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Lowered Expectations


My two stipulations for birth are this:

1) More narcotics than you can shake a stick at

2) Plenty of “Eye of the Tiger” during pushing said middle-nameless crotch parasite out.

It’s entirely likely that I will be denied #1 due to the hungry gleam in my eyes that makes doctors uncomfortable because it screams “ADDICT,” and I’ll probably forget to put on the “Eye of the Tiger” at the appropriate time, but who cares?

Birth is the first in a long line of things about parenthood that you have no control over, so why not embrace it?

That said, I’m dying for something to take my mind off of the impending birth, so let’s run a contest and see who can guess correctly what Amelia will measure. I’m sure I’ll be late in awarding prizes, but you know, better late than never, right Coco?

The stats for my two other kids:

Ben: 7 pounds 13 oz, 19 inches long

Alex: 7 pounds 10 oz, 20 inches long

Amelia: ?????

Oh, and for my commentor J, who wanted proof that my feet don’t always look like the monstrosity that they currently are, here is a picture from when I busted my foot back in June. Please don’t mind my lack of pedicure, because I sure as shit don’t.

81 Comments to

“Lowered Expectations”

  1. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:23 pm kbrients Says:

    8 lbs 11 oz, 20 inches long…..

    I will be singing eye of the tiger for you wednesday!

  2. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:29 pm Jenn Says:

    8lb, 1oz, 20.5″ long

    Oh and I think she will be born at 4:29pm

  3. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:32 pm Meg Says:

    Eye of the Tiger! That made me laugh. I picture this movie quality montage with a soft focus and loving looks then just when the images should be slowing down and a beautiful tear jerker of a song should be kicking in…BAM… Eye of the Tiger!

    I hope you get lots and lots of drugs.

  4. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:37 pm Badass Geek Says:

    7lbs 11oz, and 18 inches. I’ll probably be wrong, but I’m okay with being a loser.

  5. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:41 pm michelle Says:

    Nothing says drug seeking behavior like walking in to the hospital backwards with your shirt pulled up screaming “The epidural goes here and it goes here NOW!” If you swab with iodine on your way to the hospital, it makes things move a little faster, too.

    Just sayin…..

    As for baby.. I am going with 7lbs. 5oz and 20 inches. Both my girls were that and it seemed like a nice size. Small enough to not cause too much trouble on the way out, big enough that we couldn’t break them to easily :o)

    Best of luck tomorrow and here’s sending you mucho drugs! xxxxxx

  6. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:42 pm trish Says:

    8lbs 2oz 18 inches. But what the hell do I know? I don’t have any kids.

  7. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:45 pm Daddy Files Says:

    8 lbs 4 oz, 20″ long.

    Good luck and sweet dreams of epidurals for you!

  8. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:47 pm guilty noodles Says:

    8 lbs 6 oz 21″

  9. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:50 pm BB Says:

    7lbs, 7oz, 20 1/2″ long.

    Good luck tomorrow!! I will be sending you good thoughts.

  10. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:50 pm Mrs.Spit Says:

    Huh. Is there a good prize? Because a good guess requires effort, and so you’d better come through with a prize. And Amelia doesn’t count. You have to push her out, you have to keep her.

    So, I’m going with 7pounds, 5oz, and 22 inches long.

  11. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:54 pm tonya cinnamon Says:

    8 pounds 2 oz and 21 inches long. with hair and chubby kissable cheeks :”D

  12. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:57 pm deb Says:

    I can only imagine you want to slap the people saying 8 pounds so I’ll go with:
    6 lbs 9 ozs and 18 inches long.
    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  13. On January 27th, 2009 at 12:59 pm Em Says:

    Amelia: 7 lbs 2 oz, 18 inches long

    Bring on “Eye of the Tiger.”

  14. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:01 pm Rachel Says:

    ‘they say’ that girls tend to be smaller than boys, but ‘they also say’ that babies tend to get bigger the more of them you have….
    So I’m throwing everything ‘they say’ out the window.

    GOing with 7lbs 9oz, 20.5 inches.

  15. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:06 pm Don Mills Diva Says:


    Tomorrow? So excited for you…

  16. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:07 pm Ms. Moon Says:

    7 lbs, 8 oz, 18 inches long.
    Beautiful. Mostly just beautiful.

  17. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:14 pm CLC Says:

    I am going to go with 8 pounds even. 20.5 inches long. Just because girls should be taller and fatter than their brothers. Not really, but whatever. Good luck. You are in my thoughts.

