Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Nothing Is More Dangerous Than A Girl With Charm. Except A Girl With A Luger

  • I am pretty sure that showing remarkable restraint by waiting until ALMOST like, the last week of September to listen to Christmas music makes me Super Awesome.
  • That fact alone nearly negates the dorkiness that I love Christmas music like it was my job.
  • And no, I do NOT own any gaily decorated, bedazzled Christmas sweaters with any of these: rhinestones, pearls, dancing snowmen, bells, Christmas trees, snowflakes, or whimsical gingerbread men.
  • Also, no matter how it now sounds I am not a crazy cat lady.
  • My cats, while they are still walking around and not being turned into coats for very small people for waking up the baby AGAIN, are named “Charlotte” and “Peekachoo.” I named neither. But if I had, they wouldn’t have been “Snooky” or “Mr. Snugglesworth.” They would have been, “Vlad the Impaler” and uh, “Chuck.”
  • Okay, so the last cat that I did name was “Little Cat” because, well, she was a little cat, but she was a foster cat and I barely saw her anyway. I think that such a pathetically stupid name helped further her adoption process along anyway.
  • Sometimes I miss fostering cats until I remember that Little Cat brought us all giardia parasite that she ejected from her butthole at the exact same time that I brought us all home a crotch parasite that I ejected from my lady bits. Then I don’t miss fostering cats any more.
  • That’s sort of how I feel about my stats program.
  • I can no longer laugh at all of the weird ass searches that bring people here, but then I don’t have to look at all of the sick Uncle Pervy crap that people search for and bathe in bleach and wish that I could somehow scour my eyeballs.
  • I am alternating between being thrilled that tonight is Glee Night, which, dude, on a scale of one to awesome, that show is super great, and being in full out dread mode, because today is also Dosage Increase day for my Topamax.
  • On a scale of one to lousy, that is super craptacular because I will be sick for the next 4 days.
  • I sometimes worry that I will become one of those insufferable people who thinks that the entire world is fantastically interested in the most mundane symptoms of an illness.
  • Maybe I should start sending out press releases to my imaginary legions of fans describing in minute detail how I feel every hour, rather than putting together a power-point for the holidays. I just KNOW my family wants to hear about it.
  • I have been informed that if I want to make my blog more PR friendly, I should refrain from using colorful language, especially the eff word.
  • I have some of my own words to say about that.
  • Fuck, shit, cock-bag, motherfucking, asshole, bitch, shithead, fuck-wad, dick, meat curtains, ass-bag. Oh, and fuck.
  • I trust PR driven blogs ALMOST as much as I trust that the people on television who tell me that that their product really!! works!!! have MY best interest in mind.
  • Pretty sure that’s how to lose advertisers and not influence people.
  • Anyway. LOOK! My daughter is giving me the stink eye so YOU DON’T HAVE TO:

Mimi Stares

  • What’s on YOUR mind today?
99 Comments to

“Nothing Is More Dangerous Than A Girl With Charm. Except A Girl With A Luger”

  1. On September 23rd, 2009 at 8:55 am Sarah @scunning Says:

    I think you are pretty awesome the way you are so please don’t change. Good luck with the med change, I’ll be thinking of you and am willing to listen if you need to vent about it.

  2. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:03 am Jennifer Says:

    Totally laughed about Vlad the Impaler and Chuck. Awesome.

    I’m scared of my stats. I wrote one post about double fisting (you know, with beer) and now I get crazy fisting (um, not with beer) searches. Really creepy searches. And then they hang out at my site for a while. Which has nothing to do with alternative sexual practices.

  3. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:15 am Badass Geek Says:

    If I didn’t love you for any other reason, it’d be because you introduced me to the word “meat curtains”.

  4. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:20 am almostaraider Says:


    (hides her *wow* geek badge)

    Still lovin your blog!

  5. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:23 am Kristina Says:

    “Maybe I should start sending out press releases to my imaginary legions of fans describing in minute detail how I feel every hour, rather than putting together a power-point for the holidays. I just KNOW my family wants to hear about it.” — Isn’t that what Twitter is for?? 🙂 We love it, keep it coming!!

  6. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:44 am Summer Says:

    On my mind today:



    Laundry Mountain which must be scaled, today

    I’m a horrible mom because my 2 yr old has no warm clothes and has to stay in her PJs all day unless it warms up

    Atkins SUXAZZ but at least I’m losing weight. Slowly. And in the wrong places.

