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My, How Far We’ve Come


I got an IM from my friend Kat yesterday. That, in and of itself isn’t particularly noteworthy – I get IM’s from such good, clean chaps and lasses as “bigdick764” and “babiecherie73” who are kind enough to direct me to their websites where I can “see more pictures.”

Kat, however, isn’t a spammer. Or, at least I don’t think she is. I mean, I went to Seattle or one of those other states that aren’t Chicago to visit her and her daughter and she didn’t LOOK like a spammer. But I guess she could’ve Sharpied my back while with a website name or something – I didn’t look.


Yesterday, her IM said something to the effect of, “OMG I MISSES OF YOU.” Which sounds like improper English, but compared to the shit I normally IM, it’s practically the Queen’s English. I responded in turn, I too, missed of her.

“Can you believe it?” She screeched through my computer.

“What?” I asked, clearly distracted by dancing kitty videos and the proper spelling of “Sharpie.”

“I’m thirty and I’m working as a photographer!” She announced.



“Can you believe it? We MADE it!” She continued.

I sat there, stunned.

I hadn’t thought about how far we’d come – I was too busy keeping up with the day-to-day life and dramaz of Your Aunt Becky.

I met Kat when our babies – who look shockingly like sisters – were very small. Out of the blue, she IM’d me to tell me that she’d caught a grammatical error on my recentest blog post. While I’m normally annoyed by that – I mean, you’ve only caught ONE error? – Kat was fairly charming.

We became fast friends during a time in my life that I’d never quite felt so alone; so worthless, so miserable. I’d created this life for myself – 3 kids, 2 dogs, a house, a husband, and I’d never been more alone. I’d always known I would “do something” after I popped out the kids, but the unexpected crush of PTSD following Mimi’s birth made seeing the world as it was almost impossible.

Birthing a sick baby is one of the most isolating experiences I’ve been through – and Kat understood it. Her Avi is mere days apart from my Mimi, and while Avi was not born ill, Kat understood why it was hard for me to even walk outside some days. Days like that, she prayed for me. I’ve never understood people who were offended by that sort of thing – when someone prays for me, I find it an unexpected kindness.

She and I were both miserably trying to eke out a life for ourselves – she as a photog and me as a writer. I was consumed with writing a book – it was the only way I could see lending some legitimacy to my life; something I desperately craved – while she worked tirelessly overnights and on weekends to beef up her portfolio.

The months blew by us, both working desperately to “make it” and prove our worth to the outside world. Life happened around us. The publishing market crashed. Kat got laid off from her day job. We both scuttled around to reform our plans.

While my daughter grew and thrived, kicking her diagnosis in the ass, as she met and surpassed her every milestone, Kat’s husband, the father of her child, who was 27 years old, had a stroke while they slept. As doctors searched high and low to try and understand what had happened and why, Kat spent her days and nights alongside her husband, guiding him through rehab and therapy. She slept at the hospital on one of those uncomfortable chairs with their daughter, Amelia’s clone, Avi.

The diagnosis was a long time coming – Alpha-One Antitrypsin Deficiency – and when it did, it wasn’t good. It’s a rare genetic condition that has no cure – only management of the symptoms.

As she reeled with this news, her husband had an incurable genetic condition, the bad news kept coming – her daughter, my Mimi’s clone, she had Alpha-One Antitrypsin Deficiency as well.

It was my turn to pray. And I haven’t stopped. Kat saw me through some of the worst times of my life, and now, I’ve done the same for her.

And somehow, through all the bullshit, all of the drama, all of the other shit, Kat and I have emerged on the other side. We’re not the same people we once were, but who is?

Kat’s a full-time photog now. And I’m, well, I’m a writer. It seemed only appropriate that I learned yesterday that the book I contributed an essay to is now available on pre-order. It’s not my book, but it’s a book. And my words are in it. More importantly than any vain book ideas, I founded an (almost) non-profit organization for other people to tell their stories. I’ve used my nursing degree to create resources to help people learn about the things they’ve been through.

We’ve both come so far.

