Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride



On August 20, 2001, after nearly 24 hours of hard labor, my husband’s first son, Benjamin Maxwell, was born. He was hundreds of miles away, out of state, likely on campus for class, and I have no way of knowing if he knew that his first child had been born.

Did something stir within him at the highly civilized hour of 2:50 in the afternoon? Did he shiver as his son drew his first breath and screamed his bloody head off? Did he stop for a second, not knowing why, as his some-day-will-be-wife cried as she looked at her new son for the first time, marveling at his beauty and how damn HEAVY he was?

I don’t have any way of knowing that, of course, and The Daver, he doesn’t remember. The pictures my mind paints, though, that’s what they all look like. Two realities, separate, then intertwined.

The Daver, he met Benner and I when Ben was two and I was twenty-three, and while he confessed to being nervous about dating a girl with a kid, all traces of nerves were evaporated when Ben raised his stubby arms up to him to be carried across the street for the first time. When Ben wrapped his arms around Dave, a father was made.

That night, on the drive home, Ben spoke one of the only sentences he had, and certainly one of the only ones he’d made up, “Awww…..(sniff)….BYE DAVE.” The kid, he loved his Dave. For an autistic kid, that’s huge.

From then on, they were like cheese and macaroni. When Ben was obsessed with the planets, Dave had a friend paint the walls of Ben’s bedroom in our condo with Jupiter and Mars. When Ben needed to potty train, Dave went to poop class with me. When we needed to find a preschool, Dave helped me look.

When we got married, Dave asked Ben for my hand in marriage. Ben didn’t hesitate before he said said, “Yeah, okay!”

After Ben walked me down the aisle, he stood up as Dave’s best man, and Dave’s vows to Ben had the entire church weeping. I could have skipped the white dress entirely (and trust me, I would happily have done so. I am SO not a wedding person) and left my kid and his dad up there alone.

2 years after we were married, March 20, 2007, Ben became a big brother and Dave became a father once more. I don’t know who was prouder. I still don’t, actually.

2 years after that, Ben and Alex became big brothers and Dave became a father for the last time.

Fathering a child may be easy, but being a dad, that’s the hard shit. I know that.

I have more male readers than most blogs with “Mommy” in the URL  (thanks to saying things like “beef curtains,” “sweater kittens” and “anal leakage”) and I’m honored to know all of you.

Happy Father’s Day, Pranksters.

And Happy Father’s Day, The Daver. We’re damn lucky to have you.

[flashvideo file=wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Having-My-Baby.flv /]

60 Comments to


  1. On June 20th, 2010 at 11:57 am Melissa Says:

    Aww, Happy Father’s Day The Daver!

  2. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:03 pm Jenn Says:

    Awwww. Happy Father’s Day to him!
    I love how you always manage to slip in some crudity no matter how sentimental the post. 😉

  3. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:03 pm JennK Says:

    It goes to show that real daddies are more than sperm donors. And it really doesn’t matter if it was his sperm. Some men are born to be fathers. The Daver is one of them. You are lucky, lucky woman.

  4. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:09 pm Miss Grace Says:

    Happy Father’s day to Daver. Have a lovely day y’all.

  5. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:18 pm Dopeysmom Says:

    I had a little tear in my eye! A very lucky family indeed. Happy day Daver!!

  6. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:25 pm Tweets that mention Paternity | Mommy Wants Vodka -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Aunt Becky, Jacquie. Jacquie said: RT @mommywantsvodka Paternity: //Here's to the Daver! […]

  7. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:27 pm Andygirl Says:

    That was touching. Really. I have little tears threatening to leak out of my eyes. Happy Fathers day to the dads! Any SOB can donate sperm, but it takes someone special to be a dad.

  8. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:29 pm The Sweetest Says:

    You have me in tears this morning. Happy tears- what a lovely tribute to a wonderful father!

  9. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:30 pm Dana Says:

    I tried to hold it back but the ugly cry won out …

    I love this story … and so wish I could have given this to my Cam …

  10. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:31 pm katrina Says:

    What beautiful pictures!! Happy Father’s Day to The Daver! Obviously he is one SPECIAL guy…..i love the first pix with Ben….gets me all teary.

  11. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:41 pm thenextmartha Says:

    That’s cool. Love that story. You have a wonderful family.

  12. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:41 pm Kristin Says:

    What a beautiful post.

  13. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:45 pm Alicia Says:

    That definitely brought tears to my eyes. I agree that the first pic of The Daver and Ben is so great. Happy Father’s Day to The Daver and all the great Dads out there!