    That’s about it.

    Aunt Becky, I want you to know that I share your Christmas obsession. You will not be all alone out there in Christmas Obsession Land. My Jewish husband takes it all in stride, but he DOES make me wait till at LEAST Thanksgiving to decorate OR to listen to Christmas music. Bastard.. But at least I can go to Starbucks as soon as their winter drinkies and adorable red cups and awesome Christmas jazz appear, and THAT he cannot take away from me. 😀

  7. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:55 am Lucy Cooper Says:

    Is it any wonder I love Aunt Becky and her blog? No, it is not. My husband can mock me to the ends of the earth, but I frigging (no wait) FUCKING love my Jewel Christmas CD and everytime I hear Jewel, or anyone, sing O Holy Night it’s all I can do not to bawl.
    And you know what else? You are one of very few must-reads for me, every day. New post from Aunt Becky is like a new episode of Dexter. And you make me want to be a better blogger. In fact, when I am ready to quit blogging because I think I suck, and I’m not funny or salient in any way, I read some of the stuff you’ve written about blogging and then I feel alright about the whole deal again.
    Now let me remove my lips from your bottom.
    Oh, and the cat ejecting the giradia from his butthole- mmmmmm.

  8. On September 23rd, 2009 at 8:59 am MK Says:

    That is not even remotely close to a stink eye, but she’s damn cute.

    Meat curtains. Oh. My. GAWD.

    Good luck w/ the dosage increase.

  9. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:01 am MFA Mama Says:

    1. You are totally awesome.

    2. You are totally badass (I took Topamax for three whole days before I couldn’t freaking stand it anymore).

    3. I have been laughing at your tweet about Kanye (“You shut your whore mouth when Kanye is talking.”) ever since I read it…I have been telling EVERYONE to shut their whore mouths since then. It’s like you gave me Tourette’s or something. I’m all “You shut your whore mouth while the Violent Femmes are singing.” This is problematic given that I am supposed to be a college English perfesser, but whatever. My students can shut their whore mouths when I’m channeling Aunt Becky.

  10. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:02 am Bobbi Says:

    If you think that’s stink eye I can’t wait for you to see a real one. Preferably followed by, “Whatever.” Which they learn at a very young age.
    Good luck with the drugs. I don’t know which is worse – increasing or decreasing.

  11. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:04 am Kerrie Says:

    If I had pets I would name them exactly WHAT they are. Dog, Cat, Hamster, Gerbil. I have a hard time remember my own name…This way I don’t look like an asshole when I call the dog my husbands name. “MIKE, STOP EATING YOUR OWN SHIT!”

  12. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 am foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) Says:

    Swoon! Look at that beauty!
    On my mind right now? I’m shooting daggers at my husband’s back right now because he’s sitting in front of me playing some annoying ass computer game that he’s been playing nonstop for days and I CAN NOT STAND TO LISTEN TO IT ANYMORE…because the garage needs cleaned and I am so desperate to see it clean that I have been offering to help, too, and seriously, the damn video game….

    deep breath….

  13. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:09 am Amanda Says:

    Lets see:
    – there is far too much ‘love’ spread around twitter sometimes.
    – had the appointment with school today and it wasn’t as sucky as I though so I am now officially WRONG and feel an overwhelming need to apologize because I thought that they were totally sucky and, it turns out, they arent.

    That’s it.
    I hope today isn’t too sucky after your med change.

  14. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:13 am Emma Says:

    Whats on my mind today? Well I have had it confirmed… Geeks really are evil (I have nothing against nerds, and dweebs however 🙂 and I simply adore dorks) I picked up the children from their lovely (nut free, veggie growing) school this afternoon to see a teenage boy in a star wars tshirt bullying a poor 8yr old boy. He got his bike back in the end and cycled home safely, but I use this instance as proof of my theory… Geeks are evil.

  15. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:19 am Emma Says:

    And cheeseburger crotch

  16. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:26 am Jenn Says:

    I especially super love your blog BECAUSE you use “colorful” language.

  17. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:26 am ryanandjoesmom Says:

    Finally getting caught up on your life. So happy to see Amelia’s latest test results. So effing awesome!

    Will you sing me a Christmas song?

  18. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:28 am Dana Says:

    Umm…not much on my mind…though switching a medication has left my colon with A LOT to say. And I really need to clean my bathroom. There are cobwebs all over the place.

