Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Proof That My Pranksters Win At Life


Today, as I’m finally remembering my middle name (I think it’s “wants“) and using up what miniscule brain power I have left to decide whether or not I’d like a pony on rollerskates or a unicorn on rollerskates, I am getting ready to show yet another friend what living in Chicago is like.

Namely, my living room. Because I’m re-watching Weeds, dammit, and I have to know what happens next!

(besides the obvious “Nancy will make the worst decision ever“)

Clearly, I do not win at life OR as a tour guide. Unless it’s a tour of my living room. Which Dana can vouch for. She knows I win at the “tour of my living room.”

It goes like this: “here’s the couch.” “here’s the other couch.” “watch me sit on it.”

Really, it couldn’t be awesomer.

Anyway, this gem appeared in my inbox and I’ve been saving it for a rainy day. Which would be today. It’s ASS outside. HEY, WELCOME TO CHICAGO, IT’S ASS HERE!

That’s totally the awesomest thing ever. Jimmy Motherfucking Wales? Eat your creepy-eyed heart out.

P.S. I think I need to put this on my header somehow. HOW SICK WOULD THAT BE?

Also: Am here and here today.

7 Comments to

“Proof That My Pranksters Win At Life”

  1. On November 3rd, 2011 at 2:08 pm Rebecca Says:

    Yeah, but you look good. The photos should show you blinged out and speak a story of how you need more bling. To keep the information coming perhaps?

  2. On November 3rd, 2011 at 2:46 pm Jeans Y Says:

    I’m trying not to laugh but I live here too, and I feel the same way. I like Chicagoland but I’m a horrible tourist. Off to check your other posts today 🙂

  3. On November 3rd, 2011 at 6:53 pm Kristin Says:

    Love the progression of photos…truly awesome.

    Feel better soon.

  4. On November 3rd, 2011 at 7:53 pm Sandy Says:

    You crack me up!

  5. On November 4th, 2011 at 5:41 pm Rox Says:

    That is great. Now only if I had fans. Do bribes work?

  6. On November 6th, 2011 at 10:37 pm Alexis Says:

    I agree with an earlier poster that you look hood. Have you ever considered that you might appear even more credible with more visble piercings and body art? Just a thought. My dad says that anyone who would get more visble piercings or body art based solely on my recommendation is in a persistent vegetative state.

    By the way, I have mono (without having kissed anyone since early June and without having used a druinking fountains since I was four) and i am greatly in need of sympathy.


  7. On November 17th, 2011 at 2:49 pm Dana Says:

    Just saw this on The Oatmeal today – thought of you:

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