Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

My Favorite Flavor, Cherry-Red (Deux)


Having just been through a slump in my (not-so) fashionable life, one that I like to call Wow, I’m 27 And I Have Two Kids, Therefore I Am Frumptastic, I decided that today was the day to mix things up a bit.

I walked into the Beauty School (yes, I got my hair done at the beauty school. No, sadly no one sang “Beauty School Drop-Out” when I was there.) with long dark hair that went down (probably) past my overly large nursing nipples (have I mentioned how glamorous motherhood is? Because that would be a lie), and walked out a mere two hours later with platinum and cherry red (remarkably the same colors from my wedding, and suprisingly not a tribute to my wedding and/or marriage) hair that brushes my shoulders and only $81 dollars poorer for it.

(I will insert a picture as soon as I am smart enough to upload pictures from the camera to my computer. I am not smart enough to do this without help. Period. Picture me trying to insert the card into the DVD drive for several hours until it is smashed to bits. Then multiply it by about 50. That’s me + technology.).

It’s not quite the full sleeve tattoo or eyebrow ring that would secure my position as Truly Hardcore, but hey, it’s a start. Besides, I’m unsure about sleeves on women. I fluxuate wildly between thinking that they’re awesome and tacky, depending entirely on which sort I’ve seen most recently.

It’s amazing what a ickle bit of pampering will do to bolster your mood. I got caught in the age-old rut of “if I don’t feel good about myself I might as well not do anything whatsoever to enhance my appearance,” and I am taking a personal vow to stop acting like such a damn sissy. Maybe I’m not 100% thrilled about being 20 pounds heavier than I was before I had Alex, but it’s not 200 pounds, and I have GOT to lay the fuck off of it for awhile. I’m doing what I can (which is Weight Watchers online) to make sure I lose this weight by oh, I don’t know, OCTOBER 25 of this year, and I’ll bet that I can do it. Or at least get close enough for government work.

Who is with me here? Who wants to do something nice for themselves AT LEAST once each month, even if we don’t feel like we’re worth it? I’m talking about going tanning, or getting a massage (well, not Aunt Becky who shudders at the thought of someone massaging her. I did it once, when I was about eleventy-hundred months pregnant with Alex to try and convince him to come out. Didn’t work, but hey, I felt like I was DOING something. It seemed safer than the Castor Oil induction I had been considering), getting a haircut, or having some unmentionables waxed.

And let me give a shout-out to Kim, who has been smoke-free for (over?) 4 days now. As Aunt Becky knows well, smoking is both fun and entertaining, but terrible for you and smells bad. Quitting sucks hard, and takes amazing resolve to make it work. But it’s possible to do it, and you will (just look at Kristin!).

15 Comments to

“My Favorite Flavor, Cherry-Red (Deux)”

  1. On January 7th, 2008 at 3:21 pm Ashley Says:

    The hair sounds wild woman. Can’t wait to see it. Glad you’re feeling better. What is this October 25th you speak of?

    And remember, you are always my numero uno sexxxy bitch!

  2. On January 7th, 2008 at 3:35 pm Emily R Says:

    For me, the hardest part of giving up sweets was that this was how I pampered myself. I really need to find a new way, because you are right, we should do something just for us now and then. Like pee in a bathroom with the door shut and no one else in the room.

  3. On January 7th, 2008 at 3:46 pm Pauline Says:

    I can’t wait to see the hair! Good for you for doing something nice for yourself. You rock!

  4. On January 7th, 2008 at 3:53 pm Kristin Says:

    Kim- Yay you! I have been cig-free since October and it gets easier every day. You can TOTALLY do it!

  5. On January 7th, 2008 at 4:08 pm Kim Says:

    you all rock mucho lots! thanks for the support and the props.

    it’s already easier than it was yesterday. I really want to quit this time, so it’s curtains for the old smokes and me…but the whiskey is still flowing, and, thank the heavens, NO end in sight for that one.

    becks, hurry with the photos, can’t wait!!!!!


  6. On January 7th, 2008 at 4:35 pm Cricket Says:

    Hey, I suggested red!

    You sound absolutely spiffy, having shaken off a little of motherhood’s spit up.

  7. On January 7th, 2008 at 4:54 pm tonya cinnamon Says:

    grins….. i bet it looks awesome!!:)
    what i do for me at least 1 x month . my love looks at me and says
    you need me time
    and goes to get me a vanilla-carmel latte with whipcream and carmel on top. i get to hunker down and play on my computer or read or do the bath thing anything i wish and if the kidlets are with us that week. then he takes care of them…
    to me its just a small thoughtful thought on his behalf that makes me smile..

  8. On January 7th, 2008 at 4:28 pm Heather Says:

    Looking for those photos! FAR more daring than I, so I feel slightly challenged by your drastic color! Challenged to do what? I don’t know.

  9. On January 7th, 2008 at 4:50 pm becky Says:

    I cannot wait to pee without someone watching me :). I used to find it more discomfitting than I do now, mainly because I’m used to it. Such is life.

    Kim, seriously, you should be very proud of yourself. It’s hard work (trust me, I know) and every day you make it smoke free is a good day.

    And Cricket, you’re brilliant.

  10. On January 7th, 2008 at 7:24 pm Jenn Says:

    I can’t stand the thought of getting a massage either – it doesn’t sound fun or relaxing at all!

    I would help you upload photos and whatnot but I am super terrible at giving directions. I would have to do it myself and, obviously, that is not an option!

  11. On January 7th, 2008 at 8:07 pm becky Says:

    Jenn, I am so with you. I’m absolutely horrendous at teaching anyone anything, because pretty much, I’ll get frustrated with your ineptitude (which is mainly due to a complete lack of direction/knowledge) and do it myself.

    It’s okay, because seriously, I’m being paid back 10 fold with my two fiercely independant children.

    And I would love my husband to get me a mocha-chocka-latte. You’re a lucky lady, tonya!

  12. On January 7th, 2008 at 10:17 pm Nate Says:

    So, props, beckers. My adopted sis is already looking hot, so I can’t wait to see the hair.

    I need your help with the clothes, but please don’t dress me like Daver.

    Many props on the ciggies (I’ve not even had a cigar since July). I promise no cigars for Ben until he’s 12 (per your request).

  13. On January 7th, 2008 at 10:27 pm Juli Says:

    TOLJA. Wild hair is the shit. I can’t wait to see.

    Hey Kim? I’m NINE MONTHS smoke-free. Keep up the good work and you can be as cool as me! (Sorry, I suck at that touchy-feely stuff. I try, though.)

  14. On January 8th, 2008 at 10:29 am Gail Says:

    Becky, can’t WAIT to see the hair!

    Also, on those recently on the quitting smoking bandwagon – it CAN be done! Next month will mark 13 years smoke-free for me. Just two more years, and I’ll catch up with the number of years I actually smoked…

    (Don’t do the math. I’m old, and I started smoking when I was very young).

  15. On January 8th, 2008 at 9:25 pm honeywine Says:

    I love the hair. Now you’ve got to hit Walgreens up for some cheap and wild colored eyeliners! I’ve seen more than a couple of gals around here (yes in the sticks even!) with really curvy eyeliner going off onto their cheeks like anime characters. It’s sooo cool, and I’m so tempted to try it. But I’m thinking it’s harder for a 35 yr old to pull off. It’ll sink into my scarily-beginning-to-deepen crowsfeet. 🙁

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...