  19. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:35 am melanie Kerton Says:

    what is on my mind today? well lets see 1) my sisters apparently think my birthday is the appropriate day to throw down and wage war and try to me to take sides (and no they are NOT TEENS)….. 2) I am grateful that I do not have a blog as of yet, because I would be tempted oh so tempted to write what should not be written……. 3) I think this is the third straight year my hubs job has fucked with my b-day, past two years he was sent out of town, and this year he is on call so he has to be married to his computer for the next 7 days (I KNOW I KNOW at least he has a job) 4) the first date night in over 2 years had to be cancelled (it was supposed to be Friday) because of being on call…..didnt realize how much I was looking forward to it, until it was gone.

    So to sum it all up, I will take a pity party table for One, thank you

    (ps good luck with the meds, after just coming off a prednisone high followed by crash due to poison ivy….I can slightly relate.. drugs can be such a blessing/curse).

  20. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:43 am Coco Says:

    1. I am totally buying us matching Bedazzled Christmas Sweaters. With every Christmas character EVER on them. And tassels.

    2. The cat is not dead yet, thank God. I am pumping her full of fluids and she ate some food and drank water. Yay me! I should have a show on Animal Planet. But nothing with Andrew Zimmern. He eats anything. I’m sure he has atrocious camel penis breath.

    3. My other old lady cat is so annoying, meowing incessantly and dragging me from a happy dream about picnics that I threw a stuffed monkey at her at 4 AM. Then I felt bad. The monkey didn’t do anything wrong.

    That’s about it. My brain is tired.

  21. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:46 am stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    Only 2 cats? that doesn’t even come close to qualifying for crazy cat lady. I have 7 & still feel I am short a few for the title. I think you need double digits of cats before you are crazy. but I would say that wouldn’t I?

    Sending out press releases to your imaginary legions of fans describing in minute detail how you feel every hour, is why God created Twitter.

    I have evil dip on my mind. I bought some artichoke parmesan dip at the grocery store. It’s evil. I’ll eat the whole tub in one sitting. I try not to buy it but it was sitting next to the shredded parmesan & I needed shredded parmesan and was pulled into it’s vortex of evil & now there is a tub of it my fridge I am resisting strongly though will probably surrender too around 3pm when I feel snacky.

  22. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:46 am Kori Says:

    Um, fuck. For once I really am speechless (kind of) because I did NOT know that using words like fuck and asshat and whatever else I use on my blog are why, perhaps, I am not as popular as some. son of a bitch, that’s a real pisser. Not.

  23. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:50 am sharon Says:

    fuck em all! i fucking love ur colorful language! ;0)

    i’m anxiously waiting 4 Thxgiving 2 get here…cause that’s when the “lite” radio station starts playing Xmas music! then, i’ll listen all day/every day until New Year!

    & Glee? oh my stinkin heck! watched 4 the 1st time last week & not only did i love it…but my hubby did too! we can’t wait 4 2nite! & the best part? it comes on right after SYTYCD – my FAV show!

    good luck with the dosage increase!

  24. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:53 am Leah Says:

    Christmas music! Here I am thinking my family is the only family in the world to not only be able to enjoy it, but LOOK FORWARD to it. Thankfully, the local ‘easy listening’ station here (which btw, is 103.4 the KOST–how peaceful, right?) changes every November through January to STRICTLY CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!! Complete with NUMEROUS versions of EVERY CHRISTMAS SONG! You can’t lose!

  25. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:13 am almostaraider Says:

    We must remember the more politically correct term “fucktards” for someone who’s beyond stuipd… >.> WUT!?

  26. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:14 am Sarah Says:

    And see, that’s just what I come here for.. to hear (see?) you say “meat curtains” and, in the same hysterical post, get dose of cuteness that will last me a good week. You so deliver. Tell the PR guys to suck it.

    Uh.. you just did, didn’t you?

  27. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:15 am Trista Says:

    Right now I’m really grateful that I found your blog a few months back, was smart enough to start reading it faithfully, and, now that I’m back at work after maternity leave, that my employer doesn’t block your website, because sweet baby jesus I look forward to my mid-day Becky Break, NSFW content and all.
    As someone with two cats, TWO does not make you a crazy cat lady, not even close. Right? Good luck with upping your dosage – I don’t envy you the choices: door number A) feeling like ass; or door number B) head-splitting pain. Poor girl, hope it all works out.

  28. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:19 am Love Says:

    You forgot fuck face. That’s a really good one.