  18. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:16 pm Betts Says:

    I’ll say 7 lbs., 6 oz, 19 inches long.

    I think I’d choose 2 Unlimited, “Get Ready for This”, because it makes me feel like I could run a half-marathon, but I definitely get “Eye of the Tiger”. I’m glad it’s not an earlier Rocky theme song, “Gonna Fly Now”.

  19. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:30 pm Kristine Says:

    7 lbs, 12 oz, 19 inches long.

    If I could place an order for one, that’s the one I’d want.

  20. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:32 pm Jenn @ Says:

    7lbs 11 oz and 20 1/2 inches long?

  21. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:35 pm Betty M Says:

    7lb 6oz and 19.5 inches even though I prefer grams and cms. I still remember how the diamorphine rocked……

  22. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:41 pm Melanie Says:

    My little girl was 7lbs 9oz so that would be my guess, course in my family, girls come out smaller than boys, so if that were true of you, then she might be a 6 pounder…… (my son was 9lbs 2oz)……

    hope everything goes according to your plan…..

  23. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:52 pm magpie Says:

    8 lbs, 2 oz.
    20 inches.

    The singer of “Eye of the Tiger” lives down the street from me.

    My husband cued up “I wanna be sedated” when the doc came in to do my epidural.

  24. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:59 pm rebekah Says:

    8 lbs 20 inches

    SQUEEEE! Your next post will probably be AB! Thinking about you and hoping you get some REALLY GREAT shoes from your co-babymaker for what you’ve gone through.

  25. On January 27th, 2009 at 1:59 pm J Says:

    *sigh* you win. You had skinny feet.


  26. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:01 pm Tiffany @ My Random Wisdom Says:

    I say 6lbs 12 0zs and 20 inches…
    heres to a Plush Pedi and massage after Amelia makes her debut

    Happy Pushing 🙂

  27. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:09 pm A Soldier's Girl Says:

    7 lbs 4 oz 19 inches 🙂

    My thoughts would be with you & if I could I would sneak you some good drugs! 🙂

  28. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:13 pm Coco Says:

    I’m throwing down with 7 lbs. 12.5 oz. & 19 3/4 inches.

    If you want drugs you should’ve come here to give birth. I think I groaned once and I was tripping like a Grateful Dead fan. It was the only thing that kept me from killing someone. I love my health insurance!

  29. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:19 pm Tawna Says:

    7lbs 8oz 21″ long

  30. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:20 pm DD Says:

    9 lbs and 10 oz. 19 inches.

    Do you know how maniacal my laugh will be if I’m right?

  31. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:20 pm Janet Says:

    8lbs 13oz and 21 inches long.

    My brother and sister were both in the 7 lb range, and I weighed 8lb 13, and my birthday is 8/13

  32. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:33 pm ewe_are_here Says:

    Hooray for Wednesday!

    Both mine were early and over 8 pounds, so I’m going with:

    8 lbs 4 oz, 20.5 inches long

  33. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:44 pm Coco Says:

    Oh, incidentally, I thought it’d tickle you to know that someone just found my blog by Googling “Aunt Becky naked”.

    Of course I didn’t post the pictures! I mean, I’m selling them to Star, but I’d never just post them. Jeez.

  34. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:47 pm swirl girl Says:

    Amelia = 6 lb. 10 oz. 20 1/2 ”

    I channelled my inner voodoo priestess for the correct answer.

  35. On January 27th, 2009 at 2:56 pm heather Says:

    7 lbs, 2 oz. 19 inches. and likely mad as hell for being evicted from her watery lovenest. Don’t think we won’t expect pictures and updates before you choke down that first narc, either, ’cause we will.

    Sending good vibes for an easy delivery and recovery! Can’t wait to “meet” wee link (or patty as it were).

  36. On January 27th, 2009 at 3:09 pm Lola Says:

    I’ll go with 7.11 and 21 inches. Godspeed, woman. And remember, no forceps!

  37. On January 27th, 2009 at 3:17 pm Calliope Says:

    7lbs and 9oz, 18 inches
    and ALL sass

    you should spend your copious free time and hook up a system of guessing from that site- um- expectnet or something like that.

    am thinking of you.

  38. On January 27th, 2009 at 3:20 pm Allyn Says:

    Good luck with Amelia! And I’m enjoying your blog more and more each day. It’s great!