  14. On June 20th, 2010 at 12:03 pm Maniacal Mom Says:

    Thanks Aunt Becky for reminding us 2nd timers how amazing those “instant” dad’s are and that they truly do enhance our lives, even when they drive us nuts!

  15. On June 20th, 2010 at 1:05 pm Kathy Says:

    Your wedding sounds so beautiful…got me all choked up. Hope you’re enjoying the Father’s Day festivities!

  16. On June 20th, 2010 at 1:12 pm Jennifer B Says:

    Happy Father’s Day Daver!!!!! You have a kick ass family!!!

  17. On June 20th, 2010 at 1:38 pm inannasstar Says:

    What an awesome post about a wonderful man. Happy Father’s Day Dave!

  18. On June 20th, 2010 at 1:43 pm Shafeena Says:

    melted the old ticker :D… lovely post, suddenly the world makes sense again !!!

  19. On June 20th, 2010 at 1:51 pm mumma boo Says:

    Happy Father’s Day, Daver!!!

  20. On June 20th, 2010 at 1:53 pm MrShev Says:

    Great post, glad to see that us daddies are not forgotten.

    You have another male reader – a stay-at-home-dad (no less…).

  21. On June 20th, 2010 at 2:17 pm phd in yogurtry Says:

    Daddies are huge in this family. Reading about other great daddies in this world is always welcome. Happy Father’s Day, good men.

  22. On June 20th, 2010 at 3:04 pm a Says:

    Happy Father’s Day, Daver!

  23. On June 20th, 2010 at 3:55 pm Hockeymandad Says:

    Nice job. Happy Father’s Day Dave!!

  24. On June 20th, 2010 at 3:59 pm Rebecca Says:

    That is such a sweet post for The Daver!

  25. On June 20th, 2010 at 3:18 pm Clair Says:

    That post was definitely *sniffle* worthy.

  26. On June 20th, 2010 at 4:19 pm sara Says:

    Happy Fathers day to a great dad!

  27. On June 20th, 2010 at 4:26 pm With My Eyes Closed » A Father !! Says:

    […] remember him when my younger sister was born either. Combine that with the most BEAUTIFUL post by Aunt Becky, I was inspired to write about a father i have actually seen made ( right out of mold) […]

  28. On June 20th, 2010 at 3:37 pm Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] Says:

    AWWWW shits.


  29. On June 20th, 2010 at 4:40 pm GingerB Says:

    I am so, so, so glad that Ben and Dave found each other, and you got Dave in the bargain. I wish all the men I know, for example, my husband, had the benefit of a caring Dad. Not everyone gets one, even if everyone deserves one. And, oh yeah, happy anal leakage day to you, too.

  30. On June 20th, 2010 at 4:48 pm Katie Says:

    Tell The Daver he’s awesome and happy fathers day.

  31. On June 20th, 2010 at 4:49 pm joann Mannix Says:

    Happy Father’s Day to your man and all the wonderful fathers out there.

    And such truth, biology does not and never will trump the love between a father and child, no matter what the story.

    Beautifully done.

  32. On June 20th, 2010 at 5:19 pm pattypunker Says:

    *wiping tears* i love the daver! what an awesome father, husband, and man. and what a moving tribute.

  33. On June 20th, 2010 at 6:05 pm Tapper Says:

    Thanks for being vulnerable and writing this. You touched a nerve as Mrs Tapper & I adopted our first son & count ourselves blessed with the gift we named Matthew.

    You gave a great tribute to Dave & I hope you two grow old together & get to enjoy grandkids as much as you enjoy your sons.


  34. On June 20th, 2010 at 6:44 pm Betty M Says:

    Happy Father’s Day Dave!

  35. On June 20th, 2010 at 7:44 pm The Daver Says:

    Thanks to everyone for your Father’s Day wishes! I am lucky enough to have an awesome wife and wonderful children that make me proud to be a dad every single day, not just Father’s Day.

    But hey, since it IS Father’s Day, I’ll take a moment and bask in your warm wishes. Mmmm.

  36. On June 20th, 2010 at 7:48 pm Alex@LateEnough Says:

    I’m all sniffly. Great post. Kinda makes me feel like crap about mine to my husband. Whatever. I had a migraine this morning.

  37. On June 20th, 2010 at 8:30 pm Angela Says:

    So true. Love this.