  29. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:25 am jlhpisces Says:

    lol, I may use a few of those words myself today, although I prefer “steak drapes.” 😀 And even if it makes it un-PR friendly, we love you!!

  30. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:29 am Jessica from Michigan Says:

    Yes, super awesome! I heart xmas music and always use “Christmas in July” as an excuse. Maybe there’s a therapy group for us somewhere.

  31. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:31 am Angi Says:

    I love you. Oh is that stalker-ish? I mean I love your blog, eff words and all! I hope the Topamax doesn’t kill you, your sense of humor or your love of Christmas and cats. Hope you’re feeling better.


  32. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:32 am Heather Says:

    OMG. I hate lame animal names. That’s why I am going to selfishly pimp out my animal names…Shanti A La Mermaid Bacon, Phinneaus Congo Mulder, Bluebell, and my RIP dog Cowbug.
    It’s your blog, cuss and complain all you want. Migraines SUCKSUCKSUCKMOTHERFUCKINSUCK! I got my first one when I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter Ettienne, and had them for 3-4 years afterwards. Nothing worked, and I wanted to retire in a cave.
    I have not seen Glee, the premise has not appealed to me, but I might just have to check it out…mainly because I also worship at the alter of Dr. House. So you might have something.
    CHristmas music? Oh love. I can only tolerate it after Thanksgiving, and only until Christmas Day. I shudder at the thought that that still means I have spent 1/12 of my fucking life listening to bullshit renditions of Silent Night, The First Noel, and Jingle Bells. Mariah Carey should be banned from singing holiday tunes. AND…
    Oh, yeah, your blog…not mine. I’ve never put too much stock in what PR people of any sort have to say, and some things lose their efficacy without a good fuck involved.

  33. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:32 am Katherine_75862 Says:

    So topamax blues huh? I am on week 2 and I feel ok with it, I admit it, its the drugs that brought me here! Thanks Twitter! Hope your feeling well! I have been groggy this week with the horrible aftertaste in my mouth but, all migraines are gone! Totally worth it for me! Now if I could lose an Olsen twin…
    Tell those PR people if they don’t like your language to go fuck themselves in the neck. That ones trademarked but on loan just for you 😉

  34. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:39 am Anjali Says:

    I’m thinking about Glee, too. And that fact that, for the second day in a row, IT’S NOT RAINING HERE! WOO HOO!

  35. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:42 am Nothing Is More Dangerous Than A Girl With Charm. Except A Girl With A Luger | Adoption and Orphans Information Says:

    […] Original post:  Nothing Is More Dangerous Than A Girl With Charm. Except A Girl With A Luger […]

  36. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:45 am Katie Says:

    How have i never heard of cock-bag? It’s my new favorite word. Thanks!

  37. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:48 am Notesfromthegrove Says:

    You forgot shitballs.

    And I wanna eat your baby :o)

  38. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:52 am a Says:

    I had a dog named Macbeth. It was a female dog. The guys at the pet store (in Oak Park!) were all “You can call her Lady Macbeth!” I said “No – then everyone will call her Lady and that’s lame.” So, Macbeth it was – I intended to shorten it to Mac, but that just never happened.

  39. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:54 am johanne Says:

    first time writting a comment! just wanted to say that i love reading your blog, with all your colorfull language!
    i am francophone, and we have alot of very nice swear words, my favorite phrase right now is “tabarnak”.. always makes me feel better saying it!
    keep on making us laugh!
    p.s. your daughter is adorable

  40. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:56 am Aunt Juicebox Says:

    Maybe you won’t have to be on the topamax forever. I used to get migraines and then they just suddenly stopped out of the blue. In fact, one of the triggers was CHOCOLATE (fuck me) and I can even eat that now. I still sometimes get the nausea and the tingly mouth feeling, but without the head pain. I’m one lucky motorfo. Maybe you can work on what might be triggering them, and get rid of it. Unless it’s like, a kid or something.

  41. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:05 pm SArah Lindahl Says:

    I’m stealing the power-point-program-for-the-family-over-the-holidays idea. That is fantastic! Also, I laughed when I read “meat curtains.” I like that. I also like “ham wallet.”

  42. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:06 am Mama Cas Says:

    What’s on my mind today? The mammogram showed that my hooters are healthy. Which is much better than being cancer-filled.

    Also? Meat curtains might be the funniest thing I’ve read today.

    Hey! That’d be a great band name. “The Meat Curtains”

  43. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:10 am Tara Says:

    Meat curtains….best thing I’ve read all day.

