Not Quite Storage Wars
*sitting in the garage, drinking a diet Coke, taking a break from making the exterior of my home look as though recluses live here. CREEPY ones, I mean, not just boring old me.*
Aunt Becky: “I have no idea what I won in the [Band Back Together] auction.”
The Guy On My Couch: *nods*
Aunt Becky: “I know I got outbid on a bracelet I wanted.”
The Guy On The Couch: *nods*
Aunt Becky: “People are hardcore about auctions. That’s why I’m afraid of eBay. *shudders*”
The Guy On My Couch: “You’d get waaaaay too into it – I can see you with a garage full of your winnings.”
Aunt Becky: “Hehehe. Yeah.”
The Guy On The Couch: “You’d totally get a Storage Locker and end up defaulting and have your shit go up on Storage Wars*.”
Aunt Becky: “No. Fucking. Way.”
The Guy On The Couch: “Where would you put it?”
Aunt Becky: “Anywhere but there. I’m terrified of Storage Lockers. You know the ones over by the McDonald’s? I get the heebie jeebies whenever I go by it.”
The Guy On The Couch: “Hahahaha. Really?”
Aunt Becky: “Yeah. I’m always afraid there’s a dead body in there. I mean, WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU PUT IN A STORAGE LOCKER?”
The Guy On The Couch: “Crap from your dorm room?”
Aunt Becky: ” Ugh *shudders* no. Dead bodies.”
The Guy On The Couch: “I bet it’s safe to say that there’s a dead body in a storage locker somewhere around here.”
Aunt Becky (eyes widen): “Do you think it’s stuffed?”
The Guy On My Couch: (thinks)
Aunt Becky: “You know, all taxidermied and shit? Like people do to animals?”
The Guy On My Couch: “I’m sure there’s one out there SOMEWHERE. Prolly not as close as a regular dead body, though.”
Aunt Becky: “I’m gonna put in my will that I want to be taxidermied, dusted, and moved from children’s houses on a rotation schedule. Four to five months, I sit in each of my kid’s house. In the living room – potentially in the big picture windows, occasionally moving to the table for “dinner.””
The Guy On My Couch: “….”
Aunt Becky: “I’m getting back at them for making me birth them – shit, have you SEEN the size of their heads?”
The Guy On My Couch: *shakes his own large head* “Yeah, yeah I have.”
Aunt Becky: “Payback. And those twerps best not be throwing me into a storage locker. At least, not all year long.”
The Guy On My Couch: “You’re going to have a painfully long last will and testament, aren’t you?”
Aunt Becky: “We’ll be measuring it in miles, not sheets of paper.”
The Guy On My Couch: “Just don’t tell the kids – or they’ll be sure to stuff you in a locker they default on.”
Aunt Becky: “I’m adding it to my list, thanks.”
*surprisingly interesting show, by the by.
LOVE Storage Wars. And Hoarders, which is usually followed by me, throwing out tons of stuff, when I’m not sympathizing with the hoarder.
I think they should be able to do taxidermied people and animals, with movable joints, like a life-size Barbie. Then, it could be posed for holidays–one day, you could have them assist at the door, holding jackets and purses. Or you could balance a tray on their arms for hors d’ouvres.
Hahahaha yeah, I don’t wanna go digging around old storage lockers either. Creepy. I picture rats and ghosts, mostly.
bwahahahaha
I used to manage a storage site. No, you definitely don’t want to know what’s in some of those units. I still get the heebie geebies over some of that stuff! {shivers}
I’m glad to know there is someone else out there whose thinking is as fucked up as mine is. I was threatening to demand my children bury me in a classic Mustang.
I love Storage Wars, but I really love Hoarders because it makes me feel sooooooo good about my only slightly cluttered home ;).
This makes me feel slightly less fucked up for telling my sister that she better not die before me or I will ” Paint your ass up like a HOOKER for your viewing.” I mean at least I didn’t say I would stuff her and leave her in a storage locker right?
Bahahahahaha!!!!
storage wars is fixed, i hear. they plant things in those lockers. and i fucking hate that one guy. i don’t know his name because i only watched two episodes and got bored.