  39. On January 27th, 2009 at 3:34 pm TSM-Oregon Says:

    My guess is 7lb 7oz, 19.5 inches. And of course, adorable! Thanks for the support in your comment hon. I appreciate it!! 🙂

  40. On January 27th, 2009 at 3:44 pm Donna Says:

    I’m going to say 7lbs 14oz & 21 inches and will thinking good drug thoughts about you tomorrow. Anxiously awaiting to hear about Amelia.

  41. On January 27th, 2009 at 3:58 pm kalakly Says:

    I’m going with 7lbs 4 oz 19in but I think it would be more fun to guess your foots before and after weight/size…

    You get more drugs if you pretend the epidural didn’t take…not that I would know…wink wink;)


  42. On January 27th, 2009 at 4:09 pm Sus Says:

    Shouldn’t it be, “Eye of the Cooter”?!

  43. On January 27th, 2009 at 4:13 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    8 lbs. 2 oz., 21 inches long.

    Good luck tomorrow! 🙂

  44. On January 27th, 2009 at 4:25 pm Jenn @ Says:

    Oh, I just noticed that you have no middle name for her….how about your name for a middle name? Its just narcissic enough LOL. Or Bedielia? I’m no good at that naming kids thing. Good luck and thinking of you!

  45. On January 27th, 2009 at 4:25 pm mnsm31 Says:

    Hmm, I gonna go low, and say, 7’1 and 20 inches long.
    and as for time? Im gonna say..approximately, 5:45 am Thursday morning. hee hee

    I hope is that you DON’T have back labor.

    good luck.

  46. On January 27th, 2009 at 4:42 pm mandy Says:

    Mine were 6.8, 7.0 and then a whopping 9.12oz-I felt like I had birthed a one month old! I felt gipped on getting to hold a tiny baby, cause there was nothing tiny about that kid! Thank goodness it was c-sec. So, my guess for you is 8.4…

    Nice foot.

  47. On January 27th, 2009 at 5:14 pm Kristen Says:

    7lb 11oz & 19.5 inches

    Saying lots of prayers for you dear friend. All day tomorrow too. Can’t wait to see her!

  48. On January 27th, 2009 at 5:58 pm baseballmom Says:

    I say 8lb., 6oz., and 21 inches long. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, and I hope it is a dream birth with lotsa drugs, dude. Can’t wait to see pics!

  49. On January 27th, 2009 at 6:06 pm seraphimred Says:

    I says 8lbs 5oz 21.5 inches.

    be happy you’re not my mom. my brother was 10lbs 11oz!

  50. On January 27th, 2009 at 6:14 pm tash Says:

    haha, laughing at — er, I mean WITH — Magpie above. Hee.

    I’m lousy at this game, with my own kids even, so I’ll spare you and just say: don’t take the Broom Closet this time! Tell them to give you a proper room! And you will be updating, yes?

  51. On January 27th, 2009 at 6:37 pm Amy Says:

    Liking the name change, Bex! Let’s see, not that you asked but my middle name is Danielle so, I choose that for Amelia! How much will she weigh? I say 7 lbs. 8oz. Her length: 21 inches! Oh, yeah and just for fun…she’ll be born at 1713! Just because I can and yes, I know I’ll be wrong!

  52. On January 27th, 2009 at 7:19 pm a Says:

    I think 6lb 8 oz, 18″

    Who needs a middle name? And really, as stated above, the only thing that goes with Amelia is Bedelia.

    Good luck tomorrow…but, seriously, Eye of the Tiger?

  53. On January 27th, 2009 at 8:24 pm Holli Says:

    I’m going with 8 pounds 1 ounce and 20 inches.

  54. On January 27th, 2009 at 9:15 pm Amanda Says:

    Ok, my guess would be 6 lbs 10 oz, 19 in and she’ll be born as soon as possible. At least if she’s smart. Just sayin’ 🙂

  55. On January 27th, 2009 at 9:22 pm Jenn Says:

    7lb 12oz 19.5 inches
    Love the birth plan, hehe.

  56. On January 27th, 2009 at 9:25 pm jerseygirl89 Says:

    7 lbs 14 oz and 19 inches.

    I hope you get lots of good drugs.

  57. On January 28th, 2009 at 5:20 am Jen Says:

    8 lbs 4 oz 22 inches

    I’m diggin the Notorious BEX.

    Good luck!! I can’t wait for the update!

  58. On January 28th, 2009 at 5:40 am MrsJoyner Says:

    Oh Im so excited..Since I’ve been following along basically since Amelia’s conception..
    I say baby girl is 7lbs. 8oz. 19.5 inches and is born at 10:06 am. I cannot wait for the big post. I’ll be looking every 5 seconds from work trying not to get caught! Good luck and LOADS of drugs!

