkey – it can be done, but why should it?

So that call? That, right there, was Providence. With a Capitol P.

I’ve been blogging, you see Pranksters, since Jesus rode me to class on his handlebars and gave me noogies on the playground behind the slides, and I’ve watched the evolution of blogging as a way to tell our tales into a way to “get famous” and “make monies,” by allowing advertisers to pay us pennies to promote their product.

There’s not a damn thing wrong with that, I should add, it’s just not why I started to write.

It’s also not why I continue to write. My space is my own and I want it to remain that way – I don’t want to be a corporate shill for a shitty product and I don’t want to be a “brand.” I’m me. I’m really Aunt (Motherfucking) Becky, and I’m really real. End of fucking story.

By taking a job at a hospital in the real world, where people are judged by their merit, not by number of “fans” or “comments,” I’ve inadvertently liberated myself from the business end of blogging. An unexpected side effect, I suppose.

I couldn’t be happier to be back.

And without you, Pranksters, I’m not sure I’d be standing today. I hope you know just how much you mean to me. You’re my family and without you, I’m not sure I’d have survived the Dark Time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have something in my eye.

Damn allergies.



What’s been going on since I’ve been away, Pranksters? How are you?
25 Comments to

“Providence, Part Deux*”

  1. On February 18th, 2013 at 8:36 am Leslie Says:

    AB. I know I speak for lots of us when I say you mean a lot to us, too! I’m so glad you’re doing well. (hugs)

  2. On February 18th, 2013 at 10:11 am Dr. Jen Says:

    Welcome back Aunt Becky! Ya know we’re all rooting for you. I hope some Providence with a capital “P” shows up for me soon too, as I’m on my third job hunt in 6 years.

  3. On February 18th, 2013 at 12:22 pm chrisinphx Says:

    Yay, happy employment AB!

  4. On February 18th, 2013 at 12:35 pm Ewokmama Says:

    I knew you could do it!

  5. On February 18th, 2013 at 1:02 pm Emelie Samuelson Says:

    Congratulations!!! I can relate. There are so many days when I stare at my WordPress screen and I just think to myself “What now? I’ve got nothing.” So glad you found a job! Can’t wait to keep reading YOU.

  6. On February 18th, 2013 at 1:11 pm Betty M Says:

    Great to see you back here and to hear tht you have a new job. Brilliant news on both counts.

  7. On February 18th, 2013 at 1:16 pm Becky Mochaface Says:

    Congrats on the new job! And so glad to see you back. Missed you!

  8. On February 18th, 2013 at 2:58 pm Erin Margolin (@ErinMargolin) Says:

    Providence, Part Deux*: I don’t get the impression, Pranksters, that a lot of us hold much … via @MommyWantsVodka

  9. On February 18th, 2013 at 7:21 pm Aunt Becky (@mommywantsvodka) Says:

    Providence, Part Deux* (or, how I found my voice again)

  10. On February 18th, 2013 at 7:29 pm Lovelyn Says:

    Congratulations on the new job.

  11. On February 18th, 2013 at 7:31 pm lake Says:

    Bless you!! : )

  12. On February 18th, 2013 at 7:34 pm FFW Says:

    Congrats, girl, and welcome back to the world of the gainfully employed! I am SURE you will collect fodder for many MANY posts (some you may even be able to write!).

  13. On February 18th, 2013 at 7:34 pm injaynesworld Says:

    Becky, that’s great news. Congratulations and big hugs.

  14. On February 18th, 2013 at 7:44 pm Swirl Girl Says:

    It ain’t just a tiny state capitol anymore.

    Best of luck to you!

  15. On February 18th, 2013 at 7:52 pm amy Says:

    Thanks for everything Aunt (Motherfucking) Becky. Keep on kicking ass.

  16. On February 18th, 2013 at 8:50 pm Grace Says:

    Yay!! Love you!

  17. On February 19th, 2013 at 12:11 am Alexis Anne Says:

    The only thing about this I can’t really understand is why hospitals’ human resource directors have not been pounding on your door and begging you to bless their hospitals with your presence.
    Congratulations and best of luck..
    Your niece,,

  18. On February 19th, 2013 at 12:55 am nikkiana Says:

    I think it’s wonderful that you’ve got a job! Though.. admittedly… I do miss talking to you in the middle of the day… but that’s just me being selfish. πŸ˜‰

  19. On February 19th, 2013 at 6:01 am Jolie Says:

    Woo hoo for you!!! Glad you are DOING IT! Look at you, you’re a rock star!!! πŸ™‚

  20. On February 19th, 2013 at 7:26 am Cynthia Medina Says:

    “The Dude Abides.” Keepin’ it real, Beks. Keepin’ it real.

  21. On February 19th, 2013 at 7:59 am Cindy Says:

    Aunt Becky, I’m happy for you that you got a job! That’s good news indeed, since having a job helps make it easier to do shit like buy uncrustables (in your case) and peanut butter (eaten with a spoon, in my case). woooHOOOOOOOOO

  22. On February 19th, 2013 at 8:57 am Cindy G Says:

    Congrats and I hope this job is everything you want it to be and more wonderful than that.

  23. On February 19th, 2013 at 10:15 am Triplezmom Says:

    I am so full of the happy for you lady, you have no idea.

  24. On February 20th, 2013 at 11:56 am @MG_WELLS Says:

    RT @mommywantsvodka: Providence, Part Deux* (or, how I found my voice again)

  25. On February 24th, 2013 at 12:08 am Elizabeth Says:

    Love ya, AB!

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