    I hope you don’t get to sick in the next 4 days with your friend Topamax.

  44. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:31 am mumma boo Says:

    *sigh* I just love Amelia. Smooch her lots for me today, would you please? Thank you!

    Good luck with the dosage increase. Migraines suck.

  45. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:32 pm Kristi Stevens Says:

    I think you left out cunt… yep, don’t see cunt anywhere… cunt is a bad word and I think you need to add it to your vocabulary, because in my book – no profane dictionary is complete until cunt is added… although meat curtains is a good addition.

    Love you as always,

  46. On September 23rd, 2009 at 11:44 am leanne Says:

    – My husband and I named our cat Otis (after Otis Redding). Otis knew his name and could shake paws like a dog.

    – If you are listening to Christmas music, does that mean I can bring out my snowmen decorations? I love Christmas decorations, especially snowmen. I have lots of them, much to my husband’s dismay. I also leave them out past December. Because they are snowmen. And we often still have snow that lasts way beyond December.

    – And I’m thinking it’s still September, and my son who just started kindergarten has already brought home 3+ opportunities for us to buy stuff/fundraisers from the school. Does this go on all year long?

    – Tonight is Top Chef night for me. It makes me happy.

    Best wishes with even more Topamax than before.

  47. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:07 pm Kelly Says:

    I really can’t wait to put our tree up this year. Mea has been bugging us about…. where da tree go (why you put it in the garage mama?)? and when Santa coming again (when he finishes making all the toys)? and wanting to sit on Santa’s lap (everytime we go to the mall), she seriously talks about it daily/weekly, and has been since I took the tree down last year.
    I almost think it would be worth it to let the girl have a tree in her room year round.

    I like assclown, it’s been my word of choice lately.

    Mimi is so stinking cute.

  48. On September 23rd, 2009 at 1:16 pm swirl girl Says:

    {tee-hee! cock-bag!}

    You are obviously referring to an avian carrying case, right?

  49. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:23 pm dg at diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    Ok, I laughed to the brink of pants-pissing when you let forth your swear word tirade. I do love me some swears. Those were some choice selections.

  50. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:27 pm Anna Says:

    On my mind today: Searching for a new daycare for our son when he turns 3.

    This comment probably morphs into a question for Aunt Becky when I wonder if I’m going to miss Ms. Haley (his current teacher) more than he is when we change centers?? And, is that pathetic?

  51. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:30 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Ahahahahahahaha. No words, other than I love you. Brilliant.

  52. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:35 pm Stone Fox Says:

    cock-bag is AWESOME. PR tightasses are shit.

    that reminds me, i need to applique a teddy bear riding a reindeer onto a nice knit sweater for my husband for christmas this year.

    i’m going to man up today while my children are being raised by someone else and do a little landscaping of the crotchly area with some wax hair removal products.

    there is, in my world, absolutely NO. SUCH. THING. as too much information. too much information means i haven’t finished my story.

    if you never hear from me again because i have passed out from the pain of hair removal and hit my head on the edge of the tub, never forget aunt becky: you were the wind beneath my wings.

  53. On September 23rd, 2009 at 1:36 pm Rebecca Says:

    I’m pretty sure you’re not using the word cum-bubble. I would appreciate it more if you could add it to your foul word list.

    Speaking of cats with “giardia parasite”, reminded me of my best friend’s cat. Her cat has herpes. Every time I think of her herpes infested cat, it brings a smile to my face because. . .I guess I’m just really about fourteen years old when it comes to herpes.

  54. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:37 pm Tiffany Says:

    Auntie – Your my hero…don’t change. I don’t trust people who cannot laugh at a good cuss word. Fuck Tard goes good with Fuck Wad. On my mind? I am still pissed that in Mexico somewhere someone is eating a burrito and deleting pictures from my stolen camera. I just wish I had a chance to find them and the camera and beat the living shit out of them with it. No there were no naked pictures of me on there.

  55. On September 23rd, 2009 at 12:43 pm Cathy Says:

    🙂 I’m already drawing up blueprints for christmas decorations this year. I have no self-restraint when it comes to the holidays.

  56. On September 23rd, 2009 at 1:00 pm Vinomom Says:

    I wish I had time to read all your hilarious comments….So if repeat something, forgive me.

    Meat Curtains – possibly one of the most disgusting phrases ever invented. *Gag*

    And that baby is not giving you the stink eye! She is giving you the most adorable eyes ever! What a cutie Amelia is!