I can barely wait to see where we’ll go next.

posted under Aunt Becky Has VD
20 Comments to

“My, How Far We’ve Come”

  1. On March 29th, 2012 at 11:13 am Kat Says:

    I love you so much and am so proud of us! WE FUCKING KICK ASS!!

  2. On March 29th, 2012 at 5:59 pm Jennifer B Says:

    My soul sista!!!!!! You DO rock!!!!!! If you are ever in FL, you absolutely MUST do a family shoot for me. Someday I will get to the West coast, I know it. Just don’t know when. argh. In any case, I wanted to add an “I’m so proud of you!!!” to the slew of others who are cheering you on!!! Muah!!!

  3. On March 29th, 2012 at 11:34 am Colleen Says:

    Awesome. In every sense of the word… 🙂

  4. On March 29th, 2012 at 12:17 pm leigh Says:


  5. On March 29th, 2012 at 12:19 pm Heather B Says:

    You are my hero!!!! You both give me such hope that I will get through this loss & sorrow & kick ass one day too!

  6. On March 29th, 2012 at 12:34 pm thepsychobabble Says:

    You have done much. It might be hard to see that in the middle of the whole Daily Dramaz thing, but you have done SO much.

  7. On March 29th, 2012 at 1:52 pm Betty M Says:

    Pratty amazing stuff from you both!

  8. On March 29th, 2012 at 2:17 pm Melissa Says:

    I am grinning. You guys really do rock.

  9. On March 29th, 2012 at 2:21 pm Hope Says:

    Yes, I agree with everyone.
    Touching post.

  10. On March 29th, 2012 at 2:40 pm Grace Says:

    Yay for good friends!

  11. On March 29th, 2012 at 5:32 pm Mayor Gia Says:

    Congrats on how far you’ve both come. Adorable picture!

  12. On March 29th, 2012 at 5:50 pm Meredith P. Says:

    I know that I have only known you for a very short time, but I am so proud of you (and your friend too)!

    Congrats on all of your accomplishments so far, I know there will be many, many more :D.

  13. On March 29th, 2012 at 6:01 pm Jennifer B Says:

    Ordering my copy right now!!!!! Must readz AB on real live paper!!! Or, erm, dead paper, as the case may be…. whatevs. 🙂

  14. On March 29th, 2012 at 9:45 pm Kristin Says:

    You kick ass my friend. I’m so damned proud of you.

  15. On March 29th, 2012 at 11:37 pm Ewokmama Says:

    Holy crap, why didn’t you tell me about this book business? Sheesh, woman!

    I love this post, though. Those “omg I’m all grown up and shit” moments are staggering sometimes. And sometimes it takes the success of someone close to you to make you stop and look at your own success.

    I’m glad you two have eachother.

  16. On March 30th, 2012 at 2:40 am Andrea Says:

    So I am reacquainting myself with blogs I have missed while I was in a self-absorbed haze of self-pity enmeshed in chaos.

    I missed Aunt Becky.

    And my real comment to this post? Frends are fricken awesomeness personified.

  17. On March 30th, 2012 at 2:41 am Andrea Says:

    Really, I know how to spell “friends”. That was a typo. I swear it.

  18. On March 30th, 2012 at 6:12 am Jadzia@Toddlerisms Says:

    NICU vet here. You’ve hit the nail on the head–having a sick baby is incredibly isolating and friends are so, so important for support. These pictures are beautiful.

  19. On March 30th, 2012 at 7:01 am Kerrin Says:

    Aww See aunt Becky isn’t a complete d-bag she’s actually very sweet, thanks for sharing!!!

  20. On April 1st, 2012 at 9:51 am SharleneT Says:

    There’s nothing like discovering who we’ve become, in spite of thinking we were in charge of where we were going. Life happens to us and it is from that, that we grow. You’ve become an inspiration to so many and can be proud of each and every achievement. The book is still inside you but is probably going to be very different from what you first envisioned. Thank you, so much, for creating the world you have made for so many who need you. Double prayers during this Holy Week!

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