  59. On January 28th, 2009 at 6:01 am rockmama Says:

    Hoorah for foot tattoos. Both of my feet are inked. 🙂

    I will now always associate Eye of the Tiger with a screaming woman in labor. 🙂

    Good luck for the big day! 🙂

  60. On January 28th, 2009 at 6:38 am Sarah Says:

    I am going with 7.3 oz and 19″ long.

    I pray that delivery goes well and miss Amelia (the name of which I love!!) is beautiful and healthy. (Beauty is a given)

    Can’t wait for pics!!


  61. On January 28th, 2009 at 8:35 am Madame Yu See Says:

    At this point, if you can just keep your legs together until the 29th, Amelia will share a birthday with my daughter – instead of Oprah, who I think has hers today!

  62. On January 28th, 2009 at 8:49 am Stacey Says:

    8lbs 2 ozs, 20.5 inches long.

    I have my tattoos on my back & ankles, The ankles swelled but the back ones were fine

  63. On January 28th, 2009 at 9:23 am Ann Says:

    8 lbs 4 oz. 19 & 1/2 inches

  64. On January 28th, 2009 at 9:24 am birdpress Says:

    8 lbs. 9 oz, 21 inches

    Good luck!

  65. On January 28th, 2009 at 9:40 am Kirsten Says:

    Go Amelia! 8 pounds, 1 ounce, 21 inches!

  66. On January 28th, 2009 at 9:55 am Ames Says:

    I guess 7lbs 15oz and 19.5″ long (I’m always way off on these things, but it was worth a shot)

  67. On January 28th, 2009 at 10:22 am tryingin2007 Says:

    ahhhh. survivor!

    I’m guessing 7 lbs 7 oz, 20 inches. so excited!!!!

  68. On January 28th, 2009 at 10:24 am kim Says:

    c’mon Amelia, we want to meet you!

    7lbs 2 oz 20.5 inches long, born 4 hours after they induce.


    Luck to you all

  69. On January 28th, 2009 at 10:46 am e Says:

    I was going with 8 lbs., 2 oz. 20.5 inches but someone else guessed that. Hmmm…8 lbs., 1 oz., 20.5 then. How about Elise for a middle name? Both classic, begin with vowels. JMHO, though.


  70. On January 28th, 2009 at 10:51 am Danielle Says:

    No guess, just lots of luck goin to you!

  71. On January 28th, 2009 at 11:45 am Dot Says:

    Those are some swollen feet. I don’t get how tattoos would help, except as a superstition? Hope it all goes well and the feet return to normal.

  72. On January 28th, 2009 at 12:14 pm Amanda Says:

    8lbs 14oz 19 & 3/4 inches.

    Good Luck!!!!

  73. On January 28th, 2009 at 12:25 pm JP Says:

    Here’s hoping that all goes well (or went well). I say 6 lbs 12 oz, 19 inches long.
    I certainly hope you feel so much better very soon!

  74. On January 28th, 2009 at 2:00 pm Fancy Schmancy Says:

    Is she born, yet? I’m guessing 8lb 2 oz, 21 inches.

    And, not that you asked, but I like Elizabeth for a middle name.

  75. On January 28th, 2009 at 2:20 pm Sarah Says:

    7 lbs, 2.5oz and 19.5 inches

    I’m still all about Tiramisu for a name in any position!

  76. On January 28th, 2009 at 2:51 pm stacey k Says:

    i say…..

    8lb 2oz….21 inches

    and i’m sending you happy birthing drug vibes

  77. On January 28th, 2009 at 3:13 pm Melissa Says:

    Amelia.. where are you??? Your public awaits and your Mama has had quite enough!

    my son was 10-2 and 23″ (yes, OUCH!) but he baked for an extra couple of weeks, so I vote for 7-12 and 19″ for wee Amelia!

  78. On January 28th, 2009 at 3:37 pm kim Says:

    Amelia Maureen

  79. On January 28th, 2009 at 5:03 pm Miss Grace Says:

    I think you owe the world a 10lb baby…named Amelia Grace? Just sayin….

  80. On January 28th, 2009 at 5:23 pm kate Says:

    7-11 and 21 in.

    now puuuusshhhh!

  81. On January 28th, 2009 at 7:10 pm Holli Says:

    Hello? You can possibly still be pushing that baby out?

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