  57. On September 23rd, 2009 at 1:06 pm Gforbes Says:

    Aunt Becky don’t change your blog. I also love it. FUCK

  58. On September 23rd, 2009 at 1:08 pm Krissa Says:

    Aaaah. The joys of the next Topamax upage. Shit girl, when does it all stop being just so damn fun? *sigh*
    On the other hand, that baby is a living doll. Stink eye or no.
    And you’re right. The asshats that inform you of what your readers need to see, clearly aren’t reading you before they lay that down.
    Now, go take a nap. That’s an order.

  59. On September 23rd, 2009 at 1:08 pm Belle Says:

    Nel keeps making our blog more and more PR friendly, what with the escalating use of her lady like language, such as “F*** off and die!” My mom is proud.

  60. On September 23rd, 2009 at 1:20 pm Janet Says:

    Well, Golly…After reading this two distinctive things came to mind:
    1. Fuuuuuuuuuuucck!!
    2Gosh! I love ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ !

    Don’t know much about Topomax but I get the idea I will soon enough. I hope it works for you soon!

  61. On September 23rd, 2009 at 1:43 pm Mwa Says:

    I had all these rude things I was going to add, but now I’m all “your daughter is sooo cuuute!”

  62. On September 23rd, 2009 at 2:05 pm Maggie Says:

    Fuck fuckity fuck fuck with the fucking fuck-meiser fuck bucket.

    That was fun.

    Now, Aunt Becky, I love you. But you’ve gotta quit letting these bozo’s dictate your day to you.

    Who fucking cares what someone else likes or doesn’t like about YOUR blog? Little Red X in the Top Right Corner is helpful to those who dont like it.

    I likes it, I’d totally have a fucking beer and Vicodin with you, and afterall, I’m the ONLY one who counts.

    and SQUEEEEE @ Glee! I cant wait!

  63. On September 23rd, 2009 at 2:22 pm Nel Says:

    Please don’t stop using the F-word. It is one of the top 23 reasons I love you so much.

    You daughter’s eyes are so big and beautiful! I want one.

  64. On September 23rd, 2009 at 2:29 pm Brianna Says:

    Oh-emm-gee, Amelia is sooooo cute! (*twitch* I think I was just possessed by a valley girl ghost. Sorry bout that.)

    I’m thinking I need to clean more than one load of dishes today. And I should probably turn the dishwasher ON if I want it to do anything. ROFL, epic fail! Also, “meat curtains” is an awesome phrase which should totally be used at every opportunity. Go Aunt Becky and her colorful language!

  65. On September 23rd, 2009 at 2:30 pm Leadia Jarvis Says:

    **with hands resting on chin, body leaning forward, eyes wide**

    Now tell me more about your symptoms. Bitch.

    P.S. You need an ugly ass sweater if for no other reason to attend my annual ugly Xmas sweater party. I wore some God awful creation last year while hugely pregnant and it was awesome.

  66. On September 23rd, 2009 at 2:48 pm Katie Says:

    Tone down the language? I’ll have you know I decided I wanted to follow this blog after you said you would “cut a bitch” in your post about winning the funniest blog award.

    I read that, said, “Sold” and have been reading since.

    I just had surgery done on my wisdom teeth this morning (Whoo bony impaction! Who doesn’t love bits of their jaw bone drilled out of their face when they wake up?) so that’s really taking up my thoughts.

    I think I’m going to go back to bed with my penicillin and percoset.

    And your baby is adorable, btw. No joke, I am one of those people that will totally admit there are ugly kids out there.

    Good luck with your meds!

  67. On September 23rd, 2009 at 2:52 pm Miss Grace Says:

    Nothing. I’m thinking of nothing. I spent 2-4am this morning awake having irrational thought processes and it broke my brain for doing anything of the useful in the daytime.

  68. On September 23rd, 2009 at 2:54 pm Aunt Murry Says:

    *Snort* I think you’re a riot!

  69. On September 23rd, 2009 at 5:58 pm SciFi Dad Says:


    Christmas music in September is too early.

    Hugs and Kisses,
    The Guy Who Puts Up His Christmas Tree In Late November

  70. On September 23rd, 2009 at 5:09 pm Kristin Says:

    I’m so fucking glad you aren’t censoring your language. For your perusal and possible future use, here is a list of other PR unfriendly words – fucktard, assclown, asshat, fucknuttery, ummm…that’s all for now.