  38. On June 20th, 2010 at 9:32 pm MamaCas Says:

    It warms my heart to know that my Aunt Becky can be a giant mushy-hearted sap sometimes! After all, life can’t ALWAYS be about beef curtains, right? Happy Father’s Day to The Daver!!

  39. On June 20th, 2010 at 11:20 pm CycleNinja Says:

    Now THAT’S the Aunt Becky we know and love. Terrific.

    You need to have the Daver do a Mother’s Day post next year…

  40. On June 20th, 2010 at 11:27 pm habanerogal Says:

    Verklempt that is all. My kids daddy is not their sperm donor too and they were the ones who gave him the thumbs up

  41. On June 20th, 2010 at 11:10 pm Libby Says:

    You probably shouldn’t have worn the white dress anyway… I mean, just saying.

    Sorry, sarcastic, bitchy comments pop out of my mouth when I read something that makes me all gooey inside.

    Lucky Daver.

  42. On June 21st, 2010 at 2:09 am Aimee @ Ain't Yo Mama's Blog Says:

    This brought tears to my eyes, Aunt Becky. What a heartwarming story about the Daver. You are so lucky to have found one another. Hope you all had a great Father’s Day!


  43. On June 21st, 2010 at 4:35 am Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo Says:

    *fist bump* to great dads!

    (not fathers day till September here in Oz though…)

  44. On June 21st, 2010 at 8:19 am Inna Says:

    Happy Father’s day The Daver! Your kids are very lucky to have such an amazing dad.

  45. On June 21st, 2010 at 8:56 am Hi, I'm Natalie. Says:

    That is the BEST Father’s Day post out there. Awesome.

  46. On June 21st, 2010 at 9:55 am Neeroc Says:

    What a beautiful post. Belated Happy Father’s Day to The Daver and all the wonderful Dads out there.

  47. On June 21st, 2010 at 10:23 am JennyMac Says: sweet. And love the pics.

    My “instant” Dad is one of the most awesome men I know.

  48. On June 21st, 2010 at 9:54 am SciFi Dad Says:

    Happy Father’s Day, Daver.

    (Also: still not retaining email addresses in Firefox.)

  49. On June 21st, 2010 at 10:58 am Sarah Says:

    You may have made me cry a little bit. Maybe.

    Happy (late) F-Day to The Daver! Looks like you picked a good one. 🙂

  50. On June 21st, 2010 at 11:01 am MommaKiss Says:

    way to make me cry bitch.

  51. On June 21st, 2010 at 10:02 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Are you saying I wasn’t a VIRGIN? WELL, I NEVER! Bwahahahah!

    Yeah, I wouldn’t have had a wedding at all if I could have helped it.

  52. On June 21st, 2010 at 11:12 am Lessons in Life and Light Says:

    The world needs more Davers. It’s unfortunate how many kids I know whose fathers have just basically abandoned them…and it usually has more to do with not wanting to pay their child support because they don’t want the mom to have their money. That just sickes me.

    Happy (belated) Father’s Day, Dave! You’re a very special man and those are three damn lucky kiddos.

  53. On June 21st, 2010 at 5:31 pm Amanda Says:

    awww man I totally just cried! My (step) dad is more of a father than my real dad has ever been. I dont know what we’d do without him.

  54. On June 21st, 2010 at 11:24 pm Lamb Says:

    Aww, what a lovely post! You paint quite the picture 🙂

    LambAround’s latest post: A Flower Delivery MYSTERY

  55. On June 21st, 2010 at 10:47 pm Vinomom Says:

    I’m hoping it’s the extra glass of wine that made me tear up at that post. I had my tear ducts removed like eight years ago.

    I hoped for that really hard with Lady H. I didn’t get it. All I can hope is the man I chose will be a good influence on her. I can’t make them love each other, but hopefully she will admire and respect him when she is older. You are a lucky girl, Aunt Becky. Take it from someone who didn’t get that lucky.

  56. On June 23rd, 2010 at 6:36 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    That is so sweet!

  57. On June 29th, 2010 at 12:00 pm MamaSkates Says:

    no doubt! props to all the REAL men out there!!!

  58. On June 29th, 2010 at 10:06 pm Painted Maypole Says:

    how lucky you all are. here’s to the daver (lifting my margarita…)

  59. On July 1st, 2010 at 3:36 pm Niki (Strawbrykiwi) Says:

    I sniffled and smiled through this! Such a sweet story!

  60. On July 1st, 2010 at 3:36 pm Niki (Strawbrykiwi) Says:

    I sniffled and smiled through this! Such a sweet story!

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