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Moments In Great Parenting, Volume 752


(scene, kitchen, about 5:47 pm on a Tuesday night, Becky is standing at the cupboard trying to determine what snack to pack for Ben’s lunch the following day. Deciding on a makeshift trail mix, composed of pretzels, Teddy Grahams and bittersweet chocolate chips, she begins filling a baggie)

Becky (to self): “Hahaha, well, they have trail mix at Trader Joe’s, so his school cannot find fault with mine. Why, these bittersweet chocolate chips are practically HEALTH FOOD. I mean, LOOK at the amount of fiber in them!”

(fade to black)

(Scene, the following afternoon, about 4:30 pm, Ben has come home with his lunch box and is now playing obliviously while Becky prepares to make another lunch for the following day. Opens lunch bag)

Becky: “Benny, what’s this?”

Ben: “It’s the chocolate chips. I wasn’t allowed to eat them.”

Becky: “Whaaaa?”

Ben: “Yeah, my teacher told me to eat around them.”

Becky: “….”

Becky: “….”

Becky: “….”

Becky (after picking up jaw from floor): “They told you that you couldn’t eat these…”

Ben: “Yeah, we’re not allowed to have chocolate. My teacher told me to eat it after school.”

Becky: “Dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t think they’d notice or care.”

Ben: “It’s okay. No one was mad at me. We’re not allowed to have chocolate.”

Becky: “…..I’m sorry, dude.”

(Scene ends with Becky staring astonishedly at the bag with chocolate chips in it.)

She murmers softly enough so that Ben does not hear her, “Fucking school.”

(fade to black)

16 Comments to

“Moments In Great Parenting, Volume 752”

  1. On November 11th, 2007 at 10:02 am Tony Says:


  2. On November 11th, 2007 at 10:51 am becky Says:

    Apparently, Food Nazi’s.

  3. On November 11th, 2007 at 4:03 pm Calliope Says:

    wow. That is some hard core chocolate hating.

  4. On November 11th, 2007 at 5:33 pm becky Says:

    No kidding. These people are insane. INSANE.

  5. On November 12th, 2007 at 9:42 am Pauline Says:

    No chocolate?!!!! But, chocolate is it’s own food group. Seriously!!

  6. On November 12th, 2007 at 10:30 am jen Says:

    WHAT?! What? And, oh yea, WHAT? Where does that kid go to school – The We Will Suck All The Joy and Enjoyment out of Life School?

  7. On November 12th, 2007 at 12:17 pm becky Says:

    That’s what I’m saying!

  8. On November 12th, 2007 at 2:28 pm Al Says:

    I would send my kid back to the school with chocolate in a bag made of cancelled tuition checks.

  9. On November 12th, 2007 at 4:08 pm Emily Says:

    Dude, you should have asked me. I went to a high-priced hippie Montessori school and there was NO SUGAR. EVER. Under any circumstances and I include birthdays in that list.

  10. On November 12th, 2007 at 4:25 pm Juli Says:

    Wait – some stranger gets to tell YOUR child that he may not eat something YOU packed for him?

    I’m dying to know what possible rationalization was used to enforce this particular bit of bullpuckey.

  11. On November 12th, 2007 at 3:59 pm Blood And Thunder » Blog Archive » You Finally Lay Your Burden Down Says:

    […] (Crystallized instantly on reading this bit from Becks.) […]

  12. On November 12th, 2007 at 4:16 pm becky Says:

    That’s insane. But yeah, thank God Ben’s birthday is in August so that we don’t have to somehow make something with goat poo and beet juice for him instead of cupcakes.

  13. On November 12th, 2007 at 5:48 pm Nate Says:

    Did the food fascists justify this? Do they have some kind of anti-sugar policy and think (wrongheadedly) that all chocolate is high in sugar?

  14. On November 12th, 2007 at 7:51 pm becky Says:

    I’m sure that they didn’t realize that this sort of chocolate was actually more like health food than the pretzels were. I think that they have some generic “anti-sugar” policy that they abide by.

    And Juli, YES, some stranger picks apart his lunch at school. One day, I’m planning on dumping a bag of white sugar out in the lunch box AND THEN adding a can of Mountain Dew to the mix. I think I’d get killed.

  15. On November 14th, 2007 at 11:38 am Russ Says:

    I can just see the days lesson: “America is the bestestest country ever ever EVER because we all get to be soooooooooo free! Isn’t that great kids? PUT THAT FUCKING COOKIE DOWN NOW!”

  16. On November 14th, 2007 at 1:24 pm becky Says:


    You’re spot on, here. It’s a good thing he’s really flourishing there, because if not….

    …it’d be time for public school where he could eat his cookies and chips WHILE washing them down with a Mountian Dew.

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