  71. On September 23rd, 2009 at 5:24 pm stephen geevers Says:

    Your vocabulary is a rainbow full of awesomeness! keep it up, we ( your readers ) expect nothing less.

  72. On September 23rd, 2009 at 5:37 pm GingerB Says:

    Fucking hell, that is a damn fine baby. Whoa. Fukcing whoa.

  73. On September 23rd, 2009 at 6:06 pm kalakly Says:

    If I wasn’t allowed to use the FUCK word I would have to stop talking.

    My cats are or have been (RIP) named, Hennessy(a cognac), Jaeger (say Yay-ger) (after Jaegermeister), Moerangie(a Scotch) and McCallan(a scotch) and finally, dum-de-de-dum, “momma cat”(cuz she went and had baby kittins on my daughters bed while my daughter was in it sleeping. Take that Goldilocks and your boring ass bears.
    Also, I ran out of alcoholic names I drank, I mean liked, and didn’t want to call her bud or coors…

  74. On September 23rd, 2009 at 6:13 pm kyslp Says:

    I am shockingly late to the comment party today so forgive me if any of this repeats some other stalker. (Usually I read your comments because you have some funny-ass stalkers. No time tonight because some asshat decided that I had to work today. As if I don’t have all these blogs to read and dvr’d shows to watch.)

    1.Glee! I love that show. I have not been so happy since I discovered The Rabbit.

    2.You want one of my Christmas sweaters? I have plenty – in all sizes. Pretty sure I’ll be getting a replacement in a few months.

    3.You could tweet your health updates. Or start a FB fan page just for health status reports.

  75. On September 23rd, 2009 at 6:33 pm Becca Says:

    Just keep rockin’ with your potty-mouthed, glee-watching self. Oh and you forgot twat! 😉

  76. On September 23rd, 2009 at 6:41 pm Evil Twin's Wife Says:

    She is adorable! My daughter has a little tiny cowlick in the same spot! I love it. Thanks for reminding me about Glee – I have the DVR set now! 🙂

  77. On September 23rd, 2009 at 7:45 pm amanda Says:

    I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old.

    I am tired.

    I love cupcakes.

    I love that you comment on my fb status updates.

    I love your blog. It makes me laugh.

    Thank you. That is all.

  78. On September 23rd, 2009 at 7:05 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    Don’t you DARE stop using the eff word. It’s one of the reasons I fucking love you so much.

    Dude, the other day I had a search term that was so vile, I could not believe it led someone to my blog. Disturbing.

    Hope you don’t feel tooo too bad after the dosage change.

  79. On September 23rd, 2009 at 7:14 pm Cara Says:

    Can you teach me to be as cool as you?

    I have a feeling as soon as my hubs tricks me into going to a doctor, I will come out with having wrist surgery, have a prescription for ambien, Imitrex and some crazy ass meds for depression (which runs blatantly down my moms side – but I refuse to acknowldge).

  80. On September 23rd, 2009 at 8:23 pm eden Says:

    That is the cutest stink-eye I ever did see. And the fact that you are bad-arse AND love Christmas music, by proxy makes listening to Christmas music a very bad-arse thing to do. (I know bad-ASS is better, but dammit Becky I’m Australian so I’m stuck with arse).

    Keep rocking the meat curtains lingo! Makes you MORE PR friendly, in my book.


  81. On September 23rd, 2009 at 7:28 pm OHmommy Says:

    I seriously ALMOST bought something online because of a PR pitch on the talk radio I listen to this morning. It was so convincing that I had to look it up online and then realized WTF am I doing?

    I realized I need to get out more and talk to adults. This SAHM gig is making me crazy.

  82. On September 23rd, 2009 at 7:40 pm Cara Says:

    I just read your blog to my hubs (with some background). He has several comments.

    1. He threw up in his mouth on the point with both ejecting a crotch parasite and a parasite from the ass of a cat.

    2. Cheese burger crotch is not an accurate description of preggo cooter. More appropriate (according to him) would be – a cantalope being shoved through raw fajita meat (that doesn’t flow as well though)

    3. Your cursing ability makes you a chick he would like to know.

  83. On September 23rd, 2009 at 8:46 pm ainebegonia Says:

    If you stop swearing in the blog, people with think someone else is writing it.

  84. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:00 pm Jayna @ Yankee Drawl Says:

    You used the word Luger in your title. That, I pink-puffy-heart love. No, wait. Oh hell, scratch that. I fucking love it. That’s better.

  85. On September 23rd, 2009 at 9:29 pm Megan Says:

    Oh Aunt Becky, I’ve been a crappy commenter lately.Blame that on my Google Reader – it’s made me lazy.

    Anyhow, I feel you on the Christmas stuff. It’s not the music for me though, it’s the decorations. Is September too early to put up the tree?

    Also, my in-laws have a dog named Boy. Because that’s what he is.

  86. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:29 pm Nitza Says:

    The colorful language is a big draw for me as well, I must admit.

  87. On September 23rd, 2009 at 10:30 pm Martha Says:

    Not a speck of paint on the front gate two days ago, now it’s green. Husband has yet to notice. So, I’m wondering how much longer he’ll open and close it daily oblivious to its new hue. Ah, crap. I used the word hue….

  88. On September 24th, 2009 at 1:41 am SCY Says:

    Look at that gorgeous child’s eyes – they’re going to be killler I tell ya, killer! Hope the Daver has a beeeeg shotgun.


  89. On September 24th, 2009 at 4:44 am Hilly Says:

    I’m hella bummed that they really didn’t produce much original music on Glee last night. I was looking forward to downloading some more stuff this morning. Yes, I am obsessed with the show.

    In fact, we should start a Christmas show choir…just you and me. I am crazy for Christmas music like that too.

  90. On September 24th, 2009 at 4:56 am Schmamy Says:

    OMG! I totally broke already and had me a good listen to Boney M’s Mary’s Boy Child (as in the great JC)! Yipppeee! No guilt at all. I usually make myself wait until after Thansgiving (the Canadian kind since I am and it’s way earlier in October) but I reeeeally like that song and it makes me happy and I’m sure I’m easier to be around whilst happy.

    Don’t hold back.

  91. On September 24th, 2009 at 8:07 am Dot Says:

    She seems to be looking at your with interest and a bit of dislike, but not stink-eye. More like, what is this interesting grown-up doing now?

    I’m not generally a fan of “colorful” language except in severe cases, such as war or child abuse or crime, but I think you use it sparingly and appropriately, so it’s fine with me.

  92. On September 24th, 2009 at 9:20 am Sharon Says:

    PR people should fuck the fuck off. You need MORE swearing. I suggest that your foriegn readership chip in and help you add some international flavour.

    From French Canada: crisse (pron. criss), crisse-de-tabarnak, calisse, (cawliss) calisse-de-chien-sale (cawliss de sheeyen sal)

    From Atlantic Canada: arse-pick

  93. On September 24th, 2009 at 8:30 am habanerogal Says:

    Hark it’s Harold Angel. Hope the drugs don’t knock you on your lovely dimply ass

  94. On September 24th, 2009 at 8:44 am Suzy Voices Says:

    I was doing OK until you got to “meat curtains” and then I busted a gut. Now there are guts everywhere.

    I hate dosage increase days (unless it’s pain medication, and then I wish it was every day). I did that with Cymbalta and it’s no fun. But it’s better than being crazy. I think.

  95. On September 24th, 2009 at 2:21 pm Becky Says:

    Right now I am trying to decide if the mind numbing boredom I’m suffering through at work (albeit getting paid for) is better than leaving for home to be greeted with noise, laundry, dinner, dogs and homework. Sounds like a pretty easy choice? Margaritas are at home. Money is here. You decide.

  96. On September 24th, 2009 at 3:20 pm amber Says:

    Just thought I needed to tell you that that little list of “colorful language” made me laugh on a day when I thought nothing could. Thank you.

  97. On September 24th, 2009 at 7:53 pm Heather Says:

    I’m with you on the Christmas Music. We have a station here that starts playing non-stop Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. All day, every day, no commercials. It’s all I listen to. Love it!! 🙂

  98. On September 26th, 2009 at 11:56 am lauren Says:

    When I used to work outside of the house I would play Christmas music at the beginning of October because I thought that while it might improve everyone’s moods it would also keep people from staying around too long (I worked at K!nko’s). Also, yay for drugs!

  99. On September 26th, 2009 at 5:38 pm Alicia Says:

    And I thought I was bad starting the Christmas music on 11/1. I also get REALLY excited when I see the first Christmas commercial of the season (the day before Halloween last year, so just about a month from now!).

    I once had a dog named Dogg. (Two Gs to distinguish its name from its species! Clevererer!!)

    Motherfucker cocksucking asshat balls!

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